...Father Dreams...
I stay in the hospital wing another day before I'm released. Blaise doesn't let me out of his sight for the first few hours and Draco wonders if I can't just stay in my dorm or the common room when I'm not in class. I turn to Theo for help but he's in agreement with Draco and Blaise. Sighing, I rest my head on Blaise's shoulder in defeat. "I must say though, I had no idea Lavender was such a fighter. I'm honestly terrified of her now." Theo laughs. Draco nods his agreement and I roll my eyes. Collin had to be transferred to St. Mungo's his injuries were so bad.
Blaise treats me like a fragile doll after I'm released not daring to treat me like he did before when he'd pull me over the couch and kiss me. I'm lying on top of him as he explains some charms spell to Pansy when Theo runs in. My eyes are closed and I can feel Theo looking at me. "I think she's asleep. Why'd you run in here like a bat out of hell?" Pansy wonders. "Collin will be retuning this weekend. I heard that they did a full work up on him and found that he drank three full bottles of Professor Trelawney's sherry and mistook some love potion he'd bought for one of the bottles." Theo blurts.
Though no sound comes out I can feel Blaise growling. The sound of Pansy scooting away tells me Blaise must look furious. I shift slightly and turn my head. They stop talking until I've settled back down and I hear Theo breathe a sigh of relief. "For fucks sake I thought she was waking up." he groans. Blaise sits up smacking Theo. "If she was waking up you just started swearing asshole!" Blaise scolds. His hands rub my back, and it's the most soothing thing, and I fall asleep for real.
He wakes me for dinner and I grab his hand letting him lead me to the Great Hall for dinner. I rub my eyes tiredly and yawn. "Why are you so tired on the weekends?" Pansy wonders. I smile and hold a finger to my lips. "Issa segret!" I giggle tiredly. Blaise bites his lip to keep from laughing. "Don't encourage her." Draco tsks. "Last time she didn't come back until a few minutes before dawn." Astoria shrugs and grabs a roll nonchalantly like she didn't just drop a major information bomb. I stuff my face so I don't have to answer the questions I see building up in Blaise and Draco's minds.
I lean heavily on Astoria as we slip down the dungeons. Draco and Blaise separate us after we almost run into a wall. "What did Astoria mean by you don't return until dawn?" Blaise whispers. I put a finger to his lips and shake my head. "I told you I'd tell you everything over winter break." I murmur nearly slipping to the floor tiredly. Blaise sighs and picks me up. I wrap my legs around him and fall asleep on his shoulder.
Astoria and I are laid out on the common room floor doing our homework. Theo lays on the couch reading a book on potions. I sit up frowning and tug on Theo's sleeve. He turns to me with a pout. "How long am I grounded for?" I whine. "You're not grounded Ellie. You are just studying. When Blaise gets back you can complain all you want! Read some more. It's good for you." Theo pats my head. I turn back to my charms book and begin to read again.
When Blaise returns an hour later, I squeal in delight. "Baby!" I smile jumping to my feet. I race over and jump into his arms and kiss him. He smiles and carries me over to the couch. "Misbehaving again?" he whispers. I nod and giggle. He pretends to be upset and tsks. "I don't want to study anymore. I wanted to play a game but Theo told me to read." I complain. "Reading is good for you." Blaise insists. "I want to play a game. I've been studying for hours. Please play a game with me!" I stare unblinkingly into Blaise's eyes.
"Don't you dare cave." Theo chuckles. Blaise sighs and rubs my shoulders. "Ellie, you should really study." he groans. I shake my head not breaking eye contact. "Fine, can we go for a walk?" I wonder. "No, you can sit right here and read or you can sit here and take a nap. Your choice." Blaise smirks. I slide to the ground smacking my lips. Lying down on the floor I mutter to myself to entertain myself until dinner. I've crawled around the couch out of sight and curled up in the shadows.
"Where's Ellie? Isn't she hungry?" Draco wonders looking around. Blaise sighs and scans the room. He walks over to where I'm hiding and bends down. "Come here love." Blaise holds a hand out. I take his hand and he helps me to my feet. Clinging to his arm I let him lead me up the stairs. "You're so mean." I whine. Blaise kisses the top of my head and I tug on his sleeve. "Why couldn't we play games?!" I frown.
He doesn't answer me. I am not in a good mood throughout dinner even going as far as to sit on Astoria's right-hand side and ignoring the boys. "How long are you going to ignore them?" she giggles. I look up pretending to be surprised. "Why, whatever do you mean?" I gasp. Pansy kicks me under the table. "I just wanted to play a game! We haven't played a game or anything in weeks." I pout. Theo bursts out laughing making Pansy and Draco stare.
He whispers something and Draco starts chuckling. Pansy leans over curious about the topic. I down the last of my juice. After dinner Astoria and I skip side by side down into the dungeons. We go to the dorm and play with Serenity who's just as bored as I am. In the morning I'm woken by Serenity nudging my face. A note is fastened in her silver collar. I unravel it and read through tired eyes. I bolt upright and nudge Serenity towards Astoria's bed. I slip out of the dorm and find Blaise sitting by the fire.
I sit next to him and he puts his head on my shoulder. "There she is." Blaise whispers kissing my cheek. "You said you needed something." I murmur. "I'm not telling you to study just because. It's your O.W.L year. I don't want you short circuiting before exams." he mumbles. "I figured it was something along those lines." I murmur. "You're too far away." he frowns. I get up and sit on his lap.
We sit there for a few hours talking until we fall asleep. We're woken by Draco and Theo in the morning. I groan and nuzzle Blaise's neck to hide from the early morning sunlight piercing through the water of the Black lake outside the window. "Go away." Blaise mumbles. His arms tighten around me as if telling me not to get up. "I take it neither of you are hungry. You know Ellie has to eat properly Blaise." Theo chuckles. Blaise sits up and taps my side. I open my eyes and pout. "Go get dressed." he nods in the direction of my dorm. I put my head back down and he gets to his feet.
He sets me down at the foot of the stairs. "Go on now. After breakfast I'll take you on a date, ok?" he ruffles my hair and I nod walking tiredly to my dorm. When I return Blaise holds out a hand and I take it sleepily. "My pretty girlfriend is so sleepy but she still looks beautiful." he smiles twirling a strand of my hair before letting it fall. I hold out my arms and he picks me up. I play with the silver fastenings on his shirt until he sets me down.
"There you two are! I thought you'd gone back to sleep or something." Draco rolls his eyes. I nibble on some toast as Draco pushes porridge my way. I add a sunny side egg, roasted tomatoes, bacon, jalapenos, onions, and spinach. Blaise watches with a smile. I hold up a spoonful for him and he shakes his head. I frown and poke his arm. "Say aah!" I smile and wink. He bursts out laughing and while his mouth is open, I pop the spoon inside.
Theo falls off his seat he's laughing so hard. "Where in the blazes did you learn that?" Pansy snickers. I point over my shoulder to Draco. I turn back to my food and dig in. "That spoon was in my mouth. Now it's in yours. Wow, an indirect kiss." Blaise whispers. My face goes beet red and I gulp before placing my head on the table. Blaise leads me down the path to Hogsmeade. I stop walking and pout at him. He readjusts my scarf hiding my blushing face. "Sorry, but I couldn't resist teasing you." he whispers.
I wrap my arms around him and sigh. We continue walking and head to the post office. Blaise sends a letter to his mother and I wait patiently. "My mum wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner." he mumbles. I gasp and hurry to his side. "I'd love to." I smile and tap the letter. He adds a quick note with a smile and we're off. I drag him to Honeyduke's. "I want to get them something. What can infants and toddlers have that won't have them bouncing off the walls?" I wonder. "Vegetables." Blaise chuckles looking away.
I smack his arm and turn back to the sweets selection. "Hey, Draco is waving me out. Can you stay here for a bit?" he wonders. I nod and he hurries from the shop. The shopkeepers' wife comes over to help me and we spend the next two hours getting a good selection. Blaise comes back in and gawks. My selection of sweets is on the counter in a bag roughly the size and weight of a bowling ball. We walk back up to the school for hot cocoa and then head down to the common room to play Wizard's Chess.
After a few rounds I take a break and sit on his lap as he plays against Theo. It's only when I hear a rustling sound that I look up. Theo and Draco are devouring my candies and I sit up with a frown. I flick my hand at them and their shirts fly over their faces stopping them from eating and then put my head back down on Blaise's shoulder. He tuts and I nuzzle his neck softly to get him to stop. "That was mean Ellie!" Draco huffs finally getting unstuck and putting his shirt down much to the displeasure of several gawking nearby girls.
"That is SO NOT what you should be worried about! Your cousin just did wandless and nonverbal MAGIC for fucks sake!" Theo jumps to his feet also getting untangled. I blink innocently at them and smile. "You shouldn't take things that don't belong to you. I wouldn't have gotten mad if you'd asked first." I give them a scolding look. Blaise places a hand on my knee and I whine quietly at this small scolding. "That's all it takes you for you to stop misbehaving! Wow, why have I never thought of that. Next time you mess with me I'll just tell Blaise." Theo smirks.
"Asshole!" I suddenly blurt even though I have not one single clue as to what it means it just seems so right. Blaise pops my mouth with his hand as a scandalized look appears on Theo's face. I pout up at Blaise but he doesn't apologize. "That hurt." I huff hopping to my feet. I transform into an Occamy and hide in the shadows on top of a bookshelf. He sighs and looks my way waving for me to come down. Ignoring him I curl up and take a little nap. When I wake the common room is empty and I make my way down and curl up on a sofa in my human form.
Someone shakes me awake and I find Blaise watching me carefully. I roll over putting my back to him. He sighs and sits me up. I whine in complaint then realize he's laying down and putting my head on his chest. I wrap my arms around him and he chuckles. "Love me, Ellie?" he whispers. "No, you hit me. It hurt. I know what I said was wrong. You didn't have to do that." I mumble. He rubs my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.
I lift my head to look at him and find him smiling. "I know, but you still shouldn't have said it." he mumbles and I look down again. He lifts my chin and kisses me. "Sorry." I mumble in between kisses. The kisses grow exponentially in passion so much so that I don't realize my hands are tugging at his shirt trying to get rid of it. Blaise grabs my hands and intertwines our fingers. "Behave Ellie." he murmurs. I nod and am rewarded with a passionate and breath-taking kiss. I lay beneath him panting heavily.
"I love you." he smiles. "I love you too." I giggle. "Aww, why aren't you two just so cute being all lovey dovey out in the open." Theo chuckles. I ignore him still watching Blaise but Blaise turns to Theo. "Time for you to go to bed Ellie." Blaise nods to the stairs leading to the girls' dorm. I go rather reluctantly then realize if they stay up any longer, I can't sneak out. "Don't bother trying to sneak out." Theo and Blaise call after me. I stomp my foot in frustration and whine all the way to my dorm.
I find it hard to sleep only managing it in the early morning hours. When I am asleep, I have a fantastic dream about dad walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. As we reach the alter however he turns to me with a sad expression. "Ellie, this isn't possible. I'm dead. I can't be here no matter how much I want to.", he whispers wiping the few fallen tears from my cheeks, "Take good care of your mother and your siblings. Don't give Blaise a hard time either." he smiles and then disappears in a puff of smoke.
I wake tears streaming down my face. I can barely breathe and the room is swimming in and out of focus. I curl up trying to calm myself and failing miserably. Astoria walks in, spots me, mumbles a quick "FUCK!" under her breath, and runs out the room. She comes back in with Pansy and they escort me to the common room and right to Blaise. He holds his arms out and I rocket into them. "I got her. You guys let Draco know she's here." Blaise sighs stroking my hair.
I cry silently on Blaise's shoulder for a while. "Do you want to tell me about it?" he asks when I calm down. I whisper it in his ear in case there are eavesdroppers. I start to cry again and Blaise takes a deep breath rubbing my back. "Is that why you've been sneaking out the past couple months?" he whispers hiding his lips with my hair. "Partially. I thought I was fine but now... now I don't know." I sniffle. "What can I do to make you feel better?" he mumbles kissing my cheek. "Can I stay here for a bit?" I ask in a tiny voice. "Of course." he replies rubbing my arms.
I do not attend class the next day or the day after that. Astoria lures me out with the promise of hot chocolate and pastries in the Great Hall. I keep my head down at breakfast. I tear a croissant apart and dip it into my hot chocolate. By the end of breakfast, I feel a bit better but then I see Harry and Hermione staring at me. I look away. "Sorry." Astoria mumbles. I turn to her confusion in my eyes.
"Ginny asked about you the other day in the library and they were passing by." she confesses. I frown and she looks at me apologetically. There's a tap on my knee. "Harry wants to talk to you." Blaise whispers in my ear. "I know." I mumble. He stares at me quite curious as to what I could possibly mean. A pull a pocket square sized piece of parchment from my bag.
I tap it with my wand and it unravels to the size of computer screen. A map of Hogwarts begins to appear with mini drawn versions of the people around us appearing. Blaise gasps as the image of us grows larger with a tap of my wand and our conversation repeats on the parchment down to the exact facial expressions. "Dad and his friends made a map like this when they were in school and this map was his last birthday gift to me." I tap it again and it zooms out and zooms in on Harry, Ron, and Mione's conversation.
"Dad said it would be useful if ever I was in trouble and needed to find you or Draco." I whisper. Blaise kisses my cheek and I turn and smile. "Your dad trusted me that much." he whispers. I nod. "Enough to lead me out of the forest and right to you." I murmur. A look of curiosity flickers across his face and then he tilts his head as it dawns on him as to what I'm talking about. "When did Harry want to talk?" I wonder. "After classes today." he whispers giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I nod already beginning to wonder what Harry wants to talk about. I tap the parchment and everything disappears and I slip it back into my bag. Blaise kisses my cheek again and I giggle and try and nudge him away.
Blaise is waiting as I get out of my music tutorial. We were working on some translations which ended up eating more time than we'd thought. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. "Nice to see you too Ellie." he chuckles. I smile and pull him into another kiss. He cups my face keeping me close as he backs me up to the wall. I hum softly. "I feel like we were supposed to be doing something but I forgot." Blaise mumbles. "Well, I certainly have no idea." I smile and give his lips a quick peck. "Nice try love! Come on. Harry's waiting to talk to you." Blaise takes my hand in his and leads me through the corridors and out onto the grounds. I follow staying close to him as we make our way down to the lake.
"Hey you made it!" Harry smiles waving as we approach. I wave shyly. Blaise turns to leave but Harry stops him. "I think you should stay." he mumbles. Blaise and I look at him in surprise. "Well, um, erm... I just wanted to say sorry about your dad. I was there. I watched the whole thing and I'm sorry. I was a bit reckless and he came to save me. I'm truly sorry." Harry chokes out. I stare at him. "I know." I whisper.
Both boys look at me in shock. "He visited me in my dreams. Said he went to save you and that he was going to miss everyone but he had to go." I start to sniffle. Needless to say, but they're both stunned. I sit on a tree root and stare at the lake. "Mum's been having the same dreams. My grandparents have taken on the job of watching my siblings since mum is a bit out of it. She's been getting less sleep than I have and she can't even function properly at work." I sigh wiping my tears before they can fall.
Harry sits next to me in complete shock. "Don't get me wrong... she's getting better every day." I whisper. "I... I thought. I really thought..." Harry chokes out. "It's ok. Really it is. Dad was never one to sit idly back. It would've upset him more if he hadn't gone. Mum knows that. Uncle Remus knows that. You have it worse. I heard you were closest to him when it happened. No one could've stopped it from happening." I put my head on Harry's shoulder.
"Have you talked to Remus lately?" Harry whispers. I shake my head. "He's distancing himself from everyone. Tonks really hates it. Hasn't been coping well. Her and Remus were the closest." I murmur. We sit there for a minute not saying anything. "A few weeks ago, mum went to Grimmauld Place to clean up. She found something there for you, but you have to wait until your 17th birthday." I smile at Harry. He manages a small smile. We say bye to Harry in the Entrance Hall.
Blaise wraps his arms around me hugging me from behind. "Yes?" I whisper as we walk through the dungeons. "Are you ok?" he whispers putting his lips close to my ear. "Of course. Though I wish he would've talked to me sooner instead of keeping his feelings pent up.", I sigh, "Aren't you a bit too tall to be leaning on me like this?" He chuckles and spins me around.
I blink up at him and he kisses me softly. "I love you, Ellie. I'm just worried about you love." he mumbles hugging me not wanting to let me go. "I know." I mumble wrapping my arms around him. He lifts me up into his arms. "What? What do you know?" he asks a small smile tugging at his lips. "I know that you love me, and that you worry about me all the time." I murmur. His smile widens considerably. "I know you'll never let anyone hurt me or myself for that matter. I know that you truly care for me more than I'll ever know. And I know that I love you just as passionately and sincerely as you love me." I whisper.
Blaise tightens my scarf around my neck. "Warm?" he asks. I nod and giggle as I spin around in his coat since I 'forgot' to pack mine. Laughing he leads me from the room and out into the courtyard. The others went ahead and we trek through the snow alone hand in hand. "My mum's been taking your mum out every weekend for lunch so they'll meet us at the station." Blaise smiles as I spin around him. He scoops me up and carries me down to the carriages.
"You know, Ellie, you can walk right?" mum chuckles as we approach them on the platform, Blaise carrying me piggyback. I nod. "He likes carrying me. Why deprive such a sweet innocent soul of his favorite activity?" I pout pinching Blaise's cheek. "Sure, sure, sure. Continue playing you two." mum waves us through the barrier with Mrs. Zabini. Blaise sets me on my feet while he puts our things in the car. I lean against the car watching him.
"What happened to your coat?" mum asks. "Oh, I forgot to pack it." I laugh and Blaise scoffs. "Yeah, 'forgot'!" he chuckles. I pout and go sit in the car. I take his coat off and fling it onto the seat next to me. They get in laughing and Blaise puts his coat on my lap. I look out the window grumbling to myself all the way to the restaurant. Blaise puts his arm around me as we walk in.
We enjoy a nice lunch and talk about the holidays. After lunch mum and Mrs. Zabini go shopping so they drop me and Blaise off at the Zabini family home. Blaise takes me to his room and I look around in awe. "Come on!" he laughs taking me out of his closet. He pulls me to his bed and I lie on top of him. "Am I not allowed to explore?" I frown. He gives my lips a quick peck and rolls onto his side. I use his arm as a pillow. "It's not that you're not allowed to explore it's just I noticed you've been fighting to stay awake since we got on the train. Take a nap. I'll wake you up later." he promises. I curl up next to him and fall asleep.
I wake in my bed with the smell of Italian food wafting into my room. "There are the eyes that I adore." Blaise chuckles from my desk. Groaning I sit up. "I tried to wake you, just so you know. You've been out for two whole days. Have you been having more nightmares?" he asks holding out his arms. I hop out of bed and walk into his arms. I nod and he holds me tighter. "Ellie, love, why didn't you say something?" he whispers. I shake my head stubbornly and start for my closet. "I'm going to go let your mum and grandparents know you're awake." he sighs leaving the room.
I let the hot water run over me as the vivid images of my nightmares flash in my memory. I drop to the ground and cover my mouth with my hands to stifle my sobs. I'm gasping for air when I realize the shower is no longer running, I'm not on the shower floor, and I'm wrapped in a towel in Blaise's arms. Gasping for breath I throw my arms around him clinging desperately to him. "It's ok. I've got you. You're ok. You're ok." he whispers as he tries to calm me. It takes an hour to calm me down.
He brushes my hair for me waiting patiently for me to speak first. "Where'd you learn this?" I ask as he braids my hair. "My cousins. They really like to have little spa days to relax." he sighs as he finishes the elaborate braid and kisses my neck. "Are you calmer?" he mumbles rubbing my shoulders. I tilt my head as if I'm thinking especially hard. I start washing my face not yet ready to answer. My hair is past my hips now even in the braid. Blaise sees me eyeing my hair and twirls the braid expertly placing it in a bun.
I turn to him after he's pinned it into place and motion for him to get out. "I need to get dressed. "I've already seen everything." he points out, "Besides, what if you have another panic attack. I'll wait right here and close my eyes." he leans on the counter and closes his eyes. I frown and go to push him out. "Don't even think about pushing me out Ellie!" he laughs. I stomp my foot and get dressed. I just sliding a simple sweater on when I nudge him so he can open his eyes.
I go to walk past him and he pulls me into his arms. "I want to know if any of these nightmares occur. As soon as they happen, okay?" he stares into my eyes and I just know he won't take no for answer so I nod. "Also, don't think I didn't notice those obvious marks on your wrists and hips where you've been digging your nails into your skin. No self-harm." he whispers running his fingers over the new marks on my wrists. I nod again and he kisses my wrists.
We go down to the kitchen and are greeted by the knowing eyes of his mother, my mum, and my grandparents. I go to walk out but Blaise blocks my path. He steers me to an empty chair at the table and sits me down before taking the seat next to me. "We need to talk, properly, so don't run." mum sighs pulling a chair up and sitting in front of me.
I fidget nervously. "The nightmares, how long have they been plaguing you?" she wonders. "Since dad died." I mumble. I can see something flicker in her eyes but she just shakes her head and covers my hands with hers. "The situation with, that boy, how long has he been..." she trails off obviously angered at having to ask. "Since second year, but I rejected him every time. Blaise mutters something under his breath and mum smiles.
"Have the nightmares been getting worse?" she asks once she's calmed down. I nod my eyes fixed on the floor. "Is there anything else?" grandma asks hesitantly. I bite my lip and focus on the designs on the tiles of the floor. "I got a bit carried away the past few times I had a panic attack and I sort of..." I roll up my sleep showing the marks from where I dug into my skin trying to silence my screams of terror.