Chapter warning: Smut
Upon returning to his apartment Barnaby had called the therapist Agnes recommended, a Dr Kamalpreet Hajran. Her receptionist had answered and politely asked him some preliminary questions before making an appointment for him that Thursday for 2 Pm. He had requested the latest appointment possible, as getting out of bed and being places were questionable at times, he never knew how bad the dreams would be, or how disoriented he would be once he woke up.
His second order of business was to look at the names Agnes said she would text him once she was back at the office. He had received the text while he was walking back from the cafe but hadn't bothered inspecting it yet. It was just a list of names, Apollon Media employees; however, one name caught his eye, a non-employee of their company, but someone he knew quite well.
Antonio Lopez was amongst the names, while Rock Bison was a hero for years, he did not work for Apollon Media; he was an employee of Kronos Foods and he had almost no reason to interact with Albert Maverick. The only instance Barnaby could think of that Antonio would have had his mind altered was the same event in which all the heroes had their minds altered; why were none of them listed if that was the event that caused it? Curious, Barnaby added Antonio to the list of names for people he was willing to contact and talk to about this situation. As he looked at it he realised it was a very short list: Dr Saitou, Mr Lloyds, and now Antonio. He let out a sigh as he looked through the list Agnes had sent once more, he recognized some of the names, but they were all just corporate executives, not people he knew well, and by no means people he wanted to get to know better. No, if he was going to talk to anyone about his problems, it would have to be one of the people on this list.
He didn't have anything he needed to do between now and seeing Dr Hajran in two days. He wondered if it might not be a bad idea to contact Dr Saitou or Mr Lloyds tomorrow and get an idea of how things had been for them. Agnes had described her dreams to Barnaby, though only briefly, requesting that if they were to talk about it further it should be in a more private setting. He had agreed as he also didn't feel comfortable talking about his own altered past. Agnes wasn't available tomorrow, he felt bad enough taking up so much time today, but Dr Saitou or Mr Lloyds would probably be able to squeeze him in.
He paced around his apartment feeling anxious, like a sprinter waiting at the starting line he was waiting for the pistol to sound so he could get going. He was sick and tired of just letting things happen, he had finally taken the steps towards getting better and now he wanted to dig into it full pace.
He sat down at his computer and brought up a search engine typing in his therapist's name. If he was going to see this woman he wanted to know more about her. He delved into his research wholeheartedly, finding any little detail he could about her. Most of it was fairly standard, where she went to school, when she graduated, where she had worked. He also found a social media account of hers, one for her office actually, but not a private one; he liked that. A private woman would have more discretion. In fact, the little he could find on her only helped ease his worries, Agnes had been right, this woman was serious about being private.
His search hadn't taken nearly as much time as he had hoped, and so he was stuck doing what he usually did, watching HERO TV reruns until a live broadcast came on and trying not to let his mind wander too much towards missing his partner.
Unfortunately for him, this particular Hero TV rerun was about him, and of course by extension, Kotetsu. They weren't in their suits for this broadcast, they had been out at an interview when the bank across the street had been robbed, it came out later the robbery had happened because they knew Hero TV was nearby and wanted to be famous.
Kotetsu had taken the lead, Barnaby couldn't remember the exact reason he had given, but he suspected it was because Kotetsu didn't want to chance him being hurt since they weren't in their suits. The cameras had stuck close to him, zooming in on him when he outstripped Barnaby, using his powers to launch ahead. His tight muscles bulging inside his already tight vest, his arms pumping as he sprang forward with his ungodly long legs. The camera focusing on him as he used his wristwatch launcher to pull himself skyward, launching with his legs at the same time for added velocity, and landing with practiced ease on the getaway van. A different camera caught him from the front, the smirk on his lips and the gleam of joy in his glowing blue eyes as he slid his fingers into the metal of the roof, breaking through it like papier-mache. He pulled it apart just far enough to fit him before he hopped down inside, the cameras unable to follow switched to a further angle, showing Barnaby now on the motorcycle racing beside the van, there in case Tiger needed help. A moment more and the breaks on the van came on until it came to a careful stop, parked safely on the side of the road. Tiger stepped out where Barnaby had joined him immediately and the two opened the sliding van door together, the men inside all had their hands up in surrender or were unconscious.
Kotetsu had smiled at Barnaby and clapped him on the shoulder, the cameras didn't pick up what he said, but he could remember. Kotetsu had said, "See Lil Bunny, even I can stop a getaway van without breaking everything once in a while!" the sun had been on his face, catching his dark hair and making it shine, his amber eyes bright with happiness. It had been a great day, a month or so after Jake, they had been getting along, Kotetsu had fully recovered, and as far as Barnaby could tell, his powers hadn't been in decline yet. It had been some of the best months of his life, those months with Kotetsu at his side.
It had also been around that time that Barnaby had realised his thoughts for Kotetsu were beginning to become a bit impure. Seeing his partner change into their battle gear, shower after they finished a call or a work out at the gym, hell even watching him in action while chasing down criminals in his normal attire, had left Barnaby hot under the collar. Kotetsu may have been the oldest Hero on the roster, but the age didn't show anywhere. His skin was tight; his muscles were lithe and toned. He could easily keep up with, or outrun, almost any other Hero. While he was less likely to take his gym time seriously, he had somehow managed to stay in great shape, even if he ate like a 17-year-old still. Besides all that, the goofy grins and the soft relaxed looks Kotetsu would give Barnaby always gave him a warm feeling in his chest.
But it was more than Kotetsu's great looks that had caught his attention, it had been his attitude. Once Barnaby had gotten the stick out of his ass and started enjoying life a little, he realised why all the other Heroes seemed to be drawn to Kotetsu. He was like the sun, drawing people in with a force like gravity, shining bright and giving nourishment to those who needed it. Giving Barnaby more than he had ever had before, not just friendship but partnership. The two had shared everything, and Barnaby had started to open up to Kotetsu more and more each passing day. Which is why it had hurt so much to find out Kotetsu planned to retire, no word about when or why or discussing it with him. It had felt like a hot knife stabbed into his heart, twisted, and ripped back out again leaving him burnt and hallow. At the time he had felt so betrayed he couldn't control himself. However, looking back on it, he should have noticed Kotetsu's sun had dimmed, that by giving all the time, no one had been nourishing him and left him drained.
Watching this rerun left Barnaby feeling uncomfortable in many ways. He missed Kotetsu, desperately wanted to phone him, to talk to him, and lean on him for comfort while he got through this memory torment — as he had in the past. But he also couldn't bear to be the reason Kotetsu left his family, Kaede, again. He had almost cost Kotetsu his life with being so selfish, he had almost cost Kaede her last living parent.
At the same time watching Kotetsu in his prime, out of suit, and successfully apprehending thieves, the joy on his face, the memories they shared from that time, was stirring something in him that he had tried, and failed countless times before, to suppress. He could feel his pants, though much looser than his normal jeans, tightening and causing him to shift uncomfortably in his seat. He slid his hand down his stomach to the waistband of his pants. It had been a few weeks, he had tried so hard to restrain himself from doing this. But he was bored, had Kotetsu was on his mind, and honestly wanted a release after everything that had gone on today.
His fingers slid under the band, sliding into his underwear. His stiffening member hot to the touch, his fingers cool against the head. He grasped it and started stroking it slowly, the image of Kotetsu fresh out of the shower, his olive skin glistening with the water droplets, dripping down and between toned muscles, accenting his abs and adonis belt, played behind his eyelids as he lean back on his crisp white chair. He began stroking faster, but was restricted by his pants; his lips parted slightly, letting out a soft sigh, as he slowed his hand. He pulled his hand out, but only to lift his hips a bit, both hands hoisting his pants down in a swift motion, taking his boxer briefs with them. His freshly released cock throbbed with his heartbeat, bouncing against his abdomen as he shifted back into a relaxed recline on his chair. Left hand reaching down and gently caressing his testicles, his right grasping hold of his member once more.
His breathing quickened with his stroking, the image of Kotetsu in his mind shifting from simply walking out of the shower to doing much more. The older man bent down, his knees sliding onto the floor, his mouth opening and encircling the head of Barnaby's cock. Kotetsu started a slow bobbing motion, just his mouth sliding up and down Barnaby, his saliva coating the shaft and dripping down onto his balls. Barnaby pumped his fist slowly up and down to the rhythm of Kotetsu in his head, his left hand reaching over to grab the bottle of lube from his computer desk. His eyes remained closed as the scene before him played out.
Kotetsu's lips, clamped down like a vice, pressed against Barnaby as his tongue moved in circles around the head, pressing into the slit before moving once more to bob his head up and down, taking the entirety of Barnaby into his mouth and down his throat.
Barnaby let out a small gurgled moan of pleasure as he continued to pump in time to his imagination, the cap on the lube popped open in his left hand as he tipped the bottle and poured a dollop onto his cock, the cold sensation both shocking and enjoyable. He continued pumping his fist, imagining the lube as Kotetsu's saliva as he worked it down the whole shaft. His left hand dropping the bottle, making its way back to his testicles. In his mind Kotetsu took hold of them in one hand, the other grabbing the base of his cock and pumping in rhythm with his sucking, licking, and bobbing mouth. Balls teased between large calloused fingers, saliva dripping down onto them allowing his fingers to slide with ease around them.
The lube had made its way down onto his balls and was coating both hands now, his left hand moved lower, shifting towards his backside, he lifted his hips a bit to give himself a better angle. His fingers pressed against his entrance, rubbing against the tight ring of muscle with his lubed fingers to relax the area. In his mind Kotetsu had moved his own hand down from his balls to his entrance, teasing it with his middle finger, asking for entrance.
Barnaby relaxed the muscles and allowed his own finger to slip in with ease, a moan drawing out of his mouth as he did so. He started a slow thrusting motion, matching pace to the pumping of his right hand, to the bob of Kotetsu's mouth, to the thrust of Kotetsu's hand. He lost himself to the motions, a second finger sliding in to match Kotetsu, speeding up his right hand's pumping, Kotetsu sucking him harder, faster, taking him deeper into his throat, his tongue pressing against the shaft, increasing the pressure in just the right places. He pumped his hand faster, pulling desperately at his cock, the lube allowing his hand to slide easily up and down, his precum mixing with the lube creating an even slicker sensation. His left hand sped up as well, thrusting two fingers into himself, curling them upward at just the right angle; the one Kotetsu was doing for him, pressing against his prostate with each thrust, stimulating him with increasing speed and pressure.
Kotetsu had set a maddening pace now, his hand pumping the shaft of his cock in time with his mouth, his tongue circling the tip each time he pulled up, his fingers thrusting and twisting and curving inside of Barnaby hitting his cluster of nerves just right. Barnaby's hips rose off of the chair, his legs straining under him, his thighs tight, his calves locked, his toes curling as he felt the tightness in his stomach grow. He panted with effort, hands pumping and thrusting with wanton abandon, no rhythm anymore, just the wild tempo Kotetsu had set for him. The world went white and he felt stars flash behind his eyelids as he came, his hot cum shooting out and up his torso. His fingers inside him slowing, but not stopping, stimulating himself still as he came; his hand pumping leisurely, working the last of the cum out. He panted, the stars behind his eyelids dissipating as he came down from the high, his hands slowing, he pulled the fingers out of himself and reached for the tissue box on his desk. The embarrassment and guilt already starting to set in over what he had just done while thinking of his precious ex-partner.
After cleaning himself off he took a shower, feeling the guilt build up in his chest as it had since his first time masturbating thinking about Kotetsu. He felt awful thinking about his partner that way, but since the first time he had thought about Kotetsu sexually, he hadn't been able to stop; though he had tried. The closer he got with Kotetsu the more he realised it wasn't just a sexual attraction. He was in love with his partner and had been for almost a year before Maverick, before their retirement. Even with their separation this past year Barnaby still couldn't get him out of his head, he wanted Kotetsu as badly now as he did almost two years ago. But Kotetsu was straight, most likely still in love with his wife, and lived in another city with his daughter. Barnaby had no right to invade on them. Kotetsu had given him everything, a new chance at life, freedom from his manipulator, and most of all: taught him what it meant to be a Hero and a man. He couldn't possibly ask any more from the older man.
On nights like tonight though, all he wanted was to grab his phone and call Kotetsu, hear his voice, ask him — beg him — to come back to Sternbild. Kotetsu had been his lifeline when he thought he was going crazy, had helped keep him in check. This time he had been alone, had tried to do it by himself. He would do it by himself this time, he had to, for Kaede, for her to have a normal childhood, for her to have what had been stripped from him and for Kotetsu, he deserved to retire and be with his family.
He went back to the living room — Hero TV had come on while he was showering. He sat down and watched, Blue Rose was doing well this season, in second place, but only 200 points behind Sky High. He hoped she got it, it would be wonderful for her to be crowned Queen of Heroes. As he watched he felt his eyes begin to droop, he had had more excitement today than most days, but also his body lacked rest. The dreams sapped him of his energy, and one night's proper rest wasn't enough to alleviate the tiredness. Without intending to, he drifted off to sleep on his reclining chair, arm hanging over the edge, the flickering lights of the TV bathing him in a ghostly iridescent glow.