TW small mentions about sexual assault

Five victims and a heart wrenching trail today. Everyone is squabbling around the precinct like some massacre is going on. For those that are still there, they're doing last minute paperwork before it's cleared out for their holiday. Christmas is hours away and they all would rather be home with their families. It's the dedication that makes them great officers and detectives.

A rapist or abuser doesn't stop or reconsider what they're doing because it's a holiday. But it's sad that the victims will probably remember what happened to them when that time of the year comes back around.

Thankfully there wasn't any trouble in convincing anyone to testify. It was a smooth process and she thinks they are going to move past it.

She identifies with them, makes it known that what happened to them does not define them and it is not their fault. She sometimes wonders if she didn't identify with the victims if she still would've been just as good as she is now.

If she hadn't endured Sealview, Lewis, Joe would she have anything to compare or sympathize with. If it didn't, maybe what happened to her mother and their relationship give her the illustration. It's food for thought while she's closing a case file. With twenty years on the job the empathy is almost second nature.

She can use a break. The stories are an emotional weigh. It's distressing to hear the horrors and watch the victims basically relive the assault as the bravely tell their stories. There are times when it is physically tiring. Here and there, there are times when they drag themselves out of bed in the early morning hours. She knows the toll this job can carry, which is why she ensures that her people are more than okay and are solid. As a captain she understands even more now why Cragen demanded evaluations of his detectives.

Thank God for him because she and Elliot gave him hell when it came to them.

With everything put aside the precinct appears festive to anyone who walks in. Like every year there's a big Christmas tree that glows throughout the interior of the building. Red tree ribbons wrapped around railings and holly draped off the ceiling. The littlest of things can make a sometimes dull and dark place bright.

There is a knock at her office door before she invites them in.

She smiles when she sees it's Fin with a Santa hat on hanging to the side.

"I don't think Santa is supposed to come this early." She said taking off her glasses and resting it down on top of the sheets of paper. He is definitely revving with Christmas spirit.

"It wouldn't hurt if he did. How are you doing?"

"I'm good Fin."

"Any plans for Christmas?"

She squints her eyes at him, of course he knows something. Usually, he's forward in asking her to join him and his family and this year he doesn't. Knowing Elliot is back and from Fin's knowledge they are still working it out. He knows Elliot would've invited her to spend Christmas with his family.

She slowly nods and said "Elliot invited Noah and I to their family get together." She watches him closely for his reaction.

It's a childlike laugh she holds back when he raises his eyebrows in a playful manner.

"Are you two going?"

"I told him yes."

She has spent Christmas with his family before but this time is different. She doesn't know what she is going as, as different it's sounds. His friend, partner, they're not partners anymore, girlfriend? They haven't put any specifics on their relationship as yet. She knows his children and they all like her but it has been ten years and it makes her a little nervous. Eli who has so much going on, she isn't even sure if he does like her. He shows a lot of avoidance when she is around. She doesn't blame him. He most likely doesn't remember her at all since they left when he was at such a young age. Still just a baby.

His mother died and some old partner of his father he sees as much as he sees his siblings. It does raise a red flag to a teenage boy. That alone it's their first Christmas since Kathy's death.

There is guilt that come with knowing that. She mentioned to Elliot that it may be too soon but he insisted that everyone would love to see her and her son.

"So, you two are working it out?"

She smiles at all the information he is trying to get about their relationship. They're already sleeping together for Christ sake. She doesn't drop any hints. When they are ready to tell anyone they will together. On one accord. Well, when she's ready, Elliot would probably scream it out to the whole city if he could.

"We are, it's a lot but we are."

A lot of first. The first time he kissed her, the first time she kissed him back. He has met her son. The first time he told her he loved her which was less romantic based on circumstances and the environment. The first time she told him she loved him, came with the first time they made love. They are still working on some things but they're there.

He nods his head in understanding.

"Good, because you two flirt like you're in grade school."

She wants to object but ends up laughing.

"Merry Christmas, Liv."

It's been so long since she has spent Christmas with his family. Even though it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows with her mother there were still good memories. She has spent some with colleagues but it's never the same.

Sometimes there is the underlying thought of them having pity on her. Now, she has her little family and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Seeing the joy in her son's face completes her. She doesn't need the gifts or forced smiles and hugs from family members that could care less about you. At least she can't be one to say, there weren't other family members. She doesn't even know where Simon's wife and kids are.

There is some sadness that come with this Holiday but she doesn't let it drag through. She focuses on giving her son the best childhood she can. She isn't perfect but her best is more than good enough.

She is sitting up with her back pressed against Noah's headboard listening to him read to her like he insisted. Her smile is broad and she beams with pride hearing him roll over the words fluently. She watches the way his finger moves underneath each word he says. It gives her comfort knowing he hasn't grown too much.

She claps when he finishes the book without fumbling or making a single mistake.

"That was really good, you're getting so much better." She said with her hand out stretched for a high five.

"Thanks, mom."

She takes the book from his hand then places it on his nightstand.

"Okay, time for bed." She says enthusiastically.

Her hands grab the end of his blanket and pulls up until it covers his body from head to toe eliciting a laugh from him.

"Mommm"

She laughs with him then pulls the blanket back down to his chest.

When he settles it strikes her the perfect time to tell him about their invitation.

"So, Noah, You remember my friend Elliot…." She continues when he nods his head. "He invited the both of us to his Christmas party with his mom and kids. Would you like to go?"

His eyes look up indicating he is thinking about something.

"Elliot has kids?"

"Yes, and they would like to meet you."

"Okay."

It isn't a surprise to her that he said yes. From their short interaction he seems to like Elliot and he isn't shy when I comes to meeting new people. He is more sociable than she remembers herself being. She is about to kiss him good night but stops when he speaks.

"How did you and Elliot meet?"

That's a question she didn't plan on hearing yet. There isn't a reason why she cant tell him.

She kneels beside his bed with her right arm resting on his bed.

"He was my partner when I was a detective, we worked together for twelve years."

Twelve years of early mornings, late nights, long interrogations even longer stake outs. Years where they kept a strong line between each others for the sake of their partnership.

"If he was your partner for so long how come I've just met him. I have already met Fin and Amanda and they've worked with you for a long time."

He doesn't need the details. She tells him sparingly.

"One day he just left and moved to Italy with his family. I didn't see him again until this year."

"Were you sad?"

More than sad. Distraught. She never knew heart break that came from not having someone who wasn't yours to begin with. However, it doesn't mean that the love wasn't there. He knew it, hell the whole squad knew it. They just weren't able to verbalize it. Yet, he still left her without a single word or explanation. Like the relationship they made over the years meant nothing at all.

It's the reason why it was so hard for her to trust him again. The way Amanda met her when he left she doesn't know why Olivia still speaks to him. It was disheartening for all of them to see her in that state.

"I was. He was my best friend."

Still is. Even after years apart he knows her so well. He understands all her thoughts and feelings. He still is so protective of her and she is sure he'll be there for her in a heart beat if she needed him.

"But why?"

He ask because even to an eight year old it doesn't make any sense. He just had to she tells him. It is all to complicated and she just can't go into detail for his and her sake. They have already said what needed to bed said and they are moving forward. Hopefully, she has told him enough so he doesn't go questioning Elliot when he sees him.

"Good night my love. I love you."

She kisses is forehead and runs her fingers through his curls.

"I love you too." He said as she turned off his lamp and headed for the door.