How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended
Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.
Part VI…
2010, Metro News 1 Office…
Eghad…Barney stared at Anita, just emerged from the ladies room in Patrice's offerings…
Hair up in bun…Ok…Bun can be fun. Thick glasses about the thickness of old-fashioned glass Coke bottle bottoms…Nyahahahah. Loose sweatshirt two sizes too big with a…Oh, God, no…Mickey and Minnie valentine on the front. Oh, the Bromanity…I can't look any…Well, hello ladies…Nice ones still… Oh, no more!
"What?" she looked at him resuming seat by Patrice. "Oh, you look so cute, Anita!" Patrice enthused.
"Good God, woman…What have you done to yourself?!" Barney exploded.
"I'm just being 'just Anita', like we agreed. And gettin' more comfortable than I've been in months, heck, years. You know I was even starting to wear fancy crap at home? Now I can go dig out my favorite teddy bear nightsweat again…" happy beam.
"Barney? You look a little uncomfortable in that suit." Careful regard.
"What?" frightened blink.
"You know, unlike Playa Anita in her crappy books, I can't ethically diagnose a person without a consultation but if you asked me, I'd have to say this thing of yours for suits…"
"Enough!" he glared, frantically waving hands to ward off the horror…
"Fine…But if I were your therapist…Sorry." At his look… "'Just Anita' can't help being therapist Anita." Shrug. "And you're a good friend to help me…I just want to repay…"
"Dress Up then…If you want to repay me." He frowned.
"Oh, well…When we've gone over things and I'm ready to go…I told you I have that nice skirt and…"
"Dear God, woman! It's been just twenty-five minutes. You were a Queen, a Bro of the female persuasion first class. I know I said I'd help but this is an abomination…!"
"Barney, you're carrying this just a bit too far." She shook head. "This is how I was just a few years ago. Though I was a few pounds heavier…"
"Oh, I doubt it was much…" Patrice shook head.
"Well, just ten…"
"T-t-ten…Pounds?" Barney started.
"Yeah…I was never too bad, I ate a good diet and got exercise…Though, frankly? I think I ought to gain a few. I'm a little too…"
Nyahahah…Barney backed away.
This could be contagious. I may have created something hideous, an anti-bro virus that could destroy the Bro world, male as well as female.
"Yeah, I did think you were a little bit too thin, Anita. A few pounds would suit…"
"No one asked your opinion, Patrice!" Barney cried.
"Barney? Patrice was only offering her opinion…Which frankly I agree with. And I'll take that cookie, Patrice, thanks." Patrice happily handing her…Barney slapping cookie out of her hand…
Hey?!
"Get ahold of yourself! Anita?! This has gone too far."
"I want my cookie…" frown. "I've earned that cookie, Barney."
"Here ya go. I got plenty." Patrice smiled, handing her another.
"You get cookie after you get Michael!" He grabbed the cookie from Anita's hand just as she bit in…Mmmn…
"Wow, that's…Barney?!" He tossing cookie over to a trash bucket.
"Anita. The Plan calls for 'just Anita' but not Anita the overweight bag-lady. Michael can land Anita the overweight bag-lady, even he knows that. You want to get him, you need to be 'just Anita' possessing 'Anita the Playa'."
"No." Anita, shrewd smile.
"It don't work on me now and especially not now." He eyed her sternly.
"No?" A bit crestfallen.
"No."
"Oh." She eyed him.
Damn that power of No… "Ok, what do I do?" sigh. "I don't wanna have to be Playa Anita with Michael forever. I realize now, as I should have as a pretty damned good legitimate therapist, that it's part of his appeal that I can relax with him."
"That sounds good to me, Barney." Patrice noted.
"Please." He frowned, putting up a hand. "Yes, you can…After you get him. You don't got him now, remember? And remember what you said earlier?"
"Playa Anita fakes confidence. I'm a little anxious especially 'cause I hurt him but I think Michael might give me another chance if I'm sincere." She noted, earnestly. "He'll see I'm sincere and really a nice person now."
Barney grabbing her by both arms. "Lady, there are thousands of sincere, nice girls in NYC. I've banged my way through over 130 of them, the rest ranging from a little strange to downright evil or dangerously perverse… Sincere is fine but alone won't cut it, not when there are thousands in the line up for a decent guy."
Hmmn…Patrice pondered. "Actually, Barney may have a point there, Anita. A lot of nice gals are out there, looking for nice guys like Michael."
"Oh, but Michael doesn't want Playa Anita, we agreed on that." Anita frowned. "He's free of her spell and sees her for what she is. And he knows it's all smoke and mirrors…Well, not all." Slight smile, pushing glasses up a bit.
"He may not want to be Playa Anita's eunuch anymore." Barney noted. "But no man could resist being Playa Anita's true love. He is, isn't he? Both Anitas love him, right?"
"We do. Oh, we do. After all, Playa Anita went back into me, sacrificed herself, for him." Anita noted, nodding.
"Well, she has to come out, a little…"
"No…I don't dare. We might hurt him again. She's my Hyde, Barney." Anita, anxiously. "She may love him too but she's self-centered and selfish. I can't risk letting her out again. Can't I just be 'just Anita', please?"
"After the wedding, sure…Before…Think of what you're up against, girl…Just as you…Well, as 'Playa Anita' told me before. Thousands of 'playas' who secretly long for a nice guy like Mike."
"He'd see though them. The ones who could see him." Anxiety belying the remark.
"Ah…" Barney wagged a finger. "But those who can see him are just like 'just Anita'…Using their 'playa' as a mask, a scheme, a deception."
"Thousands like that?" she eyed him.
"In NYC? Tens of thousands…Beautiful, scornful, predatory women who all really just wanna find a really nice guy who'll be good to them. Patrice? Second me on this?"
"Well…" Patrice, hesistant. "I don't think they mean to be mean, but…"
"You're right…" Anita shakes head. "But if I release 'playa Anita' again…?"
"If you possess 'playa Anita's' if I may say, bodacious body…But stay 'just Anita' inside." careful nod.
"She'll oppose me. I know her." Anita, worriedly. "She'll start wondering if it wouldn't be better to see what else she could land and try to keep Michael on the hook. She's pure Evil, Barney. My vampiric, dark, soulless side."
"But she loves Michael. She came to me for help, right?" shrewd look.
"I guess…But she's so fickle. And I'm not sure if I can control her. Help me, Barney!" pleading look, clasping hands.
"Lemme put it this way…It's not her or you. It's her or Michael. And while she's a barracuda, she lacks…" He eyed her.
"My brain? My skills? My warm heart?" she asked.
"Nah, she's got access to the first two and she can fake the heart." He shook head. "But she wants Michael too. And if she's your Hyde, you're her Jekyll. So are you a wuss Jekyll who gives up and loses the love of your life…Or are you Jekyll the Boss, who uses Hyde but puts her in her place. C'mon, Anita…You created 'playa Anita', you run the show, not her."
"I'm afraid, Barney. I could get lost again. She could take over and drive Michael away, forever…"
"Well? You know what to say to that." He eyed her.
"No?" wistfully.
"No. NO!" he nodded firmly.
"Not no. NO!" she took a breath. "NO! I'm running the show now, you cheap slut! And Michael is mine."
"Say that could be your next book title. Minus the stuff about Mike." He noted.