Erwin hated hospitals. Hated them. Especially at night. He could remember every long day, almost every hour he had spent with his dying wife in the hospital. Hospitals at night creeped him out. At night it was so quiet. Staff numbers dropped and visitors were either in the rooms with their loved ones or gone home.
Mike had gone back to the motel to sleep. He'd steadfastly hung with him all day but had gone out to eat, gone out to call Nanaba. Erwin didn't blame him, of course, but he did. Levi would never have left him. Except he had. When Erwin himself had ordered him to leave. Erwin couldn't quite get his brain around that, didn't even remember the incident clearly. He had no idea what, exactly, had been going through his head. His mind was all messed up. Even he recognised that. He felt like he was going insane.
He was pacing up and down the long hall where the ICU was. Visiting hours were over and he was getting sore and antsy just sitting.
Without Levi there he had stopped eating and drinking, stopped replying to texts and he snapped at the nurses. The hospital social workers, three now, had come by and tried to talk to him. He had had at least one meltdown again and they had threatened him with security if he didn't calm down.
His bladder was uncomfortably full and he finally ducked into the bathroom to piss. While washing his hands he noticed that there was grime under his nails and he was beginning to smell. He hadn't bathed in days.
He looked in the mirror. He looked tired and old and beaten with dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his jaw. His hair was dirty and unkempt. He looked homeless.
He wished Levi was there. He needed to talk to him. He needed his help. Needed his support.
He sighed and pushed away from the sink. He couldn't call him now. Not after what he'd done.
Levi was up at five as he always was and took a shower, brushed his teeth, and was exiting the bathroom when Hange woke up.
"Check-out's at ten, right?" he asked.
Hange was yawning, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Yeah. Why?"
"Well, we need to get packed up to leave."
"Leave? You're gonna leave Erwin? And Eren?"
"Nothing I can do about Eren and Erwin doesn't want me here."
"Levi. Don't be this way."
"What way? Erwin made himself pretty fucking clear."
"Levi, Erwin is scared and confused and …"
"He. Made. Himself. Clear."
"Levi, for fuck's sake!"
"I don't know what your problem is, Hans. This is normal. Business as usual. Everyone leaves me. Everyone. Eventually."
Levi was creepily calm. Hange didn't know what to say or how to handle this. Levi had had a shitty life. His mother had died early then his uncle Kenny, who had 'raised' him, disowned him and cut off all contact after Levi refused to participate in his criminal business dealings. He'd had a string of romances that had ended badly. He'd even had jealous co-workers undermine his chances of getting ahead in his field.
"I haven't."
Levi chewed on this a while then nodded sadly and went to collect his few things.
Erwin woke to the best news so far: Eren was awake. He rushed to the ICU.
Eren looked as he had before, beat up and somehow smaller, but he was awake and his ventilator had been removed.
"He woke up in the night and started fighting it—this is a good sign—and we took him off of it about 3 am."
Erwin took Eren's hand as the nurse moved away. "Eren? It's me. It's Daddy."
Eren hadn't called Erwin 'daddy' since he was ten but Erwin couldn't help himself. His son and his wife's death had all sort of conglomerated in his mind.
"Dad," Eren said weakly.
Erwin burst into tears.
"Hey, don't cry, ol … old man."
"Oh god Eren, I'm so glad! I'm so glad you're OK!"
"What … what happened? I was in my car and now I'm here. Where am I?"
Erwin briefly told Eren everything that had happened to him.
"Whoa. Weird. Am I OK?"
"You're fine. Fine! You broke your leg. Pretty bad."
Eren attempted to look down at his leg but was too exhausted to lift his head. "Well, there goes my NBA career. You look like—pardon my language—shit Dad."
Erwin smiled "Yeah, I know."
"Are you here all by yourself? Where is everybody?"
Erwin told him that all of his friends had called repeatedly and that Mike, Moblit, Hange and Nanaba had been there but weren't allowed in the ICU.
"Where's Levi?"
Erwin went silent at that.
"Dad …? Where's Levi?"
Erwin patted his hand. "We'll get into all that later. I hear they're going to move you to a regular room. Then everyone can visit you!"
"I wanna see Levi," Eren said, then fell asleep.
Mike took Hange and Levi back to Ellway. The atmosphere in the truck was surreal. Levi seemed to be in a good mood, humming and looking out of the window at the scenery. Mike kept cutting his eyes at him and Hange stayed quiet in the back seat.
They'd gotten the news that Eren was awake and off the ventilator and this had seemed to put him in his good mood. No mention of Erwin had been made.
"I wonder how Erwin is holding up," Hange said suddenly. Levi's humming stopped.
Mike looked at Hange in the rear view mirror. "I don't know," he said. "I'll drive back down here tomorrow, after work. You're welcomed to come."
"Mobes and I will probably make the drive, too, if they've moved Eren into a room."
Levi stayed quiet, staring out the window, ignoring them both.
The whole gang (minus Levi) came down to the hospital the next day. They all crowded into Eren's room. They'd brought pizza and enough soft drinks to drown a horse.
"Oh, thank god!" Eren said. "I've had exactly one day of hospital food and I think I'm gonna die!"
The adults in the room got uncomfortable and quiet at that.
"Ahh, lighten up guys! I'm OK!" Eren was in a great mood. He still couldn't sit up much and breathing was hard but it didn't stop him from grabbing a piece of pizza. "Hey, where's Levi?"
The adults in the room froze. A few of them shot glances at Erwin.
Eren wasn't stupid by a longshot. "What? What happened? Where the fuck is Levi, Dad?"
Eren had a bit of a temper. OK, a lot of a temper. He'd gotten it from his mother. Marie had been a quiet and proper lady but you absolutely didn't cross her. Erwin had learned that early.
"We had … a disagreement," Erwin said slowly.
Hange frowned. Eren picked up on it immediately.
"Dad … what did you do?" He put his slice of pizza back into the box. That gesture, for some reason, just broke Erwin's heart.
He let out his breath in a long puff of air and looked around at his friends. They weren't his friends. He realised they were his family now. Including Levi. And that meant that they were Eren's family, as well. If things had been reversed and it had been Erwin who had almost died (or, heaven forbid, had died) these same people would have rallied unhesitatingly around Eren.
"Somebody tell me what's going on! Why isn't Levi here?!"
Everyone's gaze was glued to Erwin's face. He spread his hands.
"Eren, I made a mistake."
"A mistake." It was a flat statement not a question.
"A big one. When you first … got hurt … he was here with me, the whole time." His eyes began to brim over with tears as he spoke. "He was wonderful. He … he never left my side, but, but … I was stressed and angry and I felt helpless and I … I lashed out."
"You drove him away," Eren said faintly, "again."
Erwin covered his face with both hands and his shoulders shook as he cried.
Eren massaged his forehead and sighed. "Can everybody just leave? I'm … I'm tired. I just wanna sleep." He fumbled for the bed controller and let the bed down, pulling up the sheet.
"Eren …" Mike began.
"Just leave me alone. I need my phone. Where's my phone?"
"It was smashed in the accident." Erwin said, "I was going to get you a new one but …"
"Go get it now. Right now. I'll pay you back later."
He closed his eyes.
"Eren … you don't have to—"
"Go!" Go away now! I have nothing to say to you! Let me sleep!"
Mike and Hange quietly arranged the pizza where Eren could reach it and they pulled Erwin from the room.