The time they didn't speak was at one point, where they felt the loneliest. It wasn't immediate - it could have never been, because if it was, then there would be reason to acknowledge it as it happened and continue as they were. No, this was a slow, tainted process of time slipping away between tight fingers and day by day, the calls and the messages spent more time a part and were lackluster. Then there were none at all. It almost was unnoticeable.
Life goes on, and time stops for no one. But, becoming "too busy" or simply forgetting were just guilt-led excuses as a means to explain why it all stopped. A fear ballooned, that something was amiss, or a piece of the puzzle was missing. Nothing was done, though, and no check-up messages were sent. And that in itself could have been a determining factor in getting to the root of the problems, in being a decent person and taking that first step.
So, the time they spent without speaking was difficult. A lot of mixed emotions flowed in the bloodstream, anger and frustration and sadness. People reached out on the off-days and unexpectedly. Life really did become somewhat busy, but that's what happens when there isn't any time to take a deep breath and evaluate oneself.
These thoughts continued as the salty breeze of Lake Wawanakwa interfered. The weather was anything but a beautiful day. It was cooler than normal and the clouds motioning over the island were more than likely the perpetrators. But, in a way, it was beautiful. Anything could be beautiful with a flicker of the lenses changing. A different perspective, a clashing theory. The clouds continued past the island and towards the horizon, wherever that was. The dock was stiff, reaching out towards where the end of the lake and the sky meshed but being stopped incredibly short. There was no boat anchored at the end to go discover where the lines overlapped. But there is renewal in life when mysteries are involved. Gaining understanding, learning about others and their reasons for being placed in this world - there was a lot to live for. Even the smaller things, like the warmth of a fire while it snows outside, or sitting next to a lover, were experiences to live for.
There is also the feeling of guilt when it comes to living. When someone dies, or when mistakes and flaws are aired on international television (ha). No one is perfect - no one can be perfect. People can only strive for that abstract, unrealistic goal. Unfortunately, everyone on the island had to learn in a harsher manner. Regardless of which path or which action to proceed with, someone's feelings will always get hurt or someone will find ways to antagonize. It was a tough reality to learn.
The beach was full of interns running around, making sure all the lights and camera equipment were in perfect place for the interview occurring shortly. The logs former contestants once sat on for elimination ceremonies were placed in a circle, so the interviewees could face each other and interact with each other. Anyone not involved had to vacate the beach, as the rush of indistinguishable teenagers wearing blue and red button-up shirts rushed around. It was evident as they were setting everything up they knew what they were doing, whether it was because of experience or fear of retaliation from Chris. Lunch wasn't too long ago, so half of the former contestants were lounging and hanging around in various parts of the island.
As former teammates, friends, and enemies began approaching the logs, someone called out.
"Hey Trent, what are you doing here?"
He turned to his left and looked up to see Gwen, looking down at him with a confused expression. The musician waved. "Hey Gwen, what's up? I was on the beach, but I got kicked off. I'm just hanging out now."
To Trent, Gwen more-or-less looked the same, but grew more comfortable in her looks and looked a bit more mature. She wasn't running that blog anymore - that had stopped years ago, after World Tour finished filming. Gwen got the man she vied for, that she continued to make videos about. There was nothing more to say there. From what she told Trent she was an artist living in a studio apartment. She was considering beginning to transition into the movie makeup artist career, having a talent for art in different forms and a love for horror movies.
Gwen raised an eyebrow at him, with a smirk on her face. "Mind if I sit with you?"
He scooted to the right, giving her some space to sit down. "Not at all, feel free. Just know the dock gets very uncomfortable over time."
She didn't respond to his message but snorted at it. Still, she crouched down before she was sitting on the end of the dock with him, feet dangling off the edge.
"Do you plan on sitting here and watching this entire interview?" Gwen asked incredulously. There was a presence of a silliness at the end of her sentence, like she thought he was being goofy.
Trent shrugged his shoulders. "I don't see why not. Not like I have anything better to do."
"Can't argue with that."
The duo sat in silence for a couple minutes afterwards.
It was broken by the boisterous laughs of Geoff walking onto the beach. Even if Gwen and Trent couldn't hear him, his cowboy hat was recognizable, and his arm draped around his girlfriend Bridgette made it clear. The rest of the notable Bass gang followed behind him: Courtney, DJ, and Duncan.
Glancing to his left, Trent didn't see any changes in posture or facial expressions from Gwen. She was always good at that - closed off and nonchalant in her movements, despite feeling completely different internally. They never really talked about Duncan ever, especially after she was eliminated from Action. For one, Trent didn't really want to talk about him. A lot of his insecurities were foundation pieces in Duncan.
He was strong, tough in the face of danger. Upfront, cool, and everything else Trent wished he was. Envy filled his brain whenever he saw Duncan for some time; he could do whatever he wanted and get away with it. And he wouldn't admit this to anyone, but when Duncan finally got arrested and sent to prison Trent couldn't help but feel a bit joy, that finally, he was getting karma thrown back at him. There was some guilt intertwined, but just this once Trent allowed himself to feel good. He mistreated Courtney, treated Gwen like shit when Courtney didn't give him the attention he wanted, and etcetera.
Speaking of Courtney, she was another reason Gwen and he never talked about Duncan. The Aftermath segments and living with all the other former contestants was a polarizing time. Trent knew he needed to make a decision, and he chose Courtney's friendship over rebuilding some form of a relationship with Gwen. He had several weeks to get the information out of her, to hear from her mouth the truth, but he chose to invest in his friendships and his band over it. It was part of the process to move on. Sometimes there are answers not everyone can obtain.
There are times where Trent feels like Total Drama was overblown, that the responses from former contestants and the effects of being filmed for several years are blown out of proportion. That maybe he shouldn't be feeling this way - yet he knows these feelings are real and true. The show was trauma-inducing, and now here they are again, going through the same thing over again one more time.
Trent looked at the Bass members again, this time focusing on Courtney. She was talking to Bridgette, sitting on a log to the blonde's left. Bridgette was intently listening, leaning her head in her hand and her elbow placed right above her knee. Though they weren't the closest in location, Trent could at least see she had a smile on her face.
"I heard you and Courtney made up a bit." He spoke.
From the corner of his eye, he could see Gwen turn her head and look at him. "Yeah, we did."
She seemed to stop, so Trent started to speak again. "That's go-."
"-It was nice."
This time Trent looked at her. "Shit, I'm sorry."
Gwen laughed. It sounded the same, just less awkward than the last time they spoke in person. "No, I'm sorry. You're totally fine. Go ahead."
He let out a breathless chuckle, one he did when he felt embarrassed. "I just thought you were done speaking. I was just going to say that it's good. I'm glad you both made up."
"Me too, honestly." Gwen agreed. She turned away from Trent and watched Harold and Ezekiel sit down next to each other. "It's nice to at least be on solid ground with her."
Trent looked away too, watching all the Bass sit down and Chris appear from thin air to begin the interview. Courtney's hands were folded in her lap and her face was unreadable. Duncan turned and glanced in her direction; he was sitting a few people away from Courtney.
"You really care about her, huh?" He looked at Gwen again. She continued watching the Bass interact with each other, ignoring Chris's presence for the most part.
He smiled, leaning back and placing his hands on the dock. "I do. She's like a sister to me, y'know. I feel like I can tell her anything. I know I had the guys around, but she's really been there for me when I've needed someone."
The sound of seagulls passed over them, and the clouds continued to motion in an unspecified direction. Swirls of greys pushing each other.
Gwen didn't speak for a moment. Then she sighed. "I know there's no bad blood between us, but I still want to say that I'm s-."
"Gwen." She turned, a bit of her unreadable face deteriorating. "We're cool. You know that. You already apologized."
She hadn't. Not verbally, at least. He didn't forget anything from their time together in Island; how much they spoke during and in-between challenges and after Owen's party and before Action started. There was so much Trent knew about Gwen. She's suffered enough.
Then finally, she smiled. A genuine one, like when she first agreed to start going out with him. Then she started laughing. "You're such a loser."
It made him perk up, and he chuckled too. "I know I am."
"We never really talked, after the third season." Gwen commented. "How have you been? Other than winning literal music awards."
"Oh that." Trent waved her off. "That's just my side gig." Her eye roll was worth the smile she threw his way. "But it's been a rollercoaster for sure. I've pretty much been busy every single day, so it's good to take some time off and just relax. Or at least as much as I can with Chris McLean running around the island. I don't think I asked, but how is America treating you?"
Gwen shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly, not too bad. New York is just as dirty and overcrowded as I expected it to be."
But she likes that, Trent thought to himself. She enjoys being hidden, in the shadows and picks pieces of her inspiration from the people she watches, the animals that hustle. She never wanted to be the center of attention, even if it was being force-fed to her.
"I'm sure you're getting lots of inspiration from just walking down the street. I'd love to see some of the paintings you've made recently." He looked up at the sky.
She stared straight ahead, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her face. "I can show you after this is over, if you want."
Trent looked in the direction of the interview. "I've only been to NYC a couple of times, so you may have to show me around too."
His smile dropped when he looked at Courtney. She had her arms crossed and her face was scrunched up. To most, it looked like a classic Courtney-irritation look. Trent saw it as defensive. She spoke briefly, and he couldn't hear her that well, but the tone was protective. Quickly, she pushed her hair behind her shoulder before crossing her arms again.
"You good?" Trent heard Gwen ask.
He blinked. "Yeah, Courtney just looks uncomfortable. Chris must be asking some straightforward questions."
Gwen looked back at the other group of former contestants. "How can you tell?"
"Her body language, for the most part. And her eyes. They're looking at everything in sight - like she's trying to find a way out of whatever's being discussed."
Then, suddenly, Courtney looked in their direction. Trent stared at her. And for what felt like a milli-second, Courtney's face broke the character she was trying to depict. Then, as quickly as she looked at them, she looked away.
"Did you see it?" Trent asked Gwen.
She responded as Duncan turned around and glanced at them with a confused look, before turning back. "Yeah."
Trent sighed, scratching his forehead. He asked, already knowing the answer. Gwen is incredibly perceptive and observant. It's how she's been able to draw so many beautiful paintings and depict emotions in her art.
"What was that?" Gwen asked, looking at Trent.
He didn't really know how to respond. In theory, he did know, and he knew most of the causes for it. "It's Courtney."
She responded immediately. "But she looked like she was in pain."
He didn't respond to Gwen. He stared ahead, knowing that Courtney wasn't going to look in their direction for the rest of the time being.
The water underneath the dock pushed against the wood, rising to the sand before falling back down. For the most part, it was quiet again.
Gwen and Trent were watching the interview continue to happen. Duncan stood up, pointing at Chris and then behind him, in the direction of the cafeteria.
"We never really talked about Duncan, did we?" Gwen spoke again, sounding like her regular self and not a young adult with concern.
Trent leaned up and chuckled. "You're getting everything off your chest today, aren't you?"
"Shut up." There was the snarkiness Trent adored.
"What was there to talk about, though?" He asked. "We weren't together anymore."
Which was a half-truth. The duo was still dating when Gwen and Duncan started hanging out, primarily because they were on the same team. Things didn't seem to start pushing the boundaries until after Trent was broken up with and eliminated.
Gwen shrugged her shoulders. "I know, but I figured Courtney would make you hate him for eternity."
There was a point where Trent had a lot of feelings towards Duncan. There was already a strong dislike because of the events that happened in the beginning of Action, but the more he and Courtney became friends the events of World Tour were almost admissible to no forgiveness. He envied Duncan, hated Duncan, but never held a grudge. Usually when Courtney and Trent talked about Duncan it was from her perspective - being hurt over and over again by an immature teenager who bullied those he saw himself as better than. Courtney never really needed to tell Trent how she felt about other people, her facial expressions usually gave away her feelings and once he started to know and understand Courtney's feelings, it was pretty easy to navigate her thoughts. Sometimes he got nervous when he expressed his feelings about Duncan to her. At the end of the day, he still grew up in a world where you had to be the most perfect man in the entire world and obtain that status. And how could he have achieved that when he had his own demons to battle?
"Have I ever been known to hate someone for eternity Gwen?" He asked, a joking tone.
She smirked at him and shook her head. "You're too kindhearted for this damn show."
He laughed aloud. "So are you, Gwen." When she didn't respond, he continued. "Are you two good? You and Duncan."
"Oh yeah." She waved a hand. "He was terrible in All Stars, but there isn't any bad blood between us. I heard a saying once that was something like 'You lose them how you get them'. And that's pretty much what happened. I got him from Courtney, I lost him to Courtney."
Trent had never thought of it like that. "Oh yeah, I never thought of it like that." He paused. "But they didn't date on the show."
Gwen leaned forward and smirked. "Yeah, but he's always been obsessed with her. No matter what psychotic shit she did. She's the only one, probably on planet Earth, who can keep up with him. He's always loved her - I don't think it ever stopped."
"I could say the same thing about Courtney." He added on.
Gwen looked at him, her eyebrow raised. "Really?"
He hummed. "Yeah. Courtney knows it too, she's just too afraid." Trent crossed his arms. "She also thinks she isn't worthy of love. I don't think she sees yet how much of a good person she is."
"Everyone is worthy of love." Was Gwen's form of an agreement.
And she was right. Everyone is deserving to have someone care about them. Trent knew this; it's part of the reason why he stopped having meaningless girlfriends who he thought were just pretty and liked his music. His missed the spark that came from someone else, who he had a real connection with. Vancouver was a beautiful city, but he struggled to find someone.
The word love reminded him of an old song he once called his favorite.
"I don't mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile." He sang, with no effort and goofily.
Gwen laughed aloud, turning to him. "Is that cheesy song still your favorite? It can't be, right?"
Trent stopped singing and laughed with her. "No no, my new favorite song is actually one I wrote. I'm self-centered like that."
She continued to laugh, and it felt like it was just the two of them on a terrible island risking their lives for a lot of money. Like the events that followed Owen's win never existed, and everything was OK again. They were sneaking away from Heather and Beth and Cody and getting to know each other again.
But that could never happen again. It was a memory, one of the untainted ones that Trent would forever cherish. A fleeting thought that, maybe they could get to learn about each other again, appeared and disappeared from his mind.
They barely noticed the Bass members standing up and leaving the logs until the two finished laughing with each other.
"It looks like everyone is starting to leave." Gwen noticed, turning her head at the different groups of people leaving together.
Trent silently watched them go. Katie and Sadie ran off together towards the Bass female cabins, Ezekiel walked off by himself towards the forest, and the interns began running around taking everything apart and making sure they were able to record everything from all the angles the cameras were in.
Geoff and Bridgette walked away from the interview sight, though the female blonde was continuously looking behind her at Courtney. The brunette seemed to storm off towards the bathrooms. Duncan looked like he was going to follow her, but DJ held his shoulder and gave him a look.
Gwen stood up, wiping off her skirt and sighing. "Looks like a mess if you ask me."
"You off?" Trent asked, leaning all the way back so he was laying on the wood of the dock. He watched the clouds swirl.
"Yeah." Gwen answered. "This was a lot of social interaction for me. I appreciated the time though."
He laughed at the first half. No matter how much the cameras could construe them, there were always pieces that remained. With every minute they spent together, Trent could see more and more of Gwen's. "Yeah, it's always good hanging out with you Gwen." Trent looked at her. "I'll see you later?"
She nodded, smiling one of those more genuine smiles before walking off.
As the sound of her boots moved further away, Trent let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.
It wasn't stressful, why was he so nervous? It was falling back into the familiarity of life with someone you once knew so well. Maybe it was the threat of always being on camera, no matter what. Or it could potentially be the mishap of saying something wrong - destroying the bridge already reconnected with duct tape. There were so many possibilities running in his head, Trent wasn't sure where to start.
He thought he had moved past this, these feelings of guilt and embarrassment. Though his time on reality television was short-lived compared to some of his peers, he still managed to screw over his entire sense of self. Even after he explained his actions, after he gained the trust and love of millions of people all over the world; after all of this, these feelings still linger.
What Gwen did was a result of her own free will and actions. They were a response to Trent's actions put under a microscope. It wasn't anyone's fault (except Duncan for the onetime he added the letters in Trent's name and Gwen's). Trent needed to stop blaming himself. Sometimes he still felt like he needed to prove himself to everyone, that no he wasn't some crazy person obsessed with his girlfriend after only dating for a short period of time.
And for what felt like the umpteenth time, these were the words he had told Courtney over and over again.
She was a good friend. Courtney understood, to some extent, that everyone was battling their own wars, and no one was completely OK from the show. Even those that seem perfectly fine, like Bridgette and Noah, had their own insecurities they battled from time to time. In the eyes of someone else, it seemed like she was the one who talked the most and took control of every situation she was in. It was more equal than that. When she respected someone or cared about someone, Courtney could sit and listen for what felt like forever. Even if most of the sound was silence.
To Trent, her foundation going into the show was already unbalanced. She was a disadvantage before the first challenge even began. No one knew it then. Courtney needed to overcompensate for her perceived flaws and though her first elimination wasn't her fault, the rest were. It only grew worse, and that was not something she could hide from people in the show or those watching.
It was part of the reason her submersion into solitude went so noticed. Everyone knew Courtney as this character who was loud, wanted to always be in charge, or was complaining about not being the best despite having the qualities for it. The fact there was complete silence on her end was confusing. Trent knew, though. It was going to happen eventually; he just didn't think it would be during the periods they were in contact.
He was scared in the beginning. That it was something he said or told her that was the breaking point. Or a recent event in her life that led to it. Trent doesn't think he'll ever really know, with an assumption she rewatched the show all over again. It isn't a question worth asking. All he knows is that it happened, Courtney was gone for several months, and then one day one of them messaged the other. Things fell back into normalcy afterwards.
All of this was concurrent with his album releasing and the tour and the different nominations for different award shows and the interviews and everything seemed to be falling into place for Trent at the perfect time. In the back of his mind, when he was laying in his bed and was trying to drift off to sleep, he thought of Courtney and wondered how she was doing. He would smile at the ceiling, hearing her voice telling him to mind your business, Trent. but her eyes would indicate differently. She was doing terribly, falling apart and stuck.
At this point, though, he's happy they reconnected when they did and they're here on the island. Trent always cherished spending times with friends. Reminiscing over the older, embarrassing moments and planning out future trips and events.
That was what he had been doing with Cody and Owen this week. Hanging out with his bros was something Trent missed doing, and so they were planning a week-long trip at a resort. They were stuck between a list of islands in the Caribbean, but to Trent it didn't really matter where they chose as long as they had a good time.
It was nice to see everyone and catch up on their lives. No one treated him like a superstar or lifted him on a pedestal higher than the rest of the former contestants. He was just Trent here. And as traumatizing as these forests and cliffs and beaches were, it's nice to be striped of the outside world and find oneself again.
"I'm so ready for my interviews so I can get off this stupid island and never come back." Heather complained in the confessional.
Duncan slammed the confessional door shut. "Dude, Heather is so annoying." He rolled his eyes, before crossing his arms. "But, yeah, the interviews today were, intense. Definitely making me want to punch McLean in the face more and more."
During dinner, Owen talked about putting effort into making a food journal so he could keep track of what made him gassy and what didn't.
Cody laughed him off, "There's no way you could keep up with that Owen. You'd absolutely forget. When's the last time you farted anyway?"
His answer from Owen's bottom half, who giggled and blushed. "My bad." He laughed some more as Cody swatted the air in front of him and complained.
Trent was chuckling at the antics, pushing around his chicken(?) and peas. Though the crunchy texture of the chicken was a bit more welcome than some of the other foods they have been served recently, the hardness of the peas only reinforced they had been half-frozen beforehand, and Chef forgot about them.
"How are they still legally allowed to serve us gruel?" Gwen asked from his right, her tone evident of disgust.
Across from her sat LeShawna, who was previously glaring at Owen before turning to Gwen and nodding her head. "Girl, who are you telling? Every time we get force fed this shit, I see more and more why Courtney wanted to sue the hell out of them. It's inhumane."
The two of them laughed at that, and Trent decided to join in once he realized they weren't laughing maliciously.
The goth girl threw a pea into her mouth. "I think it's all part of Chris and Chef's plan to deteriorate us mentally and emotionally, so he gets more drama during the interviews." She dropped her fork and moved her hands around somewhat elaborately. "Starve us, force us into boredom, then sit us with our enemies and expect us to act normally. I get why therapist were in my email after the show ended."
"Oh my god, you're literally so right." Lindsay agreed. She was sitting in between LeShawna and Beth. "I had soooo many doctors emailing me." She pushed her fork through some peas. "It was so annoying though, because I had like modeling offers and they were getting lost."
Trent remembered opening his email for the first time after the show had finished airing on television and seeing tons of emails about free therapy consultations. At the time, he didn't understand the purpose of them or saw the positives. Navigating his time after the show, though, made him understand how much of a mess he and his fellow peers were. They were professionals and saw something things in the show they experienced that were obviously not OK.
On the other side of the cafeteria the Bass members were sitting together, the more notable former contestants together in the middle of the table. The more Trent looked, he saw Geoff and Bridgette and DJ and Duncan, but Courtney was nowhere in sight. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't see her walk into the cafeteria for dinner.
As matter of fact, Trent couldn't remember seeing her after the interview ended. But this wasn't the first time she intentionally missed a meal. He thought about when she skipped lunch because of Duncan. At first, he assumed the former delinquent was the reason for this again. That was immediately shot down when he witnessed Bridgette and Duncan interacting with each other and smiles on their (or at least Bridgette's) face. If he had done something to Courtney, the blonde would know and wouldn't be anywhere near Duncan.
He thought about it for another few moments before jumping back into the conversations with his former teammates.
"I just don't think she deserves a platform." Cody shrugged his shoulders. He was leaning over the table, past Owen, to see the other people on the other side of the table. "She's mean and I can't stand her."
LeShawna nodded her head. "Oh Sugar, I agree with you. But I want people to know how awful she is, and she needs the platform for that."
"Who are we talking about?" Trent asked, glancing back-and-forth confused.
"Blainley." Cody and LeShawna answered simultaneously.
The musician made a face. "Why are we talking about her? She sucks."
Gwen threw her hands out. "Thank you, Trent. Finally, someone that understands what I'm saying. We could talk about literally anyone else in the entire world and we're stuck on her."
The African Canadian laughed at Gwen's desperation. "Girl you've gotten funnier over the years. Maybe you should have your own talk show."
Cody smiled at Gwen. "I'd totally tune in like, every day." He paused. "In a supportive brother way, of course!"
The people involved in the conversation, Gwen included, laughed at Cody's assurance.
"I have no doubt you would." Gwen calmed him down. "Speaking of being supportive, how is Sierra, Cody?"
His response was a simple shoulder shrug, which indicated to Trent it was complicated and he didn't want to talk about it. "I don't know, but I hope she's good." Cody decided to say, a bitterness in his tone that could've matched Courtney's a few years ago.
Feeling obligated to say something, Trent decided to change the subject. "Honestly, I think LeShawna would have the best talk show out of everyone here."
Picking up on his intention, LeShawna 'awww-ed' really loudly. "Well damn Trent, that's really nice of you to say."
"OMG Trent, you're totally onto something." Beth agreed, pushing her plate away.
Lindsay clapped her hands. "'Shawnie, can I be on your talk show when you start it?"
"Girl of course, all y'all allowed to come Talk to 'Shawna." LeShawna spoke like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
He felt a pat on his lower back and turned to see Gwen giving him a warm smile. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Really. LeShawna over me? Ouch."
She was joking, of course, but Trent couldn't help but think for a split second if he ruined it all over again. That thought passed by immediately, and so he smirked and whispered back. "Sorry to be the bearer of bad news."
Gwen pulled away, still smiling at him.
Trent turned to look and make sure Cody was fine, but the Codemeister making a face at Trent and then giving him a thumbs up that could be seen by everyone if they were looking. The musician had to assume the face he made back was somewhat full of stress, because it was how he was feeling.
By the time dinner ended, Trent realized he barely ate again. The food here really was disgusting, and he'd rather eat an entire bag of marshmallows than continue to eat the food Chef prepared. Everyone was walking out at the same time, and through some squeezing he caught up to the person he wanted to speak to.
"Hey, Bridgette." He called out.
The blonde turned around, that smile that could calm anyone down on her face. She stopped walking and waited for him to catch-up, waving. "Hey Trent, what's up?"
The two hugged each other and started walking in the direction of the cabins. "Nothing much, just wanted to make sure Courtney was cool? I didn't see her at dinner tonight." He didn't want to mention how he also watched the entire interview and could tell she wasn't having a good time. Then again, who could other than Chris?
He heard her sigh, and so he turned to face her. "Yeah, I don't think today's been a good day for her. She stayed in the cabin claiming not to have an appetite. I don't think she'll be there now, probably taking some time to herself to calm down." Bridgette sounded concerned, like she came to similar conclusions Trent did.
When they did reach the cabin, Bridgette turned around towards the sunset. "I talked to her a little bit earlier before dinner, but it's hard to do when there are others inside too. There're a few different places she may be at. I really want to go find her, but I promised Geoff I'd help set up for this party we're having."
It was nice Bridgette acknowledged Trent as someone close to Courtney. They were confidantes - kind of partners in crime. Sometimes the conversations Trent would have with Courtney could be draining, but then he'd didn't want to continue the pattern the two of them routinely fell into where they'd go back and forth with their troubles. Now knowing Bridgette knew the same things he knew was comforting. They could talk about it together.
There was an understanding of their roles in Courtney's life. They were her friends. In order for that statement to hold true, there had to be some form of balance between the good and the bad. Bridgette and Courtney were brought together by the fun and good aspects of a friendship; Trent and Courtney were the opposite. They could not play therapist dangerously. They offered solutions and provided help when needed.
The more Trent thought about it, the more he could assume Courtney had a similar thought process and probably felt guilty about how much she would tell them. Because it some ways, it could be one of the many explanations for why she stopped talking to both the musician and the blonde. Courtney felt guilty and didn't think she was a good friend. But, Trent processed, Courtney tended to over-exaggerate one side versus the other. More recently, there's been more bad moments than good. But it doesn't diminish the excitement and thoughtfulness she's brought to their lives. Everyone experiences rough times, and Trent is a believer she'll come around and be the best version of herself in time.
"Don't worry Bridge, I'll make sure she's good." Trent smiled at her.
She smiled back. "I know." Bridgette walked up the stairs to the front door of the cabin. "It's nice to know there really is someone else in her corner. I'll see you later." And then she walked in.
Trent walked back into his own cabin. Noah was sitting on his bed, the top bunk, reading a book. He didn't even acknowledge Trent when he walked in, flipping to the next page.
Sitting on his bunk, which was the lower one beneath Cody's, Trent tried to eliminate all the places Courtney wouldn't be at. The confessionals, communal, cafeteria, and cabins were all immediately disregarded. The peak of the 1,000-foot cliff could also be thrown out. More than likely the brunette wasn't by the amphitheater or on the docks. This primarily left Trent unspecified places - ones that were obscure enough to be unnamed and located somewhere away from most of the crowd.
Underneath his bed was where his guitar was situated inside of its case. He didn't want to disturb Noah, but there was an inkling to play. He needed to clear his mind for a little bit, and this was the best way to do it. Maybe he could go to the amphitheater for a little bit and dabble. There shouldn't be too many people there, especially since it sounded like the Bass members were planning on hanging out tonight.
The musician grabbed the case of his instrument and stood up, facing the door and stepping back outside. At no point did Noah make an attempt to greet him or say goodbye, and Trent could only softly smile at how it was expected from the bookworm at this point. He definitely didn't want to be here.
As he expected, the theater was desolate of familiar faces. There were a few squirrels and birds settled on the benches and around the stage. Trent tried to avoid causing loud noises that would disrupt them which ultimately failed after he tripped over a rock. Some of the animals that had already sensed his presence chose not to move, watching him intently.
Trent sat on the edge of the theater, legs falling off and unable to touch the grass beneath him. The silence around him was jarring and felt other-worldly. It was almost as if he was the only person on the island. Behind him were the painted oranges and pinks of the sky, pale yellow stars showing themselves before the dark sky illuminated them. The clouds had finally curated a pathway for the sky to open up and show its true colors. Maybe it was during dinner, or Trent wasn't paying enough attention to the things above him. That happened sometimes; he looks down at his feet sometimes he doesn't realize what else is around him. He's improved a lot since the show started, and it's helped improved his songwriting skills and his ability to feel all the details he wants to include in his songs.
He took a deep breath. Then the grasshoppers started chirping, and the birds were humming. Must have got lost in his head again. Opening his guitar case, he pulled out the treasure and tuned it by ear, though for the most part it was fine.
Slowly, Trent began plucking different strings. Figuring out the tone he wanted, the tune he enjoyed. Maybe start off with songs that already exist - he was sure there was a timeline of when to begin writing again for a new album. This was not part of that period.
A sedative rhythm arrived from him playing the instrument. It was a constant, and he repeated it until the words arrived in his throat and spill out of his mouth.
"I'm too cautious man, I'm too cautious love. I've got a fragile hand, I'm too tired now."
The strumming pattern suddenly changed and felt stronger: louder. An entirely different genre. The musician was nodding his head lowly, humming the words before enunciating. "And maybe, then we'll remember to slow down. At all of our favorite parts. All I wanted was you."
It slowed down again, to a point where the young adult was barely playing the instrument at all. It was subdued, intentional sounded more like a hum than anything else.
His eyes closing, this one felt like it had the most emotion behind it. "I'd rather chip my pride than lose my mind out here. Maybe I'm a fool."
Losing the perception of the world around him, Trent continued to play different segments. Even as the cooler breeze found its place on Wawanakwa and the warm colors of the sky evaporated into darker blues, he didn't open his eyes. His thoughts were shifting in an uncoordinated recollection; seasons were out of order and interactions were fading in and out, the parts he took as advice highlighted. People formed and eroded, experiences from a third perspective, nothing was taken for granted.
Finally, what felt like hours later, he allowed his callous fingers to take a rest and he opened his eyes, adjusting to the darkness before him. The audience were the few squirrels that remained and the trees in the background. Trent's heart was pounding like he finished a cardio workout. Which, in theory, he did.
Trent hopped off the stage, landing on his feet before placing his guitar back in its case and locking it up. He threw it back onto his right shoulder and started walking in the direction of the beach.
As he did so, there was a fire and a crowd gathered on the beach. As he walked several feet behind the partygoers, he recognized them all as Bass members talking, drinking, and laughing amongst themselves. His brunette friend was nowhere in sight, so he continued to walk adjacent to the beach. The musician kept walking on the grass until the forest arrived. From there, he took his sneakers and his socks off and walked along the beach. It was another ten minutes of walking away from the campsite before he arrived beneath the 1,000-foot cliff. Walking closer to the shadows that evolved underneath it, there was a figure sitting on the sand.
A smile full of pity formed on Trent's face, and his stride didn't stop until he was a few feet away her and decided to sit right in front of her cross-legged. Her face was tucked in front of her legs, right above her knees. Brown hair falling around her head until she looked up and it found its way to either side of her face.
His smile became more genuine than anything else. She sighed; a flicker of a chuckle hidden behind it and pushed her hair behind her ears. "What are you doing here, Trent?"
"I could ask you the same thing Courtney." He followed up quickly. "Bridgette is worried sick about you."
Courtney smiled. "I'm fine."
A raised eyebrow from the other party made Courtney frown. "I'm serious. It's been a long day."
Trent continued to sit cross-legged, placing his arms on his legs. "How were the interviews?"
The face she made in response to the question was full of annoyance.
There weren't any words exchanged between them. The silence was disturbed by the lake water sneaking up onto the sand, like the ocean does. It was an imitation, a good pretender but cannot be perfectly replicated.
"Trent." He looked up to see Courtney looking down. She was staring at the sand in-between them. "I can't keep relying on you and Bridgette to be there when I need you to."
He watched her turn away from his general direction. "Well," he began, "use our shoulders when you have them to lean on."
She was clenching her jaw when she turned back towards his direction. He continued speaking, "You don't have to face every single thing alone just to prove you can."
"But it isn't fair to either of you."
"You've been battling by yourself for so long." Trent never stopped looking at her, as uncomfortable as it was for both of them. "It's okay to rely on other people from time to time. I can promise you Bridgette and I are happy you feel secure enough to tell us as much as you do."
Courtney stretched her legs out. Shifting a bit. "I'm starting to lower my walls again. I don't like it."
Trent countered. "But you want to?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I want."
"You do." The male young adult uncrossed his legs briefly before crossing them again. He words sounded like stone. "You just have to decide if it's the best. Don't forget why you came back in the first place though."
This time, her words were pointed. "I know that Trent. I'm not an idiot."
It wasn't going to faze him. Trent has had Courtney screaming her head off at him before. This was nothing new. "Is it a good feeling?"
Confused, she glanced at him. "Is what?"
"Lowering you walls." He confirmed.
The question hung in the air. Trent could hear her sigh. He pretended to look away, to give her an opportunity to be brutally honest to herself.
"It's dangerous." She chose to phrase her feelings this way.
It was always a mind game; Trent couldn't help but smile. "Dangerous like last time?"
She shook her head. "It's easier than last time. Like all the kinks have smoothed over."
"More natural." He confirmed what she wanted to say.
The smile she let out was more than enough information for Trent.
They looked at each other, both smiling for different reasons. Courtney held her cheeks. "Fuck." She muttered out, seemingly shocked at herself. And Trent knew she knew why he was smiling.
Trent stood up, wiping sand off of his pants. He picked up his shoes he dropped and shook them towards the lake, trying to get some sand off of them.
"Where are you going?" Courtney asked, looking up at him.
He picked up his guitar and threw it back over his shoulder. "Back to my cabin to hang out with the guys. You should go to that Bass party soon before Bridgette really gets concerned."
Courtney snorted at him. "Yeah, maybe later." She stood up and the two embraced. "Thanks Trent."
"Thank yourself. I'll see you tomorrow." He waved before turning around and walking back towards the campsite. Behind him, Courtney plopped back down on the sand and stared ahead at the lake, getting caught up in her thoughts again.
As he walked back, there was another figure walking towards him. As they got closer and closer, Trent laughed internally.
"Elvis, fancy seeing you here." Duncan greeted. His black hair was pushed back, and it looked his eyes shined brighter int he darkness. They were about the same height, so the false intimidation Trent felt from Duncan wasn't there anymore.
Trent readjusted his guitar case. "What's up man?"
Duncan crossed his arms. "What're you up to walking from all the way over there?"
"Same reason you're walking that way."
This made Duncan uncross his arms and laugh aloud.
The musician smiled. "Look, Duncan." Hearing his name made him stop laughing and looked at Trent. "Man to man for a second. I know you care about Courtney. I do too, she's one of my best friends in the whole world. It's obvious you both have forgiven each other." Trent paused for a second. "So, this time, work a little bit harder."
There was no laugh on the other side of this statement. Duncan's face was as serious as Trent's. If Trent looked down, he would've noticed the former delinquent clenching and unclenching his hands.
"Yeah, I'm trying." Trent could barely hear Duncan respond. It was short, quiet, but the intent was there. The young adult could hear it. "Trent, let me ask you something."
He stuck his hands in his pockets. "What's up?"
Duncan looked Trent in the eyes, like he planned to look for a lie. A long time ago, it would've made Trent sweat out of nerves and beat himself up over it later on alone.
"How much do you know about why Courtney is the way she is now?" He ended up asking.
This was serious. It had to have been, because Duncan would have never asked Trent this during filming. Never in a million years. This wasn't desperation. The sound was more absolute, like Trent found himself in the middle of an examination.
Though he wasn't smiling before, it felt like his frown got deeper. "Everything."
Duncan didn't seem like the type of person to beg for answers. Trent was proven true.
The other young adult crossed his arms again. He was thinking, and Trent came to understand Duncan probably had an idea of why Courtney was that way too. They dated for a period of time - it only made sense.
"You probably won't hear me ever say this again." Duncan started speaking again. His words made Trent look at him and listen. "But thanks for being there for her." He was looking towards the lake, away from Trent. "I know she appreciates it. And to be honest for a hot minute, I'm pissed at myself that I wasn't." Wiping his hands on his shorts, he finished speaking, "Good to know a decent person was helping out."
Duncan was right. Trent will never hear this kind of praise from him ever again. He was so shocked he didn't know what to say at first. "No worries, man. This is the time to be there though." Trent held his hand out.
The other young adult looked at Trent, before meeting his hands and shaking it. A form of solidarity; a common goal and person of interest. Put the weapons aside and grow up, adults don't act the way they used to.
"By the way," Trent pulled his hand away, "please try and get her to go to the Bass party and let loose for a little bit."
Duncan chuckled and stuffed his hands in his pockets before walking in the direction Courtney was in. "Don't worry Elvis, that was always the plan." He threw up a hand above his head into the air to indicate a goodbye, never looking back.
Trent watched for a moment, before turning back around and walking to his cabin.
He isn't sure if this was the confirmation he needed or wanted, but it was accepted nonetheless. At the beginning of his friendship with Courtney, Trent was badgered by his peers about poor decision-making skills and continuously questioned about his friendship with Courtney. Castmates couldn't decide if it was a ploy by Courtney or both of them to make their respective exes jealous, or if Courtney was planning to use him as collateral damage for whatever schemes she came up with to win the hundred-thousand dollars. He wavered from time to time, and it couldn't be helped. He leaned in pleasing those around him and found comfort with the majority. The more time Trent spent with Courtney, though, the more he found comfort and confidence in his decision to reach out first. With every passing year, and especially while everyone is on the island together, he is reminded of the decisions that led him to this exact moment. There are no regrets.
Owen and Cody were probably wondering where he's been for the past couple of hours. Maybe they were able to rope Noah into playing some card games with them. If they didn't, Izzy more than likely did along with Eva. It was going to be a good night, a comfortable one. Everyone was okay. Everyone was in good company.
hi everyone! hope the second half of 2021 was nice to you and hope the holiday season has been kind :)
this was something i've wanted to try for a long time but wasn't sure where to place it until now. sorry for the lack of duncney, they'll be back in the next chapter big time (forgive me).
sorted through lots of music to get through this one. first time writing in this perspective. mainly listened to caroline polachek, lucy dacus, playboi carti, and faye webster though.
struggled with the chapter name for a while, settled on parallels (hopefully you can see why)
the songs trent sings are (in order): michael by gem club (one of my fav cry songs), all i wanted by paramore (ditto), and seigfried by frank ocean (ditto)
as per usual, i didn't proofread and i don't own the characters i am but a simple fan. i like this little headcanon i've created.
let me know your thoughts! if not, maybe the follow button is more your style. regardless, thank you soooo much for reading my story and being so incredibly patient every single time. i cannot express how thankful i am for all of you! until next time friends! xx