Chapter 24

France, 1461

Tristan collapsed on the bed, panting blissfully. Dear lord, he had missed that. Missed her. She had been away for too long.

"Oh my sweet Fay," he sighed while wrapping his arm around her. "That was amazing."

She didn't reply, she simply rested her head on his chest.

"I have missed you, my love," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "This place feels empty without you. And quiet. Too quiet."

She still didn't reply, but that wasn't anything unusual. Sometimes she just didn't want to talk. He kept caressing her back, telling her about some of the things he had done while she had been gone. About some of the new things he had bought for her.

He had ordered her a new carriage. Since she had to travel so often, he wanted to make sure that she was as comfortable as possible. He told her about some of the new members of the Strix. She remained silent and he was just about to ask her was everything alright when he felt something wet on his chest. Tears. She was crying.

"Fay," he gasped and tried to move away from her, but she wrapped her arms around his torso. "What is wrong? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head, but didn't say anything.

"Sweetheart? Please, talk to me."

"It hurts," she murmured.

"What hurts? Have someone hurt you? Did Lucien do something to you?"

"No. The thing inside of me hurts."

He pressed his lips together as he understood what she meant. Sometimes she had these "episodes" that lasted for days. She had told him that "the thing" inside of her was like a dark hole. Sometimes it tried to swallow her.

"It's alright," he assured. "I am here and I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"I hate it," she murmured. "Tainted... I am tainted."

"No, sweetheart," he replied firmly. "You are perfect. You are my Fay."

"Yours... Am I yours?"

"Yes, you are. I will always love you and protect you."

"Love... I don't deserve love. I am ugly inside."

"No! I never want to hear you say that again."

"You don't know..." she murmured. "My insides are ugly. Tainted. I want to cut them out..."

He pulled away and cupped her face. Tears were still coursing down her cheeks and there was nothing but pain in her eyes. He couldn't bear seeing her like this.

"Fay sweetheart, look at me," he said gently but firmly. "I know you are hurting right now, but it will pass, I promise. Cry as much as you need to, I will be right here with you the whole time. I will help you get through this."

She blinked her teary eyes and looked away.

"I am ashamed..."

"No," he cut in firmly. "You are mine and I want to have every part of you. Including that thing inside of you."

"Yours..."

"That's right." He paused and gave her a gentle kiss. "You are the most amazing woman I have ever met and I couldn't imagine my life without you. My sweet Fay, you belong to me."

She nodded.

"I do."

He wanted to forget the fact that he was forced to share her with Lucien. Right now, she was only his.

"What can I do to help you?" he asked.

She blinked few times and touched his cheek.

"Are you sure?"

"Gently," she murmured.

"Of course."

She kissed him and rolled onto her back. That was very rare, she didn't usually like this position. He ran his fingers softly over her cheek and kissed her.

"Are you sure?" he repeated.

She nodded and opened her legs.

"Gently."

He smiled and caressed her thigh before sliding his hand up. She let out a gasp as he teased her nub with his fingertips and gently sucked on her nipples until they hardened in his warm mouth. He made sure that she climaxed before he entered her. His every thrust was slow and gentle and he kept caressing her face the whole time.

She came first with a quiet shudder and he followed her soon. Carefully he pulled out and wrapped his arms around her. Neither of them said a word, he held her tight and felt a tear sliding down his chest. She cried for a long time before she finally fell asleep. He on the other hand couldn't sleep, not when she was like this. She didn't deserve such suffering.

If only he could take all her pain away... Unfortunately, he couldn't. All he could do was stay by her side and make sure that she didn't hurt herself. That had happened couple of times during these episodes. He needed to write to Lucien about this. Maybe they weren't very fond of each other, but Fay's needs came first. Lucien was actually the only person Tristan trusted completely as far as Fay was concerned. The only person who loved her as much as Tristan. That truly was strange.