CHPATER SIX – CHER WAS A 60'S ICON

AN: OI ALAN FOOK OFF MATE YOU STUPID PRICK I BET YOU HAVE BLOODY FAT ARMS! U SAY UVE PUBLISHED 5 BUKS BUT IVE NEVER HERD UV U COS I GUESS YOU'RE A BITTER FAILURE. STUPID PEPPA PIG BOY. IF U DNT LIKE DIS BOOK DEN GO FUK URSELF! NE WAYS, FANGZ TO OUR FANS WE LUV U! BUT NUT U ALAN, FOK OFF.

"A vital task?" I shockedly replied to her. By her I meant Cher circa 1989 Heart of Stone/ "If I could Tun Back tim" era.

"YES." Cher squeezed "You must go on a jonney to find an ayncunt artifacts. It could hold meny secrets to defeating da dargon."

"Well where is this?" I aksed "And what is this priceless thingy wingy?"

"All da legends say dis anchant fing has been slepin in an overgrown woody forest over east from the shitty of Grant Hogsment City." Cher pawsedd "It is called da HEART UV STOEN (AN: GEDDIT CUS ZONG), and you nd your friends must go n get this!"

Alice suddenly shat herself.

"Oh mi God you using puns is so cliché!" Eljiajaj socked, and Cher shot an anger glass at him. Her eyes were burning with rags. Suddenly, she kacked him and he topped off da battmens, and he was never seen again.

"I sees a DARK LADY (GEDDDIT?!1/1/1/1?!). A Dark Lady in sum trees."

Cher shook her frizzy dark hair around like a whipwind, and her face was falling to pieces with shock.

"I knu exactly who dat Dark LADY IS." She told me.

"Who is she?" I shooted arngiglry.

"I wunt tell u!" Cher said

"But why?" I ejaculated!

"Bcos – it's the No.1 rool of tension, I cant tell ya. According to Alfie Hitchdick's suspense theory, ya have to hold back in4 maytion, to confuse the readers."

"Readers?" I gapsed in confuse.

"Dunt question me." Cher spat "Stoopid slag."

"I also no but I cnt sa either. I'm a plot hole coz I no everyfing." Alice chuttered. Self aware queen of cocks.

"OKE CHER!" I scremed "We shall go now and find dis Heart of stones, it's in a forest ye?"

"Ye.! HAPPY WITH HER REPLY ME AND ALICE WALKED AWAY DOWN THE HILL, I WUZ STILL CARRYINGING MY BUCCKET OF BERRIES. My unc Spanish Enderman would want them.

"Alice!" I suddenly borked "AND YES? SHE SCREAMED BACK AT ME."

I HAVE 2 GO UND SEE HAWT GOFF/IK GUY! I SED I WAS GONNA FUCK HIM UNDER A TREE BUT COZ WE GOTTA GO NOW I better tell him dat I is busy.

"AH YES." Alice whispered in my ears, seductively.

I went fucking running for the shop, and then I saw him stood dere in da window. His aporn was hanging off him like a dead bird. It wuz so sexy. I ran inside and I kicked da door shut, shutting off all da light in the shop apart from the lights that he turned on.

"I cannot fuk you tonight!" I wept into his crotch.

He got out his massive meat sword and put it in my hot poecket of wondurz. We banged for three days and three nights and then I jazzed all over the garlic in the window and he cam on da left wall of me asshole. It was so sensual world and hot like fucking hell orgasm material.

I walked to da gates with Alice, and ma bucket wuz in me hunds, and Eljaiajja was there too. We left da city, and went walking 2 da forest which Cher had told us was 4 days walk away. Sensisblelely, I had packed enough cloves for six weeks, including the long graduation robe and hot pink thing I was currently spotting.

After seven hours and forty one minutes on da road, my eyes pranced onto a nearby big beach with a big lake by it, it was around it.

I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A BEACH BEFORE!111111111

"Lets go 2 da beach!" I shat.

Eljaiahah said no at first cos he was a sad fooker who wanted to ruin ma fun, but then we went on the sand anyway/ between my big toe.

ELJIAHA WALKED ON WATER.

"are you actually a fookin messiah?!1/!?" I bellowed like a dying bison.

"NUH I JUST HAVE A COMPLEX ND SO DOSE MY CHRACTER.!

On the chilling winds came a historical laughter, coming in continuous waves. And on the wave came the words: "he always said dat." Something about dem told me dey wuzs coming from within da lake itself, as if they was coming from some ancient and powerful power dat was surely dissatisisieded with the world and the state of the world and the state of the world. SUMFING PULLED ME TOWARDS DA LAKE – a power in the water. I spotted a book on the sand, and pick it up. A shitty old book named ONE CHELLO, and I lifted it up off da sand and sand fell off it. Somet took over my booty. I threw it into the lake, and a pale white glossy white yam reached up and caught it in mid air. I was witnessing magic.