Chapter 2 Part 5 - What Comes Around

My preoccupation with solving the mysteries left for me kept me from noticing, but I haven't had those dreams at all, really. I was so used to years of watching my parents die in a dream that I thought that if they ever faded out I would be relieved.

But instead, things just feel emptier, in a strange way.

It's been a couple of months since I last saw PG, and I don't have any means of contacting her. Somehow, no matter how much I scroll through my call list, her calls are nowhere to be found. That's the least of my worries, though.

Natsuki has warmed up to me over time. Before it seemed like she was almost forcing herself to act a certain way, but she's started to be more open to me. Maybe it's what we've been through that lets her relate to me, but regardless we've gotten along better.

She's also been getting used to living alone, with my help. Living with her father in what I can only assume to be an abusive relationship must have given her some sort of urge to depend on someone, but over time that's started fading too.

We've been hanging out in either of our apartments on the daily, talking about literally anything. To be honest I was a little cold to her when she first showed up as well, but that's changed too.

What's strange to me, though, is that over time Natsuki's personality has gained more… Dimension, if that makes sense. Outside of appearance she doesn't really resemble the one-dimensional tsundere she was in the game anymore. In fact, she's started to get rid of a lot of those qualities that I found iconic to her in the past.

Today's a bit odd, though, just because she told me to meet her at a local coffee shop. Usually we don't have a meeting spot other than one of our apartments so it feels a bit strange.

So, that's why I'm sitting in a coffee shop. The most odd part of all, though, is the fact that Natsuki is thirty minutes late. She's usually punctual… Did she get lost?

I hear a bell ringing, indicating that the door of the coffee shop has opened. Is that Natsuki…? I stand up and look towards the figure that is walking through the door to check. Oh… I begin to sit back down when I see a woman with shoulder- length hair dyed a dirty blonde. We make eye contact and as I'm about to break it and sit back down she does the last thing I expect her to do.

"Oh, hey! I'm glad you're still here, sorry I'm late!"

As I stand there dumbfounded, staring at her face that is perfectly framed by her glasses, she walks towards me and takes a seat. Still staring at her, I slowly take a seat myself.

In my head I'm trying and struggling to make sense of what I'm seeing. And yet as I look into her brown eyes confusedly, she smiles, seemingly oblivious of my struggle.

"Surprised?" She says cockily.

I stay silent for a moment before answering. "I'm just… confused… Wait, is that really you, Natsuki?"

"Yeah!" She says, now beaming. "I was late because my hair appointment went longer than I'd scheduled. So, uh, do you like it? How does it look?"

"Wait, I-" I start. "You dyed your hair?"

"Yep!"

"And uh… What's with the glasses? And your eyes, come to think of it? Aren't they… pink?"

"Oh, I guess I never really explained that to you, did I… Brown is actually my natural eye color, but I needed to get glasses or contacts or whatever so I thought I may as well make the contacts match my hair color, right? Because that would look better."

"Okay…" I said, still not entirely keeping up with the conversation. "So… Why all of this…?"

Natsuki's voice develops a more solemn tone as she speaks. "Well, I kind of want to disconnect myself from the person I was in that game."

I say nothing, instead inviting her to elaborate.

"In the game, I felt forced to act in a certain way, right? But it didn't feel like I could just not be like that. But in a way, being disconnected from the game kind of disconnected me from that feeling too, and that's why I want to express myself more, the way that I want to be." Natsuki hesitates before continuing. "The truth is, I always wanted to dye my hair like this, but my dad was against it."

"Oh…" I grunt, extending the invitation for her to continue if she was comfortable enough to.

"Back then I didn't feel like there was any light at the end of the tunnel, if that makes any sense. Maybe there really wasn't in that world. But I feel like I can be myself now, and this is one of the ways I feel like I can do that."

She looks at me, expecting a response, causing me to stumble over my words. "Uh… I mean, I'm happy for you, that must have been tough to go through…"

"So, what do you think?" Natsuki asks, gesturing at herself. "About this?"

"Well…" I start, trying to turn my current feelings into words. "I think it suits you! It's a nice look on you."

"Really?" The no longer pink-mained girl states, clearly shocked by the positive response. "Well you-"

"Thanks. I appreciate it." I smile as she blushes slightly.

"Anyways, was that why you wanted to meet here, or was there something else?" I ask, assuming the previous topic had wrapped up.

"No, there is something else…" Natsuki states as her face reverts to a plainer expression. "...Although I guess it's sorta related."

I nod, giving her the green light to keep going.

"Listen, I guess I haven't been super up front about this, but I've been thinking about it more and I'm not sure how I feel about… Uh…"

I interject, finishing her statement. "About going back into the game."

"Right…" Natsuki's eyes tip down and to the right, focusing on a random floor tile. I begin to do the same, not knowing what to say.

Before I have much time to come up with a response, she abruptly continues. "I feel like for the first time in my life I'm finally getting places! Like, I've been studying for my GED test, I have a job now-"

"Wait, you have a job?"

"It's just some shitty Amazon gig, gives me something to do." Natsuki shrugs and continues. "Anyways, the point is, I'm feeling better than I ever have, and I know that your friends are there and stuff but I just don't feel good about going back."

After she finishes talking. we sit in silence for a short while. Wordlessly we sip on our lukewarm coffees for a little while before I break the silence.

"It's all right."

Natsuki nearly jumps in her chair in shock. "What do you mean it's all right? I'm being a selfish dickhead right now, you should be talking me through this or something!"

"I can see how it would be tough for you," I say in a reassuring tone. "In the end it's your choice to make, and in the end you don't really need to come anyways. I'll be fine on my own."

Natsuki leans forward and puts both of her elbows on the table. "You know I can't just let you do that on your own, though! I'd… I'd feel terrible about it, okay? If something were to happen to you…"

As her voice begins to trail off, I lean forward a bit as well and place my hand on her arm, looking into her now-teared up eyes. "This is my burden to bear. Tyler and Elizabeth are my friends, and they're back in that game because of me. It's my responsibility to get them back…"

"What the hell are you talking about? None of this is your fault!" Natsuki says, reminding me that she's not yet aware that my spiral into insanity was the reason why all of this was happening in the first place.

I swallow, remove my hand from her wrist, and wordlessly stand from my seat. "Thanks for the coffee." She nods silently and stirs slightly in her seat as I walk away and out of the coffee shop.

As I walk down the sidewalk away from the café, I pull my phone out of my pocket and glance idly at its lock screen for a few seconds. On impulse, I hold the still locked phone up to my ear and speak. "If you can hear me… I'm ready when you are."

As I half-expected, I hear a response from the idling phone.

"Cool."

…

Like just about any day, the skies are clear and the sun is out. Though it's cloudy every so-often, the climate is tranquil.

I feel the cool air trickle in from my cracked window as I awaken the same way I have for all too long. I get dressed as I stare off into the distance and spot the impression of the all-too-familiar school building I can't seem to escape from.

Something feels off, though nowadays something always does.

After all, I'm Monika, and this is just another empty day in the simulation I call home.