Chapter 19

Victoria felt relieved when she returned to the hacienda. She had wanted to wait a few more days. Afraid that someone would see that something had happened or curiously ask questions.
The day had gone better than she thought, and she felt better.
There had been no strange looks nor whispered words behind her back. Victoria had how felt the tension slip from her back and only now discovered how tired she really was.

The past two nights, she had barely slept.
And this morning, she had been up with nerves as soon as she had opened her eyes. With difficulty, mainly so as not to arouse suspicion in Diego, Victoria had managed to drink half a cup of coffee and a few bites of food from the breakfast table.
While Diego and Felipe were saddling the horses and harnessing the coach, Victoria looked at herself minutely in the mirror. She wanted to be sure that no one would be able to discover anything about her.
She had watched the minutes tick away on the clock until it was time to go. As always, when you've needed time to stand still, the hand on the clock moved faster than usual.
Don Alejandro had come to call her that they were ready to leave. He had asked her if she was sure she wanted to go.
She got offered a way out.
Victoria had also known that if she didn't go this day, the next time would be even more difficult. Then she would have to explain why she had not been present at the festivities.

Trembling on her feet, she had stood next to Diego at the opening of the school. Diego had noticed it or at least suspected it. He had taken her hand and placed it against the inside of his elbow. They had stood there together. She leaned against his strong body that radiated such inner strength.
As soon as the occasion arose, Victoria had crept behind the bar in the tavern. It felt wonderful to be able to focus her thoughts on something else.
The customers asked for drinks. Her helpers came to collect orders. The small chats, the simple comments about simple things like the weather, had been a relief.
Victoria had not expected it ever to happen. Certainly not so soon after what had happened, but for the first time in days, she had momentarily forgotten about that night.
She let herself fall onto the bed and soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

Diego came in looking for Victoria.
The preparations for the Guardian had taken longer than he had anticipated.
It was almost dinner time.
His father had informed him of Victoria's request for some rest, and she had retreated to their bedroom.
He had made his way to the room as swiftly as possible.
After he opened the door, Diego stopped in the doorway, breath taken by the sight of finding the woman he loved asleep on his bed.
How unbelievable beautiful she was.
Diego did not want to frighten her. He approached her carefully.

Victoria opened her eyes from the slumber between waking and sleeping in which she had been when she heard the door open. For a moment, her heartbeat had risen in panic.
The panic was followed by a feeling of security as soon as she had realized where she was.

Diego noticed that Victoria was awake and sat down on the edge of the wide bed.
"Father told me you were here to rest."

"Yes, I was a little tired and actually fell asleep." She stretched. Diego had to swallow as the white, almost transparent fabric of the blouse tightened around her upper body and accentuated her breasts.
"What time is it?" Victoria yawned.
Her eyes slid to the clock standing on the cabinet next to the door.
"Oh gosh, is that the time? It's nearly dinner time."

"Take it easy. Father doesn't mind waiting a bit. He knows I just recently returned."

"Your father might, Maria, will feel differently."
Victoria swung her feet to the floor and put on her shoes.
She rose from the bed and placed a fleeting kiss on Diego's cheek. "Come on. I'm starving."

Diego touched his cheek where her lips had touched him before he stood up. The brief, spontaneous flurry of intimacy had surprised him and felt astonishingly nice.

Maria had made a simple arroz con pollo which tasted excellent.
When all the servants had returned to their homes, Diego, Alejandro, Felipe and Victoria sat down to dine with the four of them.
The opening of the new school got discussed at length.
After they had stopped talking about the articles, appearing in two days in the Guardian.
The paper was now ready, and only the printing needed to get done tomorrow. A job Felipe could handle on his own.

Alejandro poured another glass of wine. Victoria smiled as she glared at Diego. Since their marriage, he permitted himself to be coaxed into a glass of wine occasionally.
He had denied himself so much in the role he had assumed. Diego only drank when they were together in the hacienda, and had no plans for nighttime activities outside the house for the rest of the evening.
Victoria hadn't noticed before, probably because she had been too busy with herself.
It had occurred to her at the dinner table that she had hardly heard Felipe speak since he had regained his voice.
He did when you asked him questions that could be answered by yes or no.
Perhaps out of habit, Felipe began to sign as soon as answers needed more syllable words.

"Felipe," Victoria began cautiously, searching for a way to ask. She didn't want to hurt the boy. "I still can't believe my ears every time I hear your voice."

The boy didn't like being in the centre of attention, even in the comfort of his family.

"I agree," Interrupted don Alejandro agreeing with Victoria, looking at Felipe.
Apparently, he had been waiting for the right opening, thinking this was his chance. "And I would like to hear your voice more often. I can see that you prefer gesturing to using your voice. Felipe, you must practise as much as possible."

Felipe had difficulty in converting the sounds from his throat into words. Regularly he had sounds coming out of his mouth sounding different as he had intended.
The more difficult combinations of letters made the sound he wanted to produce transform into an unintelligible stammer.
He did practice. Toronado's ears would be bursting by now. Sometimes his tongue seemed to refuse to make the correct movement to create the right sound.

Victoria took hold of his hand. "You're not embarrassed in front of us, are you? We understand you don't get all the words right the first time. We want to help. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

A fiery blush flew across Felipe's cheeks.

"Felipe, it's only natural you are uncertain. The more you speak, the easier it will get, you'll see." Diego added.
He knew that Felipe had practised a lot in the cave while busy doing the necessary work that came with being Zorro.
Diego had been so busy taking care of Victoria these past few days, he had barely seen Felipe.

Alejandro had become suspicious about something, he hoped he was wrong.
Suspiciously, he observed his son, as he casually mentioned. "Diego, you didn't ask Felipe to talk as little as possible, did you?"

Felipe shook his head vigorously. Diego was stunned for a moment, and Victoria responded directly and fiercely.
"Father! Of course not. How can you even think something such a horrible thing?"

"For the same reason that no one was allowed to know Felipe can hear. Should it become known Felipe can speak, it can be a disadvantage to Zorro. Not to mention, it will raise questions why he never did before."

"No, no." Felipe began to stammer.

Diego, staying impressively calm, "No, father, I haven't."

Alejandro turned his attention to Felipe. "Then what is the reason? Is Victoria right? Are you ashamed? There is no need to."

Felipe felt uneasy. The bond between him and Diego was one of mutual trust. Because of all the lies in recent years, his relationship with Alejandro had become more distant than had during the years Diego was studying in Spain. And although he was very fond of Victoria, it was not easy to open up to her.
"Diffff- i- cult." He confessed uncomfortably.

"Felipe, we would be honoured when you feel sufficiently at ease to speak when we are among ourselves."

Diego adds, "You have nothing about to be ashamed. The fact that words do not always come out fluently does not matter. That will come naturally with enough practice."

To support his words, Felipe signed as he spoke slowly.
"I pra-c-tise. Imp- prove f-i-rrrrs-t."

Diego placed a hand on the shoulder of his pupil and trusted comrade. "Then practice as much as you choose. And not merely in the cave. Toronado is a patient listener, and so are we. And when you are ready to tell, we will make it known that you can talk. Until then, I hope you will accept our efforts to help you get better."

The next few days passed in a natural rhythm.
Victoria went to her work in the tavern.
At first, Diego accompanied her.
That was until he began to notice Victoria slept more peacefully at night on the days that she had been in the pueblo. He dared to pay more attention to the many obligations he had as don Diego, son of a ranchero and as Zorro.
What Diego was unaware of was Victoria did have a conversation with Pilar, which helped her a lot.

And so, Zorro showed up in the pueblo for the first time in weeks to prevent de Soto from punishing an innocent peasant for stealing military supplies.
The following day, during lunch in the tavern, a few pieces of the puzzle fell into place for Diego.
As he offered lunch to the sergeant, Mendoza told him de Soto had sold the missing rifles to some cattle thieves.

It was on a colder day in Los Angeles. Victoria returned home earlier than planned. It had been quieter in the tavern than usual. It had made her decide to go back to the hacienda.
To her surprise, she found don Alejandro in the library. Victoria didn't know any better, or Alejandro was out with Diego on the lands today to check on the cattle.
"Back so soon? " She peered at the small round table next to the fireplace, hoping to get information about Diego, his whereabouts.

Alejandro shook his head. "Zorro. Diego came across tracks he didn't trust. He thinks they're from those cattle thieves he's searching for."

"Finally, he has been out so many times."

Diego had been searching for days for signs of the cattle thieves, who were probably in possession of military rifles. If he succeeded in finding them, they would be able to testify that it had been the alcalde himself who had been responsible for the missing items.

Alejandro nodded in agreement, closing the book he was reading. "I am increasingly amazed as to where Diego ever found the time to do so many things unnoticed by me.
All these times I believed he was wasting his time doing something useless. While in fact, he was busy saving lives and fighting evil. And what did I do? Scolding him and taking every opportunity to point out his shortcomings."

Victoria moved closer. Alejandro appeared downhearted to her.
"I'm sure Diego is not blaming you. It was a deliberately taken decision not to tell us anything about Zorro."

"Yes, unfortunately, you're right. Victoria, aren't you going mad with worry about him?"

"Yes, and no." Victoria took a seat in the chair nearest to Alejandro.

Not understanding, Alejandro looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Victoria tried to put her feelings about this into words. "I fell in love with Zorro the first time I saw him.
As I didn't know who was hiding behind the mask, it did not change the fact I did worry about his safety. Not a day went by without me hoping nothing had happened to him. Sometimes I did not see Zorro for weeks. The lancers like to gossip and exaggerate, and I often heard rumours about how Zorro had been lucky, narrowly escaping them.
It was often not the truth, but every time I saw Zorro galloping out of the pueblo while being shot at or chased, I held my breath and hoped that nothing would happen to him.
I didn't know he could come strolling into the tavern an hour later dressed as Diego as if nothing had happened.
I was usually only reassured the next time Zorro made an appearance again. And that lasted until he left the pueblo again.
Since I found out, I know when Diego is safe. So I don't have to be concerned as often or as long. Of course, I worry when Diego rides like Zorro. I also know he tries to avoid unnecessary risks and will do anything to return to me in safety. So yes, I do worry. It is different from before."

Alejandro took a moment to absorb her words. "I guess it's different for me because Zorro suddenly turned out to be my son. I admired Zorro. He was a stranger to me. For you, he has always been the man you loved."

Victoria nodded in agreement. "I hate myself sometimes when I think back on how mean I was to Diego at times. He didn't deserve the many cruel remarks I made."

"You and me both. When I rethink, I am not exactly proud of myself, either. I called my son a coward and a weakling while he risked his life, time and time again for us. That must have hurt him. I tried to talk to him about it. Diego claims he doesn't blame me. Still, as a father, it feels like I failed him. Shouldn't I have known my son better?"

"I feel unworthy of his love sometimes." Victoria expressed a feeling she hadn't shared with anyone before. Of course, Diego would say it wasn't so.
His words could only soothe the feeling. Not take it away.

Alejandro looked at the figure beside him. Victoria sat with her hands folded in her lap, staring timidly ahead.
"Do you love him?"

"More than anything. I love Diego even more now than I ever thought was possible. The affection I felt for Zorro and the friendship I felt for Diego, it was nothing compared to my feelings for the man they are together."

"Then I wouldn't know who could be more worthy of him. Diego loves you. As long as you reciprocate his love, you are worthy of him."

"Thank you, father." Victoria leaned forward to press a kiss to don Alejandro's wrinkled cheek.

Alejandro scraped together all his courage.
He had waited too long to do this. Both had expressed their flaws. It was time for him to confess. "Victoria, I owe you an apology. What happened to you. It was my fault."

Victoria looked startled at the man next to her, who just seemed to have aged ten years in one fell swoop. "What do you mean?"

Alejandro played with a letter opener. He barely dared to look at Victoria. "That night, what happened. It was my fault. I had planned to come and get you. I didn't, because I fell asleep. Diego feels guilty that he didn't prevent harm from happening to you. He's not to blame, I am."
Alejandro closed his eyes. He wanted to lock out the world around him.
It was his mistake.
"After many years, I found my son again. And now I'm going to lose him again when he realizes what I've done."

"That's nonsense. Of course, you won't lose us. Besides, what happened is just as much my own fault."

Alejandro began to sputter. Victoria continued. "You offered to come to pick me up. I was the one who told you not to bother. I had ridden from the hacienda to the tavern on my own so many times. I lived in the tavern for years. I never felt unsafe."

"On the way from the hacienda to the tavern, you had no reason to. You were never alone. Diego told me that you had never ridden back to the pueblo alone in the dark. If he didn't bring you home himself, he followed you as Zorro."

For a second Victoria was withhout words in amazment."That..., I didn't know that."

"No, neither did I. Again, I should have known, at least suspected it."

"Father, you have nothing to feel guilty over. In the end, I even think I was lucky."

"How can you say that? What those men did...,"

"I've dreamed a few times how things could have ended." Victoria confessed. "Suppose Pilar and I had been together and we both...," A silence fell in which Alejandro heard the words Victoria did not speak.
"Or what if you did come to pick me up. What could have happened then? Those men had more murders on their hands than we can imagine. Then something might have happened to you. And I would have lost someone very dear to me."

"Ah, Victoria, poor girl."

"You are very dear to me. And I mustn't think of losing you. It would feel as if I were losing my father again."

Victoria had always been dear to him. And after she became his daughter-in-law, he loved her even more. This expression of love on her face touched him in the heart.

"We will have to admit that I was lucky. This time, my saviour was not a masked man dressed in black. But a tired, hungry lancer. That makes no difference to the outcome. Besides, some good things have come out of it, too. Felipe has regained his speech. The world has got rid of two demons."

"And you...?" Alejandro asked in a whisper.

"My wounds have healed, and I'm back to my old self."

Remorseful, Alejandro shook his head.
"That's not true, and you know it."

"The bruises have disappeared. The scratches are healing.
I am fine." Victoria avoided making eye contact.

"Victoria, you try to hide it well. And you'd manage to get away had I not cared about you so much." The don grabbed a hand and lap and squeezed encouragingly.
"Diego sees it too. He loves you and sees that you are still recovering and fighting invisible demons. It saddens him."

"I… I.," Victoria began to utter.

"It's only been such a short time.
And you are doing so well. I merely wish for you and Diego to continue your lives. I can see how you're still easily startled when someone makes an unexpected move. I hear how you sometimes smile nervously and try to avoid eye contact.
Diego sees that too, and it worries him.
It is less than in the beginning. Time heals all wounds, it is said, including this one." Alejandro cleared his throat. "We all have to live with our past. And we have to make the best of the time we have."

"I will be fine. Soon."

Alejandro had watery eyes. He could not resist trying to give Victoria some comfort, caressing her cheek.
"I hope so, dear. I sure hope so."

.

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Phh, this was part of the story I thought I had finished and could use without making much adaptions. Reading it and trying to do some kind of editing almost two years later made me throw everything in the garbage and restart, restart and restart again.

I like to think I made some improvements. ;)