(Disclaimer)
Lily fidgeted with her dress, desperate for something to distract her from the pain from her burned palms. The closer she examined the dress, she realized it wasn't naturally pale green, but it was stained. It must have been washed carelessly. The other stains were less easy to investigate. The brownish splatters on the frayed hem must have been from dirt and muck. As for the other brown splotches, Lily couldn't tell if it was gravy or dried blood. She felt grimy. It seemed like ages since wearing that ancient wedding gown. Lily certainly didn't miss the overly starched lace. She was still stuck wearing the undergarments until she found something better. A good, cleansing bath was in order as well. Once her hands were healed, perhaps she could scavenge through the laundry to find a pair of skivvies that no one would notice go missing. Asking Severus would be too humiliating. Where was he?
He left behind some cigarettes and a muggle lighter for her in case she felt the urge for one. Lily would have to force herself to become dependent on Severus. She strongly resented the mere idea of being dependent on anyone or anything, but once again, this was survival. Lily lit the cigarette, with some difficulty, and took a drag. Would the bandages catch on fire? As long as she had the cigarettes, she had Severus. The smell no longer bothered her. Rather, she became accustomed to it. It reminded her of being a child again, playing by the river with the dirty little boy from Spinner's End.
The door quietly opened. "Sev?" Lily excitedly got up from the armchair. "What did you bring?"
His usual stoic face twisted into a smile. For once, in a great long while, Lily was happy to see him. "Beef stew." Severus handed her a pewter mug. Without thinking, Lily flicked the cigarette into the fireplace and started eating. It was still warm. The stew was rich and hearty; the best thing Lily ever ate. Thick, fat cuts of beef, carrots, celery, and chunks of potatoes and a heavy, greasy broth. She drank it straight from the mug and ignored the spoon. "Haven't seen you eat like that in ages." Severus gave her an odd look; "When was the last time you ate, anyways?"
Lily swallowed. "Not for a while. Can't really afford food or cook much on the run." She returned to gulping down the beef stew.
"Didn't Potter feed you?" He asked.
Lily shook her head. "Couldn't eat much, too anxious and had to fit in that stupid dress."
"The kitchens, at least?"
"No. We just pick whatever we find off the plates. Can't let the house elves catch us eating." Lily finished the beef stew in a matter of minutes. She could eat more, but Severus looked stiff. "You alright, Sev?"
"I just thought they'd be feeding you more is all." He said quietly. Lily felt herself getting angry. How could he be so ignorant? She decided against saying anything; they needed to be friends. There was an unpleasant silence. Lily felt as if she could eat more. If she was healthier, that single pewter mug would have filled her with plenty leftover. Severus cleared his throat. "Er … McKinnon asked about you."
"Marlene?" Lily perked up. "Is she alright? How is she? Oh damn, she's probably worried sick about me. What did she say?"
"She's fine." Severus said bitterly. "And harbors a strong distaste for me. Apparently she's under the delusion that you are my prisoner."
She was startled. "Your prisoner? How did she know I'm here in the first place?"
"I do not believe she knows where you are for certain, only that you and I were close at Hogwarts. That would give her enough suspicion of your whereabouts."
Lily felt an odd mix of relief and anxiety. "Well, what did you tell her?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "I only told her what she needed to know. You're safe and alive, and she needs to keep her mouth shut and her nose clean."
"What?" She gaped at him. "Why would you say that to Marlene? You can trust her!"
"It cannot work like that, Lily. I was at dinner. Had I told her I'm keeping you safe in here, my cohorts would overhear, and the both of us would be in deep shit. Even if I talked to McKinnon in secret, I have no doubt she would spread the word to the other servants and they would all try to take refuge here." Severus explained. "Absolutely no one is to know where you are, do you understand?"
Lily begrudgingly nodded. "Did you have to be so rude to her?"
"She approached first and threatened me. We're done talking about this. Let me see your hands, please." Lily didn't appreciate the abrupt subject change. However, it was wise not to say anything. He did have a point; secrecy would keep the both of them alive. Trying to remain passive and friendly was challenging her patience. She held both of her palms up while he sat down across from her and examined them. "Have they been hurting?" He asked.
"A bit. It still hurts whenever I move my fingers."
"What about this?" He pressed a thumb into her palm.
"I feel the pressure, but it doesn't quite hurt as bad."
"That's expected. Burns are most fascinating." Severus pulled his wand out and the bandages started unravelling themselves. "The initial pain is intense, but then the affected area is numbed." The bandages twisted and peeled off like dancing silk ribbons. However, what they revealed wasn't as pleasant. Lily's palms were swollen and bright red. Some spots were still oozing blood, pus, and fluids. It smelled similar to rotting meat.
"It looks worse!" Lily repressed gags.
"Burns are worse before they get better." Severus stated simply, quite unfazed. "However, it wouldn't be wise to keep it covered all day and night. It'll fester – "
"More than it already has?" She interrupted. "It's fucking revolting."
"Exactly. Which is why you'll need to let it air out at night." He saw her squirm uncomfortably. "What's up?"
"Erm …"
A twisted grin appeared. "Not afraid of a little blood, are we?"
"… No."
"Well then-?"
"I'm fucking disgusting!" Lily blurted. "Look at me, I'm a fucking mess! My hands are disgusting, my face is disgusting, I feel disgusting. I smell like I rolled in a sewer and then an ashtray! I'm disgusting!"
"I don't think you're disgusting …"
"Oh, what's wrong with me?" Lily grumbled and slumped in her chair. "I shouldn't even be alive right now. Listen to me." She forced a small laugh and reached for a cigarette, ignoring the intense stinging from her raw hands. "I'm as lucky as it gets. I have somewhere safe, a couple of living friends, and a full stomach. And here I am whinging on about feeling dirty." Lily slowly exhaled and watched the smoke trail and spiral into haze. "What do you think, Sev? Where do servants bathe? Or do you just kill them off when the smell gets bad?"
"What …? No. You can't go back down to the kitchens, remember?"
"Alright then, where do you bathe? Is there a fancy-ass guest lavatory reserved for Death Eaters around here?"
"There's the bathroom down the hall." Severus turned pink. "Is this some sort of … woman thing?"
"What?!" Lily snapped. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Forget I said anything, never mind." He quickly lit a cigarette and looked away.
"No, you better say what you meant!" She narrowed her eyes. "Woman thing? Are you talking about-?"
"Yes! Alright? Whatever you're thinking, yes!" Severus was clearly uncomfortable. "Is that what's going on? Is that what's up with the whinging and shit?"
"No." Lily said quietly, slightly offended. "I haven't had it for a while now." That was the truth. Lily hadn't had a normal cycle since being on the run. The high stress, irregular diet, and lack of self-care was her guess as to why it stopped.
"Oh." There was a stiff pause. Lily sat in the armchair, hunched over, and arms crossed. At first it was only light teasing, but it got far too out of hand. Whereas Severus never intended the conversation to turn so awkward and bitter. He cleared his throat. "Is there … something I should know?"
"Like what?" Lily said tonelessly.
Severus stood up and took the cigarette away from her. "Lily, are you pregnant? Did Potter – anybody – do something to you?!"
She was taken aback by his sudden concern. "I'm not."
"Be honest, you can tell me."
Lily stood up and faced him. "What has gotten into you? I'm not bloody pregnant, you creep! I want a fucking bath!" She plucked her cigarette back, sat back down in the armchair and glared at him. "If I was pregnant, I think I would be the first to know. Why would it matter so much if I was?"
Severus sat down and looked away from her. "Can we not talk about this, please?"
"But why would it-?"
"Enough." There was a note of rough impatience in his voice Lily did not feel like pushing over. She reminded herself they needed to be on friendly terms. "You can use the bathroom at five in the morning; no one is awake that early except the maids. Keep a lookout to make sure none of them see you, so lock the doors. Any time after that, you'll have to wait until supper. That's when the Death Eaters are in the dining hall, eating and talking, and the servants are in the kitchens. Those are your only options."
"Not very good options." She muttered darkly.
"It's that, or I bring up a bucket of hot water and a bedpan. Take it or leave it."
Lily groaned. Waiting overnight and getting up early to use the lavatory would not be pleasant, but her preference wasn't significant. She had to survive. "I suppose I better get some sleep now, or else I'll miss my chance in the morning." She tossed the cigarette and shuffled towards the bed.
"So where am I supposed to sleep, then?" Severus raised an eyebrow.
"Hell if I know." Lily joked as she grabbed a heavy blanket off the bed and playfully threw it at his armchair. "Wherever you slept the other night, I suppose. You wouldn't mind, would you?" She tossed an extra pillow.
"Seriously, Lily?"
"Seriously, Lily?" She teased in a mocking voice and crawled into bed. "Don't look at me like that, Sev. What if we did shifts? We split it; every other night. How does that sound?"
Severus snorted. "You aren't even tired! Besides, you slept in it last night, so technically tonight would be my turn."
"Every other night, starting tonight with me!" She giggled and pulled the covers over her head. "Goodnight, Sev!" Hearing a small laugh from him stirred a warm feeling inside Lily. For just that small moment, they were friendly teenagers again. Between them both, there was a strict unspoken agreement not to quarrel. What difference would it make if she was pregnant? Part of her feared that if a Death Eater accidentally impregnated a servant, it would mean instant death, or a worse fate. Lily worried about Marlene, and wondered when she would see her friend again. Marlene could take care of herself, and clearly she was doing fine. Would Marlene try to find her? Or would Marlene consider her dead and carry on? What was it about that cigarette smell that made Lily want to stay in this room with Severus forever? More questions floated through her thoughts, each demanding a more complicated or uncertain answer. Eventually, they carried Lily off to a peaceful sleep.