These past few weeks had been great for Hector. He had his family back, he could sleep, he hadn't killed anybody yet, it was a relief. It was far from perfect. Hector could feel his inner darkness lying just under the surface, waiting for the smallest trigger to slam into him and send him spiraling.
Hector tried to tell himself that everything would be okay. He rarely faltered as much as he had last time, where the pain, guilt, and shame became so strong that it felt like it was eating him whole, and the only relief would be to just stop feeling altogether. Never had his instances of falling happen so close to each other, so Hector hoped that meant that he would have a bit of a reprieve until the next trip.
Of course, this was the first time that Hector had a literal demon poking and prodding at every little crack in his walls until he collapsed. It was exhausting and took more than just a small toll on Hector, and for all he knew Zhan Tiri would make this a deadly exception to the rule.
Hector was a warrior, but dealing with Zhan Tiri left him feeling helpless and weak. The only time in his life that he'd felt smaller and more pathetic had been when he was an actual child, back when he was at the mercy of the man he called father.
Ever since they had come to Corona Hector had been feeling hope creep up on him. It wasn't a lot, but it was better than he'd felt in a long time. The hope got stronger and stronger with every passing day as he saw his family relax and just enjoy each other's company. It was nice to spend time with Quirin, and to see him, Varian, and Edmund nerd out about those weird books of theirs that Eugene and Lance would bring from the castle.
Everything was great, which was what made it all feel so much worse when he woke up one day, having slept through the whole morning, and he had a pit of dread in his stomach. Something bad was about to happen. Very bad.
"No, no, no." Hector groaned. He grabbed the pillow and slammed it over his head, trying to smother himself. "Come on!"
"What's the matter, mutt?" Zhan Tiri's voice echoed in his ears. This was not what Hector wanted to hear first thing in the morning. He groaned and rolled over.
"I guess you're responsible for this, aren't you?" Hector said. He wanted to be mad, but he just wasn't in the mood for that. He wasn't physically tired, but he felt absolutely drained.
"Responsible for what?" Zhan Tiri said with mock innocence. She knew what she was doing. "Your feeling of impending doom and darkness? Why would I have anything to do with that?"
"I hate you." Hector sighed.
"So you've said." Zhan Tiri said. "Numerous times. Honestly, you're starting to get a little boring."
"Then why don't you go find somebody else to torment?" Hector asked.
"Oh, I'd love to, but my power is limited right now." Zhan Tiri said moodily. It was rare to hear her sound like anything except in complete control. "If I want to talk to somebody else I will have to dedicate more power than I would prefer to. You pulled out my spear, so I have a natural connection to you."
"You talked to Cassandra." Hector said.
"That was a special occasion." Zhan Tiri said. "They were in the House of Yesterday's Tomorrow. Thanks to one of my disciples, my power is flowing through that place. It was all too easy to reach Cassandra. If she took the moonstone then I would have used my limited power to show myself to her, though I wouldn't be able to play our fun games."
Zhan Tiri sighed as though she was reminiscing about the good old days. "Visiting dreams is easy, but I wouldn't have been able to manipulate her hearing the way I can do with you, and that would just take the fun out of everything."
Hector stiffened and squeezed the pillow over his head even more. He had known that Zhan Tiri had just been toying with him for all this time, but hearing her so easily say it kinda hurt. He didn't want to be anybody's toy.
"Leave me alone." Hector groaned. He felt a touch on his arm that made him jump. Hector gasped and bolted upright, nearly headbutting Edmund.
"E-Eddie." Hector was strangely unnerved to see his brother. He hadn't heard him come in. Was there anything else he hadn't heard? "Did you say something?"
"I just wanted to know how you were doing." Edmund said. "I'm guessing that demon was speaking to you again. Was she blocking you from hearing me again?"
"I guess so." Hector groaned. He ran a hand through his hair. "She think's it's all just a game. And here I thought that I had a twisted idea of fun."
Edmund said something in response, Hector knew he did, as he could see his mouth move, but he couldn't hear a sound. The pit in Hector's stomach deepened. He turned to glare at Zhan Tiri. This may be the first time he was seeing her today, but he somehow knew exactly where to look.
"Would you knock it off?" Hector growled. Zhan Tiri just smirked at him. "What's the big deal? I thought you just did this so I can't listen to anybody else but you, but you're not even saying anything to me."
"What can I say?" Zhan Tiri shrugged. "It's fun. You should see your face as I turn your brother's voice off and on."
"-eed to see Quirin?" Hector heard the tail end of what Edmund was saying to him. He turned to look back at his brother. Edmund looked concerned and furious, like he frequently did when Zhan Tiri was involved.
Hector swallowed thickly. "No, no, I'm fine, I'm okay, I just-" Hector stopped suddenly and slapped his hands over his mouth. He felt like he was going to be sick. He'd been talking, he knew he'd been talking, but in the middle of saying he was okay he suddenly stopped hearing the sound of his own voice. He didn't hear anything.
Edmund put his hands on Hector's shoulders, giving them a tight grip. Hector could see his mouth moving, but he couldn't hear anything. It was unnerving as ever, but not as panic inducing as being unable to hear his own voice. This was new.
Zhan Tiri laughed. "Oh, you should see your face. I've been wanting to do that for a while, and it was worth it."
"Why did y-hnn." Hector cut himself off with a whine. He rapidly shook his head. Talking and not hearing a word was terrifying.
"Why?" Zhan Tiri said. "Why not?" Hector growled. He wanted to ask why she had chosen now, of all times, to do something that she'd apparently been saving. She was basically immortal. There was no way that she'd just gotten impatient and bored, so what was so special about today?
He couldn't ask about it though. He couldn't yell at Zhan Tiri and demand his hearing back. He couldn't say anything, he wouldn't be able to handle it.
Edmund continued trying to talk to Hector, but he quickly realized that it wasn't getting anywhere. Edmund moved his grip to Hector's hands and pulled him off the bed and out of the room. Hector numbly let himself be pulled along, his ears ringing with the sound of Zhan Tiri laughing, and nothing else.
Hector was pulled downstairs towards Varian's lab. Quirin and the kid ran to meet them. They looked concerned. It took Hector a long minute to realize why. Edmund must've been calling out to them. Varian reached out for Hector, but Quirin pulled him back, and Hector couldn't even blame him. Last time he'd gotten himself worked up because of Zhan Tiri he had hurt the kid.
Quirin was trying to talk to Hector, but he couldn't hear him. He didn't want to say anything, and he didn't know if he even could right now, but the others deserved to know what was wrong.
Hector pulled out of Edmund's grip and continued on into the lab. It took just a few seconds to find Varian's notebooks. Hector flipped to an empty page and quickly started writing. His handwriting wasn't very good at the best of times, and with his hand shaking like this it was barely legible, but it was the best he could do. When Hector was finished he handed the notebook to Quirin.
He stared at the notebook for a long moment before he handed it to Edmund and grabbed another notebook. Quirin wrote for a moment before he handed it to Hector.
You can't hear anything?
Hector thought for a second before he scratched out part of Quirin's note and made a small adjustment.
Anyone. Not even myself. I can talk, but talking without hearing anything is freaky.
Quirin nodded in understanding. There was a familiar look in his eyes. It was a perfect mix between protectiveness, pity, and fury. Hector hadn't thought that anybody except for his father was about to bring this side out of Quirin.
His brother put a hand on Hector's arm before he turned towards the others and began to talk to them. Varian moved to stand next to Hector, writing in the notebook. The kid began to ask questions, and Hector answered them as best he could. He didn't know a lot, but something was better than nothing.
Hector didn't know why Zhan Tiri was doing this. She had said that she was messing with his head, and with his ears, apparently, because she was bored and it was fun. He didn't know whether he believed it or not. This wouldn't be the first time that Hector was the victim to someone else's abuse, for no good reason. However, Zhan Tiri was much more patient, experienced, and malicious than Hector's father had been. There had to be something more to this.
"Careful, pet." Zhan Tiri warned. "Don't think too hard. You'll just end up hurting yourself."
Hector growled. He couldn't hear it, but he could feel it in the back of his throat. He hated the silence, but hearing Zhan Tiri's voice and nobody else was even worse.
"Do you want me to leave you in the quiet?" Zhan Tiri asked. "I can. In fact, I can do you one better." Zhan Tiri smirked wickedly and at that moment everything went quiet, even more than before. Hector hadn't even noticed the white noise in the room, such as the sound of Quirin pacing, and Varian writing and shifting in his sleep, or the growls of his bearcats or chattering of Ruddiger. Now all of that was gone. The pit in Hector's stomach somehow deepened. He hadn't thought that was possible.
Hector bit at his lip so sharply that he tasted blood. He pulled at his hair. Quirin turned away from Edmund and came towards Hector. He grabbed Hector's hands and gently pulled him down to sit on the ground. Quirin began to run his hands through Hector's hair, untangling it and braiding it.
Varian watched them for a second before he knelt in front of them. He grabbed Hector's hands and put them on his small chest, and then put his own hands on Hector's chest. Varian began to make deep exaggerated breaths. Hector didn't have to hear the kid to know what he was trying to do.
Varian wanted Hector to mimic his breathing. Taking deep breaths would give him something to focus on, and also help him to calm down.
Hector sat there in silence for several minutes that seemed to drag on. He was terrified that Zhan Tiri was just going to leave him like this. That she would finally leave him alone, and he would never have to hear her voice again, but he wouldn't be able to hear anybody else either. He thought he'd be willing to pay any price to finally get some peace and quiet, but this wasn't really what he had in mind.
The peace was broken when Hector saw Varian, Quirin, and Edmund all turn towards the door. A few moments later the door to the lab opened and Adira and Lance came in. Adira started saying something, and then Edmund said something. Fury flashed in Adira's eyes. She joined Varian and sat in front of Hector. She didn't say anything to him, she just looked at him in pity. Edmund had to have told her what was going on.
Hector didn't know how he felt. He appreciated Adira's support and concern, but he despised pity.
Everybody started talking to each other again. Hector stared obliviously at them, wishing that he could read lips. He had no idea what he was saying, and nobody was writing something down to let him know. Hector tried to be patient, but that lasted for just a few minutes before he'd had enough. Hector scowled and decided to take drastic measures.
Dreading what he needed to do, and hating himself for resorting to this, Hector turned to face Quirin. He tugged on Quirin's arm until he had his attention. Hector took a deep breath and let old instincts take over. He tilted his head at Quirin and looked at him with wide eyes. Quirin looked horrified.
Quirin began to say something before he stopped himself. He put his hands on Hector's cheeks, gently encouraging him to straighten his head. Quirin leaned forward and rested his forehead against Hector's. They stayed like that for a long moment before Quirin straightened and began to write in a notebook again.
I'm sorry. You don't have to do that.
Hector grimaced. At least Quirin remembered what the gesture had meant. Years ago, when Hector had just been brought to the castle, he'd had a hard time communicating with people. He knew how to talk, but his vocabulary was very limited. His father hadn't exactly encouraged him to talk more than was absolutely necessary to avoid suspicion from the neighbors.
Back then, before Hector was able to understand a lot of what was said to him, and when he couldn't really express himself with his words, he had to use other methods of communicating. With his father Hector's most common gesture was to duck his head and lower his gaze to be the picture of submission. Around Quirin and the Brotherhood though Hector's most frequent method of communication was to tilt his head curiously, like a dog that didn't understand what was being told to him.
Quirin had quickly learned that when Hector tilted his head that he was looking for clarification. It took Quirin a little longer to figure out how to talk to Hector in a way that he understood.
At least now that part was a little easier.
Adira believes that now that the king and guards are distracted by Rapunzel's return, it's our best chance to sneak into the castle and do what needs to be done.
Hector nodded in understanding. His family had been very vague about what their plans were. Hector knew that Varian and Edmund were reading some old books, and they needed to do something in or under the castle, but that was basically all he knew.
He understood wh his siblings were keeping quiet. If they were working on a way to get rid of Zhan Tiri then their best chance would be to keep her in the dark, and the only way they knew how to do that was if Hector himself was oblivious. It probably wouldn't work perfectly, as Zhan Tiri had a way of knowing so many things that Hector was oblivious to, but it was the best they had to go off of.
Quirin was still writing in that notebook, though he looked more reluctant now.
This may be our best chance, but we've decided to wait for another time. You're in no state to go on a stealth mission, and we need all hands on deck if we're going to the castle.
Hector felt a spike of panic. He frantically grabbed the notebook and began to write in it.
I'm fine. We can't wait. This is our chance. We have to go.
Quirin frowned and took back the notebook. You're insistent. Why? If you're just worried about being a burden, don't think like that. We've talked about this.
Hector shook his head and tried to put his thoughts together enough to tell Quirin just what he needed to say, because this was important.
It's not that. It's Zhan Tiri. Why would she choose now to mess with me? I knew there had to be something more than just her having fun. If we're going to the castle to try to figure out how to get rid of her, and she knows it, then she'll do whatever she needs to stop or stall us. I don't want to be her pawn or plaything anymore. If we need to go to the castle, and we were going to go today, then we need to go.
Quirin gave him a concerned look.
Are you sure?
Hector nodded, and immediately knew that he'd made the right choice. Zhan Tiri suddenly appeared right in front of him, a dangerous scowl and disapproving look in her eyes. If she wasn't happy with them going to the castle then it had to be the right thing to do.
Hector briefly considered that it might be a trick, that she just wanted Hector to think that he was outsmarting her when he was actually walking right into her plan again, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He couldn't second guess everything. He'd made his choice, and he planned on sticking to it.
He just had to figure out how to keep his anxiety under control. Yes, he couldn't hear anything, and that was a problem, but he couldn't let it become anybody else's problem. Hector couldn't keep an ear out for trouble, which meant that his siblings had to pick up his slack. He was already a burden on his family, there was no need for him to be a liability as well.
Quirin, Edmund, and Adira would have to focus on keeping them safe, and they couldn't do that if one of them had to hold Hector's hand the whole way. He may be vulnerable right now, both because he couldn't hear anything and because his mind was starting to spiral again, but he wasn't going to let that drag the others down.
Hector was fine, and even if he wasn't he needed to at least pretend that he was, for his family's sake, and for his own.