Antonio had made it home without issue, crashing into his unmade bed; the world spinning from the booze he had downed right before leaving the bar. He had had a great time with Barnaby, which he was surprised about, as the two of them had never really gotten on before. It left him smiling somewhat giddily in his drunken state. He hadn't been out drinking with anyone but Nathan lately, and Nathan almost never wanted to get overly drunk, so it had been a nice change of pace to do so tonight.
His thoughts shifted to memories of drinking with Kotetsu, drinking with Barnaby had been similar but not the same. The younger Hero couldn't hold his liquor like Kotetsu, but he also wouldn't back down from a challenge, keeping up almost drink for drink.
Antonio sighed shifting onto his side and closing his eyes. He missed Kotetsu, but he also sometimes missed not knowing Kotetsu, and the guilt that came with that feeling was immense. When he forgot about Kotetsu he had a daughter and a wife, he had had a family and been happy. When he awoke and remembered his best friend, the love and happiness that was Kotetsu, he was both happy and miserable. He would never tell anyone this, but he wished every once in a while that the dreams were true.
He started drifting off to sleep, the alcohol dragging his mind down into a hazy spinning darkness.
Antonio was walking hand in hand with Tomoe, healthy, vibrant, and very pregnant. They were walking in the park near their home, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and everything was perfect. The two of them were laughing, he wasn't sure over what, and he felt nothing but bliss.
He was kneeling over a grave, hands covering his face as he sobbed his heart out, Kaede was off to the side with his mother, watching him show his weakness.
He was standing in his school uniform, classes had let out, he had stayed after school waiting for a friend. However, while waiting, someone had come up and grabbed his face giving him a kiss. Someone was kissing him, it wasn't a girl, but he couldn't place the face, some strange boy was kissing him. He tore his face away from the other, a young Asian boy he couldn't quite place had a cheeky grin spread across his lips and was laughing about the kiss. Antonio felt his face turn red with embarrassment and rage. "******, what are you doing?! Why did you kiss me?"
The boy laughed "* ****** ** *** **! ***** ******** *** ******* ** *** ***?" the boy replied, hand rubbing the back of his head as he sheepishly smiled, perhaps feeling a little bashful about the action now.
Antonio was still angry about it. "Well don't! I don't appreciate you just doing that!" He felt his stomach tied in knots, anger, resentment at the action, and also embarrassment over being in that situation.
The boy just laughed again. Somehow Antonio couldn't stand that laugh right then, and threw a punch, his knuckles smashing into the other boy's shocked face. The two broke into a fight, the smaller boy dancing around Antonio like a bullfighter, throwing no punches unless he knew he was out of reach of being hit. The other boy was fast, faster than Antonio, and with a sudden move he had his foot behind Antonio's, sweeping his feet out from under him, knocking him to the ground. He pinned Antonio onto the ground, a smear of blood across his handsome face, dripping from his nose. He shoved Antonio away angrily before storming off, middle finger raised in silent salute as he went.
He was running alongside the other Heroes, chasing after a wanted man, a man who had hurt one of their own. But something wasn't right, he seemed familiar, some kind of NEXT power? Antonio couldn't chance anything, this man was a murderer and had killed Barnaby's only family left. He wouldn't allow this murderer to get away, even if his gut twisted in knots every time their eyes met, even when the man claimed to be his best friend.
He was sitting in a hospital room, hand clasping Tomoe's tightly, the two sat in comfortable silence, the beeping of machines the only sound between them. He could feel her weak pulse against his fingers, how he wished it was stronger, that she was stronger.
He was lying on the roof of his building looking up at the stars, he was alone, yet he had a feeling someone had once been there with him, had spoken soft words with him about the past, and the future. But no, he as alone; his thoughts drifting to his missing wife, to his daughter living away from him with his family.
He stood in a school yard, fists clenched ready for a fight, but a fight with whom? Somehow the memory was foggy, but he remembered saving Tomoe from the warehouse, but why had she been there? It didn't matter, she was safe and they had become closer than ever in that moment.
He was at the Hero Bar toasting another season of successful Hero work, his drinking partner shifted, hazy at first, becoming clearer as the masked Wild Tiger, of course he was drinking with the other Hero, though Wild Tiger never showed his identity, the two had always been close in age and had worked together for many years. They clinked their glasses together and laughed over the mistakes they made that year as the blooper reel for the season played on the bar screens.
Antonio was standing with an umbrella, looking down on the gravestone in front of him. 5 years and the pain hadn't lessened any, the ache for Tomoe was still there, to feel her touch, to be close to her. He looked up at the sky, umbrella hanging limply at his side as he allowed the rain to wash over his face, mixing with the silent tears that had been dripping down his face. He would never let go of her, she had been his world, his everything, and now all he had left of her was their daughter, and he would do everything he could to keep his little girl from hurting ever again.
Antonio woke up with a groan and grabbed his head. It was pounding to the beat of his heart, which was racing. He sat up, still clutching his head, unsure if the pain was from the hangover he was bound to have from drinking so much, from the dreams, or a combination of the two. With all the strength he could muster, he forced himself out of bed and moved into his bathroom, not turning the light on for fear of the blinding light. He dug around his medicine cabinet for pain killers, took out two from a bottle, tossed them in his mouth and dry swallowed them before walking out of the bathroom, heading to his kitchen to find a clean glass to get water with.
Making it into his kitchen, hand placed on his wall to help him balance, the dreams spinning through his head as he tried to sort out reality and the dreams. They were vivid, fast, emotionally charged, and left him reeling. He knew Kotetsu was real, that Tomoe was his wife, wasn't she? Kaede was Kotetsu's daughter… right? He let out another groan, grabbing a glass off his counter, it was covered with dishes, mail, left over food, take out containers. He didn't care, he couldn't bring himself to deal with it lately. He rinsed the glass, filled it with water, and drank until the glass was empty. He did this two more times, his head clearing a little with the cool liquid.
He looked at the time, just after seven in the morning, he could call Kaede now, but she would be busy getting ready for school, he didn't want to bother her when she was in a rush.
Instead he pulled out a photo book and started looking through it. Pictures of himself, Tomoe and Kotetsu all together as kids, high school friends. Kotetsu and Tomoe at their wedding, himself at Kotetsu's side as best man. He sighed looking through them. He knew that Kotetsu was real. He knew it, just like he knew the dreams weren't real, but that didn't change the fact he couldn't shake the feeling it was wrong. That his life was wrong, that it was missing something. He sighed then turned the page looking at pictures of Tomoe holding Kaede, he had taken this photo, he was sure of it… or had Kotetsu?
He set the book down and took a deep breath with his eyes closed. The feelings and emotions associated with these pictures contradicted themselves, sometimes looking at them helped him sort himself out, but other times they just left him in a more confused state. He needed to talk to Kotetsu.
He picked up his phone and dialled Kotetsu, the holoscreen showing a loading sign as he waited for Kotetsu to pick up.
The other end picked up and the face of a very tired looking Kotetsu showed up. His stubble had grown in between his normal kitty beards, hair sticking out at odd angles, and his eyes were a little red and puffy from sleep. "Hey 'tonio, is everything ok?" The groggy voice of his best friend came through over the phone to him.
A sense of relief and frustration with himself filled Antonio. He was relieved Kotetsu was real, alive and well. But he was also frustrated that he couldn't trust his own brain, had to phone again to ensure his memories were right. "Ya buddy, just a bad night again… you know how it is sometimes," he replied, feeling bad for waking his friend.
"Ah, well I'm glad you phoned, you can phone anytime you need, you know I'm here for you," he said before covering his mouth when a giant yawn overtook his face.
"Shouldn't you be up helping Kaede get ready for school?" Antonio scolded as he realised that Kotetsu obviously had been sleeping, but it was well past seven, Kaede should be off to school soon.
"Ah… well you know, she's a big girl and has gotten used to getting ready without me being here… she just gets mad at me when I get up with her… and she refuses to take my lunches I pack for her lately, says she wants grandma's… but don't worry about that," he said waving his hand in front of his face dismissively.
"Hmmm... Well if you say so. Have you two been fighting again?" He questioned while standing up, carrying his phone into the kitchen, he was starting to feel hungry now that his pounding headache was lessening.
"Of course not! Tell me what the dreams were about this time around, let me help you sort out what actually happened, even though I'm an old man with a bad memory," he teased with his self-deprecating humour.
Antonio told him about the dreams. About being alone at the cemetery, about the kiss with someone in high school, about being with Tomoe while she was pregnant.
Kotetsu had filled in the gaps for most of them, told him that it had been himself crying kneeling at Tomoe's grave during the funeral, and that Antonio had been there for him, holding his shoulder while he sobbed, that the two of them had visited her grave together on her fifth anniversary being dead. That they had often spent time on the roof together. He skirted the issue of the kiss though, and Antonio wasn't sure if it was because he didn't know, or didn't want to talk about it.
"Thanks Kotetsu, I'm sure the dreams will stop once I've gone through all of them, it just might take a long time for that to happen," he had made himself some toast while they had been taking, Kotetsu making himself a coffee on the other side of the vidcall.
"Hey, don't worry about it, like I said, I'm always here for you. Why don't you take a break and come out to Oriental Town? Come see the family, come see Kaede, she would love to see you. She can copy your powers!" He said with a laugh and rubbed at his overgrown cheeks.
"Eh I can't do that, my standing on the charts is too low, I'm not allowed any time off this season if I can't pull my rank up," he said before taking a large bite from his toast.
"Hmmm so you're still last in the ranks?" Kotetsu asked which told Antonio that he was still avoiding watching Hero TV. Antonio could understand not watching Hero TV for a while after his retirement. But it had been nearly a year and Kotetsu was still carefully avoiding the program. He had asked Kaede about it and she had told him her dad always avoided it with excuses of being too busy to watch TV, but whenever she had it on he would escape the house, go for a walk or simply lock himself in his room. She had tried to get him to re-watch some episodes that featured himself and Barnaby in it but he had made excuse after excuse not to watch it, always looking stricken with fear for a split second when she asked before masking it over with his fake smiles.
"Ya I'm still last, I almost got an arrest the other day but Dragon Kid nabbed him first," he was watching Kotetsu's face for his telltale signs of being uncomfortable with the topic, which usually appeared whenever he brought up Hero TV.
Kotetsu looked away from the screen, off to something Antonio couldn't see before his focus came back to his friend. "Sorry, I think my mom needs my help, do you still need to chat or can I call you back in a bit?" Kotetsu asked his fake smile in place. The excuse to go help his mother was a common one to escape talking to Antonio about his ex-partner or anything to do with being a Hero.
"Of course, say hi to Mamma Kaburagi for me," Antonio said before reaching to turn the phone call off. Kotetsu nodded with a smile also reaching forward to end the call.
Antonio looked at the time and then walked to his bathroom to have a shower and get ready for the day.