TW: Mentions of suicide begin with "Jennifer Allison" and end when the italics change back to regular font.
She was shaking and she shook her head. There wasn't really anger anymore. In it's place was the emotion like she'd been egregiously physically injured and didn't have the wherewithal or the want to focus or understand.
She said as much.
"I don't understand what you're saying."
"Okay, I'm sorry, just-" she ran her hands through her hair before she put her hands on her hips. "There was- something terrible happened, in the future. It was the angels, and the only way to that we could stop them was to create-"
She frowned. "The angels?" she asked.
"No, we-we had to create that specific paradox, in order to poison the angels, like-like Amy and Rory, like how they-they-" her eyes widened and she shook her head. "But that-that doesn't matter-"
The scene flickered back, changing.
"We-we had to create that specific paradox, in order to poison the angels, like-like Amy and Rory, like how they-they-"
It flicked back again.
"Poison the angels, like-like Amy and Rory-"
"Like Amy and Rory-"
"Amy and Rory-"
She gasped a breath in, sitting up and patting the bed next to her in desperate search of her husband. She let out a breath when his side of the bed was cold. "Shizen," she cursed, running a hand through her hair.
She jumped when the door banged open, but she was even more distracted when the Doctor ran in, looking distraught.
"What is it, what's wrong?" she asked, her heart already beating out of her chest.
He shook his head, moving to her with time lord reflexes... to kiss her.
It wasn't just a kiss. It was an apology and a need, all rolled into one.
"No, hold on, what's-what's wrong?" she asked, pushing back from him.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he said, still trying to push her back to the bed.
She didn't know whether to laugh or be confused, so she settled for the latter. "Why- Doctor, stop it, what's wrong?"
He let out a breath, searching her as he gently caressed her face. "For telling you to undo it. I just- past conversation with a past me, finally closed the loop on that one." He shook his head. "I'm so, so sorry."
She shook her head. "That wasn't you," she quietly reminded him. "That was time."
"But I did it, fully believing it was what I wanted, and what was worse was that I said things I knew would hurt you because I wanted to push you away, and I am so, so immeasurably sorry for that," he told her.
"It's okay," she told him, quietly. "It's okay. I forgive you. You are forgiven-" she made a surprised noise against his lips, and then they were altogether occupied... never knowing the dream had been thoroughly forgotten about.
She walked into the medbay a century later, looking for the Doctor because he was, once again, not sleeping when she did. He did that on and off, setting their sleep schedules together and then making them opposite (though she knew his adventures with River happened when they were on opposing sleep schedules, the same as her adventures with River were happening during the same time). At least he was letting her sleep, now. The first three months after the last time they'd seen the Ponds, he refused to let her catch even a wink of sleep. She finally put her foot down.
Of course, when she'd done that, the Tardis had intervened and sent her to a past Doctor, and, well, that had been an adventure in nearly rewriting the timeline because he'd found out too early that she could read Gallifreyan. Which was why it was important that people let her sleep.
He'd learned his lesson, letting her sleep, now (even if the visit with the Leather Jackets him was still nice. She'd known younger him's, but it had still been over eight centuries since she'd seen that him. It had been so nostalgic and wonderful. She just wished she hadn't basically been half asleep when it happened).
Time had flown by, and now, she was searching the medbay for her husband-
"You can do it, I know you can," he said, and he looked back at her, shaking his head and waving her off. She raised her eyebrows when she realized a younger version of herself was in here, bandages over her eyes, and she frowned as she tried to remember this-
"Oh..." she practically breathed. Kessell 24. Right. She nodded at him and he nodded back before she turned, walking from the medbay.
Never knowing that, once again, the dream had been forgotten about.
#####
"Craig!"
"Oh, now you've done it!" Craig said, and rushed off.
"Craig?"
She looked at the Doctor, frowning. "It's been nearly a thousand years. How are we still doing episodes?" she snorted. "Although..."
She only knew it was an episode because she remembered what the nudge for an episode felt like. She quickly watched it before she smiled. She schooled her features into something better, grabbing him.
"Oi," he said, out of habit.
"I'm gonna sit this one out. Let you two have a bit of time away from the respective missus."
He opened his mouth before he frowned, stopping. "Hang on, is that a baby crying?"
She laughed. "It is!" she agreed. She clapped him on the shoulder. "Have fun!"
#####
"How'd it go?"
She looked up from her repair work on the Tardis to see him coming back. She liked the alone time she got with the Tardis, doing a little bit of TLC, the Tardis sending waves of appreciation and holding a conversation through emotions.
"Oh, fine," he waved her off, coming to stand next to her. She was sitting on the swing, holding a pair of couplings, which she continued to work on as he spoke. "Day got saved. Cybermen, can you believe it?"
"I can!" she said. "That was an episode."
"Did you save Shona?"
"Course I did," she told him.
"Just checking. Do you know what I realized, though?"
"What?"
"We discussed having kids, what, three hundred years back? Never got around to it."
She smiled, looking up through the glass floor. "Time doth fly when you're an all-powerful being and co," she told him. She looked over at him. "Still got things what need doing. Namely, the beach. Need to get the eyes of the church off of us before anything of... that nature occurs."
He snorted at her reaction, sitting down cross-legged on the floor. "You make it sound like a bad thing."
"Not a bad thing, just a... thing, thing. I'm not exactly eager at the thought that I might have to one day be the woman who stops her child from tearing apart the universe."
"Anna," he said, in such a deadpan tone that she automatically looked down at him. "That's every parent's worst fear."
It wasn't funny, but she laughed.
"Every child has the potential to destroy the universe. But, you know what? They also have the potential to change it for the better. And, our kid? Got even better chance at doing some universe saving, if they so choose."
She smiled. "Suppose so," she told him.
"Know so," he corrected her, leaning over her before he kissed her. "So, what do you say? Kids?"
"What, now? Right now?" she questioned.
He smirked. "Might as well," he said, reaching down and sliding his hands down her sides.
She laughed. "Yeah, except we've still got things what need doing."
"Like what?"
"Like spoilers," she teased him.
"Well," he said. "Here's a spoiler for you: We can still have quite a bit of fun... Without trying to make any children."
She smirked. "I think I can get onboard with that."
#####
She woke up screaming.
"Anna, woah, hey, Anna, it's okay, it's okay-"
"I get it, I get it," she said, looking over at him, shaking her head.
"Get what?" he asked, soothingly.
The dream. It wasn't just a dream. It was a reminder to herself.
The angels still had to happen. Amy and Rory still had to get taken.
Melody would once again be on her own.
She swallowed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she said, before she devolved into sobs.
And, no matter how desperately she wanted to explain, no part of her was allowed to.
Angels in Manhattan was coming.
Except, suddenly, Angels in Manhattan was here.
It was astounding, despite how much had changed here, how much of the episode stayed exactly the same. They still went out for the picnic in New York, though Brian was watching Melody once more. Melody, who neither of them could stop raving about. All parents were ecstatic about their primary school children. This was a whole new level.
The guilt chewed at her at the thought that Melody still would grow up without parents. She would have somebody, though, and she had to take solace in that fact. Brian would have someone now, too, and she did take solace in that fact...
For about a minute.
The guilt continued to gnaw at her, all the way up until the final showdown at the cemetery. She quickly walked back into the Tardis, as soon as they got back, trying to hold back sobs but being unable to.
Twelve hundred years old, and it still hurt to lose the ones you loved. Especially because, with the exception of the Doctor and River, Rory and Amy had been in her life the longest. She now understood the Doctor's grief, how it drove him so deeply into depression that he, the wonderful traveler that he was, would end up on a cloud.
Maybe that was where she would end up as well. Maybe that's where they would hide. They had to keep a low profile anyway, and losing them... God, this sucked.
"Anna, hey, no, what's wrong?" the Doctor asked.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, there wasn't anything that I could do, I-"
"Anna?" Amy called out, sounding appropriately alarmed.
She shook her head again, sobbing harder, even as the Doctor ran out at the alarm in her voice.
"No, please..." Anna sobbed, pushing River away... Before she remembered, and she looked up at River. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, there wasn't anything that I could do, I-" she managed to repeat.
River looked at her like she'd never seen anything so bizarre in her entire life. "Sorry for what?" she asked.
"Anna!" the Doctor called.
Her sobs immediately stopped. She sniffled before she stood.
Time to face the music.
#####
"Okay, what the fuck."
She was staring... at her older self. Holding... a baby.
"Rory, take your son."
Rory, looking appropriately baffled, took hold of the baby. "Oh, okay," he said. "Is this what we do now, hand me random children off the street? My what?"
"His what?"
"It's baby Anthony," she said, in a voice only Anna could hear. "Here's what you need to do."
And, Anna explained.
She would have to head back to grab baby Anthony from where he was in the past before teleporting here. She needed to teleport the weakened angel to the alternate dimension.
Which meant...
"Everything's fine?"
"Yep."
"But- no, but really, everything's fine?"
Future Anna put her hands on past Anna's shoulders. She could see where she'd been crying not twenty minutes prior, but a smile was imprinted almost permanently on her face.
"Everything is absolutely brilliant," she said.
She laughed, overjoyed, before she turned back to the Doctor. "Tell me that I am brilliant!"
"You are brilliant," he agreed, looking slightly baffled by the turn of events. "Why're you brilliant in this particular instance and, also, why did you hand a baby to Rory and call him 'his son'?"
"Because he is!" she shouted, before she turned back to future Anna. "See you in a minute."
She smiled, good naturedly. "See you in a minute."
Past Anna popped away, and Future Anna turned into Present Anna.
"Okay, so, that is baby Anthony. He is your child now. Congrats! You have a brother," she said, referring to River. "Here is all the paperwork, and nobody should ask too many questions. You are more than welcome to tell him he's from the past if you so choose, but like any other parenting decision, that's up to you."
She glanced between the two of them.
"Any questions?"
"Where-where did the baby come from?" Rory asked. "Besides the past. What about his parents?"
"You are his parents," she told them, and at their confused stares, she sighed. "Long story short, you were meant to be trapped in the past- I say meant, you would've been trapped in the past without me. You would've adopted a kid. This would've been him."
"So now we aren't trapped in the past," Amy said.
"Obviously," the Doctor said.
"But... we still get to keep the kid," Amy said.
"Yes!" Anna agreed.
Amy moved over to Rory, leaning over Anthony. "What's his name?"
"Anthony," she told her.
She smiled, cooing at him. "Hello Anthony Pond."
She frowned. "What about Williams?"
"No, I changed my last name," Rory said, not taking his eyes off of his son.
"You what?"
#####
"I'll be here when you're done, all right? Teleport straight back, no dawdling," he said, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
She shook her head. "I've to stop by The Library after this, to let River know that I'm alive?"
"Okay, after that," he amended after a moment.
She smiled. "I do what I want."
"Anna, seriously, please," he said.
She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, okay," she said. "There and back again." She smiled. "A Hobbit's Tale, by Bilbo-" he cut her off with a kiss.
When he pulled apart, they were both out of breath. He matched their foreheads. "Be safe," he said.
She nodded. "I'll do my best."
Although one of them had lived through it, neither of them knew what was about to unfold.
#####
"Oh."
She felt surprise fill her when the visor was lifted. There she was. Not River, not Mels. Melody Pond.
Melody Pond at what she estimated to be young adult. This regeneration had been given almost nothing in the show. Now, she'd had everything.
"Anna, help me," she begged, even as the suit took her regeneration energy, even as she cried. "I can't-I can't get out, it's taking my regeneration energy, mum and dad have said, you're an all-powerful being, please-"
"Sweetheart, sh, it's all right," she said. She made it so that Melody wasn't in pain and she swayed, blinking tiredly, making tears fall down her face. "It's all right. This is what's called a fixed point. It means-"
"Something that has to happen, to keep the universe turning," she recited. "My older self emails me lessons about time."
She smiled sadly. "Of course she does," she said, softly. "But you know that means that this has to happen. It always has to happen."
"Time can be rewritten," she said.
"Not this time. Not one line."
"But you'll die," she said, mournfully, more tears tracking down her face, glowing orange as the regeneration energy was almost completely sucked away. Anna gave the suit the rest of the energy it needed, so that she could regenerate twice more. Just twice more. That was something else that hadn't changed.
"I'll die, but the universe will get to live. I can't think of anything better to die for."
"It doesn't have to be this way," she pointed out, angry. "You can fix this, you can fix anything!"
She shook her head, hearing the suit charge up. "Not this time."
She threw her arms out and her head back and felt her energy getting sucked away.
Jennifer Allison was an ordinary girl. She had dreams and aspirations. And, at fourteen, life didn't seem worth living anymore.
It was why she was walking to the bridge that was close to her home, an almost robotic quality surrounding her. The only thing she left behind was a note that read, "I'm sorry. It's too hard."
She hadn't even signed it.
When she reached the bridge, she didn't pause. She didn't stop to think. She simply grabbed the railing and threw herself over the edge.
What Jennifer Allison didn't know was that she was anything but ordinary. Jennifer Allison was one of the most powerful beings in all of the multiverse.
When she died, it sent out a shockwave of energy, decimating her universe. That probably would've been fine... except for the fact that the universal walls in the neighboring universes couldn't take the blast, and crumbled.
It started a chain reaction, all the way out to Anna's home, decimating it in it's wake.
Except, Anna was smart. Anna was clever. She saw what would've come to pass the moment that Jennifer... an alternate version of herself's body would hit the water.
I can save it.
It would take more than just herself though. More than one Anna. All three, possibly.
But, she had to put a pin in it. She was floating about without a corporeal body. She was busy at the moment.
She cursed before she fell... and continued to fall.
"I keep falling."
He gently rubbed Anna's back, watching as she kept mumbling about falling, as she had done for the past week.
"You're not falling," he gently reminded her. "You can feel me," he nodded. "I'm right here." He smiled. "I'm not falling, am I? I'm right here with you, and I'm not falling, which means that you aren't falling. Right?"
He didn't know why he expected it to work when it hadn't any of the numerous times he'd tried before.
"I'm falling. I'm fourteen years old and I'm falling, and I can't... stop." She dipped her head between her knees.
Which was why he was surprised it did.
His fears started to abate, about how, just because the energy drainer hadn't killed her, it didn't mean that it hadn't done worse.
"Why're you falling?" he asked her, quietly.
"I'm killing myself."
His hearts stopped at that. "What?"
"I was fourteen years old." There was a beat, and she raised her head. "I was fourteen years old." She gently rubbed her chin against her arm. "I was already so tired, and I..." she shook her head. "I walked to this bridge we had to drive across, every time we went into town. I was going to throw myself off of it, and..."
Oh.
"And I thought, The Doctor wouldn't want me to do this. And then, because I didn't know enough, I thought, Well, the Doctor isn't real, so it doesn't matter. But, it was enough to get me to walk away." She sighed through her nose before she looked up at him. "The name I was born with was Jennifer Allison," she told him. "And there's a universe in my dimension where the television show doesn't exist. In that universe, you weren't there to give me enough hope to live. So, I died, at fourteen. But, because of my abilities, my... my suicide sent out a shockwave of energy to the universal walls, and they... crumbled. This wouldn't have been so disastrous, except that it was at the very center of my dimension. So, when the universal walls crumbled, it... it resulted... Resulting in..."
"In your dimension being obliterated," he finished, feeling horror filling him. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."
Tears lined the bottom of her eyes. It wasn't long before she broke out into sobs, shaking her head as she put her chin on her knees. "And I thought i could save it, but I can't. I keep falling."
She shook her head.
"Except she's already fallen. She's dead."
Some energy that he hadn't noticed had gathered around her suddenly dissipated, and the Doctor knew that that version of her had died, solving a temporary problem with a permanent solution, with disasterous consequences.
He wondered if she would be able to live with this. It might not have been her, and not on purpose, but it was still a version of her that had killed her entire dimension with her. There was nothing he could do for her except for mold himself around her, holding her together so that, when she did fall apart, it wouldn't be permanent.
The only thing he could do now was what he did best: hope that, even in the darkest of times, there would still be some semblance of light.
"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"
He looked over, surprise filling him. "Corsair?"
"Doctor," he said. "Good to see you. Can either of you tell me what I'm doing here?"