Barnaby couldn't believe it was almost December, a few weeks away. It had been almost a year exactly to when the Maverick incident happened. A little over a month away and the two worst events of his life would have their anniversaries.
He had been visiting his therapist regularly, dropping off his journals now and then, or going for full sessions. Though Dr. Harjan was anything but predictable, she seemed to be helping. He always felt more relaxed after his sessions with her. He felt he could be open with her, the confidentiality of their conversations gave him a sort of peace. Besides the fact that every time he got some of the pain off his chest, he felt lighter, freer.
She had questioned him on why the journals contained no mention of his partner, or why his more recent ones seemed to be more and more heavily edited. Whole sections of the book carefully removed. Barnaby had not felt comfortable to talk about it in the first few weeks of sessions, but as time went on his walls lowered slightly.
He refused to admit his deeper feelings for Kotetsu, so he was still a taboo subject, but the edited parts of his books did come up. His feelings for Jeremy, his (apparent) realisation he was gay in university, and Maverick's disgusting erasure of that part of himself in an attempt to weed out the unsightly blemish to his character. Dr. Harjan had said very little on the subject, just a heartfelt apology that he had to go through all of this because of such an evil man. Her not trying to fix him had been a breath of fresh air. He had been so sure that if anyone knew how messed up he was they would make suggestions on how to cope, how to deal with his identity crisis. But she had simply been there, a blank sympathetic wall to speak at, one that only answered with affirmations that the trauma had happened and that it sucked.
Getting it out that he was gay made speaking so much easier, he suddenly felt like he could completely be himself around the Dr.; other than his feelings for Kotetsu he had no more secrets to hide from her. None that mattered anyway. And that was freeing as well. To be able to speak without worry, to be open about how he felt, it was a new experience, one that he had only felt once before, in the company of Kotetsu. He had never had to hide around Kotetsu, other than his deepening feelings, and even then, he didn't hide them well. He was forever grateful (and devastated) that Kotetsu was as dense about love as he was about everything else. He had never picked up on any of Karina's girlish crush vibes, and thankfully (woefully) he had never noticed his own advances either.
Barnaby had also been seeing both Karina and Antonio every weekend, Karina was playing the bar every weekend again, the love for music reborn after her visit on his birthday. Antonio was more than happy to meet up for drinks, without Kotetsu around he had been sorely lacking any male bonding. Keith and Ivan were great people, but neither of them were much when it came to drinking games and shooting the shit. Nathan was only fun to drink with when he wasn't feeling too handsy, which was most of the time, and Karina didn't like drinking much, her young taste buds not accustomed to the sharp taste yet. Pao-lin was much too underage for any after-hours shenanigans anyway.
He always felt great, minus the hangover sometimes, after seeing them. He was starting to feel a lot more connected to his friends. They had asked if it was alright to let the other Heroes know he was in town.
He wasn't sure what to do, he felt so much more included since seeing just two of the heroes, but he also worried that too much too fast would overburden him. He asked to think about it before they told anyone. One of the main reasons he thought about coming back into the public eye was just getting rid of the beard. It was scratchy, and patchy, and looked not great. He missed his smooth cheeks and jawline.
The thought of seeing the sweet young face of Pao-lin was also compelling. The young girl had always been a soft spot for him since the rescue mission to get her and baby Sam back.
He had requested they wait a few more weeks, that maybe he would make it a Christmas surprise he was in town. Come out of hiding from the public as well, as he was tired of his beard, and the stupid collection of knit caps he had acquired. He wanted to see the other Heroes, but was also afraid that it would be too much; he was only just getting back on his feet. He was only just starting to feel like himself again.