A loud knocking broke the silence in the house. It was late, nearly bedtime, making it unusual for any visitors. Alison looked up from her book, her questioning gaze landing on Pat. Pat merely shrugged and continued to knit. Alison set her book on the table beside her chair and walked to the door. She threw a look at Boris, asleep in his bed, and silently hoped that it was no one dangerous. Boris was too old and too small to be of any protection. Shaking her head, she opened the door. It surprised her to see Teresa.
"Can I speak to you?" Teresa asked, her tone full of panic.
Alison gestured for Teresa to enter the house, but upon Teresa's terse head shake, she stepped out and closed the door behind her. Teresa grasped her hand and pulled her around the side of the house, presumably where Pat wouldn't be able to see them through a window.
Stepping close to Alison, Teresa spoke low and fast, "Nick is at Steph's. He's asked me to return with him."
Alison suddenly felt sick, "But he knows..." She didn't finish the sentence, not to protect Teresa's secret but because she was afraid she would cry. The three months since Teresa's return were the happiest Alison had been since the woman's original departure over a year ago. If Teresa left with Nick Alison wasn't sure she would recover a second time.
"It's best for the baby." Teresa weakly stated as she pulled her coat tight around her body.
"But not for you. Not for him. You'll be unhappy together." Alison could feel her heart pounding with fear.
"That's not what you were saying before the wedding." Teresa's voice cracked.
"I was wrong. Besides, now he knows the truth. He doesn't care?" It was a challenge for Alison to keep her voice low, and a larger challenge for her to remain calm. She had to talk Teresa out of leaving and was barely refraining from begging.
"He said that as long as it stays in the past we can work through it." Her voice cracked again.
"That's not how it works, is it? It doesn't go away." Alison exhaled, "I didn't understand before. I urged you to ignore it, to pretend you were someone you weren't. I never should have done that. Now Nick is doing the same. But Teresa, you'll never be happy that way."
"I know that." Tears rolled down Teresa's cheeks. She licked her lips and shook her head. "I married him anyway. I resigned myself to this fate a long time ago."
Succumbing to the urge to beg, Alison's voice took on a whiny tone, "Do you have to go with him? Can't you stay?"
"Alison," Teresa grabbed her forearms and shook them, as though to shake sense into her friend, "What kind of life can I offer a baby alone?"
"You're not alone. You have Steph and Pat, and the rest of the Women's Institute. You have me." Her heart breaking, Alison could no longer hold back the tears. She snatched one arm away from Teresa and angrily wiped her cheeks, grateful that the moonlight wasn't bright enough to allow Teresa to see the tracks left behind in her makeup. "Do you want to go?"
"It's the right decision." Teresa let go of Alison's other arm and stepped backward, deliberately putting space between the two of them. Her voice had lost the high pitched panic it had at the beginning of the conversation. Suddenly she was flat and impersonal, shutting down her emotions.
Alison noticed the shift and realized that Teresa did not want to return to her husband but wasn't open to changing her mind. Dejected and angry, she gruffly asked, "Why did you come here? To say goodbye?"
Teresa closed her eyes and twisted her fingers together nervously. She opened her eyes and looked at the house, avoiding facing Alison, "I have to be honest with you. You'll want me to go with Nick after this, but I can't leave before telling you." She took a deep breath, "You confuse me. You say things like you'll stay with me, you'll be with me, you don't care what people think of us. You say you understand, but you couldn't possibly. If you did you wouldn't say those things."
Alison began to respond. She knew what she was implying when she said those things, and now, faced with losing the woman, Alison was ready to admit it to her. "I know –"
Teresa held her hand up, silencing Alison. "Please, let me say this. In the barn a couple of days ago you asked if I was afraid of people thinking we were involved. I hadn't allowed myself to consider it before then. After you asked that question, the truth blindsided me." She stopped speaking and took several steps across the yard, glanced around the in the darkness, crossed her arms, uncrossed and dropped them to her sides, then crossed them again.
Sensing the other woman's discomfort, Alison followed her and placed a hand on her bicep, silently encouraging her to continue.
Teresa pushed her hand away, frowning as her fingers brushed against Alison's. "I love you."
Alison was stunned. For several seconds she looked at Teresa's fear-filled eyes, her slightly open mouth, her rounded belly, and was overwhelmed with relief and sadness. After weeks of wondering, trying to decode the mixed messages Teresa had been emitting, she finally knew how Teresa felt about her, and she was losing her again. She knew she should say something but the words wouldn't come. She had feelings for Teresa, but did she love her?
Wrapping her arms around herself in defense of Alison's silence, Teresa continued, "That's why I should go with Nick. It is best for the baby but it's also best for us. You must be disgusted and couldn't possibly still want to be my friend after knowing this. You certainly won't want to hold my hand in front of Frances anymore. I just hate hiding the truth from you."
Still floundering for words, Alison muttered, "You can lie to Nick about your feelings but not to me?"
Teresa sniffed, wiped her tears, and joylessly laughed, "I don't love him."
Alison pried the crying brunette's arms away from her body and grabbed her hands, "I want you to stay here with me."
After a long, tension-filled pause, Teresa spoke, "Are you sure? Do you know what this could do to you?"
"I know what eleven months without you did to me. I can't go through that again." She stepped closer to Teresa, their bodies only separated by their dangling arms and intertwined hands.
"You'll risk everything." Teresa looked into her eyes for the first time since she arrived.
"Are you trying to talk me out of it?" Alison squeezed her hands, "I don't know what we're doing. I don't know how we'll live or what people will say. We'll work it all out. I do know that you mean so much to me that I can't let you go. Not again."
"Really? You're sure?"
"Do you want to stay?"
"Yes!" Teresa gasped out and flung her arms around Alison, her laughter floating through the dark. "I never wanted to leave." She tightened her arms, squeezing as tight as possible around her stomach.
Alison returned the hug, burying her face in Teresa's shoulder. Feeling brave in her friend's embrace, she turned her face toward Teresa's neck and finally confessed, "I love you too."