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Content Warning: Second verse, same as the first, but a little bit louder and a little bit worse. About sums up the chapter as a whole, honestly
Atop the impractically tall cliff of Wawanakwa Island stood the 24 campers and 1 host. All campers were clad in their swimwear, and it was painfully obvious what Chris was going to have them do. Thanks to the power of editing, this time it was Gwen who spoke.
"I did not sign up for this"
As thus the title sequence played for the first time, which, after a few shots of the lights and cameras so associated with showbusiness, turned into a one take shot that showed genuinely impressive cinematographic skills from whoever was responsible (those responsible being the duo of unpaid editor Jeremy, who applied in order to further his dreams of working in the film industry; and unpaid cameraman Nate, who got the job after filming his younger brother falling off a roof and uploading it to YouTube)
It began at the docks, soaring up and across them and through to the cabin area, where Chris was sat in a director's chair sipping a drink. The camera raced past Chris, wobbling the chair in the process, and began rapidly climbing the cliff, atop which was sat Adam. The camera raced past him as well, sending him off the cliff and into the water; it followed, diving beneath the surface to reveal Owen swimming along underwater. He farted to propel himself forwards, and the camera began tracking the bubbles upwards to where Bridgette and Geoff were sat together on a surfboard, giving each other suggestive looks. Or at least they were until they smelt Owen's emissions. A few feet away, Adam surfaced, spitting out a fish, which was caught in mid-air by an eagle.
The eagle flew off to the forest, where it dropped the fish, which landed on DJ, who was surrounded by a bunch of friendly woodland creatures. When the fish landed however, the friendly woodland creatures went berserk and sank their teeth into him, and DJ ran away screaming in pain. This was witnessed by Duncan, who began laughing at the Gentle Giant's misfortune, until Courtney revealed herself and shot Duncan a glare, who quickly stopped laughing.
The camera then dived through the trees to the river, where Leshawna and Heather were riding an inflatable raft together, slap-fighting all the way. They stopped when they went over the waterfall, the camera following them down to reveal Harold stood on a log practicing martial arts moves. He was quickly interrupted by Izzy swinging in on a vine and colliding with him, sending them both flying into the confessional outhouse, the impact knocking Lindsay out of the confessional cam, while the door slammed into Tyler, sending him flying.
The camera panned to the left and went through the window of the mess hall, pausing briefly on Chef Hatchet stirring a vat of… something with his hands. The burly chef glanced behind him at Noah and Ezekiel, both of whom were tied up and nervously awaiting their fate. Down the counter a few feet were Eva and Shannon, who were engaged in an arm wrestle that ended when Eva slammed Shannon's arm down onto the counter so hard that it shattered under the impact and both girls were sent crashing to the floor.
The shot zoomed back out through a different window and went down to the beach, where Katie and Sadie were sat on the stairs, admiring Justin, who was admiring himself in a pair of hand mirrors. It then panned to Immobile Seagull in the water, who sat there unmoving as a fish jumped over him, followed by a shark, which ate the fish in mid-air and dived back down. A tentacle then shot from the water in the shark's wake and grabbed the seagull, who remained motionless even as it was pulled underwater.
The final pan of the shot finished on Beth, who was stood at the end of the dock twirling a flaming baton, she did a few tricks, and finished with a toss into the air, where the one-take shot finally ended, with the fire baton spinning its way into the night.
The camera flew down one last time, revealing Gwen and Trent smiling at each other, Gwen looking normal and Trent looking slightly manic; Cody then popped up in-between them, placing his arm on each of their shoulders and smiling happily, completely oblivious to the looks of shock both were giving him
"Okay, today's challenge is threefold: your first task is to jump off this 1,000-foot high cliff into the lake!" The amount of gusto in Chris's voice when he described teenagers hurling themselves off a cliff was enough to make the campers nervous. Or at least those who weren't already scared out of their minds. Some, however, seemed fine with this task.
Case in point being Bridgette, who's only response was "piece of cake" in a voice far too calm given the situation. But Chris wasn't done.
"If you look down, you will see two target areas: the wider area represents the part of the lake that we have stocked with psychotic man-eating sharks!" The glee in Chris's voice was reaching concerning levels. "Inside that area is a safe zone: that's your target area, which we're pretty sure is shark free"
"Excuse me?" Leshawna wasn't buying it, not that Chris cared
"For each member of your team that jumps and actually survives, there will be a crate of supplies waiting below. Inside each crate are the supplies you'll need for the second part of the challenge: building a hot tub! The team with the best one gets to have a wicked hot tub party tonight; the losers will be sending someone home" Chris then pulled out a coin, tossed it, and declared that the Killer Bass were up first.
It was Bridgette who was the first to work up the courage to go to the edge of the cliff and look all the way down, her prior confidence forgotten at the mention of sharks.
"Oh wow. So, who wants to go first?" she turned to her team, who were all standing a good few feet back; the exception was Shannon, who was standing as far back as physically possible. None of them seemed willing to volunteer. Meanwhile, in the Gopher conglomeration, Owen was on hand with some helpful advice:
"Hey, don't sweat it guys, I heard these shows always make the interns do the stunt first to make sure it's survivable." Upon hearing this, Chris began chuckling to himself for reasons unknown to the campers
3 days ago, Wawanakwa Cliff
"We need to test the stunts first, you know that."
Chris, as it turned out, was not talking to an intern. He was talking to Chef Hatchet, who was clad in purple swimming shorts and had a rubber ring on. For whatever reason, he was still wearing his chef hat. Maybe it's glued on there. Or a growth. But regardless of whether or not Chef's hat was a permanent feature, he was not happy with being made to jump off a cliff
"Do I look like an intern?"
"No" Perhaps Chris was maybe seeing reason "But the ones we had are all in the hospital. C'mon, just jump it you big chicken." Then again, perhaps not. To add insult to (imminent) injury, Chris then began to make chicken noises at Chef, who quickly capitulated with an "I don't get paid enough for this, man."
Letting his goggles fly onto his face with a painful sounding 'SNAP', Chef then jumped off the cliff with a manly "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
8 seconds later, Chef splashed down a few feet away from the safe zone. But, in his jubilation at having survived the jump, Chef did not notice something was amiss until one of the sharks brushed up against his leg. A few seconds later Chef disappeared beneath the waves, only to resurface almost immediately, and, in a feat that still astounds me, ran away across the surface of the lake as a shark chased him.
"Well, that seems safe enough" commented Chris from atop the cliff, ticking 'cliff dive' off of his list of 'insane things to get teenagers to do' (it was sandwiched between 'break into secure government facility' and 'jump out a plane')
On the cliff, the campers were unaware of Chris's brief trip down memory lane, and Eva was beginning to get impatient with her team's lack of jumping
"So; who's up?" she asked, not considering the possibility that it could be her. Neither did her teammates, as the only response she got was a "Ladies first" from Duncan, delivered in a mockingly suave tone that makes my skin crawl a little. No-one paid attention to Shannon continuing to back away from the cliff even further, as Bridgette was taking one for the team, as it were.
"Fine. I'll go. It's no big deal. Just an insane cliff dive into a circle of angry sharks" she lamented. She took a few breaths to steel herself, clicked her neck, stretched her arms, and all sorts of other delaying tactics, until she finally jumped, performing an elegant dive straight into the safe zone, to which Izzy procured a score card out of nowhere and gave it an 8.5. Bridgette gave the campers on the cliff a wave. This successful jump, and the happy wave, had caused Tyler to do a complete 180, from terrified to almost too excited.
"She did it! Yeah! Yeah! I'm next!" He jogged back a few paces, then sprinted to the edge and launched himself off the cliff with a "COWABUNGA!"
The sounds that followed were a very loud 'CLANG' and a cry of pain as Tyler smashed into one of the buoys that formed the border of the safe zone. All the other campers winced in sympathy as Tyler slid down the buoy and into the safe zone. How he survived a thousand-foot drop onto solid metal is beyond me, but that's neither here nor there.
Atop the cliff, it appeared that Izzy was undeterred by the poor landing of her fellow Bass, launching herself off the cliff with a what sounded almost like a battle cry, cannonballing into the safe zone while cackling maniacally, the splash soaking the boat Bridgette was hauling Tyler onto.
Back on the cliff, it appeared as though despite their strong start, the Killer Bass had hit a roadblock when Duncan noticed Shannon's great distance from the cliff.
"Hey Cyclops, where are you going?" Upon being called out, Shannon wheeled around far too fast, her one visible eye wide with panic
"Me? I was just, ah, makin sure none of ye does a runner." She laughed nervously "Yeah. That"
No-one bought it, especially not Duncan
"Really? You sure you're not scared?" he asked, a malicious grin plastered on his face. The fear in Shannon's eye became thinly masked with defiance, and the nervousness in her voice shifted to panicked denial
"No!"
"Okay, then why not go next?" Shannon's expression shifted again, now onto a 'deer in the headlights' look
"I, ah, er" she let out a frustrated sigh "fine."
She stomped on over to the cliff edge, muttering under her breath things that no-one could make out, but her tone of voice implied violence. As she approached the cliff edge, her pace got slower and slower. When she was a few steps away, she turned back to her team. The only reaction she got was a smug smirk from Duncan, who gestured her forwards. She gulped, and walked up to the cliff edge. She peered over the edge, and her face paled.
"Oh fuck me" was all she could utter before her eye(s?) rolled back and she fainted, luckily falling backwards onto the ground, rather than forwards off the cliff.
Confession Cam – Someone do a flip already
Shannon: "I's no' mah fault I been scareda heights since I were four! Stupid bloody Chris Mc-fuckin-Clean, makin' us jump off a fuckin cliff oan day one"
After Shannon was carried down the cliff by Chef Hatchet, three Bass jumps came in quick succession: first was Geoff, plunging down with his fists in the air screaming "WOO-HOO!"; then came Eva, who simply yelled "Look out below!". Duncan was last, who fell in total silence with his arms folded.
Back at the top, it appeared as though Shannon was not the only person with altitude issues.
"Uh-uh. No way man. I'm not jumping" confessed DJ as he backed away from the cliff. It was the that Chris, who had been unusually silent, chimed back in
"Scared of heights?" he asked in a tone that when said by a normal person would be sympathetic
"Yeah, ever since I was a kid"
"That's okay big guy. Unfortunately, that also makes you a chicken!" the false sympathy disappeared from Chris's voice, and he procured a chicken hat out from somewhere and slapped it on DJ's head "So, you'll have to wear this for the rest of the day!"
"Aw man, for real?" Chris responded with chicken noises, then some more absent sympathy "That means the chicken path down is thataway." He gestured to an escalator which somehow no-one had noticed. As DJ was trudging towards it, Chris called out one more time
"Oh, and don't worry about the hat: Shannon will get one when she wakes up!" DJ kept trudging, while Chris yelled "Next!"
Up next was in fact Ezekiel, who leapt of the cliff with a "YEE-HAW!" which was cut short when he slammed into some rocks on the way down and was sent spinning into the safe zone. The Bass on the beach, which was all the jumpers and an unconscious Shannon, all cheered (except Shannon, for obvious reasons), apparently unconcerned as to their teammates wellbeing. But, it all worked out in the end, as Ezekiel popped up from the water and gave them a thumbs up.
Back up top, Harold was 10th in line, giving a proud "Yes!" before jumping with a yell of excitement. The yell did not last long, however, as Harold landed badly on the water, slamming into the lake groin first. He let out an incredibly pained yell which sent birds flying from the trees, and his fellow campers, Chef, the sharks and even Chris gave a sympathetic wince as Harold kept screaming and slowly sank down in the water.
The agonised shout did have one benefit in that it woke up Shannon, who bolted upright with a string of Scottish nonsense words. She immediately had her chicken hat slapped on by Chef.
"What th' fuck is thes then?" she asked the burly man
"Chicken hat. Wear it or you're outta here, girly." Shannon folded her arms, rolled her eye and growled
Up on the cliff, Chris was still focussed on Harold's misfortune.
"Ooh, hate to see that happen." Next to him was Courtney, who seemed unconcerned with the Nerd's horrible, horrible pain.
"Excuse me Chris, I have a medical condition." And in a shocking twist, Chris actually listened
"What condition?"
"A condition that prevents me from jumping off cliffs." She said as if she expected it to work. And work it did not
"You can chicken out if you want, but it might end up costing your team then win. And then they'll hate you." Courtney however, was not put off
"It's a calculated risk. I've seen the other team, and I don't think 9 of them will jump." She turned to the Screaming Gophers, and to be fair, her assessment wasn't entirely unfounded. Noah looked bored out of his skull, Adam was fidgeting nervously, Justin was admiring himself in a mirror again, Cody was gazing dreamily at Gwen, said Goth also looked bored out of her skull, Lindsay was checking her hair, Beth was shaking like a leaf, and Katie was still reaching out for Sadie.
Taking such a comment as an agreement to chicken out, Chris procured another chicken hat and placed it on the CIT's head. "Alright, here is you chicken hat. So, let's tally up the results. Hold on." After several seconds of counting on his fingers, he continued "That's 8 jumpers and 3 chickens. We're missing one." He found the missing one when he turned to Sadie, who was holding hands with Katie.
"I'm not jumping without Katie" she declared in a surprising show of defiance. Her other half agreed.
"We have to be on the same team Chris! Pleeeeaaaaase!" And with that, the two jumped over to Chris and began begging the sadistic host to allow the switch, first with a chorus of elongated "please"s, then a flurry of "can we?"s, then a cacophonous mix of the two.
Chris remained unphased. "In order, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and no." At the host's refusal, the two fell to the ground and began sobbing.
"Well, I'll take that as a pass." He pulled out two chicken hats and dumped them unceremoniously on the two girls' heads, then turned to Chef, who had just come back up the escalator "Chef! Get these two down the bottom" Chef, having only just returned from the bottom of the cliff, let out a growl of frustration, and picked up both girls and dragged them to the back down.
"Okay, so that's 8 jumpers and 4 chickens. Screaming Gophers, if you can beat that we'll throw in a pull cart to put your crates on"
"Nice" was the only response, coming from Trent. "Okay guys, who's up first?" The Gophers looked at each other for a bit, before eventually Heather piped up
"I'm sorry, there's no way I'm doing this"
"Why not?" asked Beth, expecting a reasonable answer along the lines of 'fear' or 'terror' or 'aprehension'
"Hello, national TV? I'll get my hair wet" replied Heather, disappointing and/or aggravating everyone. Two of the latter could be found in Gwen and Leshawna
"You're kidding right?" asked Gwen, presumably rhetorically
"If she's not doing it I'm not doing it" chimed in Lindsay unhelpfully
"Oh you're doing it" said Leshawna in a threatening tone
"Says who?" Heather shot back
"Says me! I'm not losing this challenge 'cause you got yo hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl." Beth and Lindsay's eyes widened and they began staring off into the middle distance as the PTSD flashbacks to the argument in the cabin an hour prior began.
And so, atop the improbably high cliffs of Wawanakwa, an insult slinging match that would make even the most seasoned rap-battler quiver in his boots begun. Barbs insulting people's lineage, the purity of their mothers, and all possible aspects of their very existence were hurled, all witnessed by the rest of the Screaming Gophers, who could do naught but look on in horror. Except one
As Leshawna insulted Heather's shopping habits, Noah decided he'd had enough, and trudged off to the edge of the cliff and peered over the edge
Confession Cam – Cat fight, cat fight, cat fight!
Noah:"I've seen arguments like this before, they go on for hours. I figured I'd just jump: I'd either pass, or I'd die. Either way, it gets me away from those two"
No-one noticed Noah take the one-step shortcut to the beach as the two alpha females continued their constant wave of vitriol, except Chris, who just checked off a box on his clipboard, and went back to the real show.
But there was not much more show to be had, as Heather had taken it upon herself to end the contest of tongue-lashings.
"Well at least I'm popular" she declared with a smug smirk. There was silence, punctuated only by the 'sploosh' of Noah landing in the safe zone.
What flimsy strands of pretence were finally dropped as the two girls leaned in closer, glaring coldly at the other, as Leshawna firmly asserted "You're jumping!"
"Make me" Heather replied, saying the exact worst thing she could have said at that moment in time. Leshawna hoisted the Queen Bee over her head, and marched over to the cliff edge, ignoring the increasingly panicked protests of her unwilling passenger. She tossed Heather off the cliff, demonstrating remarkable accuracy in the process as Heather splashed down right in the middle of the safe zone, about a metre to the left of where Noah had finally surfaced.
"Nice of you to finally drop in." Heather ignored him
"Leshawna, you are so dead!" she yelled up at the cliff once she'd stopped spluttering.
"Hey, I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I?" She called back "Now I just hope I can hit it too."
She jumped, also making the safe zone, where she surfaced next to Heather, who shot her a glare
"I thought this was going to be a talent contest" Lindsay wailed from the cliff edge, clearly terrified. Chris, the sadistic git he is, just laughed at the poor girls misfortune
"Hahaha, yeah, ha ha, no."
Lindsay jumped, complete with high pitched screaming and flailing arms, closely followed by Gwen, who was screaming almost in baritone; then came Cody, whose scream managed to be the highest pitch of all so far, and after that was Adam, who was clutching his hat to his head and muttering a prayer to whatever deities would listen.
Following on from this, Justin jumped, performing an elegant swan dive that landed him right outside the safe zone. He stood up (somehow), just as the sharks began swimming towards him and the campers in the boat yelled at him to paddle. Justin turned towards the sharks, who paused and began staring dreamily at him. Even sharks, it seems, cannot resist the charms of Justin (What can? (I'm still straight)). The sharks carried Justin to shore, while up on the cliff Beth was having confidence issues
"I- I can't do it. I'm to thcared." Chris produced a chicken hat as Beth yelled an "I'm thorry!" to the others. Leshawna and Cody, displaying the sympathy that teenagers are known for, made chicken noises as Beth made her way to the escalator. Meanwhile, on the beach, it seemed even Lindsay was a trifle put out
"That is like, so lame" she turned to Heather, who was stood behind her "right?"
"Fully lame" was the curt response
As Beth walked away from the cliff in shame, Trent walked towards it with confidence
"Let's do this!" He gave Owen a hi-five as he broke into a sprint, leaping off the cliff with a rather tuneful "YEEEAAAAH!"
As Trent landed, Chris turned to the last remaining Gopher, Owen.
"Owen! So, you don't technically need to jump." Owen, naturally, turned around to leave the cliff the safe way down. "But I want you to. So, here's the deal: you jump, and if your team wins, I'll throw in a pizza." At this new information, Owen's eyes lit up, and he sprinted towards the edge, only to halt dead in his tracks a few inches before the jump by the sound of a yell coming from the bottom of the cliff
"What kind of pizza?" It was Cody, who seemed to not notice his teammates looking at him funny "Because I can't have chili or I'll like, die." His teammates continued to give him funny looks, before Leshawna shrugged and yelled up at the cliff
"Yo, if we're putting in requests, nothing with pineapple!" This got her a funny look from Trent, who had just finished his swim from the safe zone.
"No way man, pineapple is the best pizza"
"Are you outta your mind, white boy?" While Leshawna and Trent got into the age-old argument of whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza, Lindsay chimed in with her two cents
"I dunno, pizza is pretty fattening, can I get a salad?" That was the last discernible statement before the entire team dissolved into the Pizza War of '07, while the Killer Bass just looked on their rivals with confusion.
"How are we losing to them?!" Courtney asked to no-one in particular. In this instance, Duncan took 'no-one in particular' to mean 'him'.
"Probably because someone didn't jump when she could've." Courtney's only response was a disgruntled "ugh"
Meanwhile, up on the cliff, Chris and Owen were looking at the mess that was the campers with even more confusion that the Killer Bass. Eventually Chris turned to Owen.
"Dude, just jump." Owen nodded, and walked towards the edge, pulling on arm bands as he went
Confession Cam – I'm partial to a four seasons pizza if anyone cares
Owen: "I was pretty darn nervous" he shrugs "See, the thing is, I'm not that strong a swimmer."
Geoff: "I'm looking at this guy, and thinking there's no way he's gonna make it"
Gwen: "I actually thought if he jumps this, he's gonna die"
"I'm going to die now. I'm going to freakin' die now." With that final lament out of the way, Owen took several paces back, and sprinted off the cliff, screaming in terror all the way.
He landed in the safe zone, nearly crushing the returning Immobile Seagull, and the impact caused a tidal wave that washed up the gull, beached the boat, launched the sharks into the trees, and scattered the campers across the beach, finally ending the Pizza War. While one of the sharks attempted to lower itself from the tree, Owen washed up, cheering all the way
"Yes! Yeah! Oh yeah! Who's the man?!" several Gophers began cheering, while Chris declared from atop the cliff, "The winners, the Screaming Gophers!"
Still in the shallows, Owen began looking through the water for something, while Trent popped up from behind the beached boat to congratulate him
"That was awesome dude," then, he noticed Owen's searching "What's wrong?"
"I, uh, think I lost my bathing suit"
This revelation was met with a chorus of "ew"s, as someone tossed Owen a towel, as the rest of the campers dried themselves off and prepared for the next part of the challenge
17 and a half minutes of drying later
Having finally dried off, most of that time being taken by Lindsay fussing over her hair, the two teams grouped up to began hauling their crates to the cabins. The Gophers, who clearly possessed the advantage, got to work fairly quickly, with each person hauling a crate, with the exceptions of Adam and Beth, who were to weak to pull one each and thus doubled up, and Katie, who was too busy moping and no-one, not even Heather in full Queen Bee mode, could get her to stop, so she trailed behind the others. Spirits were high among the currently leading team, the Pizza War forgotten among them, and they were all happily chatting amongst themselves. Well, most of them were. Justin was being as eerily silent as usual, no-one wanted to talk to Heather, Noah didn't want to talk to anyone, Katie was still moping, and as for Adam and Beth, well, their attempts at conversation speak for themselves
"Stho, have you ever been on an island like thisth before?" Beth asked from the right hand side of the pull cart. Adam turned to look at her startled, and attempted to provide a response, but all that came out were a few stammering noises and a sort of nervous gurgle. After that disastrous attempt, he just shook his head 'no'. Fortunately for him, Beth took the inability to converse in her stride, and kept going
"There'sth woodsth around where I live, but nothing thisth big! Do you have anything like thisth where you live?" Adam thought for a moment, and opened his mouth, but this time not even a sound came out. He closed it and again shook his head, his eyes constantly shifting nervously. Beth looked at him quizzically.
"You don't talk much, do you?" Adam gulped and looked at the ground in what can only assumed to be shame
While this disaster of a conversation was taking place, the Killer Bass had far more pressing concerns than poor social skills. Only three members of the team were capable of carrying the crates rather than pushing or dragging, those three being Eva, Tyler and Shannon, the former of which had managed to hoist two of the things over her head. The rest were left trailing a bit behind, trying various methods of possible transport, all met with limited success at best. DJ was rolling his along the beach, and encountering the problems associated with rolling a cube; Geoff was putting his all into trying to push the crate along the beach, every step causing the crate to sink slightly lower into the sand; and Duncan even tried kicking his across the beach, which was probably the least efficient method of transport. The plight of the Bass wasn't helped by the fact that Sadie was still weeping over the absence of Katie, and that Harold was still out of commission thanks to his earlier injury, not that his spindly frame could've moved the crates very far.
And so it was that while the Gophers began a hearty singalong of '99 Bottles of Pop', the Bass continued their miserable struggle across the beach of Wawanakwa Island, beset on all sides by fatigue and injury. Well, only one injury, which happened to Courtney, who suddenly stopped pushed her crate and exclaimed
"Ow! I think I just got a splinter." The only person who acknowledged her was Eva, who dropped the two crates she had over her head, stomped over to Courtney, and picked up her crate for no reason
"Shut up and pick up your crate," she said as she slammed the crate down "chicken." So I guess that was the point: emphasis.
"Hey, I'm the only one with CIT camping experience here; you need me!". Eva's glare narrowed, and she looked ready to start a fight. She took a stomp towards Courtney, arm raising towards the sky, and her mouth opening ready to rebut Courtney's declaration of usefulness.
But she was cut off from any such rebuttals when Shannon, apparently having sensed the incoming conflict, imposed herself between the two with her arms outstretched, trying desperately to keep the peace
"Whoa-ho-kay, le's no' kill each other day one, tha's jis' givin' them th' win". A reasonable statement; but sadly, Eva did not want peace to be kept, for she was in a bad mood, and thus liable to yell.
"Oh look, the chickens are flocking together, what a surprise." Eva's glare somehow got even fiercer, and now it was trained wholly on Shannon. "You shut up and stay out of my way". The glare and possible threat did nothing to phase Shannon it seemed.
"Fuckin' hell, Bridge Troll, whit, crawled up yer' arse an' carked it?" And with those words, Shannon made a very grave mistake. Eva's eyes narrowed even further, her eyebrow dipped even lower into a scowl, and she began actually growling
"What did you just call me?" she asked, seething with rage as her fists clenched and unclenched rapidly at her sides. Shannon immediatey realised something was wrong, but rather than face Eva, she tilted her head towards Courtney
"I didnae say tha' oot loud, did I?" she asked. Courtney nodded in respone
"Ah." said Shannon, turning back to face Eva, who was now advancing on her "Shite."
Confession Cam – Actual fight, actual fight, actual fight!
Shannon: "Note tae self: get brain tae mouth filter."
Meanwhile, slightly further ahead of the rapidly escalating incident, Harold had finally recovered from his grievous injury, and was walking alongside Ezekiel, attempting to slowly integrate the hopelessly naïve prairie kid into the real world. However, Harold was not the right person to do this, as he's spent the majority of the conversation recommending various comics, tv shows, something called 'animey', and mangoes I think. Eh, nerds, go figure.
But, at that moment in time, there was a lull in the conversation, and Ezekiel took that time to ask Harold a question that had been on his mind for some time now
"Say, Haroold," 'Haroold' looked up at the mispronunciation of his name, and Ezekiel took that as a sign to continue "doon't you think we should be helping the girls?" Now Haroold just looked confused.
"Why do you say that?" He asked, giving Ezekiel a quizzical look
"Well, my dad told me to help out the girls here, because guys are much stronger than girls are, eh." At this, Harold gave a disappointed sigh, placed an arm on Ezekiel's shoulder, and adopted the sagest expression he could muster.
"You have much to learn about the real world, padawan. See, while such a fact may be true across populations, on an individual level-" Harold would likely have broken into a long-winded explanation about gender dimorphism and other such related gobbledygook, but thankfully he was cut off by an enraged yell of:
"GET BACK HERE!" The two boys wheeled around to look at the source of the noise, only to come face to face with Shannon, who was running straight at them
"Sorry Beanpole, gotta run, tryin' nae tae die, see ya!" She hurriedly explained as she grabbed Harold's head and pushed down, leapfrogging over the nerd in one deft motion. The force was enough to send Harold falling, and he landed in a heap. Ezekiel looked worried as he turned around again to see Eva, face contorted with rage, charging at Shannon.
The path of the charge took her directly over Harold, and she trampled him in her furious run, her feet coming down hard on both his knee and his back.
"OUT OF MY WAY!" she screamed as she went. By this point, Ezekiel was wide eyed in terror, and Harold was moaning about pains in his anterolateral ligament and pancreas.
Confession Cam – My uncle hurt his anterolateral ligament once. Poor bastard could never have sex again
Ezekiel: He scratches his chin in thought "I think these girls can take care of themselves, eh"
Eva: "No-one calls me a bridge troll!" she slams her fist into her palm "She is going down!"
Having knocked over 71 metaphysical bottles of pop for no reason other than passing the time, the Screaming Gophers were the first to arrive at camp by a whole 43 bottles of pop, which my sources tell me is used as a measurement of time in one of the lesser known Amazon tribes.
As the Bass continued their struggle, with Courtney's eye now swelling up after a bug bit it (egh, eye stuff weirds me out), the Gophers were struggling with the next part of the challenge: opening the crates. Normally, this wouldn't be much of a problem, just get a crowbar, maybe a hammer, or just give it a really good kick, but Chris, the sadistic man that he is, added a twist, one he cruelly reminded the Gophers off as he walked among them
"Remember, you guys can only use your teeth to open the crates," he paused to smile smugly at the camera, "I came up with that one."
Several methods were employed by the campers: Trent and Noah tried attacking the same crate from both sides, Owen was headbutting the crate and tried to justify it by saying he was hitting the crate with his teeth, Cody tried going full beaver on the crates, and Beth had the idea of magnifying light through Adam's glasses onto her braces, then off of her braces onto the crate. Nothing was working particularly well, resulting in naught but splinters in gums and Adam accidentally setting his shoe on fire.
The Beach – Somewhere between the camp and the Bass Convoy
"Will you quit running a GET BACK HERE!" came the incredibly angry yell, as Shannon and Eva continued their hectic chase across the beach.
"Why in th' fuck would I dae tha'?" Shannon called back. The two kept running, Shannon vaulting over rocks and plants as she did with Harold, and Eva going around them, or through the plants and some of the smaller rocks.
But, as it does for everyone, Shannon's luck eventually ran out. Her foot caught on a root that blended in with the sand, and she dropped hard. Eva grinned maliciously, and pounced on her. Shannon, expecting such a manoeuvre, pre-emptively rolled to the left, and sprang to her knees, desperately extending her hands out to put some form of barrier between her and the she-devil.
"We cannae gab aboot thes'?" Shannon asked, a hopeful half smile on her face
"Can you even speak English?" Eva shot back, raising her fist. Shannon's half-smile dropped, and she seemed rather indignant at that
"I can talk proper plen'y, ye' lot ur th' yins gabbing oan like Americans tryintae talk fancy"
"Do you have a deathwish or something?" Eva asked, confusion mixing with rage on her face as she wondered just what the hell was up with this girl. Shannon's eye widened slightly, and she shook her head to dispel the irritation.
"Awright, awright, 'ere, howzaboot I give ye' a free hit, hard as ye' like, an' we call it even?" she asked, profferrring her left arm to Eva. This bizarre offer of a truce finally caused the confusion to replace rage as the dominant emotion on Eva's face.
"The hell kinda deal is that?"
"Yin' where I dinnae get walloped intae a stain?" Eva's eyes narrowed, sizing up Shanon until eventually she spoke
"So, one hit, hard as I like?" she asked, the beginnings of a malicious grin tugging at her mouth. Shannon noticed this, and sighed
"Am gointae regret thes; but aye."
The malicious grin finally formed, as Eva walked up to Shannon, clenched her fist, pulled back her arm, and with a resounding 'WHAM', let her fist fly into Shannon's forearm. Shannon bent over in pain almost immediately, crying out a series of expletives
"Fuck me tha' hurt! Th' fuck kinda steroids do ye' take?" Eva glared at her again
"Don't push it." Shannon just rolled her visible eye
"Aye, aye, I'll leave ye' alone." Eva stalked off back to the beach, her crates surprisingly close given how long they were running. Shannon stayed behind for a few moments, rubbing her now incredibly sore arm, before trudging back to the beach as well.
Confession Cam – Well that was a letdown
Eva: "So, loudmouth can take a punch. I respect that." She inhales sharply through her nose, then continues "I still don't like her, but I respect it"
Shannon: She's rubbing her arm, grimacing in pain "Fuckin' hell tha' girl can punch. Tha' felt like some twat drove his fuckin' second-hand Hyundai wi' th' massive exhaust intae me arm"
The Campgrounds
It took a whole 21 bottles of pop, but the Gophers were finally getting their crates open. Owen was first, slamming his mouth into the top of the crate and sending the top crashing on in. Not noticing the pain he was in nor the bleeding of his gums, he reached in to see what was in his crate
"Hey, check it out: I got wood!" he proudly exclaimed, seemingly unaware of the double entendre he just did. No-one noticed except Cody, who was sniggering to himself, as Trent and Noah literally pulled their crate apart, with the crash resulting in Noah getting covered with some blue tarpaulin.
While his fellow crate destroyer tried to disentangle himself from the aggressive sheet, Trent reached into the rest of the pile to see what he could find
"I've got some tools here." As he finished, Noah finally yanked the sheet off of his head and threw it to the ground "And some pool liner" the Bookworm added with contempt, glaring at the offending item as if daring it to attack him again.
Things were going generally well for the Gophers. Aside from Katie moping, everyone was in fairly high spirits. Heather even apologised to Leshawna for their argument atop the cliff, though it's sincerity was almost instantly disproved in her following conversation with Lindsay, where she revealed her true intentions to keep her friends close and her enemies closer. But this act of deceit went unknown to the rest of the team, as they were far too preoccupied in dealing with the small fire that Adam and Beth had started in their attempts to burn their way through the crate
15 bottles of pop after the fire had been extinguished, the first of the Killer Bass arrived, which consisted first of Eva and Shannon, Shannon still rubbing her arm, Eva still giving the other girl dirty looks. 3 more bottles of pop later, and 3 more Bass showed up, first Harold and Ezekiel, then Courtney bringing up the rear. Harold dropped his crate with a relieved "Finally" and the 5 Bass were greeted happily by Trent
"Hey, what's up guys?" As Leshawna poked her head out of the crate she was for some reason stood in, Shannon stretched out her back with a series of nasty sounding 'pops', shook off the lingering pain in her arm, and happily strolled on over to Trent
"Aside from the attempts on mah life a few minutes ago, nuttin' much, how's you?" Trent gave the girl a funny look
"What do you mean, 'attempts on your life'?" he asked, eyebrows raised with concern
"Exactly wha' it says on th' tin", nodding her head towards Eva in the process.
"Riiiiiiiight…" he said as he took a subconscious step back from Shannon. After everyone finally noticed Courtney's eye, and some of the least subtle stage whispering I've ever witnessed, the Bass departed to the designated Bass building zone, where the rest of the Bass eventually joined them. Following two attempts at rallying speeches, one from Geoff that was literally a sentence long, and one from Courtney that was more of a political endorsement of herself than anything else, the work began, and the race to build a hot tub was on
And so began, or at least was edited to begin, a montage of the two teams building things, showcasing the contrast between the leadership skills of Courtney, and the Screaming Gophers apparent tactic of 'winging it and hoping for the best'
As Beth and Justin merrily hammered nails into the already pretty decent looking hot tub, Harold and Geoff haphazardly arranged some planks (most of which were cannibalised from the crates) in the vague shape of a hot tub. It fell over.
As Heather happily handed Trent a hammer so the musician could hammer in yet another seemingly pointless nail, Tyler and Duncan got in a fight over their hammer, a fight which ended with the hammer flying out of both boys' grasp and straight into Harold's crotch. Harold, who was doubled over in pain, was then smacked in the face with a plank of wood as Bridgette lifted it, and then smacked again as she turned around.
As the Gophers formed a bucket relay from the lake to the hot tub that had somehow teleported onto the beach, Courtney was duct taping over any leaks she could find, and wilfully ignoring the way the tape would start bulging mere seconds after it was applied.
For 20 of the 24 campers, time was being dedicated to last minute touches to the hot tubs, applying seat covers, testing jets, or making sure you weren't likely to get tetanus when you say down in the case of the Bass. 4 of the campers, however, were doing other things.
Katie and Sadie had both snuck away from their teams to be reunited at long last, and were hugging each other and crying about how much they missed the other and all other such stuff behind the cabins where they thought no-one could hear them. Everyone could hear them.
Noah had exhausted himself carrying a plank 2 and a half metres from a box to the hot tub, and was taking a well-deserved break on the Gopher cabin steps. His book was out, but he was not reading, for there was, in his opinion, something far more entertaining than a book he'd read before (albeit a good one) going on a couple of metres in front of him, involving the last camper not working on the hot tub.
'This ought to be good' he thought to himself with a smirk as Cody swaggered on over to Gwen, who was knelt down and rooting through a box to find the right kind of spanner. Noah noticed Cody's eyes constantly flickering to and from Gwen's ass, and he quietly chuckled to himself.
"Hey" said Cody in his 'smoothest' voice, a sly smirk plastered on his face as he took those final few steps that took him into that nebulous distance that is next to someone, someone in this case being Gwen, but you knew that.
Gwen did not respond, instead delving deeper into the crate as she looked for the spanner she was missing and hoped that Cody was talking to someone other than her. But her hopes were in vain, and Cody persisted
"Hey"
"Go away" came the reply from the crate.
"So, you need some help with that? Because I'm pretty good with that construction stuff, if I do say so myself." Within the crate, Gwen grit her teeth, and kept rummaging, and was finally met with success. She grabbed the spanner that was shaped like a heptagon, thus completing the set of spanners shaped like various polygons.
"I said," she began as she got out of the crate, drawing to her full height of not that tall, but certainly taller than Cody, and glared at him "go away"
Cody's face fell for a bit, but completely oblivious to the evident animosity the goth girl bore him, kept on his rapidly derailing train of thinking, started following after her as she stalked off to the nearly completed hot tub, into which Adam had just fallen in while trying to pour in a bucket of water.
"Oh. You sure? I mean, when we're done, we could, y'know, hang out, maybe get to know each other…" Gwen cut him off with a sharp
"Don't make me throw you again." Gwen resumed her walk off, leaving Cody stood there slightly bemused. From the cabin steps, Noah, who had been watching the whole thing with a smirk of amusement, gave his assessment of the situation.
"Well, she didn't assault you, so that's a step up" Cody turned to face the bookworm, a mildly annoyed frown on his face
"I just came at it wrong. I'll just give her a few days to cool off, then try again." Noah shook his head sympathetically
"Yeah, keep going, try hard enough and you might get your very own restraining order."
That little incident was the last interesting event that happened in the building of the hot tubs, other than the brief sword fight with planks Tyler and Harold got into before Courtney glared at them hard enough for them to feel it.
And thus, soon enough, it was time for judging. The two hot tubs were starkly different in appearance, with the Screaming Gophers' looking like it was actually meant to on the instructions, aside from the scorch marks courtesy of Adam and Beth; contrast with the Killer Bass, whose hot tub looked like the one on the instructions, if the instructions had been drawn by a visually impaired 5-year-old on LSD with access to nothing but melted crayons and burnt matches.
An unusually stern looking Chris was in charge of the judging. He first inspected the attempt of the Screaming Gophers; after looking it over for a few seconds, sticking his finger in to test the temperature, and even sniffing it for whatever reason, he came to a verdict:
"This is an awesome hot tub!" The Gophers cheered at this assessment, chief among them Owen, who jumped out of the hot tub in celebration, apparently having once again lost his bathing suit, to the utter disgust of everyone
But the contest was not over yet, as Chris headed over to the Killer Bass's hot tub to inspect their abstract design, which had gained an occupant in the form of Immobile Seagull. Chris, rather than inspect the hot tub in great detail as he had with the Gophers, simply bent down and gave the thing a light tap. It immediately sprung a leak, spraying the host in the face with water. The tub then gave off a few worrying creaks, before collapsing into its component parts, drenching everyone's shoes and sending Immobile Seagull floating back into the lake on a surge of tepid water.
"Well, I think we have a winner" declared Chris, trying to preserve some form of dramatic tension "The Screaming Gophers!" At this announcement, despite its inevitability, cheers erupted from the Gophers as Chris continued
"Gophers, you're safe from elimination, and you get to rock this awesome hot tub for the rest of the summer! Bonus!" more cheers followed, and then Chris turned to the losers "Killer Bass, what can I say, sucks to be you right now. I'll see your sorry butts at the bonfire tonight"
The Screaming Gophers continued their cheering, with Lindsay happily proclaiming their staying in the contest for another 3 whole days, being group hugged by Beth and Heather, of all people.
"WOOOOOOO! Hahaha! Yes!" yelled Owen from a few feet away, still completely naked. He then began dancing
"We get to staaaaay, we get to staaaaay, we are so awesome, we won the contest!" he sang, punctuating the last line with a bear hug of Lindsay and Heather that left the latter traumatised for life. It was then he noticed Chris leaving
"Hey Chris, what about the pizza you promised us?" Chris turned around to look at Owen, confusion etched onto his face. It took a few moments of thinking to remember his promise
"Oh yeah. Leave your orders with Chef, he'll sort it out." In the kitchen, Chef felt an itch in the back of his skull. He looked out the window in the general direction of the hot tubs, and growled.
The Mess Hall, 27 minutes and 34 seconds later
The atmosphere in the mess hall was tense. Or at least in half of the mess hall it was. Over on the Gopher side of the room, spirits were high; pizza orders had been placed, and friendly conversation was struck up between members. Trent and Cody were in a conversation about chords or something, apparently both were musicians, Lindsay was educating Beth on the differences between cherry red and strawberry red lip gloss; and at the end of the table Justin and Adam sat in what could be called companionable silence from a certain point of view. The only damper on the mood at the table was Katie, who had somewhat recovered from her total breakdown over the loss of her best friend, and instead sat in a faintly morose silence, absent-mindedly tracing patterns on the table with her finger.
However, take a few steps away from the Gopher bench, and the friendly air immediately dissipates, to be replaced with one of uncertainty and bitterness. For over on the Bass table, there was a single thought on everyone's minds: the question of elimination. The silence weighed heavy on all 12 teenagers present, and each reacted to it differently. Well, I say all 12, but Ezekiel was quietly chewing on his wriggling stew, completely oblivious to the tension all around him.
The silence lasted several minutes, until eventually, someone cracked. That someone was Shannon, who threw her arms in the air with an exasperated cry.
"Right, tha's it, I cannae take th' fuckin' silence anymore! Who's up fer' th' choppin' block?" She was met with silence, until Duncan piped up
"Well I'd say you're pretty high up on the list, Cyclops." Shannon turned to face Duncan, raising a finger and opening her mouth to object, when the head of her chicken hat flopped down in front of her face. She looked at it for a bit, before slumping a bit
"Point taken."
"But, if we ever have to lift a truck, you and the brickhouse here are probably our best bet" he continued, jerking his thumb towards DJ as he did so "Which if you ask me, leaves Tweedleidiot and Miss C-I-T over here"
Sadie was both too morose to mount a reasonable defence, and also too sat at the other end of the table to even hear what was being said, so naturally, she said nothing, continuing to trace patterns on the table just like her BFFFL, which is starting to veer into creepy territory. Unlike Sadie, Courtney was sat right next to Duncan, and could use her many studies of law to mount a brilliant defence of her case
"What?! Why?" she exclaimed, standing up in shock. So much for those hundred-dollar law textbooks.
"Because, unless I'm mistaken, you two are the only ones with chicken hats and nothing to show for it"
"But you guys need me, I'm the only one-"
"We know" Bridgette cut in; even she was getting sick of that "you used to be a real CIT; so who would you pick?" Courtney's eyes darted around the room frantically, completely missing her monochrome-striped salvation at the other end of the table. Instead, her gaze focussed on Tyler, of all people.
"What about him?" Tyler, who was in the middle of a mouthful of mush, looked up in surprise, almost choking on his 'meal' as the finger of blame was pointed at him. Before he could finish chewing and swallow, however, there was an interruption from the other end of the dining hall entirely.
"NOOOOO!" yelled Lindsay, jumping to her feet dramatically, provoking confused stares from just about everyone. She quickly realised that everyone was looking at her, and tried to cover her outburst.
"Uh, I mean, there's no… salt. There's no salt on the table." The room was silent for several seconds, until the 'slap' of Noah facepalming echoed throughout the room, and everyone went back to their business as Lindsay sat down awkwardly.
Duncan's only reaction to this scene was to smirk at Courtney
"Nice try, but I don't see a chicken hat on him, do you?" Courtney wasn't backing down though
"Oh come on, look at him, he's useless!" Tyler, who had by this point finished his mouthful, was actually prepared to defend himself.
"Hey!" he said as he spun around on his chair "What make you think I'm so- WOOOAAH GOD!" That last part happened as Tyler spun around on his chair too fast, slipped off his seat and crashed onto the floor, groaning in pain. Now it was Courtney's turn to smirk
"See? Useless" Duncan leant over the table to look at Tyler sprawled on the floor
"Yeah, I'm not buying it" He turned to look at Courtney and shrugged "So unless there's someone else you can throw under the bus, I think it's pretty obvious whose going home"
It was at this point Courtney started to internally panic. Her eyes darted across her teammates, trying to find someone who she could reasonably offer up for eliminations. As she scanned each member in turn, the panic set in deeper. Harold? He looked useless but he actually jumped off the cliff. DJ and Shannon both chickened out, but they could likely bench press Courtney if they so choose. Izzy? Who knew what that psycho could do? As she continued down the line, she grew more and more worried, until eventually, she finally saw her salvation.
"Okay, well what about her?" her arm raised, and she pointed straight at Sadie, who everyone had just sorta forgotten about. Sadie looked around in panic, but the biggest protest would not come from the Bass table.
"NOOOOOO!" came the reactionary yell from Katie, in a repeat of history from just 2 minutes ago. Again, there was silence following this announcement, and again the silence was broken by Noah, who this time sighed and slammed his head on the table with a loud 'THUD', having now had both of his ears screamed in over the course of one meal. Over at the Bass table, however, there was no such opposition.
"Weel, 'at werks fer me" said Shannon as she stood up, dumped the rest of her food in the bin, and headed out of the dining hall. Everyone else on soon followed, the Gophers leaving too to go sort out pizza.
Eventually, the only two campers left in the mess hall were Duncan and Courtney. Now words were exchanged, and Duncan just smirked at the girl before strolling on out leisurely.
The Campfire – 3 hours, 48 minutes and 33 seconds later (or about 1,959 bottles of pop for those curious)
The evening was cool. The fire was crackling. The woodland beasts were being noisy little shits. The Killer Bass were assembled, ready to face the historic first campfire ceremony. Before them stood Chris, looking rather stern.
"Killer Bass, at camp marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy roasting by the fire" Chris said, gesturing all the time to a tray of 11 marshmallows "At this camp, marshmallows represent life."
There was a pause in Chris's monologue, long enough for Geoff to mime himself being hung, then tip his hat a Bridgette. The surfer girl giggled as Duncan rolled his eyes next to her. Chris went on
"You have all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only eleven marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up, and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, to catch the Boat of Losers. That means, you're out of the contest. And you can't come back. Ever." The amount of denial in Chris's voice was suspect, but that's neither here nor there.
"The first marshmallow goes to…
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"Geoff." Geoff smiled, and ran up to Chris to claim his marshmallow, and attention went back to Chris as he announced the next person safe.
"The second marshmallow goes to…
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"Tyler"
"WOO-HOO-HOO, YEAH! Place at the table" Tyler yelled rather enthusiastically as he went to join Geoff. At this point, Chris started calling off names a lot quicker.
"Bridgette!" The Surfer gave off a relieved sigh as she went to get her marshmallow
"DJ!" He too sighed in relief, and walked up to Chris with a relieved smile on his face
"Ezekiel!" Ezekiel let out a small "whoop!" as he got up
"Harold!" Harold fistpumped and let out a quiet "yes!"
"Izzy!" Izzy cackled, and grabbed her marshmallow as fast as she could, eating it (and the stick it was speared on) in a single bite
"Duncan!" Duncan gave his trademark smirk, and sauntered over to receive his marshmallow
"Eva!"
"Damn right!" came the response as Eva marched up
"Shannon!"
"Can I take the stupid hat off now?" asked Shannon
"No" came the immediate response from Chris. Shannon sighed and got up to join the 9 other safe members of her team, and then there were 2.
"Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the evening" in the final cut of the program, the dramatic cuts between the increasingly worried Courtney and the increasingly despondent Sadie went on for a full 34 seconds. It is presented here in its condensed form for your reading convenience
"The final marshmallow of the evening goes to…"
Confession Cam – Well isn't this dramatic?
Geoff: "Man, I don't wanna vote for anyone: they're all cool in their own way. But if I had to pick, I'd say Courtney. She really needs to chill"
Tyler: "I'm voting for Sadie. She really wasn't much of a team player"
Bridgette: "Ugh, I know Sadie didn't help the team, but I feel like sending her even further away from her friend is gonna make things worse for her. So I'm voting for Courtney"
DJ: "Aw man, having to vote someone off on the first day really sucks." He sighs to himself "I'm voting for Courtney"
Ezekiel: "I'm vo'oting for Sadie, eh."
Harold: "I can just tell that Duncan is going to be the exact type of idiot who does things like glue my comic books together for kicks. So I vote for him"
Izzy: "Sadie." She sits with her arms folded for a second, then begins trying to climb out of the small hole in the door. By some miracle, she succeeds.
Eva: "Loudmouth may be really annoying, but at least she can back it up. Courtney, on the other hand?"
Shannon: "As much as ye cannae jus' split up Ant and Dec, Dec didnae even try. So, there's me vote."
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"Courtney" The CIT let out a huge sigh of relief and practically bounded over to Chris, who was busy addressing Sadie.
"Can't say I'm shocked. You spent most of the day moping." He walked over to Sadie, and gave an extravagant arm gesture pointing in the direction of the dock "Dock of Shame is that way"
Still sniffling, Sadie got up and trudged to the Boat of Losers. Once she was out of earshot, Chris turned to the rest of the Killer Bass
"The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows, you're safe. For tonight" the dramatic tension was immediately undercut by a question:
"Now can we take the stupid hats off?" from Shannon.
"Ugh, fine" Chris said as he gave in, clearly put out over having his moment ruined
Confession Cam – 1 down, 22 to go
Duncan: he laughs to himself "I was never actually gonna vote for Courtney, not while Tweedleidiot's around. But girls like her are so fun to mess with"
Back at the hot tub
The pizzas were in. The hot tub was hot. The 'cool' kids of Trent, Lindsay, Heather and Justin had commandeered the hot tub, and also Cody had snuck in there too; said Tech Geek was leading the team in a toast, only using a juice box instead of alcohol because he's 16 and trans-Atlantic drinking laws are dumb.
"To the Screaming Gophers!" he proclaimed. His toast was well received by his fellow hot tub occupants, and was followed with a chorus of "Woos". A few feet in front of the hot tub, Leshawna was dancing around and chanting "Go Gophers!" She was soon joined by Noah and (a thankfully fully clothed) Owen. The positions and demeanours of the other Gophers varied; Gwen had a small smile on her face as she leant on the hot tub, Beth was sat on the stairs of the cabin happily joining in the chant; next to her was Adam, smiling despite the nervousness visible in his eyes as he continued writing in his notebook; finally Katie was crying next to the hot tub as she dreaded the return of the Bass sans Katie.
And return the Bass did, trudging miserably by the hot tub as the Gophers' pizza arrived, Chef having gotten sick of the Second Pizza War and just ordered everything he heard and billed the producers. As the Bass continued their forlorn march, Katie noticed the absence of Sadie in their numbers, and broke down in tears. This immediately put a massive damper on the mood of the celebration, as one might expect, as most of the Gophers just sort of looked at her awkwardly, with only Beth going to try and comfort her.
Meanwhile, Courtney spotted a camera and turned to it
"Are you recording this? Good. They can enjoy their little party all they want. But I am gonna win this competition, and no-one is gonna stop me!"
Confession Cam – Them be fighting words
Gwen: "Yep, this camp pretty much still sucks." she pauses for a moment and shrugs "But, now that I'm here, I guess I might as well try to actually win"
Shannon: "Well, today coulda gone a wee bit better. Ah well, there's always tomorrow."
Ezekiel: "I doon't know why, but I feel like today should've gone really badly"
Heather: She sits smirking, her arms folded. "Just wait, these losers aren't gonna know what hit them"
Adam: He waves at the camera, smiling for once. "Hi mom, I made it!" he stops smiling, and adjusts his glasses "Everyone here seems nice enough. Except Heather, she keeps glaring at me."
Noah: He groans, and holds his head in his hands. "I'm surrounded by crazy people"
That's right all you imaginary people I pretend like this story to mantain my fragile self-esteem, we are back, after over a month of absence! I have really terrible work ethic. I was meant to be doing uni work while editing this.
In all honestly, I'm kinda unhappy with chapter 1 on reflection, I feel like I leant to hard on just "transcribe the episode with narrator commentary". Tried to break away from that, but it's a process. Next chapter should be better with regards to that. Probably gonna rewrite that one at some point.
But anyways, please, if you read this, leave a review, let me know what you think, or make a joke, or just leave a single lowercase 'e', anything helps, I'm very new to all this.