"Look at it. Pathetic." Bellatrix snorted.
Lily was unresponsive. Her motionless body laid crumpled on the floor like an abandoned plaything. She fought hard. Once or twice, Lily managed to successfully throw off his curse. That didn't please the Death Eaters for long. They yearned for cruelty. Severus was forced to spill blood. Not long after, Lily stopped screaming. Her body jerked and writhed under the pain with labored breath. By the time the blood was soaked through the carpet, she ceased responding at all.
Two muggleborn servants were brought in to carry her body back upstairs plus a few more servants to scrub the blood off the carpet. Severus was fixated on the blood stains. The Death Eater's conversation warped in and out. What had he done? Lily still had to be alive; Severus knew it.
"That was something." Avery Nott yawned. "We should do this in the dining hall next time. Breakfast and a show."
"My stolen jewelry is a show?! Sideshow entertainment?!" Narcissa shrieked at him. "How dare you!"
"Now, calm down, miss, I didn't mean that …" It was too late for Nott to correct himself.
"Don't disrespect Cissy, you cunt!" Bellatrix snapped.
"Now, really – " Lucius started.
While the quartet got into a loud argument, other Death Eaters, including Severus took the opportunity to leave the hall. If one lingered behind just to watch the brawl, they would be accidentally hexed or dragged into it. The Death Eaters went into the dining hall to check on breakfast. Severus went upstairs unnoticed. Everything was a blur. The echoes of Bellatrix's shrill voice mingled with the ghosts of Lily's screams as he climbed the stairs. He can't shake the image of those green eyes staring into him. Why did he do it? There must have been a way to talk the others out of it somehow. But he didn't.
Lily looked as if she was hastily tossed on the bed by the servants. The blood was still flowing. These curses Severus invented were never intended to be used on her. They were used on deserving enemies. She didn't deserve this. Being brought to this castle, forced to serve under perverted scrutiny, and betrayal, she deserved none of it. Often many times before, Severus questioned his loyalty to the Death Eaters. They consisted of fickle, wealthy inbred families playing out their sick desires on innocent muggleborns and muggles. This disturbing behavior was widely accepted, as long as it was performed in the name of cleansing for the Dark Lord. As vile and rough as they were, the Death Eaters provided a sense of normality that Severus only experienced at Hogwarts. A private bed and room, hot meals daily, and acceptance.
"What would you be if you weren't a Death Eater?" Lily's question haunted him. It was surreal to believe there could have been a different life without the Death Eaters. Severus could heal the flesh. He wasn't as certain about her other internal wounds. He was a monster; and that is what she would awaken to see. A monster. The monster who dared to hope someone like Lily could fall in love with him. The same monster who gave her refuge from the desires of the Death Eaters; he gave her moments of light. The very same monster that slaughtered Marlene McKinnon and brutally tortured Lily.
Lily's gashes were healed. Severus was trembling. She still wasn't awake. "Lily?" He checked her wrists and neck; he couldn't feel a pulse. Silently panicking, he put his head to her chest, hoping for a heartbeat. Severus could faintly hear a weak heart. Initially, Severus feared she would loathe him upon waking up. Now, it was uncertain if she would wake up at all. He could tolerate the thought of her never speaking to him again, but Lily could not die. She was the only guiding light in this darkness. "Please, Lily." Severus climbed on the bed and shook her. She didn't stir. "Lily, wake up." He felt tears. If she couldn't wake up, this would be it. Severus held onto her motionless body tightly. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said." He choked; hoping Lily could hear him somehow. "I know what I would be if I wasn't a Death Eater. What I should be. Please, Lily, please wake up!" He only held her tighter. Lily's hair was still damp from her bath. She still smells like lavender. "Don't go, please, Lily! Don't go. Don't leave me. I love you."
"What would you be if you weren't a Death Eater?"
Peace. The sound of the ocean's waves splashing the cliffs below. A gentle breeze blowing through the cracks of the wood planks; bringing in the lavender fields and salty air. It was just barely morning, and the bright sun was shining through the few clouds in the endless blue skies. Waking up, surrounded by light, and white linen. The brightness outside shines through the colored sea glass windows, speckling the wooden floor and walls with transparent blues and greens. The breeze plays with some wind chimes somewhere distant.
He turns to the other side of the bed, and she is sleeping right next to him. She looks so peaceful, with the hint of a smile on her lips as she rested. The cotton blankets draped over her figure, shoulders to hips, revealing a small, round bump just below her waist. Her skin was almost glowing. She looks so angelic. As if aware of his gaze, she wakes up. Upon seeing him, she smiles and kisses him. "Good morning, love."
He eagerly responds to her kiss. "How are you feeling this morning? Not too shaken up from last night, I see."
"Can't keep off me for too long, can you?" She laughs and teasingly pushes his face away. "Nearly every waking hour now you have back here."
"I didn't hear you complaining about it last night." He kisses her again. "How's the baby?"
"Still there, obviously," she joked. She tenderly laid a hand on her belly. "And growing. I can't believe this is actually happening!"
"Why?"
"I suppose I never pictured myself pregnant." She was lost in wondrous thoughts of her own. "What do you think? We won't really know until the day comes, but what do you think anyways, boy or girl?"
He started stroking her belly. The bump felt so oddly firm compared to the rest of her soft body. "I dunno. What if it's twins or more? Then what?"
She quietly laughed. "That's possible. But what will they look like? I think they'll look more like you!"
"Like me? You made the other half of whatever is in there! Guaranteed, it'll have your eyes."
"My eyes? What makes you say that?"
"I just know it." He couldn't quite believe it himself. He never pictured having children of his own. Yet here they were, young lovers, nineteen and twenty, and already expecting. There was a new feeling. The primal urge to find the most suitable mate and reproduce, but much more. He felt a new wave of protectiveness for her and their unborn child. Who knew if it would be a boy or girl? Just one child or twins, or triplets. But he didn't care what was in there. Even if the child didn't have her eyes, or his features, or even if the child was a squib, he would love it, regardless. "What do you want it to be?" He asked her. "What does your gut tell you?"
She smiled and looked at her bump. "I think it's a boy."
"A boy?"
"Yeah, just one boy. Born a little small, but with a full head of black hair, for sure. I think he'll resemble his father quite a bit." She looked at him with hopeful eyes. "I just know it."
He smiled. "Thought of any names yet?"
"Names?" She laughed. "We still have eons to decide on a name. I don't want to pick out a name too soon, what if it's a girl or twins?"
"Fair enough. I would prefer to gift a proper name, rather than 'it' all the time." He moved his hands to her waist, pulled her close and kissed her. "We should be up and about soon; the sun is already out."
"If you say so." She returned the kiss.
Together, they slowly crawled out of bed. The man took in his surroundings and looked through the sea glass windows. They shared a tiny and modest cottage next to a stretch of coastline. Dried herbs and magical plants hung from a rafter above. The perfume of sea salt and lavender was incredibly pleasant. It smelled like home. The woman tossed on a simple white cotton dress and opened up a few cabinets that served as their kitchen quarters. "We still have about a half a loaf of bread left and a tin of beans."
"I can get by without breakfast." The man said while straightening his shirt. "Are you hungry? You should eat."
"A bit, but I can hold off until lunch. Could you run by the market if you go into town today? After we sell some more books and herbs we should have enough food to last us the week." She glanced at an antique table littered with endless rolls of parchment and ink bottles. "Still no owl from Blotts? It should be here by today."
"Hm. I'll give him another day before I write. It's been almost two weeks; it doesn't take that long to review a first draft of a textbook."
"The sooner you get your owl; the sooner I'll have my dinner table back." She teased, gesturing at the mess of parchment, quills, and ink pots.
"It'll be gone by tonight. I promise. You promise me you won't lift anything heavy, or stay out in the sun for too long – "
"Love, I know." She kissed him on the cheek and handed him a canvas bag filled with bunches of dried lavender and herbs. "Be a dear and drop this off at the apothecary. I'll be out in the field when you get back."
"Promise me you'll be careful?" The man asked skeptically. She was the quite the risk taker and he was unsure if she would grow out of it in time for the baby.
"I will! Don't you trust me?" She grinned.
"Absolutely not." He said sarcastically.
She laughed and jokingly pushed him towards the door. "Be on your way, love!"
In this haven, he was not dictated by the rules. No longer a strategist for the Death Eaters, but perhaps an aspiring writer, breaking into the field of writing textbooks. No moving between pureblood castles and estates, but rather living comfortably in a cozy cottage by the shore. Here, Lily loved him truly. She loved him so much, she would marry him, wake up and fall asleep in his arms every day. She was healthy and happy; far away from the hateful world that betrayed her. She grew magical plants and herbs for the wizarding village not far away from their cottage. If he never joined the Death Eaters, or if he left them early enough, this was how perfect their life would be. Returning from the market, he saw her fluttering white dress in the endless lavender fields behind the cottage. The sun was starting to set, casting the sky into a bright ruby expanse with deep plum clouds. Why must the days here be so short? He watched her.
For a moment longer, this could still be real.
He went outside and found her in the lavender fields. She carried a basket, carefully picking the best flowers to be dried or sold fresh to a passerby as a bouquet. She didn't seem aware of his presence. While she worked, she was absently singing and humming to a tune. In between flowers, her hand would occasionally drop to touch her belly. Her deep red curls were waved as if they recently came out of a braid. She was so beautiful. "What are you doing, love?" She smiled when she saw him.
"Am I not allowed to look in admiration at my own wife?"
She giggled and set the basket down in the field. "Come and watch the sunset with me." She gently took his hand and pulled him towards the beach on the other side of the cottage. Here, she couldn't see the Dark Mark on his forearm. "The owl came while you were in town. You'll never believe it!"
"What? Did I –?"
"Yes! They accepted! You're going to be published!" She embraced him tightly. "I'm so proud of you!"
He held her closely. "I can't believe it."
"Neither can I! We'll have to buy a printing press and enchant it, you'll be receiving letters from students and scholars daily, I can't believe it! What will we do when the baby arrives? Where would we start - ?"
"Here." The man sat down on the warm sand and playfully pulled her down next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. Together, in comfortable silence, they watched the sun turn the sky from a rainbow of bright warm colors to cool burgundy. The chilly winds from the sea started picking up. The cold was setting in. Once it was nightfall, he knew the dream would be over. She settled closer to him, feeling warmth. He slid a hand under her dress to feel her belly. She placed her hand on top of his.
In this moment, this was real. Here, she could live and do so happily. In this world, they were both free. It felt so incredibly real. Watching the sunset with her, holding her and their child. This was what his life would have been without the Death Eaters. "Lily … I love you."
"I love you, Sev." How could it be? How could it be that only here could she speak words of love so plainly; as if she said it every day, every hour of her life? He felt hot tears sliding down his face. The moon was full and silver tonight. The stars glittered in the void above. The dream would end soon. Why must the days here be so short? How could the id manifest his desires so cruelly, yet so beautiful? An unfair glimpse into a peaceful life where they loved, right before having a child. What he would give, the things he would do to spend one moment more in this fantasy.
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-Montosse