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Lily looked at herself in the foggy bathroom mirror. She loathed her reflection. A weak woman with teary eyes and bruises stared back. Guilt. Why was she spared? Of all the other muggleborn witches and wizards that were killed, why was Lily forced to remain alive? Why was she forced to relive her guilt, humiliation, and become a plaything for the Death Eaters? Why couldn't she just be dead like Mary, Marlene, and the Potters? Lily had already lost the game. It was by sadistic fate and judgement that she be forced to keep playing and losing.

The hot water started fogging up the room. Lily craved more than anything to be clean. The bathroom was the only place she knew of where the door locked, and she could be away from the Death Eaters. Even though her hair was still slightly damp from her last bath, Lily felt unclean. Avery Nott never got to shoving his cock inside her, but nonetheless, she was violated. Flashbacks to Nott's dirty, jagged nails inside her, tearing at her flesh and drawing blood …

"Stop it." Lily sharply muttered to herself. If this is what the other girls had to endure daily, she could handle it. She would force herself to. This was her reality. "You're a bloody witch." She glared back at her reflection. "You're not coffin fodder, you're a witch! You've got magic!"

Her own words of encouragement did little to cease her disgust. She couldn't shake the feeling of slimy fingers, or eels, or snakes, twisting their way up her legs and chest. Cold hands below her stomach, around her neck, her breasts. She shivered and tried to flush the thought down. "Just get yourself cleaned up." She mumbled, angry at herself.

Lily sat down in the bathtub and pulled the curtain around. The water was hot enough to burn, but not unpleasantly. It smelled like a flower garden. The soap must have been mixed in with the water coming from the tap. The towers of sparkly, soapy bubbles didn't appeal to her as they did before; instead, the sweetness disgusted her. Right away, with a plain bar of soap, she vigorously scrubbed at her body. Every disgusting trace of those bastards had to be eliminated. Nothing could remain. They were the ones who made her disgusting. The Death Eaters created this guilt and locked her into this hell. If anyone was to blame, it was them. And Severus. He was the one who initially butted in and dragged her here. Lily remained uncertain if Severus really did love her. Half believed he was tricking her, only to torture her again later for his own pleasure. And the other half believed he was being genuine. It would explain the last twelve years of their odd relationship. However, both sides provided a reasonable explanation as to why he saved her and kept her away from the other Death Eaters and servants. But only one side confirmed her fears as to why he raised his wand to her in the hall. Lily kept scrubbing.

She thought about an escape. Obviously, there was a way in and a way out of this castle. The Death Eaters had their own methods, but it was unlikely a muggleborn servant could use the same method without getting caught. Regular windows and doors were out of the question; Severus ensured they were all cursed and her hands were proof of it. There had to be other ways in or out. Lily wondered if the other servants were also unconscious when they were brought here. But the servants wouldn't help her. Maybe they would if she wasn't a personal servant.

Lily was unaware that she stopped scrubbing. If she was to go back to being a regular servant, that would mean she would be exposed to the mistreatment the other girls faced. Lily would have to follow the rules without Marlene to guide her. A number of Death Eaters were already eager to get their hands on her. Neither of them would care to handle her gently. There was also the chance she would be put through more torture, or possibly killed. Was further suffering and risking her life worth saving herself and the other servants? Lily remembered Marlene. Marlene died trying to make sure she was safe. Lily decided if only one of the servants could be saved, it was worth suffering for. Suddenly, Lily froze. The hairs on the back of her neck were standing up. She wasn't alone. The smell of a lone, musky cigarette crept through the steamy, floral air. "What the fuck do you want?" She growled, annoyed.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked in a low voice.

"Am I alright?" Lily rolled her eyes. "Bloody fantastic."

"I … erm … I heard what happened with Nott and Wilkes."

"Yeah?" She gritted her teeth. "I bet you got a kick out of hearing that, you bloody creep."

She heard him let out a frustrated sigh. "No, I did not enjoy it."

"How did you even get in here?" Lily snapped. She was not going to talk to him about what happened until she was certain he wasn't toying with her. "I locked the door."

"I was going to ask you the same question. Wilkes has all your clothes. Good job … on his nose. He deserved it."

"Fuck off. What do you really want?"

Severus cleared his throat. "I brought you a clean set. They're on the stool." Lily didn't say anything. She peeked from the curtain and saw a clean white dress patterned with lavender flowers. It was slightly worn out from repeated washing, but it was still significantly cleaner than the green dress borrowed from Marlene. It was a kind gesture, but she didn't trust him. He wouldn't linger if he was just dropping off a fresh change of clothes. There was something more he was after. The reek of cigarettes didn't mingle well with the overly sweet floral scent of the soaps. She drew her knees close. "You haven't left yet, I see." He said plainly.

"No."

"Alright. When?"

"When?"

"When are you leaving?"

"Not soon enough." Lily grumbled, making herself as small as possible. She needed this time to focus on an escape plan, not have a disturbingly calm conversation.

"So why don't you trust me, Lily?" His sudden question caught her off guard. It wasn't exactly a secret anymore that she didn't trust Severus, but it was nonetheless unsettling how he could see her so transparent. She could hear him lighting a cigarette.

"Why do you care?"

"You already know why." He said bitterly.

"No. I don't fucking know why. You've done nothing but fuck around with my head since you dragged me upstairs." Lily swallowed. "This isn't right. I should have been hunted down and killed off a long time ago. I shouldn't be alive right now!"

"Would you stop saying that already …"

"What is wrong with you?" Lily snapped. "I don't even understand it at all. Why would you claim to love me? I'm not an inbred pureblood bitch! I'm your mudblood slave! You and I both know that this bloody castle is my grave! It's only a matter of time before my corpse is thrown out with the table scraps! Why now? Of any other time you could have chosen, it had to be when I was your prisoner with nothing left to lose? Honestly, how the hell am I supposed to react to that?"

"You're not my prisoner."

"But I am! I am a prisoner of the Death Eaters! Severus, I don't know what sick, twisted fantasy world you live in, but this isn't love! I didn't choose to be hunted down for being a mudblood! I didn't want to be locked up in your bedroom! I didn't even want to see you at all!" Lily felt her face and throat get hot, but she forced herself not to shed a single tear. No more tears. "In case you've forgotten, but we're not friends; we're strangers on two different sides of the war."

"You think I haven't thought of this already?" Severus fidgeted with a cigarette. "If my peers got so much as a whiff of any of this …"

"I would be killed, and you would be on the other end of the wand." Lily muttered. "So your intentions are not purely business, then."

"What? I never …"

"Severus, remind me your position here, exactly. You're a Death Eater strategist, right?"

"Correct."

"From what I've gathered, you're respected by the higher ranking pureblood families. Of all your peers your age; you're the unspoken king. The servants fear you because you're the one who curses the doors and windows. You're the mind behind their entrapment. I've only shared a room with you for mere days and the other servants refuse to speak to me because they know I'm marked as yours! You're a different man, Severus, but I still know your habits. You're not Wilkes or Nott who crudely take what they want on a whim. You don't attack your enemies; you learn about them first. You can wait as long as it takes, but as soon as you have your enemy in their moment of weakness; you only need to attack once and without mercy." Lily took a deep breath. "I know you've been analyzing me. As soon as I woke up in this castle … and probably before … you've been watching me."

"I won't deny it."

"And according to your peers, what is our relationship? I am the slave, and you are the master. I do as you command me to. I do everything from scrubbing your floors to warming your bed. And that would not be beneficial for your peers to see the reality of it, right?"

"What are you getting at?"

Lily couldn't contain herself for a moment longer. "Why would say that you love me, when you know I'm not in any position to protest?!" She immediately regretted what she said. Bringing attention to the fact she was utterly powerless wasn't wise.

After a brief silence, he responded slowly. "What Wilkes and Nott did; do you think I would do that to you?"

"I don't know …"

"Has the thought crossed your mind?"

There was something about his tone that wasn't easing her fears. Lily found herself searching for her voice. "Yes. A lot."

"Do you think I would curse or hex you?"

"You did it before."

"Do you think I would do it again?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I would kill you?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I failed to protect you?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any … even just a shred of faith in me?"

"I don't think …. No." Her voice was barely above whisper.

"And for as long as we have known each other, years of friendship, secrets; you have never once felt anything in return?"

Lily didn't immediately respond. It was only at the point of no return did she realize Severus wasn't playing with her. There were no foul motives from the beginning. He had failed to protect her on numerous occasions, but he did the best he could. He was risking his life by keeping her in his bedroom as a roommate rather than a servant. But things were different. In this castle full of bloodshed and anguish, there was no love. Love was a luxury for those who could afford freedom. Those brief moments of connection and full understanding; Lily knew there was something felt. But it would have to be eliminated. "Severus," Lily started quietly. "I don't know what … this, any of this means. But, this … isn't love."

"Then what is this?"

"Nothing." There was a period of silence. Lily could feel it. There was so much that needed to be said, explained, and corrected. Despite all her efforts to keep from crying, silent tears flooded from her eyes and she started trembling. Of all the obstacles she anticipated to escape the castle, forcing herself to exterminate any affectionate feelings towards him was not one of them. She didn't trust or respect him, but Severus was the final ally. If she didn't have his partnership, she didn't have much of anything in this castle. Lily bit her tongue to keep quiet. She tried listening to hear his response, but there was only silence. There was one last waft of cigarette "I'll leave!" She cried out, grabbing the curtains and whatever she could to cover herself. Water splashed around the tub, echoed by the cold bathroom. "I'll get out of here and I won't come back!"

"Do as you will."

By the time she stumbled out of the tub wearing nothing but a towel, Lily found she was alone in the bathroom. All that remained was a single, half-burnt cigarette butt that was still smoking,