How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended
Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.
Part III…
The Fortress of Barnitude, currently hosting a guest, certified in the Bro Code's listing of females to avoid, of the most dangerous kind…A rational woman not under the influence of extreme alcohol dosage and/or mind-befuddling lust…
…though indeed somewhat incapacitated by a recent emotional trauma.
"This is delicious. You're quite handy with those knives." Anita beamed, taking another forkful of stirfry.
"Six months' teppanyaki training in Hoboken, New Jersey of all places to prove a point to my second best bro…I'd better be." Barney nodded.
"A man like you, who'd do so much for a friend or the woman he loves…" Anita eyed him carefully…
"Please…For a bro, perhaps. There is no woman fitting that description." Firm certainty.
"Fine…" shrug. "But I knew you'd understand what I'm going through here. And that you'd help me."
"Haven't said that…Yet. But your story intrigues me, as does the developing challenge it presents. Pray…Continue." He leaned back in chair, swirling wine glass.
…
Back to present day in bar…
"So…She wasn't trying to hook up with Barney?" Ted mused.
"So she claimed…" Tracy noted, shrewd look.
"Little did she know her life now depends on the veracity of that statement." Robin, calmly.
"Ohhhhh…" Ted, Tracy. "That's what this is all about." Ted noted, arch look. "You weren't sure after Barney told you if Anita really didn't…You know?"
Robin staring…Then weeping copiously… "Ted, how could you…?"
Ted eyeing Tracy who shrugged. "I got nothin' here, Mosby. I'm clueless as a guy with Scherbatsky-Stinson and her sci-fi hormones."
"Ok, yeah. Maybe I was a little uncertain." Robin, suddenly calm again. "But Jesus, Mosby, you know Barney loves me and has never lied to me. I had and have no doubts about what happened that night." Firm nod.
"It's just this afternoon you're worried about…" Tracy, carefully.
"Barney wouldn't lie to me. He couldn't, physically, it's a thing between us now. Plus it would violate the Bro Code, husbro section. But, that doesn't mean…Mosby? You want this one?" she eyed Ted's anxious face.
"Oh, oh, I got it!…She could've lied to him, regards her intentions. Yeah!" Ted, eagerly.
"I got that before she even gave you the underhand lob…" Tracy shrugged. "But you think she lied, then waited all this time to make her move?"
"I'm irrational…I'm allowed." Robin shrugs. "But wise in the sense I won't allow any possible entry of the serpent into my garden of Barnitude."
Ted eyeing Tracy… "Oh, yeah…I am so over this girl." They exchange high-five.
"Hey…That's lovely and romantic, in a creepy, obsessed with the bad boy kinda way." Robin insisted. "Don't you guys see? Barney is in a stable, loving relationship at last and a wonderful spouse. It's horrible enough, bimbowise. Girls who'd've spit on old Barney, lying in the gutter, see husbro Barney and want to off their boyfriends and husbands to be with him."
"That is true…One of them the other night asked if I'd like to go halves on a hit man for you and we'd divide Barney between us. I said it'd cost too much to get rid of my permanent babysitter." Tracy noted to Robin, patting a stunned Ted.
"Exactly." Robin said. Narrowly eyeing Tracy…
"Robin, I be immune to husbro Barney, don't worry."
"Oh, sure." Nod. Narrow look…Then sigh… "But you can see. If that's the effect husbro Barney has on vacant, needy bimbos he's wronged, several times in a few cases…"
"An intelligent player anti-Barney who's freaked over him before in the early stages of hopeless loverbro, yet still cynical and using, Barney…Encounters selfless husbro Barney…" Ted nodded thoughtfully. "Potentially, very dangerous."
"Right? Right? Yeah, see I'm not suffering from paranoia which is a possible symptom of my Dyad hormonal therapy according to the very small print on my hormone meds." Robin agreed, happily.
"Maybe some, but not much…Right? Right?" she added, nodding to their uncertain faces. "Anyway, no big deal, I'm just gonna keep them separated, till they die. Hopefully, she first. Just a precaution, you know. Oh…" she sobbed, head down.
"I know I should trust in him and us. What?" she looked up at Ted's expectant face. "This one isn't just the hormones, Ted."
"Well, with any luck they'll never meet again. Especially today." Tracy noted, brightly, averting gaze from the bar door just opened. "Nope, no real chance of that. I mean, what would be the odds that she'd come by here instead of going straight to her book signing and Barney would show at the exact moment…Right, honey? Maybe what, a one in a million…Billion? Chance?"
"I can see them at the door in the bar mirror, Tracy." Robin glared.
"Hey, guys!" Barney, in his trademark suit, cheerily calling to them from door. "Look who I ran into!"
…
2010…10:45 pm the night of Barney and Anita's dinner…
"Thank you sooo much, Barney." Anita began as they entered the outer reception room of Metro News 1.
"Hey Guys!" shriek…
"Yes." Anita, a bit curtly. "Hello, Patrice."
"Hey there…" Barney nodded at the figure before them, up from her cubicle. Ah, yes, Robin's annoying, cloying coworker Patrice.
Still, a nice person, really, outside her lack of…Well, everything Barney J. Stinson is looking for…
"That's so nice of you to remember me, Ms. Appleby." Warm smile. "Hey, Barney! Did you come to see Robin? She's finishing her make-up for 11 o'clock." Happy beam.
"No, not at all…" Barney, nervously twitching.
"No, in fact we're on a date." Anita, firmly.
"Oh, that's nice." Beam, then puzzled look. "Why did you come here, then?"
"Best view in New York on the roof by night that one can access without serious bribery, risk of arrest, or being the night janitor." Barney explained. "Besides, Anita and Robin are friends."
"Bwah…Ha, ha, hah…" Patrice, giggling.
"What?" Anita, frowning. "No." firm stare.
"No, what?" Patrice eyed her innocently. "Oh…Your book." Smiling nod, shrug. "But…? Why would you want to 'no' me? We don't even know each other and I don't really care for your ideas. They seem awful to me."
"What?" Anita blinked.
"Really…?" Barney smiled.
"Yeah, I mean, it's mean to lead someone on for ten or twenty or whatever many…"
"Seventeen…" Anita, brittle, annoyed.
"Whatever many…Dates, then you're going to be mean to them? I know you say it's to get back at guys who aren't very nice but…" shake of head. "It just sounds mean to me and a little silly. Why not just tell someone you don't like the way they're acting and…"
"My methods get results, Patrice! And no one asked you for your opinion!" harsh glare.
"Anita…Please…" Barney as Patrice shrugged.
"Sorry, I just don't think much of your book. But I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. It's just I don't think Robin is your friend. She kinda agrees with me."
"Oh?" slightly exasperated air.
"Yeah, she said before she went on her date with Don the other night that your book was a load of horse…"
"Nobody asked you, Patrice!" Anita fumed.
"Wait a mo…" Barney cut in. "Patrice, why did Robin suddenly decide Anita's book was a load of horse crap?"
"Hey…!" Anita glared.
"I think when you were going with Anita on your big date, she wasn't very happy." Patrice sighed. "I'm sorry Anita, but I don't like to lie. She was crying, though she told me she wasn't. She does that a lot."
"Cries?" Barney, anxiously…
"Well…Some…But it's more she tells me she's not…Crying, angry, desperate…When I can tell she is. She's my friend, even if she doesn't believe that and I know when she's trying to hide the way she feels."
"But she was…Crying?" Barney stared.
"She was hurt, Barney." Patrice sighed.
"But…She's not…She doesn't care about me." Barney, nervously. "She's with Don…Right?"
"I give that three months, at the outside." Patrice shrugged. "But even if he did make her happy, it wouldn't stop her from being hurt about you. Just like with you, Anita and…"
Anita, blinking…
"He's hurt too…Why did you do that to him?" Patrice shook head at her.
"Hmmn?" Barney turned to eye Anita.
"I…Didn't…No one…Asked…You…" Anita, weeping now, Patrice moving to embrace her.
"He was very hurt?" she looked up at Patrice who sighed.
"I think so…" nod. "I mean he's not the type to really get all…But…Yeah."
"Ohhh…" weeping.
Barney, rolling eyes…
Dames. Even a barracuda like Anita.
And…Robin?
Crying?
No…
"No, she's with Don and she's happy. It's fine. You're right, Patrice. She was just hurt a bit that I was so thoughtless. I made it up to her by giving her and Don the superdate. She's fine." He insisted, firm nod, slight shaking of hand.
"I don't think so, Barney." Shake of head, sigh. Faint smile. "And wasn't Don who gave her the big date…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…She's got the studly newscaster to keep her occupied for a bit. What about…?" Anita broke in, anxiously. "He was really…?"
"You hurt him, Anita, yeah…" Patrice sighed.
"Oh…" Anita, touching head in anxiety, twisting nervously… "Barney? What am I going to do?"
"We have a plan, Anita." He reassured her. "Patrice?" he turned to the woman. "You know we're not really dating, right?"
"I didn't want to say, but yeah…It's pretty obvious." Nod. Anita frowning…
Somehow I sense potential competition here…I mean in the professional counseling sense…
"Well, Anita wants to put things right. And I'm helping her…"
"Oh, for Robin!" eager clap.
"No, no…Not for Robin." He frowned. "This is just…Well…" he sighed, eyeing the two women.
"Someone should get a happy ending out of all this…"
…