Chapter 2 – You Belong with Me

AN: Yo Buckley babes (we is riting 1 chapta each innit) I aint seen ur sweater, but have fun in inglind. It's welly pretty their. Fangz to Watshername for favoriting da book it was a rlly nice fing 2 do – made me stop crying. Cheers. PS. I dnt own dis or da lyrcs to taylor swaft.

Then, I wandered into my local brewry. I saw some jesus-looking preppy angel sat at da bar. He had a long white robe on, wiv some brown bits on it – it said Hilary Duff on the back in big letters. I fucking love that gal. she is my preppy kween. He had big shoes on and dey were covered in mud. And dey had da word "Live, Laugh, Luv" written on them in bloo. Honestly, I thought he looked like a nise guy. So I went over.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked the guy I'd never met b4.

"Drinking is so cliché." The holy figur in4med me.

"But…" I stuttered "But…. Cosmoplitians?"

"I only drink cosmoplops on weednesday." God told me.

"What is ur fucking name?" I shouted to the emoty glass in front of me.

"My name is Elijah. But everyone callz me God now." He cried.

"Oh why?" I esked sexily.

"Bcos I have a messy iah complex." He bellowed.

I heard an old woman's voice carried on da wind – "He always makes dat jok" – and some hysterical laughter folloed. I didn't see where it cam frm. Was disappoint.

Then it was silent for two hours. I drank free cosmoplips. But I don't get drunk cos dat is 4 goffs to do.

"Dumblydore!" Elijah shooted arngrily "You have 2 go on a quesst."

"What for? Why? When? Where?" I was confuse, sexily.

"You must get ur glasses back from dat bad dargon. He stole ur glasses on da beach."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled at him suicidiaully "Da dragon was scray! I dnt want 2 fight da dargon! Looads of pppl have had there glases stole by dargon. Why me got to go get dem back?"

"Bcos" Elijah replied in a messiah-voice "Bcos you need ur glasses to see da truf. It will be very important in da future – eve if it sound cliché."

"But I'm just Dumdelbordk, why do I need muh glasses back?" I SAID. Puzzles were in my eyes.

"Bcos u are da chosen one – cliché ikr – it is u, not Harry Potter or Enoby D'arkness Demntia Tara Raven Way."

I was shocked again. I gapsed

"Who da fuck are dey?" I shooted argnirly.

"Dat does nut matter yet. You will meet dem one day but under derfferent names…"

Suddnely, taylor Swift was playgin her No.2 peaking Hot 100 hit single "You Belong Wif Me" (isn't dat just da preppiset gud song we all know!?11/!/!/!?1/1/1/1/ if u dnt lik t swizzle get da fuck out of here!). She was strumming a gutter in her hands, and playgin da drums at da same time, while her feet smacked da kets of a grand piano. Dame Julie Andrews was behind her playing backup on a tamgerine. I fucking loved her.

Da song was making me so emoshe.

"She wears short skirts I wear t-shirts. She's cheer captin n dim on da beechers."

I strted 2 cry tears of blod. But den I stop my self. I am not goffik so I dnt do dat. #Preps4Lyf

All of a suddenly, a well hawt (like super hawt like omg as hot as Swan Mendel) looking goffik guy walked into da room. I suppos cos he was goffik he wuz more hawt like Geord Way from MCR (I dnt kno who dey r btw da goffs from skewl spk bout him). He wuz wearing a ripped fishnet hat, a really big baggy t-shit that picnic! Ate da disco on it, and some tight black leggings dat had skulls n red stuff all over dem. He also owned shoe.

Da hawtttttttttt goffik hottie man walked into da room.

"Omg what a fucking preppy little fucking botch Taylor swift bastard." He stuck his middelfunger up at her.

Swifty was shockerd and she crie and run away.

"Wut !?1?1/11/!/1/!? Nooooooooooooo!" I wuz crying (normal tears cos am prep) cos ma idol was RUNNING AWAY FORM A GOFF AGAIN, fucking goffs ruin everyhthing. "She iz a prp but dat is a good fing! She is well gooed music!"

Da hot goffik guy swung his face at me, and had angry misery in his eyes. I

"t swiz is shite mate. She only sing bout cring but boys. Fuck boys. I'm bi." He said.

I gapsed. He was sexah.

"MCR ROX!666666666666" He shouted goffikally "You is not rll music fan if u dnt kno who dey are! Do u kno who dey r?"

"NO!" I shooted arngry "I dnt kno dese stupid goffik bands. Goffik music sux!"

"Den u is fake moozik fan! Preppy cunt! Stop flaming!"

All of a, just then, I got a headak in my head.

"You motherfucker!" I fucking bellowed at him – it maje me feel almost goffik cus I was so angry

Hot goffik man's face was suddenly a roobix cube. He stuck his finger ate me. Then he ran away suicidudlally.

"Eljiah" I scremed "My uncl Katniss Everbean has invited you over 4 dinneer. Will you cum?"

"I fink it's cliché dat he eat food. I woulda thought dat da luv he has 4 his amazing nef you would keep his frail body alive."

"Sht up! Stop flaming bout muh uncl! He is nut a cliché! Nd he is nut a mary sue his name is ktniss evergeden and he has problems oke he was in da hunger gamz nd he is depressed1!1 you wouldn't want his lyf."

Den I went home.

AN: PLZ LEAVE REVOIWS. HOPE WHATSERNAME LIKS IT!