Looking At The Stars
It took a month to finally get rid of Launch. At that, it wasn't easy either. I was currently taking a break when I heard a personal jet coming. Panic was starting to set in. I just really hope it wasn't her. To my great surprise, it was Bulma, Krillin, and … "Hey, dude! What's up?" Yamcha!
On the way to Korin's tower, Krillin and Yamcha were filling Chiaotzu and me on what had recently happened. It was horrible to hear what happened to Goku. Yet it was exciting to start a new form of training. To top it off, I'll be fighting alongside my friends. Especially get to spend some time with Yamcha again.
We all tried to catch up on what happened in the past 5 years for the rest of the trip. As we talked, I thought about my plans to confess. But as I thought about the current situation, maybe it'll be best to wait a bit longer. There's was too much at stake, and I wouldn't want things to be awkward between us. When this is over, I'll tell Yamcha. I have been holding it for this long, so there's no point in rushing things.
…
It's been a month, and all this training got me feeling like myself again. I almost forgot how good it felt to truly push my body to its limited. Yet tonight, I couldn't sleep and choose to sit at the edge of the lookout. "The stars are lovely up here." It slightly surprises me to hear Tien, but I didn't react. He soon sat next to me. "Something on your mind?"
I looked at him before moving closer. Our legs were practically touching as I looked back at the sky. "The city doesn't have stars like this, and I missed them. When I was a kid, I learned about constellations." I then tried to point out a group of stars. "That one is Lupus. It's the wolf and my absolute favorite."
"Oh, really? That's something new." I looked at him, and he was smiling. "Didn't take you for someone to like stargazing." We both chuckled. We soon ended up talking about stars until we finally went to bed.
Over the next few weeks, we all worked our asses off, and it showed. After a long day of training, I choose to look at the stars again. And just like last time, Tien was with me. Somehow it made looking at the sky even more enjoyable. It was silent between us, but it sure didn't feel lonely.
Now that I think about it, when was the last time I didn't feel alone. I had Puar, but it never felt enough. With Bulma, I felt utterly isolated, not only with her but everything else around me. But at this moment, I felt a comfortable peace. I like this feeling. But I did wonder why it was with Tien of all people. "Is something wrong?" And just like that, the moment was gone. Or was it?
"I was just wondering about a whole bunch of stuff." He asked what kind of stuff. "Past, my relationship with Bulma, all types of things." Before I knew it, I was telling Tien about my whole life and even about Bulma.
…
I couldn't believe what was happening. We were so close and had our legs touching. We're we sharing a moment? I wanted to hug him, but I don't want to ruin anything. I learned that Yamcha also likes looking at the stars, and it got me so happy.
Another night with Yamcha stargazing. But I did notice he had a sad look to him after some time. When I asked what was wrong, he looked annoyed for a moment. Then he looked sad again. "I was just wondering about a whole bunch of stuff."
He soon went on telling me everything he's been through. Being kicked out and disowned at the age of 10. Had to resort to becoming a bandit to get by. Meeting Puar, sneaking into libraries, and stealing from schools to teach himself. He even told me about how he's terrified of females, and so that's why he wanted the dragon balls. He struggled so much and just wants to be happy.
Soon he started talking about his relationship with Bulma and how he felt so trapped. Like how she makes him feel so inferior. Or how she would scream and beat him every time she's mad. Not to mention how she's always blaming him for every little thing. Even things he has no control over. Or how hard he tries not to hit her back because he knows they'll be a huge backlash. Not to mention having to deal with her when she's drunk. By now, he was starting to tear up. "I don't know what to do. Like she's the only girl I feel remotely comfortable around, but I'm so scared." He started to get up and looked ready to just make a break for it. But I quickly pulled him back down and into my embrace. Without missing a breath, I heard and felt him let out this most painful heart crunchy wail.
I felt this sudden burst of rage and desire to protect Yamcha from ever getting hurt. I held for as long as I could and just didn't want to let go, even when he had stopped sobbing. He's been through so much and deserves all the happiness in the world. When he truly calm down, I felt him snuggling into me. I then heard some muffles and pulled away just a bit. He wasn't looking at me, but I could see a faint smile. "Thanks for listening."
"Anytime." We stood hugging for a good while before heading off to bed. The moment I was alone, I had to fight back so many mixed thoughts. Like how enraged I was, Yamcha went through so much, and no one congratulated him on his efforts. Or how I wish I could just tell him to leave Bulma. I don't know if I should butt myself in his relationships, but he deserves better than that. I don't even think I'm good enough for him either. Yet I sure wish I could try to prove myself. If being his friend helps, I will do everything I can to make sure he sees his worth. Even if he never returns my feelings.
That then brought up the thought of how good it felt to hug Yamcha for so long. I sure wish I could hug him more and just keep him all to myself. Protect him and make him happy. Not to mention how I want to encourage and make him stop doubting himself. If Bulma doesn't see how great Yamcha is, then it's her loss.
Ever since that night, we would always watch the stars together. When we do, we sometimes hug, or I'll be the one doing the hugging. We would talk endlessly about things and get excited about finding something new about each other. Sometimes, he would go off to speak with his baseball coach on off days, and I would feel lonely without him. Yet, when he comes back, I help him trained harder to catch up. It also just feels good to spend any amount of time with him, no matter what we're doing.
Tonight was no different, but I was surprised by his sudden request. "When this is over, any chance you would like to visit my place?" I had to think for a moment before answering him. A chance to visit where Yamcha lives? At that, outside of training. Almost like a normal friend thing or something. I tried really hard to control my excitement when I answered him. He then had a huge smile. "Great! I could show you my condo. The one that Bulma has no idea about."
I was confused by why he chooses to have two homes. "Why did you move out again? And why you haven't sold your old apartment?"
He shook his head but still held his smile. "After our last fight, I had to move. I was scared she'll be mad enough and find a way to take everything I worked so hard for." He then frowns before hugging me again. "I must sound pathetic that I practically ran away."
He's doing it again. I let out a short sigh as I started to rub his back. "It's okay. You had a good reason to do so."
…
This felt nice. Talking with Tien and sharing moments with him. It even had me trying to figuring things about myself. Not to mention the part of me I been repressing was trying to let itself known. But I was still so scared. It's my secret—the reason I was disowned and kicked out.
I had to fight back these thoughts and feelings. But Tien sure wasn't making it easy. I need to focus on the upcoming fight. But I wouldn't mind cuddling with Tien either. Today we were taking a break, and I made an excuse to go talk with my coach. I flew home and made a quick call to Victor. As much as I trust Tien, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I also wanted an outside person's opinion on my unnerving situation. What was I going to do? At least I know Victor enough, and we even share a certain similarity.
I was somewhat shocked that Vic and his husband would even invite me over for brunch. As we ate, I told them about the real reason I took a break from the team. "Don't sweat it. Do what you gotta do and join the team at any time. After all, you'll always have a spot on the Titans." We all chuckled at that. Soon it led to me telling him about the reason I was disowned. "That's rough, man, but don't let it get you down. Heck, not even my parents talk to me after coming out. But that shouldn't matter."
"How so?"
His husband happened to kiss his forehead before collecting the dirty dishes. "Family isn't the one you were born into, but the one you create. From what you've told me, your friends sound more like family than the biological assholes that made you." We both started laughing at that.
"Thanks for brunch and the great advice, but I best be off."
He patted my shoulder as he escorted me to the door. "Anytime, bro. My door is always open if you need anything." With that, I was off to the lookout.
Even though that talk cheered me up but it also got me thinking. I thought about how sometimes these emotions were tough to keep under control. Which always led me to push people away. Like the times I would send Puar away and avoid Bulma at all cost. When my urges and desires were hard to suppress. At that, spending time with Tien sure didn't help my case either.
But who could blame him? Being embraced by his strong arms is nice. Or how naturally comfortable it is to be around him. Not to mention how he treats me. Also making me feel things I don't want to acknowledge. Would it be too much to just ask to have a reason to hate that jerk? Like a really good reason.
Or could I stick at hiding my dirty little secret? Even though my teammates had figured that something was up. But it did feel good to tell Victor, and he promised no one else will ever know. This is another reason why I have to focus heavily on my training and baseball career. Got to put that energy to good use.
Tonight, as Tien and I watched the stars, I had a sudden thought. What would it be like spending time with him but leave out the training? Would it be the same? I really hope so. "When this is over, would you like to visit my place?"
When he said yes, it was hard to hold my excitement. It ended up with me snuggling closer to him. I was so happy, but I had to resist the urge to kiss him. Maybe one day I'll tell him how I kind of like him. But I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. Or have others know the truth. I suddenly became sad. Probably I'll never be able to tell him. "You keep frowning I'm going to punch you." He just had to say something to piss me off. We were soon sparring until we decided to finally go to sleep.