Head settled on a toned shoulder, the breeze circling the duo allowed Courtney's hair to flicker and tickle the back of her neck.
"I love you babe, you know that, right?" An arm snaked around her neck, pulled her closer.
The sky above the two was a dark navy, almost black splattered paint. The stars were not frozen in the sky; they continued to move with every passing second. The grass was warm underneath them, and the trailers that once hosted the other contestants felt distant.
Courtney wondered about a lot of things at the moment. But, when he spoke, it all seemed to fade away.
She turned and looked at him. He was looking at the sky, eyes half-lidded and clear of anger, frustration. Then, he turned to her, the same look in his eyes.
"I know. I love you too." Courtney almost whispered, as if she was afraid others would overhear.
There was a lot to be concerned over. The new season of Total Drama they were roped into doing, their current relationship. Sure, they were back together, but the strings that connected them together had basic, cheap Scotch tape over them. Her mind continued to wander as the newness of everything settled.
And there was also the imposing threat of another woman. Gwen.
She was irritated. Not at him, but about all the drama that surrounded them. The breakups and the fighting and unleashing all of her lawyers against him for custody over Brittany. She just wanted him to be perfect.
Behind the duo, one of the trailer doors opened, and then closed. "Is this where you were looking at the stars and wondered if I was looking at them too?"
"You saw that?!"
She began to giggle, and both left the second part of that video clip in their heads. He looked mortified, until he saw the way Courtney was looking at him. Then he calmed down and chuckled a bit. "It wasn't here, but I can show you where it was later."
The couple fell into a period of silence again.
The Latina sighed and kissed her boyfriend's shoulder. "I'm sorry about everything."
"Not your fault, babe."
He was lying, and they both knew it.
For some reason, Courtney could never stop thinking about him. Even when they were apart, her mind continued to wander towards him. Wondering what he was doing, what he was wearing, if he was wearing anything differently. She hated him; more specifically, she hated what he did to her. There was always a flame that existed between the two. And, as far as Courtney is concerned, it would never go out. Especially not by some weird Goth girl.
Courtney woke up cold.
She sat up, staring ahead in the barren bedroom.
Unfortunately, there wasn't a physical clock to indicate the time, so, the young woman stood up and moved the curtains out of the way, blinking back at the sudden natural light that illuminated the beige room. Though the physical eye wouldn't have noticed immediately, it seemed the small house plants in the room leaned towards the light. Even Courtney seemed to move towards the light too.
It was raining outside. A steady rain, one that welcomed friends or lovers to stay in, become comfortable on the couch, and watch something together.
The Latina watched the rain for a few moments. Then, she walked back to the bed to grab her phone and left the bedroom.
Sitting across from Trent, the two mostly ate their breakfast in silence. There were breaks to ask pleasant conversation, but mostly the sound that filled the dining room were the clashing of utensils on plates. It had been a couple days after the award ceremony, and Trent had been in-and-out of his home since then. He had different photoshoots and interviews and appearances he had to make, especially after winning an award and performing live. The fact he was here eating breakfast right now too meant a couple things. One: he had the morning off. And two: he slept in just as late as Courtney did, because it was already the beginning of the afternoon.
When Trent finally made it to the kitchen for the first time all day, Courtney was placing eggs and pancakes onto a large plate. She made sure to make extra for Trent, though she wasn't sure if he was home or not.
He thanked her and he briefly discussed the increasingly loaded schedule he had for the next few weeks, then the two became silent.
Courtney finished first. She stood at the sink and washed her dishes, including the empty one for the leftover food that no longer existed (Trent sure can eat, she thought to herself). The young man came up behind her and she took his plate and utensils from him, continuing to wash them as she ignored his annoyance with her cleaning his stuff.
After she finished, the kitchen and dining room were spotless. So, she walked to the living room, where Trent sat on the couch.
The television was on, but Courtney could immediately tell he wasn't watching it.
"What's wrong?" She asked Trent.
Courtney walked into Trent's hotel room since he never acknowledged or replied to the knocks. The teenager walked into the musician sitting at the front of his bed with the TV on, but his eyes glazed. He was wearing his pajamas, which was a simple pair of black boxers with camo spots decorated on them.
Once the door slammed, he sharply sat up and looked in its direction, seeing the Latina walked towards him from it. "Huh?" He asked, seeming falling out of a daydream.
"You look like you're thinking hard about something. What is it?" Courtney asked, though it sounded more like a demand.
At the lack of a response, she rolled her eyes and stood back up. "Forget I even asked. I'll see you later Trent."
He watched her storm out of the room, almost angrily, before he depressingly sighed and made the conscious decision to not follow her. Then, he looked back at the TV.
Standing outside with her arms crossed, Courtney stood there for a few more seconds.
She was seething. And, in his own way, she knew Trent was too. All because of that stupid video with their (ex)significant others Geoff and Bridgette decided to play. Courtney never got the chance to ask Bridgette why she allowed her boyfriend to continue on that, but then again, Bridgette barely had time for Courtney nowadays.
The sound of incoming footsteps brought the brunette back to reality. She looked to her right, and at the vision of a dyed unnatural hair color, she began to glare.
"What do you want?" Courtney asked, barely hiding her disdain at the girl in front of her.
Rubbing her left arm, Gwen stood across from Courtney, looking anywhere but in her eyes. "Is Trent here? I wanted to talk to him?"
Courtney took a step to the side, giving Gwen access to knock and enter if she pleased. "FYI, Trent isn't in the talking mood."
"Were you just in there?" She asked, following Courtney's movements.
"No, Gwen. I've just standing here for twenty minutes hoping he opens the door for me." She paused, ending the beginning of her sarcastic rant. Then, she took one last glance at Gwen, before stomping away back to her own hotel room, hands formed into fist at her sides.
The Latina wasn't sure what Gwen and Trent talked about, but the next night Courtney received a text from Trent and they ended up sitting in her hotel room for almost an hour, and he listened to her fill the silence until he was able to form words.
"What's wrong?" She asked Trent.
He looked up at her, thinking. "I'm not really sure." He began. "My schedule is really crazy right now, but I got a text from Gwen this morning and -"
Courtney blinked, almost as if she didn't hear correctly. Usually, she would immediately reply with a question, but she knew Trent, and so she wanted to stay silent.
" - it really threw me off, y'know, cause we don't talk, so I, yeah." He stopped. Trent looked anxious, his eyes looking around the living room. "I haven't responded to it, but she said she's excited to see me for the reunion and saw you and I together and is wondering if we're a thing? And she wants to get coffee or hangout or something but I'm not sure if I want to do that. I don't think we've talked in almost two years. This is weird." He managed to sputter out like a sink that's barely been in usage.
In all honesty, the first thing Courtney felt was jealousy towards her friend. Though a small inkling of all the emotions running through her system, this particular one sped like a train and left remnants of itself like the dissipating smoke. For a while, she had wanted someone to text her too, even though she knew she could've done the same action. Yet, something was stopping her. Fear, most likely, and anxiety following, alongside the guilt for the way she acted as a teenager.
There were a few situations in life where Courtney really didn't have an answer. But, in this moment, it didn't seem like her friend was looking for one either.
So, she did something that she was taught to do by someone who, at one point, was special to her. Courtney grabbed Trent's wrist and pulled him to a standing position. Confused, he didn't say anything as the shorter young adult pulled him towards the sliding back doors and, after opening them, did he finally speak.
"Hey, Court, what're we doing out here."
Instead of replying, the brunette released her grasp on Trent, laid her phone on one of the chairs, and walked into the open backyard space where it was raining. She breathed in, then out, then turned to her friend. As her clothes and her hair quickly became soaked in rainwater, Courtney pushed her bangs away from her eyes. And she smiled at him.
The musician cracked a smile, and Courtney hoped that was a sign his anxiety was faltering and slowly ceasing. In response to her, he took off his shirt and threw his phone on top before running into the rain and meeting Courtney.
Seeing his demeanor change, the young woman started to run around the backyard, tilting her head back and allowing the rain to baptize her and touch her skin everywhere. Her silk pajamas were already sticking to her skin and her hair found itself attached to her neck, but she barely cared. In her head, Courtney knew Trent was also running around. And she could even hear him laughing a bit.
"Courtney!" He called out.
She stopped moving. "Yeah?" She shouted as a response.
"How dumb do you think we look right now?" He asked, breathlessly laughing.
"Very!" Courtney instantly said, before laughing too.
The duo continued to run around in the award-winner's backyard for another few minutes, before finally getting a bit bored, and more importantly tired, and retreating back inside of the home.
"Princess."
"Criminal."
She could hear the smile he cracked on his phone. It was how they would greet each other on the phone sometimes, depending on who called who. This time, she had called him.
"What can I do for you on this lovely Wednesday afternoon?" He asked, sounding like he had all the time in the world.
Courtney wasn't exactly sure where to start. She felt like she was standing in the middle of a warzone she personally constructed. From her parents to her attorney, she was barely seventeen and the world felt like it was spinning.
"Helloooo, earth to Princess." Her boyfriend drawled out.
The female teenager awkwardly coughed. "Sorry. Uhm, I'm just a bit stressed out, that's all."
There was a delayed response from the male teen. "What is it? It must be bad, especially if you had to call me."
"I don't know. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed with school, and my parents -"
"Who hate me."
"They don't hate you, stop saying that." Courtney derailed the beginning of her venting by finishing off that slid-in comment by her boyfriend. "They're just not used to me having a boyfriend."
There was a hum coming from her boyfriend on the other side of the phone. "Sure. Hey, it's raining over there, right?"
Courtney turned her head and stood up from her bed, walking towards the window. She moved the curtain and glanced outside. "Yeah, it's raining here. Is it raining at home too?"
She could imagine him shaking his head yes, and sometimes she forgets how they don't live that far away, only an hour and the half drive.
There was some shuffling on the other side of the phone, before he spoke again. "Hey, babe. Can you do something for me?"
"Depends on what you're asking for." She retorted, trying to think about what inappropriate thing he was about to ask for.
"Go sit outside in your backyard for me. I want to tell you about something I do when I feel anxious."
On the couch, Trent and Courtney were respectfully on their sides of the piece of furniture, now comfortable in dry, warm clothes, and watching a movie on the television. The young adults stayed inside only until they were completely bored and finally decided to come inside, leaving a trail of water from the back door all the way up the stairs to each bedroom.
Courtney showered and washed her hair, taking an extended time to stand underneath the warm water and think about how running in the rain erupted a new set of memories she believed were repressed.
And now, nearly a half-hour later, she could barely construct the right sentences to get Trent talking, but then again, she still wasn't sure he wanted to talk. She pulled on her damp hair and tugged her blanket closer to her body. "How are you feeling, Trent?"
"Better, a little bit I guess." The musician chuckled a bit, shifting his position. "I didn't really attack the problem head-on but running around for a little bit helped me."
At first, Courtney didn't plan on responding, but then she decided to ask, "So, were you just overwhelmed or?" She left the second half of the question up in the air and unfinished.
"I don't know, it's just that I wasn't expecting a text from my ex-girlfriend this morning." Trent rubbed the back of his head. "And it isn't that I miss her or anything, but I guess it would be nice to catch up with her. But I'm nervous about what would happen if I went out with her, and we hangout, and then I start to fall for her again. But every time I think of her, I think about how much of a fool I was during Action, and then I think about the breakup and everything that followed it, and it makes me anxious because I don't want to fall in love with someone who I used to love again."
There was a silence afterwards, one that allowed Courtney to sit and think about all the thoughts that consumed Trent. "I know that feeling." She finally spoke in agreement with her friend. "I've had those same thoughts constantly, except there was never a text to look at."
A sigh came from across the couch. "It just sucks. I know Gwen, and she knows me, but as happy as I was with her, I don't think I could ever really be with her again. With my other girlfriends from high school, it wasn't anything special. Just a relationship. But Gwen was different; she wasn't any ordinary girl."
Courtney and Trent were able to come to a middle ground last year about the former contestant Gwen. For a long time, Courtney couldn't stand to think about her. Sometimes, it was because she went behind her back and kissed her now ex-boyfriend on television and made no indication of telling Courtney. Other times, it was because of what had happened during All Stars and how Courtney's need for success led to her demise, once again. But now, Courtney had no opinion of Gwen; well, she had a lot of opinions, but she didn't hate her anymore. There was no reason to. What she had done during the television show was something probably any teenager would do. They were only seventeen and placed in a situation where anything could've happened.
The way Trent feels about his ex-girlfriend is the way Courtney feels about her ex. He wasn't ordinary, at least he wasn't for her.
"I feel that way about Duncan." Courtney mumbled, looking at the TV. "But I think you should go and meet with her, and at least talk to her. I know there was a struggle during the show to be her friend, and probably a level of awkwardness to it as well. But maybe it will make you feel better and close the door on any chance of those thoughts reappearing. There's always something different about your first love that separates them from the rest." She finished off.
The Latina could hear Trent's thoughts moving around in his head. "Maybe you're right," Trent started, "about that. Avoiding the situation doesn't do me any good. It just will make things more awkward down the line, especially when I'm forced to see her again." Suddenly, he chuckles a bit. "Man, it's really nice to have a female friend in these types of situations. Court, I feel like you're my voice of reason."
She cracked a small smile. "More like your devil's advocate. You feel one way, I present you the possible opportunity of what the other side could look like, whether it's good or bad. But, because I'm your friend, most of the time it's going to be good."
"And I am grateful for you. No one else could be that person except for you." Trent finished off the thought, before throwing his blanket away from him and moving across the couch to where Courtney was and suffocating her in a hug.
There wasn't much she could do to fight him off. If she were to be honest, she didn't really want to fight him off. The embrace was one she desperately needed, one that validated her existence in her friend's life, one that reminded her that she was, at her core, a good person.
Sitting on the plane, Courtney thought about Gwen again. For a moment, she wondered how she was doing.
Glancing out of the window to her right, the weather was still gloomy from the day before. Clouds stuck to the sky and their gray, depressing bodies moved as one, hiding the sunlight from everyone. When she was first coming here to see her friend for the first time in a while, she felt as if she could relate to the cloudy; there were several ways she compared herself to the sky. Now, she looks at the sky without any comparison.
The young adult wondered if she and the teal-haired woman could ever be friends again. Courtney's feelings towards her were mixed; sometimes, she felt guilty, but other times she was reminded that they would have never had an issue had she not secretly kissed her boyfriend. At the same time, Courtney pondered, she was already apprehensive of the friendship with Gwen due to the events that occurred during Action, so the relationship between the two was already built on distrust. That, alongside Courtney's growing friendship with Trent, and it was a friendship created to fall apart. Their no-tolerance approach was one of the many things that brought the two girls together originally. And even after the friendship ended, in a similar fashion to how most of Courtney's relationships dissolve, when Courtney acted skeptical or distrustful, she would think of the goth girl.
As the plane took off, Courtney continued on the train of thought. The person from Gwen to their shared ex-boyfriend. A couple months ago, when the young woman would lay on her bed and reflect on everything she had previously said or enacted on, she would also think about how much her ex-boyfriend affected her. Even now, till this very day and in this moment, the influence he had on her is still subtly present. It is seen in her movement, it's in the way she walks, thinks, replies. How she destresses, how she struggles to understand the other side of every situation.
Her greediness, her cockiness was at an all-time-high when the two of them were together. They were royalty. She was a princess; she was his princess. When she has the ability to look at herself in the mirror, her eyes take a second glance at all of the spots where he would use to leave hickeys, where he would leave kisses, where he would constantly remind her that she was his, and he was hers. But as time went on something was off and sooner than not he was no longer there. Courtney isn't sure when it happened or when it started, but, at the end of the day, she lost pieces of him until he was completely gone.
Though she still sometimes blames Gwen for the start of her life spiraling out of control and her depressive symptoms beginning, she could not completely place the blame on the other woman. Courtney was not the perfect girlfriend; if anything, she was toxic at moments. The contract she forced him to read, the jealously and distrust, it wasn't pretty during their relationship. But he wasn't perfect either.
They weren't Geoff and Bridgette. They weren't the perfect couple, they never were. But, in a strange way, they were perfect for each other. And that's probably the hardest part of moving on from a first love.
When Courtney woke up, they were only a few minutes from landing back home and the girl remembered she was scheduled to work the following day. Instead of thinking about that, she decided to think about seeing Bridgette again. The blonde-haired woman had constantly texted Courtney throughout the time she was away, asking tons of questions and keeping her up to date on any wedding decisions she and her fiancé had made, which were not many. Bridgette also bought groceries and cleaned her apartment a bit more before leaving and returning back to her home.
The two girls were texting throughout Courtney's mini getaway, finally fully catching up on all the unimportant details of each other's lives. Courtney told her friend all about her job and how boring it was being a barista and how her co-workers were too preppy for her liking sometimes, but they were decent enough. Her life after the show was mundane, and she put effort in to keep it that way.
The brunette thought back to her best friend's comment about Courtney's actions brought this upon herself. In no way was she wrong, but it still hurt to acknowledge the truth. She was a dumb teenager who pretended to be mature for the camera when, in reality, she was one of the least mature people on the show. Flaunting past experiences and thoughtless arrogance were the continuous downfalls of her personality and the proof was during almost all of her eliminations (the only exception, one she could not blame herself for, was her first ever one in Total Drama Island, where her elimination was a personal vendetta against her boyfriend at the time). In the present time, Courtney was afraid of getting involved outside of her job due to the stigma that surrounds her (one she created herself).
The beeping from the plane brought Courtney back to her current surroundings. Once she watched the people in front of her get up and walk off the plane, she followed their movements and brought her sunglasses down onto her face and scurried off the plane with a quick smile to the flight attendants and the pilots.
Walking through the airport, the brunette kept her head down and pulled her hair away from her face and into a bun. Not only from past experiences, but specifically from when she went to go meet Trent and his bodyguards a few days ago. Being bombarded by paparazzi was rarely on the top of Courtney's to-do list. Especially recently with her re-engagement to social media and being in the public's eye again, the brunette felt like a deer in headlights (as cliché as it sounds). And, as exciting as the award's show was, it drained the woman and significantly lowered her social meter to a point where staying in her apartment for the next month sounded like the best thing in the world.
Also, Trent had her returning flight placed at the closest airport to her home to avoid some of the onlookers, but Courtney wanted to still look inconspicuous. The media makes Courtney anxious, especially since her lack of involvement with it more recently than not. They were always particularly crueler to the woman, especially if she was a contestant and recently eliminated. She wasn't sure if they knew she could handle the heat of their questions of if they enjoyed her exaggerated responses for their ratings. So, she stayed quiet, low, and rushed out of the airport with little conversation with people.
When the young adult walked into her apartment, it looked nearly the same as she left it. Yet, somehow, it felt different. She wasn't sure if it was because she disappeared from the place for nearly the week or Bridgette did something to change the energy of the apartment, but Courtney didn't feel as held down as she used to.
It's pretty dark in here the adult thought to herself as she continued investigating her apartment. She opened the fridge to find a fridge ful of vegetables, proteins, fruits, and anything else to help Courtney establish healthy eating habits. The artificial light illuminating Courtney's face was the only lighting in the apartment at the time, and when she closed the door, the place fell into an uncomfortable silence. There were little ways to light the apartment outside of the basic switches provided by the leasing apartment, which made Courtney think about buying some new, aesthetically pleasing lamps or buying Christmas lights and hanging them around the living room.
Her bedroom was reorganized.
Well, Courtney realized, it was completely clean. Bridgette must've had a vacuum or something.
Walking to her closet, the clothes were properly hung up (color-coordinated) and her pants were neatly folded by jeans and by khakis. The banal wardrobe was just another reminder to the brunette she needed to buy more clothes, now more than ever. She stepped away from the closet and saw Bridgette even bought a new mirror and the pieces were gone.
Slowly, she walked towards it, not looking herself but at everything else about herself.
Courtney was standing in front of a mirror in a dressing room, trying on different dresses for an upcoming event.
"C'mon babe, let me see." A voice called out from behind it, obviously impatient.
The teenager smiled and turned around, spinning in the dressing room and looking at herself another time before opening the door to her mohawked boyfriend.
She did a couple poses for him, holding her hair up and moving to her side. "How do I look?"
When she looked at him, he was staring right at her chest, without evening making an attempt to hide it. "Duncan!" Courtney crossed her arms, glaring at her boyfriend.
"Sorry Princess, I can't help it. You look so good in that dress, just like all the other ones." Sharp blue eyes moved up towards hers, before taking a step closer and removing her folded arms and holding her hands.
The girl rolled her eyes, a non-venomous smile appearing on her face. She pulled her boyfriend closer to her, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist.
They moved closer to each other outside of the dressing room, as if no one was standing around them.
"Can I tell you something?" Duncan asked. His voice dropped a bit to the point where it was almost a whisper.
Courtney tilted her head and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "What?" She whispered back.
Even now, after dating for so long, the brunette still wasn't used to the few moments where her boyfriend was more serious in the tone of his voice or decided to randomly do strong gestures in public to showcase his feelings. Most of the time, she would stop public displays of affection due to embarrassment of others watching. Every once and awhile, though, she would initiate them or let one slide.
He somehow got her to calm down a lot more than what was shown on TV. When it was just the two of them, there was no one around them that could disrupt the paradise they created in their heads. Courtney and Duncan were connected like that. Not that they shared on brain, but they were on the same wavelength, even if he was on one end and she was on the other side. Their differences were more like subjective perspectives that ultimately were more similar than they realized. They were each other's ride or die. And even as confident and independent as Courtney was, sometimes having someone just as hardheaded as herself on her side made her feel a little bit better.
So, as Courtney waited for her boyfriend to reveal whatever he was waiting to say, she thought about what their future looked like, especially with the incoming season of Total Drama quickly approaching. As much as she loved her best friend, Bridgette, she was envious of her loving relationship with Geoff. They had such a close, trusting bond that was so different than Courtney and Duncan's. The blondes were water, and the other former members of the Killer Bass were fire. A fire Courtney hoped would never go out.
He moved away from her slightly, just to press his lips to her mouth, and then kiss the top of her forehead. "Can you get out of the dress and pick one so we can go home?"
In response, the brunette rolled her eyes and walked back into the dressing room, closing the door and beginning to take the dress off, a big smile stuck on her face. Duncan was not a man of words; as matter of fact, he rarely spoke endearing words and would rather choose to act upon his feelings with hopes they would come across the way they were supposed to. Courtney knew that very well. From the moment she was eliminated and he carved the wooden skull for her, up until even now in this random department store. Throwing her clothes on rapidly, the teenager clipped her shoes on and grabbed all of the dresses, thinking about what the two will later tonight.
"Are you going to put those back, like a Princess would?" Duncan was able to get out, before being dragged out of the store by his girlfriend, who just threw the dresses on a random rack.
She turned her head to him and began holding his hand. "I could've. I should've. But I won't. Let's go home."
Starting to catch up to her walking, Duncan began holding her hand too, and squeezed it just a little bit.
Finally, Courtney looked up and found her eyes in the new, full-body mirror. She stared at herself some more, before breathing in deeply and beginning to smile.
It was hard, but then, when she began to think about the past week with her friends (the few she had), she couldn't help but expand her smile to a more genuine one. The effort that Bridgette and Trent put into making sure she would be able to be OK allowed her to be grateful. And, the amount of trust they put into her to get herself together and begin showcasing the Courtney she had been so desperately trying to find was immense. There was no way she couldn't smile. And, ultimately, when she thought about some of the fonder memories with her ex-boyfriend, tears gripped the sides of her eyes and nearly fell out. But, she was still smiling, a real, genuine, smile.
Hi all! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
A reminder: the italic quotes/sentences are past experiences Courtney experienced; they are not exactly flashbacks she is currently remembering at the time. Just wanted to say that because there are a lot of memories in this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series; I just really enjoy forming he characters to do what I want and how I want.
If you liked it, feel free to leave a comment! If not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Definitely let me know what you liked or disliked though!
I listened to a lot of No Rome this time around and did some more TDI research/reading to make sure I was getting my timelines correct. Watched the entire duncney story on YouTube and read all of your past reviews and got motivated, so this is all because of you guys!
Until next time. Thank you again for reading!