Varian had been both terrified and excited to go to the castle. He wanted to see the Demanitus chamber for himself, to learn more about the man that he had practically idolized from the moment that he had first learned about him. He also wanted to get this mess over with.
His uncle had saved him. From the dungeons, from his sickness, from his spiraling dark thoughts, from the powers that he couldn't control, Hector had saved him from it all. Now Hector was the one that needed help, and Varian was going to do whatever he could to stop it.
Varian hated how helpless he felt. They had a plan to stop all of this, but if it didn't work they didn't have a plan B. Varian knew that, given time, they'd be able to find another solution, but they didn't have that kind of time. Hector was suffering now, and every minute he was hurting was a minute too long.
Hector couldn't hear anything at all, which meant that not only could they not really talk to him, but he couldn't really bring himself to talk to them either. They were there for him, of course, but it clearly wasn't enough. Hector felt alone, and his thoughts were starting to betray him.
Varian knew personally just how hard it was to cope with inner darkness. Even when other people were around it didn't do much to alleviate the pain. Varian had gone off the deep end, and in his desperation he'd lashed out and hurt those around him. Though he didn't want to admit it to anybody, even himself, Varian knew that at least part of the reason why he'd wanted to hurt other people was because he felt so lonely, and he'd just wanted some company, even if it was just company in sorrow.
Hector though, when he spiraled down deep enough that he lost control he didn't hurt others, he tried to hurt himself. Varian didn't want it to get to that point. He'd lost so much already, and he refused to lose anybody else. Not if there was anything he could do about it.
Varian wanted to communicate with Hector through writing, but all of the grown-ups insisted that he keep his distance for now, at least until Hector calmed down. Varian hated this. He appreciated that he had people that cared about him, of course he did, but he didn't need to be protected. He trusted his uncle to not hurt him again, and even if he slipped Varian would be protected by the moonstone just like before. That wasn't enough for the others though.
Because their large group was so conspicuous they thought it would be best to split into pairs and travel a few minutes apart. If one group got caught, then not everybody would be. Lance and Adira, who King Frederic knew as friends of Rapunzel, went first. Edmund and Hector went next. Varian and his dad brought up the rear, riding in a cart full of all of the books and notes they'd taken from the Demanitus chamber so far, as well as some of Varian's supplies.
Varian anxiously fiddled with his makeshift staff as they traveled.. He untied the vials from the staff, shifted the vials out for new ones that had different colored chemicals in them, and tied the new ones at the top of the staff. He could feel his dad watching him.
"Relax, son." Quirin said gently. He put his hand on the staff, gently pushing it down. "I said I wouldn't discourage your alchemy, but just for right now I need you to keep things hidden. We can't attract attention, and we both know that your alchemy always draws unwanted gazes."
"I know, I know." Varian said. He put his hand on the tip of the staff, tapped into the power of the moonstone, and created a type of black rock shell all around the staff, surrounding the vials and making a slightly bulbous casing around the top. Maybe this wasn't the most inconspicuous thing ever, but Varian knew that while black rock weapons attracted attention and curiosity, it didn't involve nearly as much suspicion as alchemy seemed to bring.
Varian's dad raised an eyebrow at him. "You've gotten really good at that." He had an odd tone in his voice that Varian had heard before, though not often. It was the tone that his dad used when Varian worked all day in the field without complaining, even when he was tired. Or when Varian would take some of his candy that he was rarely given and give it to someone else because they looked sad.
When Varian was young he used to hope that the tone meant that his dad was proud of him, but as he got older and heard more and more of his dad's disappointment, the more improbable that seemed. He just had a hard time believing that his dad could be proud of anything he did when he messed up so much.
Varian tightened his grip on the staff. All he'd ever wanted was to make his dad proud. For years he'd struggled to please his dad, going to more and more extreme lengths, and it was a lot of pressure that he was putting on himself.
Varian had gotten into the habit of suffering in silence and just trying to do better. It was so tempting to do that now, but after being away from his dad for so long the two of them had promised each other, and themselves, that they would do better at communicating. Neither of them wanted things to get as bad as they did before. Varian's dad had gotten better at being open and honest, and it was only fair that he do the same.
Varian sighed, hoping that he wasn't about to ruin everything. "D-dad? Can I…can I ask you something? It's really dumb, and stupid, and I feel like asking is just selfish and demanding validation that isn't deserved." Varian started talking louder and faster as he got himself worked up. He could feel anxiety twist in his chest.
"T-this is a mistake." Varian said. He couldn't do it. It would just ruin everything. "Forget it."
"Varian." His dad put a hand on his shoulder. Varian tensed at first, because usually his dad made this contact when he was about to lecture him. Eventually he relaxed. This touch was more gentle and grounding, not like his dad was trying to hold him in place and keep him from running away from the lecture, but that his dad was trying to reassure him, to let him know that he wasn't alone.
"Nothing you could ever ask could be stupid." Quirin said gently. "What's wrong?"
"I-I just…" Varian squeezed his eyes shut so that he wouldn't have to look at his dad. "A-are you proud of me? Or have ever been proud of me?" Varian felt like a spike had been driven through his chest. Why had he said that? It sounded so accusatory and desperate. It was just pathetic.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, just forget it." Varian said. He turned to face away from his dad, half tempted to jump out of the cart and walk, or at least climb into the back and hide his embarrassment and shame. Before he could move though he felt his dad's grip on his shoulder tighten as he was pulled back and into his dad's arms
"Dad, what-" Varian began, but his dad interrupted him.
"Of course I'm proud of you." Quirin said in Varian's ear. "I've always been proud of you, and always will be." He pulled back to look at Varian, who just stared at him in shock, unsure of how to respond to that. Quirin gave him a sad smile and gently wiped tears from his cheeks. Varian hadn't even realized that he'd started crying.
"I'm sorry." Quirin said. "I know I don't say that I'm proud of you enough, or that I love you, but I do. I do so much that it hurts. I have a hard time talking about my feelings though. You've met my siblings, we all struggle to actually talk about how we feel. Hector's the best at it, and you've seen how he is."
Varian sniffled and let out a small snort of laughter. His dad was right about that. And here Varian thought that he was emotionally constipated. Compared to his family he was really sensitive and emotionally mature
"I thought it was clear how I was feeling." Quirin said. "I thought my actions would be enough, but obviously they weren't, and I'm sorry. I'll try to be more clear from now on." He brushed back Varian's hair, tucking his blue streak behind a hat that they'd found around Old Corona. He was wearing a large cloak over his fur one. He looked a little like a merchant child, especially riding on the cart. He just hoped that it would be enough to not have the people at the capital give him a second glance.
"T-thanks, dad." Varian said, his voice just shy of being a whimper. He adjusted his cloak, just to make sure that the moonstone was covered. His dad gave him a small smile before turning his attention back to the road. They traveled in silence from that point on, but it wasn't awkward like Varian was used to it being. It was actually comfortable. It reminded Varian of the nights when they would just sit together when his dad had a migraine.
Varian enjoyed the quiet and couldn't help but be disappointed when they crossed the bridge to the capital. They had responsibilities, and he was looking forward to putting all of this behind them, but at the same time he just wanted to forget that any of this was happening. He wanted to just live in obliviousness with his family.
That wasn't possible, but he could still dream.
Varian scooted closer to his dad and curled up to him, drawing his legs close to his chest and closing his eyes. He pretended that he was asleep. People had a tendency to just look over people that were asleep. He could feel his dad pull his hood up over his head and put his arm over his shoulder.
"Everything will be okay." Quirin muttered. ""I won't let anything happen to you."
Varian trusted his dad completely, but he wasn't worried about himself. He was far more worried about Uncle Hector. The man needed help, and Varian just wished that he knew what he could do for him.
They went past town square, which was bustling as people tried to finish up their work and errands for the day as dusk began to fall. Varian cringed every time he heard a well-meaning citizen greet them cheerfully, but his dad waved off all conversation with practiced ease. They were able to slip off of the busy streets with relative ease and little attention. Soon Quirin pulled the cart to a stop as they approached the back of the castle where the servant's entrance was.
The others were already there waiting for them, but Varian couldn't feel relieved. Hector was crouched on the ground with Edmund next to him, holding his hands tightly.
Varian's dad frowned as he got off the cart and came to their side. "What happened?"
"I don't know." Edmund said. "He was doing a little better, but when we reached the capital he panicked. He started hitting his ears. I didn't know what else to do to stop him."
Varian hopped off the cart and gave Domino a small pet. He felt a little bad that the horse would remain latched to the cart while they were there, but Edmund had assured him it would be fine. They might need a quick getaway, and Domino was able to handle much more than just a little bit of discomfort for a few hours. If they took much longer, one of them would come take care of Domino.
"The town is always busy and bustling." Varian commented. "I'd freak out a little bit if I saw dozens of people running around, and couldn't hear a word that they were saying."
Varian approached Hector, ignoring his dad's protests. The boy poked his uncle's shoulder. Hector gasped and opened his eyes wide. He looked at Varian, mouthing his name. Varian smiled broadly at him and held out his staff. Hector stared at it for a long minute before he slowly accepted the staff.
They'd confiscated all of Hector's weapons, and Varian understood why, but he also knew that his uncle didn't like to feel defenseless. Varian figured that his uncle would feel a lot better if he had at least some kind of weapon at his disposal, and maybe since this wasn't a super lethal weapon it would be enough to satisfy his dad.
Hector clutched the staff tightly and took several deep breaths before he nodded, gesturing that he was alright. Varian didn't completely trust that he was actually okay, but he was going to trust his uncle's judgment, at least until they got inside the Demanitus chamber.
Varian turned to Lance, who was keeping an eye out for patrolling soldiers. "You know how to get to the chamber from here?"
"Definitely." Lance said. He adjusted Varian's hat one more time. "You up for helping me take point?"
"Sure." Varian said. He was just a kid. If they ran into anybody then Varian would be one of their best chances to be someone who got caught, just as long as he wasn't recognized. His family were all too worried and jumpy, and Varian knew that if they came across anybody that might qualify as a threat they wouldn't hesitate to defend themselves, even though most of the castle staff wouldn't do them any harm.
If they ran into the guards, Varian saw no problem with the Brotherhood completely tearing them apart, but he didn't want an innocent maid or kitchen hand to get hurt.
They spent a few minutes taking the supplies out of the cart and dividing the books between them, and then they were ready to go.
Varian walked with Lance, sneaking around. This was very serious business, and Lance was being careful, but at the same time he was also treating it like it was a game. Varian acted like he was annoyed, but he was honestly very appreciative. It was a lot easier to calm down and act like things were okay when he had a way to at least pretend that things weren't so bad.
And it was a lot easier to not let his nerves get the best of him when he told himself that there wouldn't actually be any real consequences if they got caught. Varian could almost see this as a practice infiltration, which helped to take away his nerves.
In just a few minutes Lance brought them inside a storage room where there was a secret entrance underneath the carpet on the floor. Adira dropped down first. When she gave the signal Varian and his dad came down, followed by Hector and Edmund. Lance brought up the rear.
"How many secret passages are there underneath the castle?" Varian asked. These looked really similar to the tunnels that he had used to sneak into the castle, the tunnels that were connected to the sewers, but this entrance under the carpet was definitely not a sewer.
"I think they're all part of the same labyrinth." Lance said as he closed the trapdoor, immediately leaving them in the dark. "...You know, I'm always forgetting how dark it gets in here. Do any of you have a torch on you."
"I've got it." Varian said. He reached under his cloak and revealed the moonstone. It let out just enough of a glow that Varian could see the others. He walked towards Hector and put his hand on his staff. Varian used his powers to pull back parts of the black rock, making it so the rounded top had slits in them to let the light from the vials shine through.
The vials were a lot smaller than the flames of a torch were, but they were brighter, illuminating their path decently enough.
Lance snorted and flicked at Varian's hair streak, which had briefly glowed while he'd used his powers. "You can just take the front and light our way with that freaky hair of yours."
"I don't care if I have magic, I trust alchemy much more." Varian said. He looked around the tunnels. "Which way do we go?"
"Oh, I've got this." Lance smirked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crude map. "Me and Eugene have been mapping this place out for weeks, and we only used the journal of Herz Der Sonne's for reference, like, three times." Lance looked down at his map, trailing his finger down at it, before pointing down one of the tunnels. "The Demanitus chamber is that way."
"Lead the way." Varian put a hand on the staff, and another hand on top of one of Hector's. Varian gestured down the tunnel and very gently pulled the staff, encouraging his uncle to walk by his side.
Edmund took the lead this time, walking just ahead of Varian and Hector, keeping an eye out for trouble. Varian's dad walked behind them, close enough that they knew that he could easily step in if something went wrong, but far enough to show a sign of trust to both of them. Varian didn't know about his uncle, but he found a lot of comfort in his dad's position. Lance came next, navigating from the back of the group. Adira trailed behind, just to make sure they weren't being followed.
Following Lance's directions they entered through some secret entrances hidden behind symbols in the wall. Varian recognized the symbols from Demanitus' notes, but he didn't know exactly what they meant. He made a mental note of what symbols he saw, so he could look up the meaning later when he had time.
They walked on for several minutes, down the tunnels that always looked the same, but eventually they came to a door. Opening it they found themselves at a wide open chamber that smelled like alchemy and looked like something from Varian's dreams.
"Wow." Varian said in awe and wonder. "Look…look at this!" Varian beamed as he looked around, trying to absorb everything. "Have you ever seen anything so amazing?" Hector looked nearly as in awe as Hector did, though it was a quieter, more subdued excitement.
Hector mouthed Demanitus' name as he tightened his grip on the staff. He looked overwhelmed, hopeful, and terrified all at once. Varian pulled out his notebook and wrote something down in it.
What's going on in your head?
Hector took the notebook and wrote down a response.
He understood. He knew Zhan Tiri. He defeated and sealed her away. You have no idea how much I want that.
Varian looked at his uncle with wide eyes before he came in for a hug, basically tackling him in an embrace. Hector made a pained sound that was almost a whimper before he tightly returned the embrace. Hector's hugs were bonier than Varian's dad's were, but they were strong, just barely bordering on the painful side of firm. It made Varian feel like Hector would tear someone apart limb from limb if they dared to look at him the wrong way.
Varian curled his fingers, gripping as tightly as he could at Hector, trying to return the sentiment through his actions.
Hector held onto Varian for a long moment before he shook his head and pulled away. Hector smirked at Varian and gestured down the stairs. He didn't have to say a word for Varian to know what he was thinking.
Go play, you nerd.
Varian felt like he shouldn't leave his uncle's side, but he didn't want to make Hector feel like he didn't trust his judgment. Besides, Varian really did want to explore the Demanitus chamber to see what it had to offer.
Varian looked at his dad, who just chuckled. "Go ahead. See what you can find. I'll keep an eye on him."
Varian grinned broadly. "Thanks, dad." He turned and ran down the stairs, almost stumbling and tripping down them, as he went to take a look at the massive machine at the center of the chamber. Varian didn't know exactly what this was, but he could tell that the engineering was impressive even by today's standards. For Demanitus to accomplish something like this so long ago, it was beyond impressive.
Lance came up behind Varian. "We think this is the Demanitus Device that Rapunzel used to stop the blizzard."
A shiver went down Varian's spine at the thought of the blizzard. He thought he could still feel the cold of the storm, the fear in his heart, and the anger in his soul. That storm held nothing but bad memories for Varian, and he felt like he was thrown back in the past at just the thought of snow.
Varian knew that everything that had happened that day was his own fault, and Rapunzel's, but he couldn't stand the guilt, and he didn't want to be mad at Rapunzel anymore, so it was easier to blame the storm…the storm that Hector had said that Zhan Tiri had been responsible for.
Varian hated that demon sorceress. He wished he knew exactly how Demanitus had gotten rid of her so he could repeat the process…except…wait a second.
"This machine stopped the blizzard?" Varian asked.
"Uh, yeah." Lance said. Varian felt goosebumps run down his arms, the good kind.
"Lance, do you know what this means?" Varian asked just a little bit too loudly. Lance just gave him a confused look, but Varian paid no attention. He ran his hand almost reverently across the metal of the machine. "This could have been Demanitus' first try of getting rid of Zhan Tiri, and it worked, but just not well enough. If I can figure out what makes this machine work, maybe I can figure out where he went from there!"
Lance's eyes widened in realization and he returned Varian's broad grin. "Kid, that's awesome!"
"I know!" Varian bounced on his heels. The device was massive, and confusing, and Varian had no idea just how much of it was functional and how much was purely aesthetic. He would find out though. He just had to find some blueprints. There had to be something around here, and if there wasn't, well, Varian could always just open up the device and go inside to see what made it run for himself. Sure, it was probably dangerous, but Varian knew for a fact that the black rocks were practically indestructible, he could just make an armor out of it, and he'd be just fine.
Of course, Varian would only do that for a last resort. He knew his dad would probably freak out at the thought of him crawling inside of an unknown, possibly unstable, machine to reverse-engineer it, and Varian was trying to take his dad's concerns seriously.
Varian would love to take a hands-on approach with the device, but he knew that he shouldn't, so he settled for doing research. It really wasn't much of a loss though, considering that he would be researching Demanitus' work.
Varian may not like the circumstances at all, but that didn't mean that he couldn't have fun with this.
A/N: When I started writing this chapter I was hit with the thought that I never had Varian and Quirin talk about the whole 'proud' thing, which is kinda an important thing to skip over.
Maybe I actually did address it, and I just skipped it in my glance-over. I don't know.