Chapter 23 Sitting Duck

From their spot around the bend, the Koopalings observed the gang members, who were leaning against the castle with smug, confident smirks. Wendy took in a nervous breath as Morton turned toward Ludwig.

"Okay Ludwig. What have we got going on here?" he asked.

Ludwig peaked out from behind the corner of the castle wall. "Okay. So we've got a goomba, a paratroopa, and a sledge brother. The goomba and the paratroopa probably won't be too problematic to deal with. Both of those guys are fairly standard minions, so much so that Bowser usually makes them patrol World 1. They can patrol World 7, but that's more of a rarity than anything else. Out of those two, I think the one that'll give you the most trouble is probably the paratroopa because it has the ability to fly, but it's still fairly easy to take out. I wouldn't worry much about those two."

Roy nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. What about the sledge brother?"

"That's what you should worry about." Ludwig stared at the sledge bro with a furrowed brow. "Not only are those guys big and strong, but when they ground pound, they create shock waves that can stun anything within a five mile radius." Ludwig exhaled. "So, unless you have rubber implanted in the bottoms of your feet, you guys are pretty dead."

Larry wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Why'd you say 'you guys?'"

Ludwig gave everyone a face that was half taken aback, half serious. "You really think I'm stepping out onto the battlefield in my current condition? Yeah, no thanks. I'm staying put, and so is Lemmy."

Lemmy did a double take. "What? Why?"

"Lemmy," Ludwig said with a stern, weary tone, "you and I have vastly different fighting styles. And, putting my personal opinions about your particular style to the side for a minute, it's gonna take more than five days with no real combat scenarios for us to get a grasp on them." He crossed his arms. "Not to mention we would have to adjust to each other's mechanical stats, such as weight, center of gravity, and general flexibility."

"I'm flexible!" Lemmy exclaimed defiantly.

Ludwig snorted. "Oh, believe me, Lemmy. I know."

Lemmy's face fell. The other Koopalings adorned looks of dread.

"No!" Larry said. "You can't sit this one out Ludwig; we need you!"

Ludwig sighed. "Guys, we discussed this in the common room. Even if I could somehow get the hang of Lemmy's fighting style within the next thirty seconds, Lemmy would have to master mine if we want even a fraction of a shot! And mine is pretty much custom made!" He shook his head. "I know I probably make using my powers look easy to the rest of you, but I assure you, it's not. It took me a lifetime to reach my current skill level, and Lemmy's been in my body for less than a week!" He exhaled. "Look, I hate saying it as much as you guys hate to hear it, but I can't help you this time. I'm a sitting duck."

Despite those words (which only accentuated the anxiety the Koopalings were feeling), Wendy still spoke up. "Okay, but just because you can't fight doesn't mean you can't help! You're the oldest, you have the most experience on the battlefield out of all of us! You can help us come up with a battle strategy, something that can help us win!"

Ludwig's countenance grew more irritated. "See, that's the thing. You guys can't win this one because it's foolish! You know how I know this? Because of a certain routine we partake in every week involving the kidnapping of a certain Mushroom Kingdom Princess!" Ludwig nodded, looking at his siblings with ire. "Yeah, that's right. You guys can brag about your combat skills all you want, but when it comes to fighting Mario, all five of you have a PERFECT losing streak!"

Wendy glared at him. "Uh, you lost all those fights too."

"That's because I hold back!" Ludwig scrunched his brow in a serious method. "Wendy, do you honestly think I couldn't kill Mario if I actually wanted to?" He faced the whole group. "I'm not going to go into final boss mode just to help Bowser's creepy fantasies about Princess Peach become a reality! I'm sorry, but the lives of millions aren't worth putting at risk just to take out one fat, middle-aged, Italian plumber."

Wendy let out a breath. "Okay, that is a good point, but it doesn't help us in this scenario." She looked back at the gang, her face painted over with worry.

Ludwig shook his head again. "Well, you four can try whatever strategy you want; you're not getting any input from me." He walked over to the wall. "Just because I'm good at fighting doesn't mean I don't get stressed out doing it. I want to enjoy staying on the sidelines for a change." He leaned against the wall.

Larry glared. "You can't do that; Bowser is requiring you to fight."

Ludwig snickered. "Yeah, well, I'm Lemmy right now. Excuse me if I don't take threats as seriously as I normally do."

Larry rolled his eyes and exchanged a look with Wendy. She looked back out at the gang. "We still need a plan." She raised her hand, seemingly about to bite down on her nails. Before she did, she stopped. She looked back at her brothers, specifically at Lemmy. "And I think I might actually have one."

"What would that be, Wen?" asked Roy.

Wendy took a step towards Lemmy. "Lemmy, how good of an actor would you say you are?"

Lemmy blinked. "Well, I am more of a physical actor because of my circus acts, but I can deliver a line well if I need to."

Wendy's face lit up. "Great! We can take advantage of that!"

Morton blinked. "How?"

Wendy smiled as Ludwig stopped leaning against the wall and stood up straight. "Well, I was thinking. Why don't we put Lemmy in front of the gang and have him scare them off?"

Everyone else's eyes grew wide. "We're gonna have Lemmy go out there?" Larry asked.

"LEMMY?" Ludwig shrieked. He pointed at his face. "AS IN THIS GUY?"

"Yes!" Wendy looked at Ludwig seriously. "You and Lemmy are required to fight the gang no matter what. If you are really as great as you say you are, than we can bet on those thugs knowing your name. If we use this method, we get the best of both world; none of us have to fight and you and Lemmy don't get grounded!"

Ludwig's jaw dropped. "You…you…!" He shook his head in order to gather his bearings. "We can't do this! It's insane!"

Wendy squinted at him. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about EVERYTHING!" Ludwig glared at his sister. "If this fails, then I'll become a laughing stock!"

Morton stepped forward. "That's only if it fails. If it works, then it might help us."

"Yeah," said Larry with a smile. "I think it sounds like a good plan!"

"Me too!" Roy said.

Surprisingly, even Lemmy nodded. "It would be cool to play you again…"

Ludwig gawked, his fright and disbelief going off the charts. "No! Guys, Lemmy has screwed up my life so badly over the past few days that it can now be used as the punchline for one of his stupid jokes! We didn't even want to tell you guys about the swap initially and now you want to reveal it to a bunch of random strangers?!" Ludwig shook his head. "No no, no! My body, MY rules; Lemmy, you're staying with me!"

Wendy sharply exhaled. "Oh come on! We're not actually going to have him fight, we're just going for an intimidation factor."

"And you think Lemmy can pull that off? The guy whose main weapons in battle consist of circus props?"

Lemmy's face fell. "He kinda has a point there," he told the rest of the group.

Ludwig's expression sharpened into a glare. "No! There's no 'kinda' about it! This plan is insane! It's never going to work; it's bonkers!" He shook his head. "Those guys aen't going to be intimidated by Lemonade!"

Roy stepped forward. "Well, maybe if we use the voice transfer spell…"

"Oh ho ho, NO! Don't even THINK about it!" Ludwig exclaimed. "I am done with that particular brand of shenanigans! I am not touching that spell again with a ten foot pole!" He crossed his arms. "Besides, if the performance itself is crap on a stick, then having it be delivered in my voice isn't going to help anyone; and it's especially not going to help me!"

Roy's shoulders slumped. "That's true…"

Ludwig looked back at th entire group. Interestingly, he didn't glare this time. He actually looked sincere. "Please guys. These last few days have been hell for me. Sometime in the future, when I am able to see my own face when I look in the mirror again, I'm probably going to look back at this time and cringe at all of the horrible experiences. I don't need THIS one to be the worst of the lot!"

The others exchanged looks, ones that were able to transfer the sympathy they felt for their oldest brother between the five of them. However, Morton (arguably the one who sympathized with Ludwig most next to Lemmy), still sighed and spoke up.

"Ludwig," he said gently. "Bowser ordered us to do this. Whether we like it or not, getting that gang off of castle property is required. This strategy isn't perfect, but it can possibly help us avoid any unnecessary injuries. Please. You understand that. You don't want all seven of us to get in trouble, right?"

There was a pause, one containing a thick and heavy silence. Finally, Ludwig sighed.

"Okay, fine we can give it a try." He looked back at the group again. "But mark my words; if this doesn't work, you all had better be weary of the day I get my powers back. While I might not be willing to do it with Mario, I WILL go final boss with you."

Despite that warning, the others looked relieved. "Thanks Ludwig," Wendy said with a smile.

"Yeah," said Larry. He puffed out his chest and faced forward. "Let's go!"

"Wait," Ludwig said as he held up his hand. Beads of sweat formed on the sides of his face. "Is it okay if I give Lemmy a pep talk; run down what he can say?"

The others exchanged looks before Morton nodded. "That sounds reasonable."

"Okay," Ludwig exhaled. "Come on Lems, let's go somewhere private."