Hi there! Yup, I'm still alive and writing. Just at a slower pace than I want, thanks to having to be a responsible adult and ya know, survive out here in the real world. But hope y'all are doing good out there wherever you may be.
Yeah, I know. This is another short one, but it's all I can manage given my little free time unfortunately. Even so, please enjoy and if you feel like it, give me your thoughts. Be remember, be civil and respectful should you do so :)
Be kind, be safe, & stay classy, peeps! -xoxo, Lovely
TW: Nothing too serious, but it does get sorta heavy at the end. So, if reading it still manages to affect you, feel free to step away.
And just know it's alright and you aren't alone in feeling or thinking that way. But do try and take care of yourself, okay?
Lots of Love for Barnadett, acompletenerd, & LapisLazuliRose for your reviews! And everyone else for 134 favs & 193 follows!
Chapter Nine:
"Interlude pt. II: Frail State of Mind"
(Chapter Song: Insomnia by Caroline Polachek)
After enduring such a tumultuous day—filled with the highs and lows of various emotions, shocking developments, and life altering decisions—one would assume the next or so would be centered around only calm normalcy.
Expect here he was. Seated in one of the four chairs accompanying the square wooden table nestled beside a bay window. Filling the medium-sized area with gentle natural light through slightly cracked blinds, giving a minuscule outlook of the average damp scenery Washington State had to offer. Sharp nose crinkling as the bitter rich aroma of expensive coffee beans gradually emitted into the air around him. The machine bringing the smell to life garbled in low mechanical tones. Momentarily replacing the awkward silence that followed since locating inside the homey white and amulet green kitchen with whom he considered to be a harbinger of trouble.
Having tried to bring forth the inevitable conversation the second he entered and not waste much of their precious time. But instead of receiving a considerate display on par, was met with harsh shushing and dramatic hand movement until he forcibly fell silent once more.
"Not until I've had my coffee." was the last spoken utterance given.
However, in his quiet opinion, proper sleep was what she actually needed. Judging by the dark bags he took instant notice as she leveled him with a miffed look upon answering; exhaustion prevalent in not only her body but voice. Yet she seemed conscious enough to insultingly question with practiced ease 'what in the hell' he was doing there brooding on her doorstep and not at the hair salon coiffing his dumb hair.
His Beast got quite the enjoyable kick out of that..while he obviously did not.
Overall, he felt incredibly out of place there. Especially with freshly made blueberry muffins tucked safely in clear tupperware sat in front of him. Edward tossed another glare of contempt down at the deemed offensive object. Thankful the sweet fluffy scent trapped inside no longer assaulted his nostrils to the point of wishing to gag every passing second.
The only reason he hadn't race into the woods and chuck them far into the distance for whatever animal to later find was because Esme went through so much trouble of making them from scratch herself. And they were apparently necessary not only out of politeness but 'for his safety' as well, according to Alice.
"She may be less likely to maim you with delicious goods in your hand." she happily jested behind their adoptive mother as she handed over the warm treats. Grinning widely as she failed to reassure him, "Because honestly! Who could turn down free food?"
He scoffed at the memory just as he done afterwards in that past moment. To him, the 'kind gesture' came across as nothing more than bribery. A wild chance at receiving possible favor in their newly-established game. And with the little learned about her, he came to the instant conclusion she would as well. His wise speculating confirmed the second her gaze narrowed suspiciously upon noticing them held loosely in his grip.
Definitely not how he wanted their deal to officially begin—poorly, much like every interaction they've had since unfortunately meeting.
Though incredibly juvenile, as Rosalie loved stating on repeat last night, he planned on playing this fairly. Producing the same seriousness usually seen by players in various professional games. Every rule and stipulation would be held in strong regard as the stakes were too high not to. So, the many questions left unanswered couldn't wait until further discussion in the following days to him.
Especially the biggest one, wary golden eyes slowly raised, placed directly across me. While choosing the chairs as proper etiquette when first meeting at someone's adobe, Cyan deemed the counter top a more suitable perch to keep tabs on her uninvited guest.
As she waited for warm 'rejuvenating' liquid to pour into the glass carafe, she sat with one leg tucked underneath and the other left to dangle. Occasionally swishing absently with the mock-essence of a flicking tail. Red-rimmed eyes stayed mostly close. Only opening to thin slits when his coat so much as rustled a tad. Staring until he evidently grew uncomfortable before idly resting again.
Predator watched fellow predator. Coiled and ready to strike should the need arise.
The corner of his mouth twitched, amused smirk subdued. The tattoo he spied on the inside of her right ankle seemed most fitting now—a snake wrapped around a crescent moon done entirely in black ink.
His Beast, who'd been pacing back and forth with anticipation since before arriving, paused at the thought. Just so they could then lament wistfully to their forced audience of one about how they longed to have their mark join the beautiful collection etched on warm peachy skin.
The vampire couldn't help but sneer at it. God, you are a pathetic sight.
From the darkness of their cage, the monster easily returned the sneer. All sharp teeth and assertiveness as they remarked, "Me? Have you seen where you are right now?" The question instantly making the contempt on his lips fall. "Sat awkwardly together inside her quaint little kitchen. With homemade gifts to win her favor no less! By god, you're practically courting our little hurricane, haha!"
Shut up. No one's being courted and she certainly isn't our anything. He scolded, reminding them once more of the real reason they were there.
"Again, something that very well could've been discuss when next in person." Edward grimaced. It was never good when they became so chatty like this. Continuing to prove as such as they teased, "That eager to start knowing her too, huh?" Sucking in an unneeded breath, he didn't respond to the jab and instead broke the silence at last. Only able to be in the company of his mind for so long..
"So.." Cyan finished pouring a fresh cup of Joe into a chipped emerald green mug; abandoning her perch during his musing. Hearing him began speaking, her most stern expression as of yet was thrown over her shoulder. Intense enough to render the vampire silent once more before returning to her drink. Subjecting him then to witness the obscene amount of sugar added in next, missing the brief repulsion on his handsome features.
Once satisfied with the overly sweeten mixture, she finally joined him at the table. Falling into the chair across with practically the grace of fish placed on land.
Opaque amber peered directly into tepid pools of dark chocolate, unwavering as they watched her take a careful sip. Concern flickered across as bruised knuckles on one hand caught his attention; the sleeve of her cardigan having slipped down and revealing the abrasion. Thankfully, the skin hadn't broken so even the faint trace of her blood wouldn't plague him. But spying the awful redness coloring them did instead. Because if his memory still served correctly, they definitely hadn't been in such a terrible shape when last in each others' company. Which meant this infliction had come afterwards..
Edward was unfortunately given another fragment of how troubled the girl's mind tended to be sometimes.
A questioning brow lifted as Cyan watched her classmate suddenly avert his gaze and cough uncomfortably into his fist.
If randomly asked how her day would've began, this definitely wasn't anywhere on the short list of scenarios she'd choose from. Sat together in her small kitchen like civil young adults. Pretending to actually tolerated each others' company enough to talk shop over her singular cup of coffee.
When Edward approached the house those unannounced several minutes ago, the low buzzing gradually grew to the point it invaded her empty dreams. Forced her back into reality after hours struggling to go unconscious and cease her mounting anxiety. At first peeved at being awoken and the massive headache throbbing underneath her skull due to mental drain, the volatile emotion quickly cooled once registering what the noise was. Substituted with a low sigh of resign upon peering out the window and recognizing the familiar Volvo parked across the street.
She certainly expected this, whether on that day or the next. Knowing one, if not all the Cullens, would possibly confront her once news about the Game reached their heighten ears. So while heading downstairs, she prepared for an ugly fight. Full of claws, sharp teeth, and possible maiming with multiple harsh words thrown into the brutal mix.
Not whatever the hell this currently was..
But who knows? The pessimistic teen presumed, peering out the window but not really taking anything in. Maybe this is nothing more than an awkward warm-up until then. Inwardly sighing at the certain probability, something being gently pushed across the wood surface returned her attention. Discovering the tupperware brought by her classmate now sat before her instead.
Edward's voice was low and docile. "You should eat something.."
Flabbergasted questions sounded off like fireworks in her head. What in the Great Hell is the matter with you? Why aren't you yelling at me? Calling me every dirty name in the book? Cursing my very existence?
She didn't deserve kindness after what she's foolishly done.
The only subtle tell of inner turmoil was the threat to twitch felt in her left eye. To quickly curb the feeling, she took a forced drink. Dark browns closing in pretend enjoyment when she tasted nothing now; taste buds dulled by not only the scalding liquid but her hidden conflict as well.
Once the flavorless coffee went down and emotions somewhat under control, her gaze returned to her uninvited guest. Unsettling composure fixed solely on him for a few tense moments. His quiet anticipation dwindling with each passing second. Having at first believed the soft tone he chose to don coaxed her enough to willingly sample them since there was no lashing of understandable suspicion. But per usual—not like the rare instance yesterday—his considerate efforts towards her fell on deaf ears.
"Thanks, but I've already got my breakfast right here." she declined in a bland tone, fingernails tapping against the mug twice as clarification.
"..They're not poisoned if that's what you're secretly worried about." he told in a lighthearted manner, hoping to clear any lingering wariness nestled under the surface.
A heavy sigh escaped her before stating, "This isn't morning tea over crumpets, Cullen. Do spare me any reassurances and get on with what your uninvited visit's about already."
Edward exhaled a sigh of his own then. "Fine. I wanted to talk more about this Game as you called it. The terms and such, that is."
And there it is. Fucking finally.. The young woman slumped against her chair, exhaustion visibly returning even with the obvious sugar rush her cup contained. Now, the fighting may surely happen once her plan and the semi-truth were revealed. She silently stood. Trudged back towards the counter nearby without another glance towards her classmate, feeling it as wise to put some respectable distance behind them. Even though it was obviously pointless given his insane speed. Nothing more than false bravado that she'd have any upper-hand should things turn bad.
"Don't bother about all that." Cyan advised him, "More importantly, forget the Game in general. It's not important anymore."
Edward leaned back a tad, blinking in confusion. "What?"
She peered back, annoyed. "Oh, I know you heard me perfectly with those elven ears of yours, Legolas." He stood as well, about to make a move closer. Ask her to clarify why the unexpected change of heart when the obnoxious shrill ring of the doorbell all of a sudden disrupted the barely started conversation. Brows furrowing as she again wasn't expecting anyone else today, Cyan took a single step to see who it could be when a blur of muted variants of grays, blacks, and blues the broody Cullen boy seemed to love swimming in appeared suddenly in front of her.
"What the—" Edward raised a finger to pale lips, silently shushing her. She rolled her eyes but overall decided to comply. Not without arms crossing over her chest to make obvious her irritated thought. A tense moment later, a low growl bordering on territorial rumbled out from him, causing the fine hairs on her arms to raise on end. A quick squeeze of her watering eyes helped thankfully halt any unwelcoming flashbacks.
"W-Who is it?" she asked, loathed hearing the tremble her voice now held.
His lips twisted into a nasty snarl full of sharp teeth, pure disgust plain as day. "..Mike. Newton."
A pregnant pause followed.
"Seriously?" was exasperated from behind him. The vampire's head whipped around just in time to see Cyan quickly circle pass him without a glance back. But not silently, knowing fully well he'd easily hear her snide 'melodramatic ass' comment from the distance between.
True to his word, there a bundled-up Mike surely stood on her doorstep, waiting in the cold with a to-go cup from Carver's in hand. A bright goofy smile broke out across his face upon seeing her, like she was made from the stars above. Not blind either to his eyes briefly drifting down to the thin spaghetti top and shorts she wore to sleep yesterday.
She casually covered herself up, giving a reserved smile that hopefully didn't come across as strained. "Hey, Mike. What are you doing up so early?"
"Morning! I decided to stop by and check up on you..you know, after yesterday that is." he replied, chirpier than ever. Though, his tone lowered on last part like they were sharing a secret which it probably wasn't anymore. Cyan already assumed her new friend group probably knew some variant of the truth. "So, I figured getting your favorite coffee would brighten your spirits before the hang out later today." He offered said drink to her. "Dark roast with a shit ton of sugar, right?"
Her smile became more genuine and a tad watery, touched by his thoughtfulness. He really is..a good friend.
"Yeah, thanks." But before she could retrieve the offered beverage, buzzing dulled her hearing a tad. Dark eyes closed in resign, sighing mentally. Fucking hell.. Hearing the blatant spite alone without seeing it as Mike then questioned,
"What's he doing here?" Edward simply fixed the other boy with a calm expression, peering at him like he was nothing more than a pesky bug who refused to go away no matter how many times swatted.
"The same as you." he instead answered him blandly. Mike directed his gaze towards his friend; the suspicious glare for the vampire quickly switching to a soft look of concern.
"Is that true?" However, Cyan didn't respond, feeling drained once more. No longer having the energy to even moderately give witness to their usual bullshit. Honestly, she didn't have it for really anything currently..
So, like with most things that tended to overwhelm, she walked away.
Leaving the confused boys to watch her trudge up the stairs back to her bedroom and their own devices. The vampire being the only one to hear her annoyed mumbling about boys and the primitive dumb need to display male dominance with each other though.
An awkward bout of silence passed between the two left behind for a minute.
Mike being the one to break it; a heavy defeated sigh escaping him as he rubbed to back of his neck. "..She's not doing okay." he said, more a statement than a question.
Edward who still peered towards the stairs answered, somber and truthful. "No..I don't think she is."
Once in her room, Cyan quietly crawled back under the waiting crumpled sheets and just laid there with eyes closed.
The tiredness which consumed her wasn't normal fatigue. Instead something far more deeply internal. One that no amount of proper sleep would get rid of. This was a sickness, that much she knew for sure. Years upon years of slowly burrowing roots home onto her weary soul. Speaking to licensed therapists about her problems were out of the question. The troubles burdening her could never be talked about unabashedly without her being then suggested to be placed in a psych ward. And sure, prescribed drugs or illegal would certainly help temporarily numb it. But it would never fully be gotten rid of if tried.
It would always be there, lingering under the surface..
So, all she could do was patiently wait for the terrible feeling to pass over her like an ebbing wave and hope it wouldn't drag her fatally under that time around.
But while wallowing in misery, purposeful steps came traveling up before the familiar alerting buzz hit.
She held her breath.
Subtly flinched when the click of her door slow pushed open. Stayed deathly still but listened closely as the gentle footfalls rounded her bed before halting in front of where her head rested. Brows wishing to furrow when a soft thunk was heard before the trek retraced backwards until only silence eventually fell.
Curious browns opened, landing on the bedside table.
An old Spice Girls CD was met first. A yellow Post-it note reading 'Have fun with my guilty pleasure. Our secret to the grave now -Mike.' followed by a cute winky face.
The corner of her lips raised a tad.
Propped nicely against her chipped emerald mug it had been. Filled now with warm generic tea from the pantry below when she sat up and gave it a sniff.
Spying another note having been tucked underneath afterwards.
An unfamiliar number with a simple 'Should you ever wish to talk or give more rude pop culture-themed nicknames.'
But it was the name signed after that surprised her.
'-Eddie.'
Those five loopy letters were what snapped the weak rusted clamp on the fragile dam.
Big salty tears joining the 'Sleepy-time' tea.
A lone figure sat outside in the unfeeling cold.
Heart quietly breaking to the soundtrack of raw sorrowful weeps played for only his ears above.
And whimpers internally released on a pitiful loop..
All the while, wondering if he could truly brave knowing her completely?
Only doors apart, two lonely souls were consumed with doubt.
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