Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
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"Commander? I'm sorry but it's time. I have to bring you back."
The five precious minutes he had been given had passed by way too quickly if anyone asked. He swallowed, knowing his only chance of ever getting to visit Danny again in the near future was if he kept his end of the promise with Nurse Tia. Honestly, every fibre of being told him to stay with his partner, not to leave Danny alone. But he didn't have much of a choice. So without any resistance, he wiped the embarrassing evidence of tears still streaking his face. A belated realisation came raining down on him that he had just publicly exhibited his breakdown to whoever was outside the room, behind those glass doors. Strangely though, he didn't really care all that much.
Inhaling deeply, he pushed himself up from the seat that was quite frankly, anything but comfortable. He faltered slightly from the slight exertion, blood rushing to his head as he moved a little too fast. He gripped onto the side of Danny's bed in a bid to stabilise himself. His gaze rested on Danny's pale features, still holding on to the frail hope that his brother would open those soft blue eyes of his. Even if for a short while, even if for a fleeting second, he wouldn't have minded. He just needed to see them. To know that Danny was still in there somewhere. But they refused to show themselves. Danny's eyes had remained stubbornly closed as though to prolong Steve's endless torture. One that he was convinced he deserved.
"I don't want to leave you alone.. but I gotta go, buddy. Gotta take care of your liver, right?" He afforded a smile even if Danny would never see it.
"Please take care of that thing. I've had it for 39 years, you're probably gonna wreck it in 2 weeks." He had been annoyed when those words had left Danny's lips the night before. Now, he just wished to hear his partner's voice again. Even if it was to nag him about the liver.
"You be good, alright?" He continued. But what he really meant to say was, "Don't you dare leave me while I'm not by your side. Or ever."
He breathed, hesitating a moment under the scrutinising gaze of Nurse Tia that he could feel was burning his back.
Whatever, he thought.
"Grace and Charlie wanted me to give you this too." He whispered, bending over his partner. Almost immediately, he felt the breath leave him as pain shot through his abdomen. It seemed like every movement, every second of the day, was intent on reminding him how incapacitated he really was. He ignored the persistent ache and continued his descent till he reached where he needed to.
Danny would kill him, he was well-aware of the fact. But his partner also never needed to know this happened. He would bribe Nurse Tia if the need ever did arise. He didn't dare take a breath in, knowing the agony that would tear through his torso in the awkward position he was in. He landed a soft kiss on his partner's forehead which was worryingly a lot warmer than he remembered it was in the morning. He swallowed the ever evolving guilt in his chest that distracted him from noticing the slight, almost imperceptible crease that formed on Danny's forehead which disappeared almost immediately.
"You're gonna be okay." He said, more for his own benefit than Danny's. "I'll see you soon, partner."
With deliberate slowness, he straightened his back, a hand hugging his torso while the other lingered on his partner's arm.
"Commander, is everything okay?" Nurse Tia's voice was both calm and alarmed at the same time. How that was even possible, he wasn't sure. Must be a pre-requisite of the job because Dr Cornett too had that same ability.
"M'fine." He said but she was already right next to him. His eyes didn't want to leave his partner but reluctantly as his hand finally let go of Danny's, he turned to look at her. "I'm good."
Fine and good were relative terms really. He wasn't at all fine or good. And he wouldn't be. Not until his partner was awake and talking and ranting and making sarcastic remarks with every breath. Only then would he be really fine. But right now he was okay. He wasn't about to fall apart at the slightest touch nor did he have any plans of scaring the hell out of his team like Danny had done.
"Are you sure?" Nurse Tia asked as he apologetically held on to the petite nurse's arm for support while walking the short distance towards the wheelchair.
He nodded wordlessly as he settled into the seat.
"Alright, let's get to your room and I'll have you checked out." She said, obviously not trusting him.
He nodded again even though he still wasn't at all ready to leave his partner alone. The uneasiness that had embedded itself in his gut since 16 hours ago spread to his chest without the slightest mercy. His heart pounded almost painfully against his ribs. He wasn't a pessimist, unlike Danny. He always forced himself to glimpse even a tiny sliver of light in the face of pitch black darkness. But as his wheelchair was slowly inched away from his partner, why was it that all he could think about was.. was his friend not making it out of this room.
He swallowed thickly at the nauseating thought.
No.. Danny was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. There was no alternative. This wasn't the end.
The persistent beep of Danny's heart rate monitor and the overwhelming whirring of the ventilator grew softer as he was, against his own wishes, wheeled away from his partner. The glass doors closed behind him, suddenly and all at once shutting out all the white noise that had unknowingly reassured him that his friend was alright and still breathing. His heart skipped a beat, or maybe several beats. Who knew?
He instinctively turned to look at his friend through the glass. Nothing had changed.
Danny still remained still.
His eyes never left his partner till they turned a corner and his partner disappeared from view.
His heart ached that he had left his brother alone. That he wouldn't be there by Danny's side in case he was needed. In case Danny woke up or in case.. he didn't want to think about it.. but in case anything happened, he hated that he wouldn't be there to hang on to his best friend. An overwhelming sense of doom wrapped around him like a wet blanket, his eyes stinging once again with the tears which wouldn't seem to run dry.
"Is he gonna be okay?" His shaky voice finally broke the sturdy, unbearable silence of the soulless hospital corridor. "Do you..you think.. he's gonna be okay?" He choked back the tears which were adamantly intent on spilling out, just about barely able to keep them hidden.
He needed some kind of assurance. Some form of hope, false as it may be, that he wasn't about to lose his best friend.
He had honestly believed that seeing Danny for himself would finally quell the deep-seated worry that had been simmering in his gut. He had thought the crushing heaviness in his chest would finally cease, allowing him to breathe a little easier. But it hadn't. If anything, his fear for his partner's life had only intensified after seeing Danny's condition.
To a certain extent, he could now sort of understand what Danny must have gone through when he was fighting for his own life. He now understood why Danny had ignored Doctor Cornett's advice and given him a piece of his liver. Because right at that moment, if there was anything at all that he could do to ensure that Danny would be fine, to bring his partner back, he would do it without a moment's hesitation. Not caring if it would kill him, he would do anything just to have his friend back. So, he finally understood his partner's decision.
But that was it. He merely understood Danny's decision. He still couldn't bring himself to condone it or agree with it. He still couldn't bring himself to believe that he deserved Danny's sacrifice. Especially if his partner had to suffer because of it.
He felt the grip on his wheelchair harden as his nurse tensed behind him. He knew the question he had posed her wasn't one she would want to answer. But he really needed to hear from someone that his partner was going to be okay. He couldn't let the last conversation he had with his best friend be one where he told him...
Regret at this point really was pointless.
"I need him to be okay." Steve said while Nurse Tia delayed giving him a response.
"Commander.. from what I've seen, Detective Williams is a fighter." She said quietly.
Yeah..yeah..
He had heard that several times that day itself. From Chin, Kono and Lou. After they had gone to see Danny and reported back to him. "Danny's a fighter, Steve. He's gonna be okay." One after the other, they had told him the same thing as though it had been carefully scripted and rehearsed.
Then he himself had said those exact words to Danny's kid. Grace's wide eyes filled with tears had compelled him to repeat the words he had heard. Grace was old enough to understand it wasn't trivial. She had stayed behind in his room after sending her brother off to get some snacks with Kono. She had asked him if her Danno was really going to be okay, tears which she had tried her hardest to hide in front of her brother finally flowing unrestrained down her cheeks. He had hugged her close, while the sound of her stiffled sobs just about shattered his heart, he had whispered the words that he had to force himself to believe.
"Your Dad's a fighter, you know that? He's gonna be okay." He had told her. He could only hope his words wouldn't turn out to be a lie. "Your Danno loves you very much..his monkey. He's gonna fight his hardest to come back, if only for you. So you have to stay strong for him, alright? You promise?"
But now, he couldn't bring himself to believe those same words from the nurse. It felt like nothing but empty words that failed tremendously in assuaging his worries. Seeing Danny unconscious, hardly breathing for himself and vital signs barely stabilising were enough to send him into spiraling fear like never before. Danny didn't look like he was in any state to fight. And what he was most afraid of was really.. that his partner wouldn't even try. What if Danny decided to give it up?
"You think he..he's strong enough.." Steve paused, "to fight?"
He heard her subtly suck in a breath. He sure wasn't making it easy for her. He could tell from the way she picked up pace that she wanted the conversation to end as quickly as possible. But he on the other hand, didn't want to return to his room where he knew his partner wasn't in. He didn't want to return to the room with the vacant bed next to his, with his cutting words still lingering uncomfortably in the air, with Danny's agonising groans still reverberating the walls, with the excessive gifts and cards he had received for surviving stowed away next to his bed. He didn't want to be reminded that he was doing well at the expense of his best friend.
How much more ironic could his life get? He was fine and well when he should have been dead by now. And Danny, the one who really should have been fine was now left fighting for his life.
"The fact that he's still hanging in there, commander, it shows that he's already fighting." Nurse Tia said gently. "I'm sure he knows that he's got a lot to fight for. A good friend like you and his adorable kids. He's not going to give it up easily."
Steve swallowed. Good friend. He wouldn't be too sure about that but he really did hope that the nurse was right. That Danny knew he still had a lot worth fighting for.
…
There it was again.
"Danny…"
Steve.. It was definitely Steve's voice.. Again, with that uncharacteristic gentleness, even a slight brittleness to it. Like he was about to break. But where was it coming from? Was his friend somewhere around? He didn't think so... He was all alone in the endless expanse, somewhere unfamiliar. He had been for a while now.
There was not a soul in sight. He was completely alone.
Yet, the voice seemed to find a way to breach into his muddled head. Heavily muffled by the steady howling of the wind (or whatever that intimidating gushing sound was), he could just about barely make out that someone was calling out to him.
Without a doubt, he knew who it was.
His weary steps were abruptly halted and he looked in every direction, searching for the source of the voice. Just to convince himself that he hadn't gone completely insane and that his partner was somewhere around.
But there was no one around. He was still surrounded by nothingness. The only company he had had in the long, seemingly endless journey he had been on was the agonizing ache in his chest and the limitless fatigue. He had no idea how long he had been walking but it must have been too long. Because he didn't think he could take another step forward without face-planting directly onto the ground.
He was tired, completely worn out, his chest heaving with every breath. He dropped onto his knees, his brain had been buzzing deafeningly for a while but now, his vision was beginning to fade and he was dangerously close to shutting down completely. The sun above him was still mercilessly wringing him dry like it had done to the withered grass that his fingers were desperately clinging on to. Yet, for some reason he was shivering intensely, unable to keep any of the warmth inside him.
What the hell was going on? Where was he? He wanted to get out of there.
"Steve.." He called out but his voice was inaudible even to his own ears. He needed help. He wasn't going to survive much longer if no one found him soon. That much he knew.
"Buddy..." His friend's voice brought him fresh hope. Maybe, he wasn't all that too far gone.
"Steve.. where are you?" His hands shook as he braced his whole body weight against the ground, struggling to keep his eyes open even if all he really wanted to do was to allow them a minute's rest. He had to find his partner. Steve was somewhere near. He could sense it.
"...Huge risk. Why? You..you should have... your son. Didn't you think... not worth.. them up... I would.. died... Let me.. Better me.. you...I hate you so much.."
His partner's mangled words hardly made any sense. Why wasn't Steve answering his question? Why wouldn't he appear?
"St..eve.. I need you.."
"Did you... I'm so sorry, Danno... lose... I couldn't say... difficult... Each time.. I just.. And if... you punishing... I deserve it Danny... Your kids... Grace.. they don't... lose their father... I didn't mean it... Father... Never hate you... can't lose... come back.. have to..."
Something was really wrong. Like really, really wrong. Steve's voice was very telling.
He couldn't quite get all that Steve was saying while he was fighting the pathetically losing battle to stay awake. He had not a single clue what Steve was talking about. There were too many things for him to process and he really wasn't capable of doing that at the moment.
But one thing was for sure. There was something wrong with his partner's voice. It was almost as if.. As if Steve was crying?
He had only seen that happen twice since the day he met Steve. Once after they'd found him heavily drugged up next to Wo Fat's body and he was forced to relearn that his father was actually dead. And the second time he had seen tears come out of his partner's eyes, convincing him that Steve was human after all, was right after his Aunt Deb's funeral when he and his sister had looked over some old pictures in their living room.
Both times he'd seen his partner cry was when someone had died. Something of that magnitude must have happened. Something really bad must have happened. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what. All he knew was that Steve was in some sort of distress and he needed to help his friend.
Pushing himself up with whatever remaining strength he had (which really wasn't much at all), he managed to get up on his feet but the ground was swaying drunkenly beneath him. He wasn't all that confident that anything had changed, that he would find a way out of this god damn forsaken place that he had somehow ended up in. He had been roaming for hours without any luck. What were the odds he would be able to miraculously find a way out now? But he knew that he had to try. Even if there was no way out, he couldn't give up. His partner needed him.
"Charlie.. to have this.. protect.. make you all better. He misses you already...in the ICU.. Better and see your kid… fight this, Danny... gonna be okay."
The mention of his son sent a crippling ache in his heart for some reason. Charlie.. There was something important he wasn't remembering. What was it? Why was he so confused?
"I don't.. leave.. I gotta go, buddy."
Was his partner leaving him? No, no, no..No, Steve couldn't leave. He still needed his friend.
"..Be good.."
"No.. don't leave. Steve? Don't leave me! Please.. I need.." His determination dwindled. He couldn't do this alone.
"You're gon… be okay… Soon, partner."
"Steve? Ste.."
His eyes stung. The emptiness stretched on. Only the sound of his own heart beating a little too fast and his lungs wheezing for oxygen filled the disconcerting silence.
His friend was gone.. Really gone. He was all alone. Again.
He lost the will to go on. With all the fight leaving him, he landed on the ground, crashing heavily on his side. And with one last exhale, his eyes slid shut.
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A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you are still enjoying this story. I'm not too sure about this chapter but hope it wasn't too bad. And I'm sorry if you guys think the story is going too slowly! I'm trying to pick up pace but there's a lot that I still want to write. Hoping I can wrap it up in 2 or 3 chapters, so hope you will stay tuned. Also if you have the time, I would love to read what you think. Thanks again for reading and take care:)