Hi everyone! It's been quite some time, but the semester is over and why not take some time to write a new chapter. I am not sure how well this chapter competes against the other ones. I think I struggled with the dialogue a bit, so please forgive me.
The 1975's new album helped me write this, in some ways. Then I did some research for other parts, watched scenes from older episodes, and here we are.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! And I hope everyone has had an enjoyable second half of the year!
She kept hearing her name. Someone was calling it again, and again, and again. With every increasing heartbeat came the two syllables she had accustomed to identifying as her name. A phantom of brunette hair spinning back in forth in a room of shadows, no faces were recognizable. As a matter of fact, there were no faces at all. It was as if she was stuck in a four-sided shape with no entrance of exit.
The feeling of hearing her name summons a nostalgia that, for a long time, seemed distant. Never believing to hear it again, but it is here. A simple repeating chant of "Courtney" is lighting a fuse in her head. What does the voice sound like? It was deep, it was cold-no, it was hot. Wait, warm? A thought erupted through the frame. Then, suddenly, there was silence.
In the absence of voices filling the hushed shadows one by one, there was nothing to hide from. Here, a breeze began to pick up. It left goosebumps, and Courtney finally looked down to see her arms for the first time since coming here. Clenching her hands and then letting them be, she rubbed her arms, letting the sensation resonate. Once there were no longer any sounds, it was easy for one to become bare, letting clear and light air hit skin. There was finally an allowance of body and mind reveling in peace.
Courtney looked up and saw herself. Chestnut hair falling to her collarbone, onyx eyes staring straight ahead, caramel skin following the movements given to it. She leaned forward and fell into the air, onto the ground. When she looked down, she saw the darkness underneath her eyes, the paleness in her skin, the dainty texture of her hair. Yet, when she looked up, she recognized her freckles decorating her nose, the rosiness of her lips; so, looking straight ahead, and seeing nothing was unnerving to her. Her reflection disappeared and left a cloudy mission.
Oddly, the young woman felt herself paralyzed with fear. Her reflections slowly transformed from her full figure to the parts of her she felt even the slightest self-hatred towards. Her nose, her eyes, her fingers arrived first. Then, they began to slowly morph into words; different personality traits arose and glared at Courtney. It left a flushed face looking straight ahead.
Blinking, Courtney slowly watched herself put the finishing touches on her lips through applying a clear lip-gloss. Once she finished, she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror.
Trent wanted to hire a makeup artist to help Courtney, but she appealed the decision almost immediately, insisting she could do it herself.
"Trent," She began, putting her hands on her hips, "I've done my own makeup for years. Trust me, I can do this one myself. I would prefer if I did it anyways."
There wasn't much of an argument from the nominated musician, hence he knew little about the craft of makeup and followed Courtney orders.
Courtney lightly rubbed her lips togethers and stared at herself in the mirror. She went for a more natural look, settling on eyeshadow that complimented and exaggerated her dark eyes and a little blush to highlight her face. The chestnut locks dangled and spun in loose curls past her shoulders; they moved effortlessly when she moved her head. Courtney couldn't stop staring at herself.
She looked pretty.
This was a rare feeling. And it may be because she put so much work into her makeup and would restart if she felt as if she messed up even in the slightest, but when she looked at herself she couldn't help but allow a smile. Courtney was rebuilding the belief she was attractive without makeup, and knew this to be true, but sometimes putting makeup on made her feel even better.
It was something she rarely was able to do with anyone except for one other old friend. But that was when it was them against the world, sitting in airplane chairs giggling about everything and then some. Before it got worse. Bridgette never used makeup unless it was for an important event, and Courtney wasn't known to have any other female friends, so that only left a single other option.
Quickly, she turned around and put her dress on. It was long, a dark olive long-sleeved dress. Though it reached the floor, there was a long slit that exposed part of Courtney's right leg. The V-neck allowed Courtney to wear a thin, lengthy, silver necklace to decorate her upper chest, and the bottom half of the dress was layered, so when she walked it flowed behind her like royalty. The dress accentuated her hips by wrapping at her lower hips. Once she zipped up the back, she sat in the dainty, older chair in front of the vanity and put her shoes on. They were simple black heels that tied at the back of her ankles. Finally, when she finished, she stood up, and moved backwards to see her entire body.
"Damn." She mumbled to herself in shock, slowly spinning to find something to criticize about her current outfit. Fortunately, there was little.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in!" She welcomed, flattening the top of her dress.
Her friend stepped in, covering his eyes, a smile on his face. "Are you decent or should I keep them covered?" He asked playfully.
Before answering, Courtney gave Trent an up-and-down look. His tuxedo was fitted well and made him look more mature. The only detail that allowed anyone to know the two were going together was his tie; it was long, thin, and a simple olive green that matched his date's dress. Shoes shined and hair not overly-gelled, Courtney could admit Trent looked really good.
"You can look at me, I am dressed." She responded, a blush of shyness hitting her face. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed.
Uncovering his eyes, Trent looked at Courtney. "You look absolutely stunning, Court." He whispered, looking at her before looking at her. Taking a step forward, he continued to speak. "A lot of people like to wear all types of crazy stuff to the red carpet in order to be noticed, but I believe simplicity is the most beautiful, and you fit that to a T." He wrapped his arm around hers, which she happily accepted.
She smiled back at Trent. Courtney forgot what it felt like to be complimented by the opposite gender. Even though it was Trent, someone she considered a confidant and a brother, it still meant a lot to her. "Thank you, Trent. And thank you, for paying for the dress, though you really didn't need to. And the flight, and-"
"Courtney, Courtney." Trent interrupted. "There's no need to thank me, I'm just happy my friend is here with me. It's the least I could do for all the times you've been there for me. I wanted to thank you for coming to this with me. I know it was a fight to even come all the way out."
Sometimes, the Latina gets flashbacks to the long conversations between the two of them. There were the many times they would walk over to each other's hotel rooms, and even the couple of times Trent hung out in-between seasons. In her mind, Courtney perceived herself to be the one that talked the most about her problems and how the world is against her, but there were even the few moments where Trent was a bit bratty too. A lot of that was years ago, when he still felt like he deserved his ex-girlfriend more than Courtney's ex-boyfriend. Most of that energy transitioned from outward to internal, and he began to be self-deprecating. Re-watching the Aftermath segments from Total Drama Action, it became easier for Courtney to notice Trent's feign adjustment from missing his ex to being comfortable with the heaps of fangirls surrounding him (an ode to two specific former contestants).
Things picked up once he joined that band with some other former contestants, and from what Courtney could see he was genuinely enjoying himself and making music again. Once that ended, he found himself back into a corner, but poked holes in a dark room through making music. At this point, though, Courtney was beginning her unfortunate free-fall into solitude, so a lot of their usual contact was lost in unsent messages and phone calls.
"C'mon, the car is waiting outside, but we can wait if you need to." Trent continued to talk.
For a long time, she was petrified by these moments. Where the cameras were inevitable and learning how to properly speak to a large collective. So many eyes on her once again, but no longer as a teenager. She made those mistakes, and now, in her twenties, the tightrope is thinner and the audience is wider. She perceived herself as someone capable for this type of job, especially talking and persuading people. And then for awhile she was unsure. Sitting in her apartment left a sort of restlessness on her heart; the late nights staying awake and the lack of contact with almost anyone regarding her past hit harder than it should have, but it also taught her a lot. I am not sure I am ready for this Courtney thought.
She turned and looked at herself in the vanity quickly, once more. "What do we need to wait for, Trent?" She looked at him, a smile he recognized as reminiscent of Courtney from the television show. "I've never been more ready."
The two descended down the stairs and to the front doors, which were opened, allowing a soft breeze to settle in the home.
And they both knew this was not the truth, but for this moment, it is okay.
The car ride was mostly quiet, with a few open-ended conversations here and there.
"I know it's only been like, two days, but I miss Bridgette." Courtney gave a soft smile at the glass of champagne she was delicately holding. Rarely did she indulge in vices like drinking, but tonight called for a celebration of Trent and everything he has accomplished. According to Trent, the bottle was a gift from his record label, and cost quiet a pretty penny.
The two sat across from each other in the spacious limousine. It had been some time since Courtney last sat in one of these, and it brought back silly teenaged memories of excitement.
Already finishing most of his glass, Trent sat it in a holder beside him and leaned forward, listening intently to what Courtney was saying. "She is your best friend, of course you miss her."
The young woman took a slow sip of her champagne. "I know that, and I know that I should be used to her not being around, but I dunno, I realized how much I missed her." She paused. "And you too, Trent! I'm really happy to be here."
"I know what you mean." He waved off her awkwardness. "Don't worry, you and Bridgette are unstoppable. Plus I knew to give you some space, I know you Court." He started to bite hip lip, "I just wish I was there for you still. I was genuinely concerned when rumors were beginning about crazy mishaps, like you being dead. Which I knew wasn't true, of course, and I should've reached out, really. Everything got so busy, and then the album dropping and planning a world tour, and Gw-"
Quickly, Courtney cut him off. She reached her foot across and playfully kicked the side of his leg. "Trent, calm down, you're rambling." She retracted her leg and looked anywhere but at him, pretending she didn't cut him off on purpose when she did. "Communication is a two-way street, I understand that. I'm sorry for not reaching out either, I should have, especially because I knew about all this great music and I listened to your album. It's really good." She shrugged her shoulders as the other musician looked at her shocked. "Bridgette was shocked to see all your nominations for today, and I was at first, but then it all made sense. Your album is really inspiring and honest. I'm honored to be here with you."
A long time ago, it would have taken a lot of prying for Courtney to release a comment of endearment and admit talent. Originally, she believed her friend to be a wanna-be rock star the way he always carried his guitar and even in the beginnings of Action she steered clear of him. He was a nice guy, just a bit too nice. He also allowed his feelings to dictate his presence while still on the show, which Courtney didn't realize would be a hypocritical thought until she was eliminated from World Tour. During the Aftermath, when he performed that song (which ultimately brought Bridgette and Geoff back together), Courtney could really feel the emotion, even through the simplicity of the lyrics. No one would believe that she was the one to reach out to him first during their time away from competing, but once she recognized there were other talented people shifting through similar emotions, it was almost a no brainer. It was easy to understand being confident in one's own talents and, at the same time, being able to acknowledge other's too, once she became friends with the fellow musician.
"I didn't know you listened to my album." Trent commented, a bit taken aback.
"Of course I listened to it Trent." Courtney raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't completely living under a rock. I have ears."
Trent chuckled, which led Courtney to let out a laugh as well. "No I know that, I just didn't know. I'm glad you liked it though. You used to be my toughest critic, y'know."
Finishing her glass, Courtney set it down and tapped her chin lightly with a painted fingernail, looking at the ceiling of the limousine. "Well, speaking of criticizing," she began, sounding a bit serious, before looking at Trent and letting out a grin.
This time, he allowed a hearty laugh to escape him. "What do you have for me this time?"
And they began a discussion and a back-and-forth conversation about one of the main things that brought them together: music.
"Courtney? Are you ready?"
Unsure of the face she was making, Courtney turned and looked at Trent, who was standing outside of the limousine, hand outstretched towards her.
Behind him, she could hear the camera shutters, and people talking-no, screaming. They were calling for him, loudly.
When she looked at him, she could see her own hands shaking out of nervousness. She clenched and unclenched them, before taking a deep breath and allowing a small competitive smile to match the one Trent wore once he saw her get in her comfortable headspace. And they both knew it was a façade, a break of character, something to hide the last few months of her life, but right now, it was all okay.
She took his hand, and stepped out of the limo, releasing his hand to press her dress down, before looking up at the cameras and the two began their red carpet walk.
"You looked beautiful, Sweetheart." She had wished she heard her mother say that, at least once. She never recorded the interviews, the red carpet walks, and her father rarely asked about the event itself. The few exceptions would be if it were for a charity event, in which his dark eyebrows and near-black eyes would refocus from his book to her and comment about those looked good for college applications.
In her room, before she moved out, Courtney recorded all the red carpets and watched herself specifically. The way her dress fit, glared when her smile wasn't perfect enough, and shook her head for every misplaced hair. She watched for all of it. After World Tour, there wasn't much to look for considering she stopped making appearances. Every now and again she would still watch those award shows for Bridgette, and Trent, and one or two other people here and there, but ultimately decided to catch up on who looked good and who didn't the next morning in a national tabloid.
There came a point when she really stopped looking at herself. She didn't care. Breaking her mirror gave a temporary peace that left her unsettled hours afterward. Courtney felt broken, humiliating herself over-and-over again and being humiliated unknowingly while everyone else in the world watched, armed with popcorn.
For a long time, she was unsure as to how she was going to recover.
She kept hearing her name.
So many people were calling her name, the familiar two-syllable sound.
In response, she turned and smiled, and waved.
Her stomach hurt. Of course, one part of her wanted to have fun, and have fun with Trent, who was waving at the photographers as well and smiling. The other half of her wanted to scream. The mixed feeling of being perfect or just running away combined and made Courtney a bit queasy.
"Over here Trent!"
"Courtney, give us a smile!"
Though her hair was perfectly set, she still automatically put some of it behind her ear. She wondered what she looked like right out, or if everyone could tell how nervous she was.
Standing beside her, and arms locked, Trent whispered in her ear. "I'm good, just getting used to the flashes." Courtney responded, not really hearing what he had asked in the first place. Her answer seemed to suffice his question, since he began to stand straight again and lead them down the carpet.
The young woman wanted to turn around and see if anyone was walking behind them, but her current challenge was getting one foot in front of the other. Soon enough, they walked into the arena, where they were quickly pulled aside onto a platform.
"Trent Rivers, hello darling!" An older woman greeted, and they kissed cheeks. Then she turned to Courtney, and her smile got much wider. "And Courtney Otero, well, it sure has been awhile since we have seen you. You look absolutely divine."
Courtney and Trent separated and Courtney reached forward and gave the woman a light kiss on the cheek, before stepping backwards. "Thank you, and good evening Joan. How are you? You look very nice." She politely asked, complimenting her.
She could feel the cameras edging closer and closer to her and Trent. Joan Callow is an extremely well-known interviewer and commentator for MTV, Courtney remembered; she has been known to interview and connect with many celebrities in the entertainment industry not only in Canada, but the United States as well. One of her many primes erupted during the Total Drama era, so she was a familiar face to both the musicians. Courtney wasn't sure how Trent felt about her, but she personally had no opinion of the woman. She should've known running into an interviewer was inevitable.
"Well, shouldn't I be asking you that, Miss?" Joan cackled. "Tell us, what exactly have you been doing between your last appearance in Total Drama: All Stars and appearing as a nice eye-candy to one of our most nominated artist tonight? What exactly is going on between the two of you?" She winked at Trent.
Fully aware of the woman's age made Courtney a bit uncomfortable by the gesture. "Well," she began, smiling at the interviewer, "I've just been reflecting and working. Nothing too crazy. Trent invited me to come with him today-"
"Which you said yes to, after being almost untraceable and presumed dead!" Joan commented, interrupting the brunette.
Continuing to smile, Courtney could feel Trent's eyes on her, and knowing Trent, he wanted to give a physical sign of endearment. Unfortunately, now was not the time. And then, he was whisked away by another interviewer a few feet away, who was peering into details about his performance for later today. Looking at Trent, she returned her eyes to Joan and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I heard about those rumors recently. Those were pretty silly to believe, I was just taking some time to myself. And to return to your final question," she looked behind Joan one more time, "I'm very grateful to have a friend like Trent in my life." Thinking about him, and Bridgette, made Courtney feel more comfortable.
Joan nodded, and smiled some more. "Right, of course. Just friends. So, Courtney, tell me, have you talked to any of the past contestants since your last appearance in the franchise? And what about the reunion? It seems like you're one of the few ex-contestants no one knows about! What's that about?"
Inwardly, Courtney knew this was going to be brought up. It seemed like everyone was interested in the reunion all of the sudden, which is odd considering how many different styles of Total Drama had been produced since the original. Was she confident enough to commit to attending the reunion in this very moment?
"Well, other than Trent, I talk to Bridgette." Courtney started, smiling at the camera, specifically for her best friend. "She's my best friend."
"Naturally, you two hit it off in the original Total Drama Island. And we all saw you two together just last week!" Joan commented, reminding Courtney of their lunch when Bridgette told Courtney she was engaged.
Nodding, Courtney continued, "Yeah, we were catching up. She's actually the one who told me about the reunion happening. I didn't know until last week." She laughed awkwardly again. "I haven't been checking my email or mail regularly." She used a basic, vague excuse.
"Oh, honey, I completely understand. My email looks like a tornado hit it." Joan sent an understanding hand wave of dismissal towards Courtney. "But, it doesn't seem like you're too caught up in it! So I should tell you, other than you, there are only two other people who haven't responded to the invitation as of this morning." Courtney focused on the gray hairs fighting against the bleached blonde hair of the woman. "We have you, Miss Courtney Otero, Mr. Justin Mahoe, and Mr. Duncan Wilde."
If Joan was expecting a reaction out of Courtney, she knew exactly how to do it.
The young woman looked from Joan's hair to her eyes to anywhere else she could, and suddenly, she felt uncomfortable. "Oh," she began, pressing down on her dress and then crossing her arms uncomfortably, "I haven't heard from either of them, so I wouldn't know."
There was a sound that could be placed as a "hmmm" coming from the older woman. "Well, that's a shame. Since you have romantic ties to both, I figured maybe you kept in touch with at least one of them, but I guess not. Maybe we'll ask another one of Duncan's old flames if he's coming. Anyways!" Characteristically so, Joan jumped right back into the interview.
Suddenly, Courtney felt tired. She didn't like the direction of the questions, nor the feelings that came back. She heard Joan re-ask the question of Courtney's status in regards to the reunion, which made the brunette realize Joan caught onto the fact she didn't answer the question.
She laughed breathlessly, "Well, Joan," she began, before shrugging her shoulders. "I'm not too sure if I'll be in attendance yet."
"I'm sure if there's something you don't like while reading it over you can get your lawyers to fix it." Joan laughed loudly, while Courtney was a bit less enthusiastic.
Still, she commented. "Right." A bit too-plainly and offended for Joan to capitalize on.
Behind the woman, Trent was walking in their direction, hopefully to whisk her away to the awards ceremony.
"Anyways, Courtney, it was lovely to see you alive and well and maybe attending the reunion special. You're just as polite as always." Joan began signing off, reaching to feign kiss Courtney's cheek. Once that was done, the young woman smiled back.
She replied, "Joan, it is always a pleasure. Thank you for your time."
As she walked off and away with Trent, she could hear a distant "No, thank you."
The main stage was huge.
Courtney and Trent found their seats, located in the third row. They were in the middle of the row, which Courtney was slightly thankful for, but when she looked ahead and saw how large the stage was, she felt a sense of pride. "Can you believe that you're performing there?" She whispered to Trent, who leaned in to listen. "That's incredible."
He chuckled, seemingly noticing it for the first time. "Yeah, I know right. It's so crazy. One day I'm just a reality television show contestant, the next I'm competing against big-time names for awards."
On the way back from the interview, Country explained to Trent the entire encounter and how uncomfortable she was. In response, he reminded her of some physically painful times in his teenaged year that had the duo laughing right to their seats. The young woman looked around her and for a few moments felt out-of-place. She forgot what this type of elite environment felt like, regardless of the type of entertainment it was. She was almost one-hundred percent positive Shawn Mendes was sitting next to her, and who knows where Drake is at the moment, probably finding his way to the front row.
"Don't worry, the hardest part is over." Trent reminded her, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it.
She sighed and pulled her own cellular device out, receiving text messages from Bridgette, exclaiming in all caps how beautiful she looked on the carpet. She smiled at her phone and texted her back, explaining in short the interview she went through and where they were sitting and to (not) look for her on the TV. While everyone was getting seated, Trent received a lot of acknowledgements from people in the music industry; producers, directors, and other performers sitting in the area shook hands, exchanged numbers, took pictures, and spoke to Courtney's friend. A lot of them nodded in her direction as a greeting, some of them didn't.
A few minutes later, the show begun, and Courtney put her phone away and sat back, ready to enjoy the awards ceremony.
Watching Trent perform was an experience. The brunette could see specs of Trent's past in his performance; the emotional aspect of his words still existed and felt just as heavy as they did on his album. His voice was low, soulful, leading the audience to silence with the few exceptions singing along. A lot of people had their phones out, recording the performance. Courtney wondered if he was trending for this.
The song he was currently performing was the same title as his album, Hotel Conversations. It was also the final track off of his album. The lyrics depict a conversation the singer had with another person, presumably in a hotel room. It wraps the album up in a messy knot, alluding to unfinished business. The lyrics reflected on several aspects of their respective relations with others, reminiscing on more happier moments.
"And in the wake of all the aspects, I thought I never knew. It's been a, long time coming, and it's leading me straight to you. And I'm sorry if I'm taking all, the time you have left, but it seems I need some help understanding the mess. And these long trains of thought, no, they never seem right. I thought I found the love for me till I brought a knife to a gunfight. You mention how you loved once, and it never went away, well I hope that when tomorrow comes, you'll see a brighter day." Trent repeated the chorus, guitar sitting fittingly on his thigh and his eyes closed. It was obvious he could feel the lyrics as he sung.
In the back of her mind, Courtney wondered if this song referenced one of their late-night conversations. Most prominently, she thought about one of her last nights before World Tour, where they stayed up and talked and watched a couple movies. Of course, Trent has a lot of friends, and everyone loves him. So, it could have just as easily be another person during his travels. But, something told the young woman that wasn't the case with this song. It felt nostalgic, looking back at an old conversation that pulled the chains in a certain direction. Whatever it was, it helped Trent move on and come to better understand himself as a lover, but also as a friend.
When he finished the chorus and the song, Courtney knew she was the first to stand up and clap for him. Soon, others stood up around her and clapped, allowing the young adult to receive a standing ovation. He looked around, waving and thanking everyone into the microphone.
Later on, when he won Song of the Year with Your Soul, Courtney stood up with him and they embraced, whispering in each other's ears.
He stood in front of the microphone, holding his award almost-awkwardly. "Uh, hi everyone." He spoke, eliciting laughs from the audience. "Um, wow. This is such an honor. I'm really in shock. There are so many people to thank, from the other artist nominated in the categories, some of them I've looked up to. Everyone in the room and watching right now, my entire team. A lot of this song, and the album, was based on the time I share with a really good friend, one of my closest. We both were on a dumb reality television show together and still talk to this day." Trent chuckled. "There were a lot of people and past relationships influenced throughout this album too, and so I want to thank all of you as well. I wouldn't be here without them. Again, thank you." He waved, before leaving the stage and being cheered and applauded for.
By the time he sat back down Courtney was scrolling through her phone, as the ceremony was taking a break. She turned and looked at him. "Trent, you're amazing."
The young man scratched the back of his hair and laughed.
He really was a selfless person, the Latina thought, as they continued to talk about how his parents would react. Sure, he was flawed and awkward, but he had a good heart. Courtney looked up to Trent, and Bridgette too. How was she able to be friends with two of the most kind-hearted people in the entire series? A thought pushed through her mind believing it to be a hoax and that she didn't deserve these two people, but she was willing to force herself to believe she was worthy of these people because she herself is a good person too, at least now. And, to an extent, she was willing to prove it to everyone.
Flipping through television channels, fingers harshly pushed the same button almost endlessly, until they finally stopped. A hand tugged through dark, unkempt hair.
On the television, a young woman dressed in olive walked, being followed by the camera. Her hair was glowing, her smile soft and shy; she looked like a real princess. She was being interviewed, a voice filled with anxiety only the viewer picked up on. When she openly admitted her unsureness about the reunion, it struck a chord. The uncomfortable emotions hidden behind beautiful onyx eyes did not go unnoticed.
In some way, this may have been a sign. At first, to fight, but that was learned to increase the opposite effect happening. Later to, well, a thought floated in the mind, shit. Opening a laptop, there was clicking and sighing and tight-lips to decrease the emotions felt for the first time in some time, but it wasn't helping. It could be seen all in the eyes, the same way they saw the young woman's on the television.
Thank you for confirming you WILL be attending the Total Drama Reunion Special. Please keep posted for more information! Read the page, Chris McLean's snobby face smiling wide on it.
Looking at their reflection through the laptop, bright teal eyes stared back, until refocusing on the television, with a newfound interest in the awards ceremony.
I hope this was somewhat of an enjoyable chapter! Hopefully I can have another chapter out before early January, but I hope this was ok.
I discovered Justin is actually the only confirmed Hawaiian, and therefore, American character in the entire series, which is kind of cool to me. Also, I tried to make the overlapping timelines of The Drama Brothers fit with the story.
As always, please leave a review on how you felt! If not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Regardless, thank you all for reading this, and happy holidays to those who celebrate!