FIND HER: THE HUNT FOR ROLLINS

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU or its characters. The following work is strictly fan fiction.

Story takes place several months after the Season 22 finale.

Note: There will be trigger warnings including kidnapping, rape, assault, etc. Please read to your own discretion.

Chapter 6: Hope

"You almost done in there?"

"One moment," Amanda responded, jumping as she heard Carl's voice. She took a deep breath and sighed as she dried her hands on the rag in the bathroom. Her arms were tightly bound together, making it challenging for her to use the bathroom but he didn't want to take any risks. He had even gone so far as to remove the mirror that once hung off the wall in case. As she turned to open the door she jumped as he opened it first. "I said one moment."

"You had your one moment."

"I was drying my hands."

"You were keeping me waiting," he replied as he moved closer to her. "I told you I don't like waiting."

"Didn't anyone every tell you that patience is a virtue," she said as she walked past him back into the room. She jumped as she felt him wrap his arms around her, pressing himself against her back. She tried to struggle from his grasp but he had her firmly.

"I think it's been too long," he said, his breath hot on her neck as he began to bite her. She struggled as he grabbed the hem of her dress and began raising it as he bent her over on the side of the bed.

"No, no, please, wait, please," she pleaded, struggling to stop him from taking her from behind, fear running through her.

"I love the sound of you begging."

"Please, please I – uh I want to see your face!" she said. She let out a silent sigh as she felt him begin to release his grip. She felt his hand on her arm, encouraging her to turn around.

"What did you say?" he asked, uncertain he'd heard her right.

"I want to see your face," she said. Trying to hide her terror and disgust. She watched as he looked her up and down, his hand still firmly on her arm.

"Why?" he asked.

"It's more intimate," Amanda replied, her tone almost seductive. She knew he planned to have his way with her one way or the other, and she wouldn't be able to stop him. If she was going to have to relive his abuse, she could at least try to take a bit of control. She'd seen the injuries rape victims faced when their attackers took them unprepared from behind. Her body already ached; she didn't want to risk him hurting her any more than he had. Staring into his face made her sick to her stomach, but it was better than the alternative trauma she faced. "I thought that's what you wanted. For us to feel close."

She watched as Carl grinned before he began kissing her neck. She felt chills down her spine, feeling sick. "It'll be over soon," she tried reminding herself, though her brain and heart didn't want to listen. She knew if she fought it'd only make things worse. She closed her eyes as he laid her onto the bed. She tried not to tense up, but her natural fear was in control. She groaned as he grabbed the rope and aggressively pulled her hands above her head, and leaned his body into her, his pelvis pressed against her. As he began to kiss her chest, she could feel him reach down and begin to unbutton his pants. She tried to disassociate – be somewhere else, anywhere else.

"Open your eyes," she felt his hand cup her chin, and tilt her head up. He stared into her eyes, making sure she didn't look away from him.

She stared at him, knowing if she looked away, he'd hit her like he had before. As she kept her eyes locked on his, she felt his hand shift back down and she flinched as she felt him press into her. He started off slow, never breaking eye contact with her. He stayed at the same rhythm for a few minutes, his eyes locked on her as if she'd escape if he looked away. It wasn't long until he needed her and began raping her with more force. She tried to hold back tears as he bit her neck, his movements so strong and harsh she felt as though she was being bruised on the inside.

"Tell me what I want to hear," he said to her between panting breaths. "Tell me you're mine. Stay it!"

"I'm yours," she responded, repeating it when he told her to until he finally collapsed on top of her. He laid there for a few moments as he tried to catch his breath. She struggled to breathe beneath the weight of his body, finally able to inhale as he shifted, pushing himself up slightly. She bit her lip as she suddenly felt him running his hands over her body, she tried to get him to stop. "No, please."

"I need you to be satisfied."

"I am. I already am," she pleaded, just wanting it to end.

"Don't lie to me," he replied in a soft but intimidating voice. "Just relax and enjoy the fun. Now tell me what I want to hear."

"I already did," she said, squirming as his hand trailed down her body, and slid between her legs.

"Look at me," he demanded, waiting until she did. His voice whispered but she could hear the threat beneath the tone, "you're going to repeat it until I tell you to stop. Understood?"

Amanda just nodded.

"Good girl, now say it."

"I'm yours," she said, trying to hide her pain. She wriggled beneath him as he felt his hand between her legs for a few moments, touching her, toying with her. Once again, she tried to push aside her body's reaction to what he was doing, supress the feelings. It didn't take him long to make her body do what he wanted. He knew how to touch her, how to read her signs, how to make her body shake with his mere touch. She continued to say the phrase, staring at him in the eyes as he had demanded while she fought with every ounce of her body until she no longer could. She felt her back arch as she was overcome with the heightened sensation he had worked for. She released a heavy breath as she collapsed back onto the bed when he was finished with her, "I'm yours."

"Now, you're satisfied," he said with a grin as he stared down at her.

"It's been 48 hours, Liv."

"I know."

"Where is she?" Olivia put her hands up, trying to calm Carisi down as he paced back in her office. He turned to her, "are we any closer to finding her?"

"We're working on it, Carisi," she replied. "I want her back safe just as much as you do."

"Yeah, I doubt that," he snapped back, apologizing shortly after.

She nodded, she couldn't blame him. She felt for him. Not only was he terrified with the woman he loved missing, but he felt helpless – more so than the rest of them. While they struggled to try and find him, he had to sit on the sidelines. They have brought Barba in as the ADA, the Chief demanding Carisi be off the case due to his involvement with Rollins. His judgement was blurred, and he didn't want him anywhere near the case. So, for the last 48 hours Carisi bounced back and forth between the squad room, and Amanda's place – trying to keep a level head for the girls.

Watching Carisi rub his face, she felt content with her decision to temporarily withhold information from him. She wasn't sure how much more he could take. When she called him the night she was taken, he knew something was wrong. It wasn't until a few hours after her video call with Carl that she finally contacted Carisi to let him know a bit of what was going on. She had disclosed that it was confirmed she'd been taken by Carl Clinton in and attempt to get his father released. He wanted a trade.

She remembered Carisi asking if she was okay, if Carl had hurt her. She had just paused and sighed. "We're going to find her."

Olivia was certain Carisi knew she wasn't telling him everything, but he seemed okay with that. He was already panicking as it was. When the time was right and when he was ready to know, she would tell him everything she knew – everything she witnessed. Both Olivia and Dominick knew it was best left unsaid for the meanwhile.

"We are close to being able to strike a deal."

"So, they're letting him go free."

"Not exactly," Olivia replied. "We both know they aren't just going to let a killer go free. However, we have plans in the works to make it look as though we are going to allow a trade to happen."

"When?"

"Whenever Carl is in touch."

"Great, so waiting on the word of a psychopath," Carisi snapped at her. "So we just wait around while he does god know what to her?"

"We have tried everything we can to get in touch with him. We have no way of contact," Olivia said almost defeated, then changing her tone to be more confident. "But we do know he is determined and set on having his father released. We told him we needed time, clearly he's giving it to us."

"You'd think he'd have called to get an update."

"I know. It's not what I expected either, but he will call."

"What if he's already killed her?" Carisi shook his head.

"He won't. He wants his father release, and to do that he needs to keep her alive," Olivia said. She quietly prayed she was right. Please god do not have him snap and hurt her more than he already has. She felt sick to her stomach thinking what he was doing to her – the state she would be in. "Carisi, I promise. We will get her."

Amanda had no idea how much time had passed since she first woke up tied to the bed. Had it been a week? A day? A few hours? She knew time felt distorted, and as the minutes and hours passed it was all becoming a blur. One minute she'd wake after falling asleep and he'd let her use the washroom and leave her. The next minute he'd return and give her something to eat. The next, he was climbing on top of her. Eat, sleep, and be assaulted. It was almost on repeat – but never quite in a consistent order. Was he keeping her on her toes so she could never predict it? Was he just coming in when he felt like it? She couldn't even judge the day based on how often he came in to be with her. Had it only been a day? Several? She didn't know. What she did know is he had climbed on top of four times. Four times he pressed himself into her, raping her. But he had also come in and decided just to toy with her. That caught her off guard. It was almost as though she had anticipated his assault, and then he wanted to change it up. He had come in, and abruptly, out of nowhere had stood at the end of the bed, running his hands down her thighs.

"Shhh, relax," he would say as he began to touch her, "I want to take you in, let me make you mine." It was almost as though he got off just watching her squirm as he touched her, toyed with her, making sure she climaxed before he released her.

When he wasn't in the room, she just slept or laid staring at the ceiling. She had no windows to see if there was light. Nothing to look at on the walls. No mirrors, pictures, television. Nothing. She was completely alone. She would feel her heart skip a beat every time the door opened, not knowing what mood Carl would be in when he entered or what his intentions were that visit.

She looked over at the door as she heard it open. Carl walked in with two glasses and placed them on the side table. He gently untied the long rope that held her wrists to the bedframe but kept the other one on her wrists bound. She watched as he poured her a glass of vodka. Something she gladly welcomed. She drank it like a shot, trying to ease her pain and discomfort. He smirked as he topped her glass up a bit. It wasn't the first time he'd shared his alcohol with her. Each time she was quick to accept it. It would either help knock her out or numb her to whatever he planned to do.

"You're so beautiful," he said as he put the blonde strand of hair behind her ear. He took the glass from her and laid her back on the bed. She laid there weakly as he began to kiss her neck and run his hands up and down her body. She looked at him as he suddenly stopped, looking down at her. He pushed off of her almost angrily. She slowly pushed herself into a seated position and watched him pace back and forth. "You're just like the others."

"What?" Amanda asked confused as to what had happened.

"I can see it, the distant far off look. The disconnect," he shot, his anger showing across his face.

"No, no, I'm not," Amanda tried to plead. She weakly stood up, reaching for him. He stopped and turned to her. She took his face between his hands, desperate to change his mind, knowing very well her like was at risk if he thought she didn't care. "I'm right here. Please, look at me."

"I see you."

"Yeah," she nodded. Lowering her hands to his chest. "I'm right here. I'm yours remember? I'm not going anywhere."

"What was that look for then?"

"Look?"

"That far off look. I want the truth."

"The truth?" Amanda asked shaking her head before looking up at him. "The truth is that I'm hungry."

"Hungry?"

"I don't feel well," she said, telling him the truth. "I appreciate what you've brought me, but I don't think I've eaten enough lately. I'm just feeling weak and tired."

"You are?" his voice mimicking the sound of actual concern. "I guess it takes a lot out of you when we're intimate."

"It does."

"Okay," he said, resting his hands on her hips. "What do you want to eat? Anything at all, you pick and I'll go get it."

"Anything?" Amanda asked, looking up at him. She wasn't sure if he was serious or not, but if he was that could be her chance to figure out where she was. She looked up at him coyly, as he nodded. "You're so good to me."

"What will make you feel better? Because you know that I can't resist myself when I'm around you, and I want you at your best."

"I do too. I want you to be able to be take me and make me yours," she replied, watching him nod and lick his lips. "What are my options?"

"There's a few fast food joints around."

"You'd know what I'd love?" she said. "Are there places you can get a good burger around here? Nothing generic, something special. Maybe something really juicy and worth a good bite."

"Yeah, I got a place in mind."

"You do?"

"Yeah, it's real close."

"Real close? Could you walk to it? I don't want you gone long."

"Not long at all. I'll be back in 20."

"20?" Amanda pretended to pout. "That's a long walk, plus you'll have to wait on the food. I want you back as soon as possible. I'm so lonely without you."

"Don't worry your pretty little face," he responded. "It takes about 10-15 minutes to make the food, I'll call ahead of time then go get it. It's less than a five-minute walk. That way you won't be without me for long."

"Delicious food right next door."

"Exactly."

"Who could ask for more?" Amanda responded, forcing a smile as he pulled her close. For the first time in what felt like forever, she had hope. Now all she had to do was wait.