FIND HER: THE HUNT FOR ROLLINS

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU or its characters. The following work is strictly fan fiction.

Story takes place several months after the Season 22 finale.

Note: There will be trigger warnings including kidnapping, rape, assault, etc. Please read to your own discretion.

Thanks so much for the reviews so far! I appreciate them! Enjoy!

Chapter 12: Some Help

"I'm fine, I don't need a hospital," Amanda groaned laid on Olivia's office couch, sighed as one of the paramedics checked her blood pressure.

"Amanda, you passed out cold," Olivia said gently, she was lucky she hadn't hit her head when she fell. As soon as he saw her waiver, Fin was at her side, catching her as she fell in his direction.

Barba was immediately on the phone to call for assistance as Fin headed out of the room to take her to Olivia's office where he could lay her down and have a bit of privacy. Olivia grabbed a damp cloth from the kitchen and came back to her office with it. She lightly dabbed Amanda's cheeks before she laid the cloth across the blonde's forehead. Within a few minutes she began to come to. When the paramedics arrived, she had said she felt better, but they insisted on checking her out.

"Your blood pressure is low," the paramedic said. She placed a hand behind Amanda's back to steady her as the blonde tried to sit up too quickly and was hit with a wave of dizziness again. She helped Amanda lay back down, before grabbing her stethoscope.

"Amanda-"

"I'm fine, I just haven't eaten much," Amanda exhaustedly tried to argue as she laid with her eyes closed, and her hand on her forehead.

Olivia sighed, before looking at the paramedic, "is she okay?"

"Her pulse is elevated, and-"

"Of course it's elevated!" Amanda pulled her hand from her facing, heaving a heavy sigh before apologizing to the paramedic. She didn't mean to snap. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired and I really don't want to go to the hospital."

"It's okay," the paramedic responded before glancing back at Olivia. "I think she's fine to go home as long as she takes it easy. I'd recommend someone stay with her for a bit or check in on her."

"That won't be a problem," Olivia responded.

"Good," the paramedic said as she packed her bag back up and stood. "I'd recommend she stay put for another 20-30 minutes until the dizziness subsides. Maybe give her something to eat to help raise her blood sugar, and lots of water."

"Will do, thank you," Olivia said as Fin escorted them out. Olivia turned to Rafael who stood leaning against her desk silently. "Barba, would you mind giving us a few minutes?"

"I'll do better than that I'll leave you for now. I'll be in touch to set up a meeting," Barba responded before glancing at Amanda. "Feel better. I know it was rough but you did great."

Amanda stayed silent but gave him a slight nod before she closed her eyes and put her hand back on her forehead. Olivia waited a moment before she went and sat on the coffee table beside the couch. She watched as Amanda laid there silently, just taking deep breaths.

"Amanda, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"What happened back there – it was unexpected, and you-"

"I said I'm fine, Liv," Amanda said firmly. She didn't even look at Olivia.

"Okay," Olivia knew not to push. She wanted a moment before she asked what Amanda would like to eat. When the blonde shook her head and said she wasn't hungry, Olivia pushed knowing very well she barely made it through half a piece of toast that morning. "Amanda, you need to eat something. Do you think you can stomach a bagel? Muffin?"

"Fine," Amanda gave in, sensing Olivia did not intend to back off. She wasn't hungry but she knew she should eat something. She wanted something plain. Maybe a bagel with butter. She kept her eyes closed as she tried to rest, secretly still feeling the room spin. She listened as Olivia left the room for a few minutes before returning.

When she came back into the room, Olivia quietly shut the door. She doubled checked on Amanda before she sat at her desk to check her emails quickly while the blonde rested. She had only managed to respond to two when she heard a small sound come from Amanda, almost a choke. Olivia took her glasses off and closed her laptop as she stood and walked towards her. She took a seat on the table and placed a hand on Amanda's arm as she realized she was holding back her tears. Her breathing was shaky, and she began to hiccup trying to hold herself together.

"Amanda, it's okay," Olivia said, rubbing her arm. She reached over and grabbed a tissue, passing it to her. She took Amanda's arm, and helped her sit up as she struggled to breathe. She placed a hand on each of her detective's arms and held them tight, catching her attention. Before she could say another word, Amanda collapsed into tears. Olivia shifted herself to sit on the couch next to her, embracing her as Amanda leaned in crying. She held her friend and would continue doing so as long as she needed. She glanced up as she heard a small tap on the door, watching as Kat cracked it open. She heard Amanda crying, and looked at Olivia who shook her head. Kat nodded and slowly closed the door to give them privacy. She would grab the food when they were ready.

Amanda cried until she was too exhausted to cry anymore. Soon the tears stopped flowing, but her shaky and tired breathing continued. She stayed rested against Olivia's chest, staring out into the distance. Her eyes were swollen and burning. After a few moments of silence, she finally found so strength to sit up herself.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, looking broken and embarrassed.

"Look at me," Olivia said, shaking her head. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

"I just want to go home."

"Okay," Olivia replied, squeezing her hand. "Do you feel steady enough to walk?"

Amanda slowly nodded as she took Olivia's hand. She didn't feel great, but she knew she could muster enough strength to make it home. She just wanted to shower and sleep.

Olivia glanced into Amanda's room to make sure she was okay. She was completely passed out and was still in the same position she was when she checked last time. Olivia sighed. The ride home had been quiet. She knew Amanda was exhausted and she didn't want to push her. When they got to Amanda's apartment, she was certain to make sure the blonde was okay before she got out of the car. She knew Amanda didn't want to talk much, but she wanted to ensure she wasn't having another dizzy episode.

They'd made it up to her apartment alright, Amanda insisting she wanted to shower and heading there directly. She was in there long enough, Olivia knocked to check on her. She tried her best not to say anything, but she couldn't help but notice Amanda's skin was read. If Olivia had to guess, she had turned the heat up high and tried washing the feeling of Carl away. Olivia had done the same after Lewis. She had scrubbed and scrubbed herself until her skin hurt. It pained her to think Amanda was experiencing that herself. Before she'd had the chance to say anything, she noticed what looked like reminisces of blood that had been washed from Amanda's wrists. She initially panicked, thinking Amanda had harmed herself without her knowledge. When she took the blonde's hands in hers and pulled up her sleeves, she realized the marks were from her wrist injuries.

"Amanda…" Olivia had started but upon seeing her sad and exhausted face decided to let it go. Whether it was intentional, or she had further hurt herself unconsciously, the fact was that Amanda wasn't doing as well as she was trying to let everyone believe and she'd speak to her about it later. She had her sit so she could put some of her antibiotic cream on them before rewrapping them with fresh gauze. She then escorted Amanda to her bedroom, watching as the blonde stared aimlessly almost as if she wasn't fully there. The moment her head rested on her pillow she was out. Since she'd not moved.

As Olivia walked back into the living room she went to the table to grab her gun as she heard a small tap on the door. She proceeded to the door with caution, and before she was able to look into the peep hole she heard a voice.

"Liv? It's Elliot."

She sighed as she lowered her gun and unlocked the door. He smirked when he saw her holding her gun to her side, as if trying to hide it.

"El, what are you doing here?" she said as she let him in. Closing the door behind him.

"Delivery," he replied as he held up a bag of Chinese. She smirked as she gestured to the table and went to put her gun away. "Figured you didn't get a chance to eat much with everything going on."

She nodded as he glanced barely touched bagels that she'd had Kat grab earlier. When they got back to Amanda's apartment, she insisted she wasn't hungry. Amanda managed to have a bite of two before she went to shower, which was more than Olivia had gotten her to eat since they initially returned from the hospital.

"How's Amanda?"

"She's sleep."

"I heard what happened," Elliot said as he began placing food on the table, passing Olivia a set of chopsticks as she took a seat. He went to Amanda's fridge to grab each of them a drink as Olivia began to eat, clearly starving. "I can't believe Calhoun pulled that. She must've known it was a set up."

"She seemed as shocked as we did," Olivia replied, still not understanding how Rita could defend such a monster, especially after today. "You should've seen him, El. It was like he had the whole thing planned out. He knew exactly what he planned to say and do."

"People underestimate psychopaths," Elliot said as he sat down, placing a can of coke in front of Olivia before grabbing a pair of chop sticks himself and the container of kung pao chicken. "Fin told me what she said. The 'I'm yours'."

"Have you read her disclosure?" Olivia put the food down feeling sick. "How many times had he made her said that for her to repeat it to him at the precinct like that?"

"Do you think she believes it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean do you think she believes it. That she's his?" Elliot repeated, putting his food down. "Think about it. He holds her hostage, he abuses her, he clearly played mind games. You hear something enough you start to believe it whether you like it or not."

"You think she has a bit of Stockholm or something?"

"Or something," Elliot repeated as he sighed, looking at Olivia's saddened expression. "I'm just saying, maybe she should talk to someone. If she is displaying signs of something, a professional will be able to pick up on it quicker than us. We see things, but they see more. They're trained for this."

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia sighed, thinking of how agitated Amanda's wrists were. She had confided so much in her already, and yet clearly there were things she was holding back.

"I mean, it'd explain Carisi."

"Come again?" Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"How she's avoiding him," Elliot took a sip of his drink before he continued. "She is avoiding him, no? I overheard Fin on the phone telling him he can't disclose anything to him since he's off the case. I just assume since they're seeing each other, if he has no idea what's going on, she's made the call on that. Am I wrong?"

Olivia sighed as she leaned back in her seat and shook her head. He wasn't. That was the first thing Amanda had said, was that she didn't want Carisi involved. She wouldn't take his calls, made sure the squad knew he was not to know. Olivia heard how heartbroken his voice when she was on the phone with him last. She could only imagine how he was now that she was home and IDing Clinton, and yet still had heard nothing. She had always confided in him before, he was practically living with her, they were in love. Yet, here she was pushing him away. It was common for victims of abuse to push away their loved ones. Olivia didn't consider it abnormal for her to want some space from Carisi, even after hearing her disclosure. But now, having witnessed Amanda's reaction to Carl and hearing what she said to him, and listening to what her old partner had to say, she began to worry it was more than that. Did Amanda still feel trapped by him? Was she thinking or saying those words to herself in private? Olivia sighed, when Amanda woke in the morning she'd talk to her about setting up a meeting. As far as she was aware the blonde was still seeing Dr Hanover, even after what happened with Bucci. She snapped out of her thoughts as she heard him speak.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Elliot said studying her face.

"No, you didn't," Olivia replied. "It's just-"

"I know," he sighed, cutting her off. He knew what she was going to say. "And you? How're you doing?"

"Me? Oh, I'm fine."

"Liv…" he didn't believe her; he could see it all over her face. Besides, she could never lie to him. They'd knew each other for too well, too long. He looked at her with soulful eyes and she sighed.

"I'm hanging in there. This whole thing, it just stirs up a lot for me," she replied honestly as she wiped a rogue tear from her eye. She took a deep breath and shrugged. "I also… when we found her, I didn't think… I hadn't anticipated how bad it was. What she went through… what he did to her. The games…"

"I know," he shook his head. "The games started the moment he made you watch him assault her for the first time."

"She's cried several times since she's been home. Terrified, broken crying. Yet it's the sound of her voice on that screen, I can't get it out of my head," Olivia replied. "To know that what I saw wasn't the worst of what happened, I just-"

"You know, it might help for you to make an appointment to talk to someone yourself. You still seeing Lindstrom?"

"I am," Olivia nodded. Elliot was right. With everything going on she hadn't taken a moment to process what she, herself was going through. Maybe knowing that she was planning on making an appointment with Lindstrom, it might incentivize Amanda to make one with Hanover… or at least not make her feel like she was alone or being forced to go.

Olivia and Elliot both jumped as they heard a cry come from down the hall. As Elliot went to stand, Olivia motioned for him to stay. It sounded like Amanda was having a night terror again.

"I'll be back," Olivia replied before heading down the hallway.

Elliot nodded as he leaned back into his chair and took a sip of his drink. He sighed, wishing there were more he could do in the moment to help, but Olivia was right. If Amanda was experiencing a nightmare, chances are she'd wake in a panic. The last thing that would help would be for her to wake with someone else in her room, especially a man she didn't know as well. He sighed.

He might not be able to help in that moment, but he knew he was able to make the son of a bitch who caused all this pay for what he's done. For Amanda's sake, and for Olivia's.