A Hidden Identity

by Marcii Winters

John has no idea why he's so tired all the time. It's not just depression, he's sure of that, and Jane has assured him that nothing is wrong with him physically. So why is he so tired? Why can John not remember his dreams? Why does he find himself waking up with tears in his eyes for no apparent reason? And most importantly, why is he losing time?

2. Chapter 2

I'm fuckin' stormin' through this fic tbh! Like, as soon as I finished Chapter 1, I immediately started on Chapter 2 and ended up writing over 13,000 words between them in only like two/three days! I'm not gonna lie, when I started writing this, I had zero plans! Everything has pretty much been improvised from the start and somehow, shit's actually working out really well!

Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

As V enjoys her time having breakfast with Dave and Karkat, you sit in your mind wondering why you hate your name. You've never had a problem with it before. In fact, you remember a time where you were rather proud of your name. There are a lot of amazing actors in some of your favorite movies that have the name John, and you always thought it was cool that you shared something in common with those legends.

So why do you hate your name? When did you start hating it? It couldn't have been during the game. There was way too much going on at the time to even think about something as trivial as that, so it had to be recently. You close your eyes and try to call on the memories of the past two months.

Let's see, around that time, you started sleeping more for some (now known) reason. You remember your friends texting you invites to things and not feeling awake enough to take them up on it, or knowing that you needed to get up and make something to eat, and just not having the energy to get out of bed. That's also around the time you started feeling that uncomfortable weight in your chest. Your therapist said that sounded a lot like the emotional aches of depression, but unlike depression, it didn't usually precede a bout of sadness. There was also something else mixed in with that feeling. The best word you can think of right now to describe that extra feeling is simply… discomfort. Which makes sense for "emotional aches", but thinking about it, the kind of discomfort you feel is somehow different than that.

That same discomfort grew stronger every time you left the house, or saw your reflection, and it was becoming too much to bear. That's why you started covering up your mirrors. Bringing that up to your therapist wasn't fun. They seemed to think you had major body issues, and asked you a ton of questions about your eating habits. You were so close to being admitted into a mental hospital for an eating disorder you definitely didn't have.

That was annoying to deal with. Luckily, you're a literal god, so they can't really force you to stay anywhere you don't want to since you could just disappear into The Breeze, or teleport away with your retcon ability. Yeah, that whole experience is what scared you off of seeing more therapists, especially considering how many times you told them you were fine and they just didn't listen to you.

You frown at the memory. Did you start hating it before or after then? You close your eyes tightly, and wrack your brain for something that might give you answers, hoping that anything might present itself… Well… you do remember feeling a little bit of that discomfort whenever someone called your name the first time you met your friends in person. It was so minute and negligible that you literally didn't even notice it. Actually, no, you do remember vaguely acknowledging the weird feeling at the time, but you were so excited about finally meeting your online friends that you simply pushed it off to the wayside.

It's seemingly gotten worse since then. Back then, it was only ever a brief feeling of tightness in your chest whenever someone said your name that disappeared literally almost immediately after. That's why you were able to ignore it. But now, it's a thing that's either always omnipresent whenever you're out in public, or it's a fleeting feeling you get whenever you accidentally catch sight of your reflection anywhere. Was that when it started, then?

You, once again, retreat back into your memories with a new lens, and begin your search for the origin of this strange revelation. As you delve deeper into your own head, you start to realize that maybe you have always hated your own name. Now that you're looking for it, you can definitely recall some moments from even before the game where you felt that weird discomfort in your chest whenever people called you Jo—by your name. But why?

V: Hey! Dave and Karkat are gone now.

V: Do you want to hop 8ack in the driver seat?

You snap out of your inner thoughts, and look up towards your eye-windows. You catch Dave and Karkat closing the door on their way out, before V turns away to talk to you.

JOHN: oh, uh

JOHN: yeah, we can.

JOHN: if that's what you want, but i don't really have anything to do right now.

JOHN: except a *lot* of thinking.

V snickers at that and nods in agreement.

V: Oh, you have no idea ::::)

V: Anyway!

V: In that case, I've always wanted to play some of your video games!

V: They look like a lot of fun, 8ut when all you can do is watch someone else play...

JOHN: knock yourself out.

JOHN: just don't delete any of my saves.

With a skip, V makes her way over to your gaming setup, and picks up a controller to start up the console. You immediately turn around, and retreat back into your own head. You end up only spending about an extra hour trying to sort shit out before you get so frustrated, you just decide to ask V.

JOHN: hey, you said you know a lot about me, right?

JOHN: does that mean you also know what's going on with me?

V doesn't answer right away, a little too focused on slaying her first dragon, but eventually does address the question.

V: Of course, I do.

V: 8ut you don't even know what I am.

JOHN: what does that mean?

V shrugs.

V: What I am is directly related to the issue you're having. If you can't even figure out what I am, you'll never figure out what's wrong with you.

JOHN: then, can't you just tell me what you are, and what's wrong with me?

V: Sorry, 8ud, no can do.

V: Not that I haven't already tried.

V: 8ut no matter how many times I try to tell you, you always end up either ignoring it or denying it.

JOHN: well, i won't this time.

JOHN: tell me.

V shakes her head again.

V: I can't tell you until you're ready.

V: You're close, 8ut you're not there yet.

V: Trust me, this will all make sense soon.

JOHN: you can't even give me a few hints?

V: Hmmm...

V: Well, 8esides telling you that I'm something you've 8een repressing all your life, I don't really think there's a whole lot I can tell you that won't just give you the answer.

JOHN: come on. I obviously need a little help here!

V:

JOHN:

V: Fine. There's a reason you don't like yourself.

JOHN: ...that's so vague!

V busts out laughing.

V: That's the point!

V: I can't give you too much, or you'll just keep repressing me!

V: If you're not ready for the answer, you'll just continue to deny me, and 8ye 8ye I go!

V: Again...

V sighs a little and gives you an apologetic smile.

V: Look, you're really close either way.

V: If you weren't, I wouldn't 8e a8le to even talk to you right now.

V: The fact that I'm a8le to hop in the driver's seat is proof that you're almost ready.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: fine.

V: And who knows!

V: May8e Rose can help you make some realizations at dinner tonight.

V: That's kind of her thing, right?

You nod hesitantly, and let out a deep sigh of frustration, letting your metaphorical body fall back onto the floor of your mind. You're exhausted. You don't normally spend so much energy thinking about such complicated topics like this. Especially not anything that has to do with self-reflection: you usually hate what you end up finding. Maybe you should take this chance to get some rest. Can you even fall asleep in your mind? Will you wake up rested? Probably not.

All these questions run through your mind, and not a single answer presents itself. You close your eyes, and decide to try anyway, allowing your brain to grow fuzzy with sleep until you slip into peaceful unconsciousness.

As soon as Eg8ert has fallen asleep, you smile wide. It's time. You jump up, and toss aside the controller, making a mad dash up the stairs towards your 8edroom. Immediately upon entering, you throw open your closet door and start sifting through all the 8oxes of crap that Eg8ert has stored in there to find the one you hid.

There it is. The 8ox. Feeling a surge of excitement well up within you, you pull off the lid, and gently set it aside. A warmth fills your chest, and you suppress the urge to squeal with excitement as you stare at the contents contained within. You reach a tentative hand inside, and slowly pull out your new favorites.

With them in hand, you waste no time and will away Eg8ert's god-tier clothes, quickly 8eginning to dress yourself in the outfit you haven't had a chance to wear yet. You pull on the shirt first, a 8lack sleeveless turtleneck top with the space aspect sym8ol woven onto the front. You add a plain white flared skirt that comes up just a8ove the knee, and pull on some nice 8lack cotton thigh highs to protect your legs from the 8reeze.

Finally, you reach inside the 8ox for your fuzzy, off-the-shoulder jacket, and throw it around your body, finishing off the look with a pair of simple white shoes. You move into the 8athroom, and frown at the towel still covering the mirror. You pull it off absently, and toss it onto the rack 8ehind you.

You turn your attention 8ack to your reflection, and smile as you raise a hand to yourself. A crackling green light sparks to life in your palm, and you take a deep 8reath, your smile growing wider with anticipation as you direct the light towards yourself. The energy of your aspect washes over your 8ody like a meteor shower, and you feel a gentle vi8ration settle over your skin as your 8ody is transformed. You giggle at your own pun, and hum with satisfaction, closing your eyes to enjoy the warmth of your power.

When you open them again, you come face to face with a 8rand new woman. Your eyes are a deep green now, glowing softly with the light of your aspect. Your lips are fuller, vi8rant pink, and perfectly contrasting your fair skin tone. Your 8lack hair falls down to your shoulders in a messy 8o8, and your 8angs are held partially out of your face 8y two white 8o88y pins.

Your chest is 8igger now, a8out a 8-cup in size, and though you can't see it in the mirror, you know your hips are wider too. Your cheeks are rosy with 8lush, and you can feel them start to hurt as you realize just how much you're smiling. You decide you should leave now, or you'll just end up staring at yourself for hours until Eg8ert wakes up again.

You nod at your reflection, and close your eyes once more as you imagine the image of your favorite place. Once again, that familiar green light crackles around you, charging the air green electricity, before you 'pop', and suddenly appear in an alley just outside your favorite crafts store. You make sure you're floating when you land this time, so you don't accidentally end up standing in a muddy puddle like you did last time. You wouldn't want to ruin yet another perfectly good pair of shoes.

Looking around to make sure no one saw you teleport in, you land on dry ground. Seeing no one looking in your direction, you take a deep 8reath and step out onto the sidewalk. Once you're sure that no one's noticed you, you let out a sigh of relief and immediately turn to walk into the shop. Luckily, Kim is at the counter today, and she greets you enthusiastically as you walk in.

KIM: Vee! Nice to see you again! Need some more fabric?

V: Hey, Kim! Actually, I think I need some help. I'm having a lot more pro8lems with the stitching than I thought I would, and I have no idea how to undo it.

KIM: Oh! No problem. Come on over here, and show me.

You nod and pull your project out from your sylladex: a fairly decently made stuffed 8unny with the exception of one the arms. The right arm hangs limply at the 8unny's side, and there's a slight mess of thread poking out from underneath it. You hand it over to Kim, and she moves it under a lamp to get a 8etter look. She nods slowly as she 8egins to see the issue you were having.

KIM: Okay! So, good news is, it's still salvageable. We'll have to pull out a few of the good stitches as well, and probably remove the arm entirely, but, it shouldn't be too big a deal to fix this. Here, let me grab my seam ripper.

You nod, and watch Kim reach underneath the counter to gra8 a small forked tool. She gives you a look asking for permission to proceed, and you nod in confirmation. With that, she 8egins to rip out the stitches that you had messed up along the arm, continuing all the way until the arm fully disconnects from the 8ody. Kim nods, and gives the rest of the 8unny another once over 8efore she smiles, satisfied that there are no other issues.

KIM: Okay, so, here, I'm going to go grab a demo project from the back and walk you through the process again!

You thank her and nod as she sets the 8unny on the counter in front of you, watching as she makes her way into the 8ack room to gra8 her project. When she comes 8ack, you 8oth immediately jump into it, and end up spending about an hour and a half sewing the 8unny's arm 8ack onto its 8ody. You follow along fairly well this time as she leads you through the sewing process yet again, 8ut can't help 8ut notice just how pretty she looks when she talks a8out her passion. A few times you're interrupted 8y other customers coming to 8uy materials for their own projects, and you silently curse them for 8othering you two, 8ut luckily, there aren't many people coming in today.

With Kim's help, you eventually manage to get the arm reattached to the 8ody fairly seamlessly, and smile at your work. The tenseness in your shoulders seems to ease a little, and it's only then that you realize just how much stress you were feeling over this fairly trivial pro8lem. Still, you're glad for the excuse to come see Kim again.

V: Thank you so much, Kimmy. Sorry a8out taking you away from your jo8 and stuff. I hate 8othering you, 8ut I don't really have anyone else to ask for help a8out this kind of stuff.

KIM: Hey, it's no problem, really. I don't really have friends who share this interest either, so it's nice to be able to talk about it, and show someone else how to do something I love.

You smile, and reach across the counter to give Kim a one-armed hug. Kim giggles, and hugs you 8ack 8efore you separate. You spend a little longer there chatting with Kim a8out her own projects, and how things have 8een going with her. She enthusiastically tells all a8out her ideas and sketches, and even mentions that she met someone new recently. You firmly ignore the tightening in your chest, and tease her a8out it for a while 8efore you realize how hungry you're getting. You decide to go for lunch, and, naturally, offer to 8ring something 8ack for Kim. She thanks you, 8ut tells you that she's actually already got that special someone picking her up for lunch soon. You try to grin, and tell her that she's going to have to spill the details the next time you see her, 8efore you turn and leave the store. You can't help 8ut feel like you've 8een dumped.

For the next few hours after that, you simply wander around the Human Kingdom, trying to enjoy a nice day of 8eing out and a8out while the sun is actually up this time. More than a few guys come up to you to ask for your num8er throughout the day, 8ut you're pretty experienced in shutting them down. It also helps distract you from the dejection you were feeling earlier over what happened with Kim, 8ut only a little 8it. You do find a few cute girls along the way that you try to talk to, 8ut the pro8lem with 8eing a les8ian is that, sometimes, girls just assume you're 8eing nice to them when you're really trying to flirt with them. It's irritating, 8ut there's not much you can do a8out it. Oh well, even if you got some cute girl's num8er, it's not like you could have anything other than a fling right now. Your current situation with Eg8ert is quite limiting, unfortunately…

As the day gets closer and closer to evening, you decide it's time to go 8ack home and change 8efore Eg8ert wakes up. You 8oth have to 8e at Rose's house for dinner soon. You should pro8a8ly wake the dork up soon, so they don't miss it too. You find another empty alleyway, and duck inside, calling on your aspect once again to zap you 8ack into your house. You make sure to take off your gorgeous, 8ut very feminine outfit, and fold it up nice and proper 8efore you gently place it 8ack in its 8ack in its 8ox, and hide the 8ox 8ack once again. Once that's done, you will Eg8ert's god-tier clothes 8ack onto your 8ody, and close your eyes as you retreat into your head.

V: Hey, Eg8ert. Wake up, we gotta go to Rose's soon. Do you want to take over?

Eg8ert stirs slightly at your prompting, and their eyes 8link open slowly 8efore they find yours. They're o8viously still clouded with sleep, so you wait a 8it longer for an answer. When it doesn't seem like they've registered your question, you ask again slower.

V: Do. You. Want. To. Take. Over?

This time, the question does register.

JOHN: oh. yeah, i guess i probably should...

JOHN: i don't want rose finding out that another person is living inside my head, she'd go crazy with the psychoanalyzing stuff, and i don't really want to deal with that.

V: Fair enough. Well, you have to 8e ready in a8out an hour so, you 8etter hurry up!

JOHN: an hour?!

You grin and shrug.

V: What? I lost track of time.

JOHN: ugh, you're lucky i can just use my retcon powers to zap us there, but man. give a guy a little more warning next time, will you?

You feel the way your chest constricts at that, and you know Eg8ert feels it too. As you hop out of the driver's seat and let Eg8ert 8ack into the saddle, you shake your head sadly at them. They really have no idea how much they're hurting themselves. Or you. Hopefully, this'll all 8e over soon.

As you come back to your body, you instinctively raise your hands to your face, and rub at your eyes. You know your body hasn't actually rested, but force of habit tricks you into feeling the sleep in your eyes and you have the compulsion to rub them. Remembering your prior commitment, you slowly walk into your closet, and look through your rather small assortment of clothes for something to wear. Somehow, it doesn't seem appropriate to show up at a dinner with the Lalonde-Maryam's in your god-tier hoodie, especially considering Kanaya is a major fashion 'fanatic'.

You sigh, and decide to just throw on a simple t-shirt and jeans. It isn't a formal dinner, thankfully, so wearing this shouldn't be a big deal. You nod, and decide to not even bother fixing your hair, completely and intentionally skipping over your bathroom, so you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror. If it's a mess, so be it.

You make your way back downstairs, and grab your phone that's still sitting on your kitchen counter. As you pick it up, you notice a few messages from the very person you were just getting ready to meet.

TT: John, please make sure to wear a suit. We're not going out or anything, so you don't have to worry about being out in public, but Kanaya has been wanting to find a good occasion to wear one of her dresses, and though this might be a good time for it.

TT: If you could please indulge my wife and show up in a suit, so she doesn't feel overdressed, it would be very much appreciated.

At reading her messages, your heart drops and dread washes over you, a massive pit opening up in your stomach. You just had to fucking jinx it, didn't you?

"This isn't a formal dinner, thankfully." Shut the fuck up!

You barely have the presence of mind to wonder why the idea of wearing a suit would make you feel this horrible, but your dread absolutely overwhelms any rational thought you could have about that at the moment. Your grip on your phone tightens, and you have to take a minute to stop hyperventilating before you reply. When you did you start breathing so hard?

EB: sure, rose! not a problem.

EB: i'll be there soon.

Your eyes sting, and you can feel tears beginning to spill over onto your face. Angrily, you wipe them away, and forcefully clear your throat. This is such a dumb fucking reason to get upset over, fucking stop it. You're doing this for your friend and her wife. She should be allowed to show off whatever amazing dress she's created without you making her feel like she chose the completely wrong time for it. You're going to their house. If nothing else, that's the place where they should feel free to wear whatever the fuck they want. Should you cancel? Make up an excuse, so it doesn't seem the formal wear was the exact fucking reason you decided not to go? No, you can't do that. They just want to catch up with you after you ghosted them for two months, it's your fault. You have to go.

Sighing, you slowly begin to trudge back upstairs to change, immediately zoning out yet again as you enter your room. Digging through your closet, you eventually find the box that has all your suits stuffed inside hidden at the very back. With great effort and hesitance, you pull it in front of you over all the other boxes, and slide the lid off. The sight brings tears to your eyes again, and you clench your teeth tightly to keep from fucking sobbing over literal nothing. Just wear the fucking suit, it's literally not a big deal, you baby. You reach a shaky hand inside, and pull out one of your more classy suits, standing up and kicking the box back inside your closet with maybe more force than necessary.

V: Need me to take over?

You jump at that, completely forgetting that V was even there. The question processes, and you find yourself incredibly tempted to take her up on it. More than anything you want her to take over, so you don't have to put this fucking suit on, but Rose is really perceptive. Even Dave and Karkat noticed that something was off when V took over earlier, there's no way Rose wouldn't immediately see something wrong. Still, maybe dealing with that would be preferable to putting on this fucking suit.

JOHN: i don't know...

Your voice quivers when you answer, and you bite your lip hard at hearing just how pathetic you sound. You frown at the outfit in your hands, staring at it with hatred and anger, though the latter is more directed at yourself for reacting like this over a fucking piece of clothing. Maybe you should give V control. You really don't want to put it on. But again, that one worry wriggles away at the back of your mind, and you just can't do it. Maybe you could mentally check out like you've been doing lately. That way, Rose won't get suspicious about V, you won't have to feel like you're suffocating while wearing the suit, and no one will question why you're so spacey. They know it's a pretty common thing for you now.

You nod and close your eyes, letting your awareness disappear back into your mind. V's shadow is sitting on your metaphorical couch, and though you can't see her face, you can tell she's giving a worried look by her body language. You sigh and decide to answer her earlier question more definitively.

JOHN: no. i don't want to risk rose finding out about you just yet. it'll only lead to more questions, and i don't want to end up in the mental hospital that those doctors tried to put me in last time.

JOHN: i'm just going to back seat drive. my body knows what to do, i'll just have to pay slightly more attention when rose and kanaya are talking to me.

V hums her disapproval, but doesn't say anything more. With that, you nod and climb into the metaphorical backseat of your body, finally able to make yourself change into the suit. Your view as you try to control from the backseat is a little more misted over, and it makes it much easier for you to get dressed. When you're done, you walk out towards your balcony, open the window, and let yourself dissolve into the Breeze. As always, The Breeze recognizes your intentions, and leads you towards the Carapace Kingdom.

It takes not but a few minutes before you find yourself rematerializing in front of the Lalonde-Maryam residence. You knock politely on the front door, and step back. Kanaya answers with a smile, and politely steps aside to allow you in. The first thing you notice as you look at her is her dress. It's absolutely breathtaking.

You feel like you remember Kanaya preferring longer dresses, but the skirt of this one is only long in the back, the front of it trimmed up so that it comes up to about her knees. She's showing a lot more leg than you ever remember seeing, and you can't help but blush at the sight. The bodice of her dress is a very pretty lacy halter top that looks so intricately sewn, you can only marvel at the sheer amount of skill it must have taken to make it look that perfect. Her arms are also bare, and once again you can't help but take notice that you're seeing so much more skin than you're used to. She's beautiful.

As you have that thought, you realize she's talking to you, yet given your current condition, her voice sounds slightly muffled. You manage to pick up on enough of her speech to nod at the appropriate time, and even provide a short response as she leads you into the dining area. You remember to compliment her dress, and smile a little at the tinge of green that colors her cheeks as she thanks you.

As you walk into the dining room, you see Rose there setting the table, and wearing an equally beautiful dress as the one her wife is wearing. You start to feel a little self-conscious about dining with such beautiful women looking the way you do, but Rose looks up at you with a smile and you instantly forget what you were thinking about. Her lips move as she speaks, and despite being distracted by how soft they look, you manage to make out something along the lines of 'good to see you', and reply appropriately.

Rose beckons you over to sit, and you do so. She then makes her way back into the kitchen to presumably grab the food that she made. Kanaya takes the seat across from you, and once again tries to start up a conversation. The longer she speaks without you hearing, the more you wonder if maybe it's really a good idea to just check out the way you are. You're supposed to be reconnecting with your friend, and getting to know her wife at the same time. You sigh internally.

This was a really bad idea, but you're here now, so you should at least try to be present. You frown and shut your eyes tightly, before hesitantly climbing into the front seat again. Immediately, your vision clears, and you can now perfectly hear what Kanaya was saying, though you only end up catching the tail end of it.

JOHN: sorry, kanaya, i was kind of checked out there. what did you say?

KANAYA: Oh Thats Quite Alright

KANAYA: I Was Just Saying That Im Glad We Managed To Convince You To Join Us For Dinner Tonight

KANAYA: I Hope You Dont Mind The Formal Attire

KANAYA: Im Sure Rose Mentioned That Ive Been Looking For An Occasion To Wear This Particular Dress

JOHN: hehe... yeah, she might have mentioned it.

JOHN: have i complimented you on that yet? if i didn't, your dress is amazing, kanaya!

JOHN: really makes me want to try my hand at learning something like that.

KANAYA: I Believe You Have But Thank You John

KANAYA: If You Ever Wish To Try Your Hand At Design Id Be Happy To Give You Some Pointers

Your heart sinks at the mention of your name again, but you smile through it and nod. As you go to reply, you feel V in your head suddenly get really excited.

V: Say yes! Say yes! I want to learn!

You smile a little.

JOHN: sure, that sounds like fun!

JOHN: i *have* actually been interested in learning a bit of...

V: Design.

JOHN: design.

JOHN: i just have no idea where to start most of the time.

At that, Kanaya's eyes light up with excitement and her smile widens.

KANAYA: Thats Not A Problem At All

KANAYA: We Can Schedule A Day To Meet Up Then

KANAYA: Perhaps We Can Start With Something Simple Like Making Alterations To Your Suit

Your chest tightens at the reminder that you're wearing a suit, and you swallow the knot forming in your throat.

JOHN: sounds good!

Your voice sounds strained as you say that, but before Kanaya has a chance to ask you about it, Rose returns from the kitchen balancing three plates in her arms. She sets down her wife's plate first, then yours, and then finally sits down at the head of the table with her own plate. You look down, and see a rather gorgeous, juicy looking steak. It's a bit of a stereotypical dinner choice for a formal gathering, but you're not going to complain about steak of all things. With no further fanfare, you all begin to dig into your meals, and make pleasant small talk.

Rose asks you how you're doing, and what you've been up to. You answer, and in turn, ask how she's been doing. Other than a bit stressed due to her psychology work, she says she's doing pretty good, just missing her wife. Her job keeps her very busy and really cuts into the time that she gets to spend just being with her. You smile at that and Kanaya wholeheartedly agrees. Apparently, she's also been pretty busy lately with the whole Matriorb stuff, and breeding the next generation of trolls and whatnot. It's a lot more work than one might think.

They end up admitting that they may have both used this dinner as an excuse to take a break from their very demanding jobs, and have both a sort of date night/catch up dinner with you, which you think is completely fair to be honest. You are more than okay with letting them use you to get away from their stresses, and relax with good company. You're sure as hell not going to complain if you wind up spending more time with these lovely women.

Kanaya ends up telling Rose about your interest in the beautiful intricacies of design, and how you've made plans to have her teach you what she knows about the art. Rose chuckles at that and wholeheartedly wishes you good luck, telling you that apparently, Kanaya can get rather excited when it comes to fashion and design. You snicker at that, and from then on, you end up having a very pleasant evening dining with the Lalonde-Maryams. Over the course of the dinner, you completely forget that you're wearing a suit, and actually begin to enjoy yourself, laughing, joking and maybe drinking a little too much wine.

Before you know it, you've all finished your steaks and flutes of wine, and Rose decides to move you all over to the couch to continue the evening in comfort. She brings the wine bottle with you all, but you know it's mostly for you and Kanaya. Rose has been sober going on two years now, and it fills you with a little pride to see that even though it would be situationally acceptable for her to have just a single drink right now, she still refuses. Before you can dwell on that little fact for any longer, you're laughing again at some of the stories Kanaya's been telling you about some of the more pleasant experiences of her job as essentially a glorified babysitter. Caring for wrigglers can be almost as funny as caring for human babies, apparently!

As the evening bleeds into the night, you all begin to settle down a little, and Rose calls your attention.

ROSE: How are you feeling, John? Drunk enough?

You giggle a little and shake your head at that.

JOHN: i'm no' drunk, rose!

JOHN: i'm jus' a liiiiiiiil' bit tipsy, hehe.

ROSE: Yes, I completely believe you. You are very clearly not drunk in the slightest! My mistake.

You laugh again, and let your head fall back against the couch. The action causes your head to spin, and you close your eyes tightly in response. It passes quickly, and you glance out of the corner of your eye to see Rose and Kanaya smiling at you.

JOHN: you kno', i'm really glad i agreed to come.

Rose laughs lightly at that and nods.

ROSE: Me too. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

KANAYA: Yes The Evening Has Been Quite An Enjoyable One

JOHN: you kno... i almos canceled las minute cuz o' the suit thing.

Rose's smile wavers a little bit, and a look of concern flashes over Kanaya's face at your admission, obviously worrying that she actually did choose an inappropriate time to wear the dress.

ROSE: Why?

JOHN: i hate suits. like, more than anythin' i've ever worn, i hate suits.

The girls seemingly relax at that and Rose tilts her head curiously.

ROSE: Why?

You shrug a little bit, and fully close your eyes again.

JOHN: i dunno. i've been tryin' to figure tha' out.

JOHN: like, when u tol' me to wear a suit, i almost cried.

JOHN: but tha's a stupid thing to cry abou'.

ROSE: That's not a stupid thing to cry about, John. Nothing is too stupid to cry over, your emotions are valid.

You flinch at hearing your name, suddenly aware of the clenching in your chest again. You frown a little.

JOHN: i also app- appren- appaently hate m' name.

Rose pauses at that, and you try to open your eyes to see her face, but are met with a whirlwind of stars instead, so you close your eyes again. A short pause later, Rose responds.

ROSE: Do you want me to call you something else, then?

You shrug at that.

JOHN: haven' really though' abou' it.

JOHN: don' even kno' why i hate it...

Another pause follows that, and this time, you try harder to look at her. The stars are still there, but eventually they fade away and allow you to see the concern on both Rose and Kanaya's face.

JOHN: v said u migh' kno' why if i tol' you.

ROSE: Who's V?

V: I am!

Suddenly, you find yourself kicked out of the driver's seat as V takes your place. You're too tired to try to push her back out, and while you feel a sense of alarm that she's revealing herself, you can't do anything about it. Now that you're out of the driver's seat, you no longer feel the obligation to stay awake to chat anymore, and immediately just start falling asleep. It really doesn't take long before you're conked out, and V smiles at that, before she turns to address your friends.

Rose and Kanaya's eyes widen as you come to the front, seemingly completely so8er unlike your other half. The looks of shock on their face at having, very clearly a completely different person, come forward makes you giggle. The surprise of it seems to have also momentarily frozen them in place, 8ut Rose, like the professional she is, quickly recovers her composure.

ROSE: Oh. Well... nice to meet you. I don't understand what's going on, but can I assume that you're the reason John's been losing time?

V: Oh! Actually, yes. 8ut, that wasn't my intention. Sorry.

V: I don't mean to cause pro8lems for Eg8ert, 8ut a girl's gotta live too, you know.

Rose hums a little, 8efore nodding in understanding.

ROSE: Are you a completely separate person to John, then?

V: Well... sort of. Technically, we're the same person, 8ut I also just so happen to have my own personality, desires, goals, and even my own aspect.

Rose's eyes widen at the revelation that you possess your own aspect, and her eyes sparkle with immense fascination. Despite how much she really wants to ask you more a8out that little tid8it, you can tell she's trying to focus more on the concerning situation you and Eg8ert find yourselves in.

ROSE: Okay... do you happen to know how you came to be?

V: Oh, yeah, definitely.

ROSE: ...Would you mind telling us how?

V: Nope! I can't tell you directly. Eg8ert isn't aware of what I am, and until they figure it out, I'm sworn to secrecy a8out pretty much everything revolving around me, and how I came to 8e.

V: If you knew the reason, you would completely understand why I can't say anything.

ROSE: Hmm.

ROSE: Well, what can you tell us, then?

V: That you pro8a8ly already know the answer, little Ms. Seer. Or at least have a few theories. I can—

V: Sorry. Do you mind if I change?

V: The suit thing is a shared distaste 8etween Eg8ert and I.

ROSE: Do you have something else to change into?

V: Oh yeah, definitely!

With that, you reach out for your Space Aspect god-tier outfit, and materialize it on your 8ody over the suit you're currently wearing. It's almost identical to Jade's god-tier outfit with the exception of a much shorter skirt, coming up to a8out mid-thigh. It's a 8it of shame that it looks so similar to Jade's, 8ut you have no idea if it's even possible for you to change it's appearance or not. You'd rather not wear it until you've made some modifications to it, 8ut what can you do? If you had known you were going to front at some point during this dinner, you would've at least made sure to captchalogue the outfit you had on earlier. Oh well, no use whining about it.

V: Not great, 8ut 8etter.

V: Now.

With your outfit sorted, you call upon your aspect in the same way you had earlier that day, and conjure that same green light again. Like 8efore, you let the light wash over your 8ody, and let it travel down your figure, transforming Eg8ert's 8ody 8ack into the same feminine figure that you had adopted earlier that day. You stand to look at yourself in one of the mirrors that Rose has hanging up on the wall, and can't help 8ut feel like the cutest fucking girl you've ever seen. People might say it's a little narcissistic to call yourself the cutest girl ever, 8ut you'd like to think it's aggressive self-confidence. After spending so much time 8eing shunned, and ignored inside your own 8ody, you deserve to feel fucking gorgeous.

As the green light fades and you return to your preferred appearance, you see that Rose and Kanaya's jaws have dropped in utter shock. You giggle again, and hold out your arms to give them a 8etter look at your amazing figure, even giving them a little twirl before you fall 8ack down onto the couch. They 8lush when you do so, and you feel a deep feeling of validation tingle throughout your 8ody at the sight.

V: There. Much 8etter. So, as I was saying.

V: I can give you some information a8out what's going on, 8ut I can't always promise that you'll receive a direct answer to a question. It really depends on what it is.

V: That 8eing said, I imagine you 8oth have things you'd like to ask, so ask away. Eg8ert is out like a light in here, so they won't hear anything we're saying.

ROSE:

KANAYA:

V:

ROSE:

KANAYA:

V:

ROSE: Okay... I suppose I'll start. Does... Egbert know about you?

V: They didn't 8efore, 8ut they do now. I've tried to contact them through dreams 8efore, 8ut they always seem to forget a8out me as soon as they wake up.

V: Today's the first day I've 8een a8le to "drive", so to speak, while we've 8oth 8een conscious.

Rose nods at the information and looks over at her wife. Kanaya looks 8ack at her, and shrugs, still obviously feeling a little tipsy from the alcohol and not really understanding what's going on.

ROSE: What do you mean by, "while we've both been conscious"? Have you fronted before?

V: Oh, yeah! Usually when Eg8ert's asleep, though. I'll admit that it's pro8a8ly my fault that they've 8een so tired lately.

ROSE: Interesting...

8efore Rose can ask another question, Kanaya beats her to the punch.

KANAYA: Why Do You Keep Calling John By His Last Name

KANAYA: And Why Do You Not Use Pronouns For Him

V: ...I'm afraid that's something I can't answer.

You, shrug and see a smidgen of understanding flash across Rose's face at your non-answer. She jumps on that opportunity, and interjects 8efore Kanaya can ask why.

ROSE: V. If I were to give you my hypothesis for what is going on right now, would you be able to confirm or deny whether I'm correct?

Your lips twitch into a momentary grin 8efore you shrug at her.

V: It depends what it is.

ROSE: Very well. If you can, let me know if I'm on the right track.

ROSE: From what you've said, it's obvious that you're something that... Egbert has been repressing for most of their life.

ROSE: Given your aversion to using their given name and pronouns, it's safe to assume that the thing Egbert's been repressing is an issue to do with their gender, yes?

You smile and give her a small shrug, intentionally not answering her question. She seems to understand your silence and nods.

ROSE: Then, the reason why you've been able to front the way you have is because Egbert is getting close to the realization on their own, right?

ROSE: Otherwise, you would still be being repressed by his adamant denial, and refusal to accept his own feelings about the issue.

Your smile widens, and although you always knew Rose was incredi8ly smart, it's quite a thing to see how quickly she managed to understand your situation.

V: You know, I always seem to forget how smart you are.

V: I cannot confirm nor deny your hypothesis, 8ut I will say that I did want Eg8ert to attend this dinner for a reason.

V: You are pro8a8ly the 8est person I know that would 8e a8le to help this idiot realize, and accept their own issues.

V: I assume that now that I haven't answered your questions, you have your own suspicions, and pro8a8ly understand why I can't outright tell you what the pro8lem is, yes?

ROSE: Yes, I understand.

V: Great! Well, now that I've properly seeded the soil for Eg8ert's realization, I think it's time we return home.

V: I think we're all in need of some rest after this eventful evening, and even though I seem pretty sober right now, I can still feel the alcohol in my 8ody. I should go lie down. If you ever need to speak to me again, simply call my name in front of Eg8ert, and I should front.

Rose nods while next to her, Kanaya still seems to 8e rather confused a8out what's going on. She must not have made the same connection as Rose. Eh, her wife will fill her in later. Oh!

V: Right! 8efore I forget. Kanaya, Eg8ert isn't actually the one who's interested in design. That was all my influence.

V: I've fiddled around with my own projects in the little time I've 8een a8le to front at home, 8ut I find myself struggling a lot, and having to wait until I can run down to the crafts store to ask the attendants for help.

V: It's a little inconvenient for me considering my situation, and I don't really like 8othering the attendant there so much, so if you're still willing, I would really appreciate it if you could teach me.

Kanaya's confusion evaporates at the mention of something she does understand, and she nods happily.

KANAYA: Of Course

KANAYA: Id Be More Than Happy To Teach You

V: Great! I'll text you through Eg8ert to work out a day when you're free!

Kanaya nods again and you stand.

V: Well, then. Thank you 8oth for having us over. It was very fun, even though I only got to show up towards the end. I look forward to the next time we meet, Kanaya, Rose! Have a good night.

With that, you raise your hand to wave good8ye, and wait just long enough to receive one 8ack 8efore you call on your aspect to zap you 8ack home. You end up immediately landing on top of your 8ed, and simply turn over to go to sleep as the exhaustion of the evening washes over you. Hopefully now that Rose is aware, Eg8ert will have her dum8 realization soon, maybe finally get out of the house. You have so much to show her.