Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
...
Danny took another sip of beer, leaning on the Adirondack chair and soaking in the final rays of sunlight still peeking over the horizon. It was coming to an end soon. Everything was coming to an end soon. The warm breeze softly caressed his cheeks as the sound of crashing waves filled him with a strange sense of tranquility that was always just a little out of grasp in his life.
"Hey.." The sound of heavy footsteps approached him.
He looked up at the looming presence now standing next to him, simultaneously sending a jolt of electricity through his heart. Taking another sip from the drink in his hand, he nodded silently.
"You broke into my house, Danno?" Steve asked, a soft smile on his face as he plopped himself into the adjacent seat.
"Been waiting for you." Danny voiced, ignoring his partner's jab. "You want a drink?"
"What's the occasion?" Steve asked, reaching for the bottle that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
"Consider it a farewell drink." Danny breathed.
"Farewell?"
Danny watched as his partner's face crumpled in confusion. Even a slight worry evident in the lines gracing his forehead. Lines that weren't there when they had first met 6 years ago. Six years..to think it had only been a short six years yet, it felt like he had known the guy next to him for a lifetime. Leaving was harder than he ever imagined.
He nodded again, having suddenly become a man of few words.
"What?" Steve asked when he was offered no further explanation. His voice was low yet stretched thin at the end in the way it always did when he was desperate for answers. In a way that only Danny could tell.
"You don't remember?" He asked. "It's almost time for me to go, buddy."
"Where? Where are you going?" Steve's frown deepened, the confusion growing exponentially and a slight ache manifesting in his chest. An ache which he couldn't quite pinpoint the cause.
"Steve.. you know where I'm going." Danny said, looking straight at his partner who seemed to be avoiding his eyes.
"No, I.. I don't. Did something happen back home?"
"I'm not going to Jersey." He said. "You need to accept it."
"Danny? No.. don't.."
He smiled. His friend knew where it was he was inevitably headed. Whether Steve accepted it or not, there was no changing things. This was it.
"Buddy.. you'll be okay?" Danny asked, his smile faltering as anxiety gripped his gut, evicting the tranquility he had very recently acquired.
"No.. no I won't so you can't go."
"Hey.. You'll be okay." He said gently. This time it wasn't a question.
"Danno, please. Don't do this." Steve begged, his voice obviously cracking at the edges but he couldn't care less.
"I have to.. Do me a favour, alright? You'll always be Grace and Charlie's uncle?"
"I can't.. no, Danny, the..they need you."
"Buddy, please. They're going to need you now. Grace especially. Promise me."
"Danny..."
"Promise me. Please."
Steve swallowed, his eyes stinging from unshed tears though he would rather insist that it was the salty breeze blowing into them. "I..Danny..I'll always be there for them."
"Good.. good.. Hey, it's gonna be alright.. it'll be okay." Danny assured, taking a final sip from the almost empty bottle. "For the record, I wouldn't have done anything differently. Not one thing."
Steve blinked away his tears and in that split second, he was left alone. The seat next to him devoid of any trace of his partner. "Danny.." He called out pathetically, looking around desperately. But his partner was gone. The splotches of pink, purple and orange dancing in front of him gradually fading into a deep, inky blue and sending him into an endless abyss of darkness.
His partner was gone.
...
His eyelids split open, a gaping ache emerging almost immediately from the nook of his chest. He swallowed convulsively, vision adjusting to the only slightly illuminated room. Chest heaving, he wiped away the wetness on his cheeks, eyes immediately searching for his partner in the perfectly-made bed next to him.
"It's almost time for me to go, buddy." Danny's voice rang loud and clear in his head.
He tried to bury the deep agony wrecking havoc in his gut.
No. He assured himself. It isn't true.
"You need to accept it."
No. He wouldn't accept anything.
Danny was still fighting. Danny could never give up. He wouldn't. He inhaled, breath hitching while the vivid dream replayed in his head as the vacant bed taunted him into believing the games his mind was playing.
"Danno.." He whispered into the unnerving silence. "You keep fighting."
His words died on his lips as the door to his room creaked open slowly. He found himself holding his breath, his heart slowing to a brief stop.
No.
The beating in his chest returned with a vengeance, heart pounding harshly against his ribs. He could feel every beat ringing in his ears. He could feel each unsteady breath he took.
No. Please, no.
His eyes met his colleague's bloodshot ones, which were evident even in the poorly-lit room. He dragged himself into an upright position, not giving a slight damn to the fact that his side fired up with the movement.
"Chin?" His voice faltered, almost making him sound timid. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that he was actually deathly afraid at the moment.
No. Please, no.
"Steve.."
His heart quivered erratically as he heard Chin's desperate voice. Not another word was needed. Chin's expression, his demeanour, the way his usually perfect posture was slightly hunched in what he could guess was defeat, told him all he needed to know about why his older colleague was here in his room at 2.48 in the morning.
No. Please, no. Danny.. don't you do this to me.
He licked his lips, grappling with the truth that Chin would soon reveal to him. The truth which he still refused to accept. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. He had tried his hardest to stay awake. Tried his darnest to fight the frenzied drowsiness that the medicine had sent him spiralling towards. He was convinced that if he stayed awake, if he not once stopped thinking about his partner, he could somehow, telepathically brow-beat his partner into fighting the ordeal.
But he had failed.
He had faltered, he had lapsed for a few seemingly short moments, succumbing fully to the darkness. And in those few short but crucial moments, he must have lost his already limp, flailing grip on his partner's life. He must have.. he must have lost his friend. He had failed his friend when he was most needed. He had failed his partner when Danny had not once failed him.
"Hey, it's gonna be alright.. it'll be okay. For the record, I wouldn't have done anything differently. Not one thing." Danny's voice again rattled him.
Nothing would be okay. Not, without you, Danno.
"Chin." He harnessed whatever strength he could, steeling himself. Yet, he seemed to be unable to form words beyond his colleague's name. He needed to know Danny was okay but the odds were slim. And if he was right, if Chin was here to be the bearer of terrible news, he would much rather not hear it at all.
"It's about Danny." Chin sat in the space in front of him on the bed.
"No." He found himself whispering. "Don't."
"They called me. Steve, Danny's.."
"Don't." He said more forcefully, wincing at the shot of agony that Chin's words brought him. "Don't say it. Tell me he's alive."
Chin inhaled shakily, a hand gripping his bicep. "He's alive."
He looked into his colleague's eyes, searching for any trace of a lie. "Are you sure?"
Chin nodded, sending a shudder of relief down his spine. Letting out slow, controlled breaths, he bent forward as the tension left his shoulders.
"Kono and Grace are with him now."
He looked up at his friend. His relief as it turned out was short-lived and extremely premature. "Chin. What's going on?"
"His condition took a turn about an hour ago." Chin said. Even if Chin didn't state which direction his condition took a turn for, Steve could figure it out instantly. "His fever spiked and his blood pressure is dropping."
"How bad?" Steve asked, keeping up his strong facade when really he was tumbling to the ground on the inside.
"If they can't get it back up.." Chin swallowed, evidently burying his emotion deep within. "Steve, they're.. they're not sure he'll make it through the night." Chin said.
"That's not true." Steve said, not getting nearly enough air in his lungs. He watched as his colleague remained stoic. This had to be some sort of a joke. Well, technically, his whole life had just seemed like a big joke in recent days.
"Steve, I'll take you to see him." Just in case it's the last time. Chin hadn't said it but he heard it all the same. Because otherwise, this 360 degree change from just several hours ago hardly made any sense. Just a few hours ago, Chin, Kono and Lou had adamantly refused to allow him to leave his room to see his partner to the point that he had to rely on his own resources to see his partner. Now, Chin's willingness to take him to Danny told him that Chin wasn't joking. That it was true.
He sniffled, still trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay.
"Been waiting for you." Danny's ominous voice loomed over him.
"No." He whispered. His body trembled with the weight of Danny's fate. He wasn't sure what exactly he needed to do to save his friend's life.
"Steve. He'll want you by his side." Chin said softly.
"No. He has Grace with him. He'll fight for her."
Honestly, he wasn't sure it would do any good if he were to be next to Danny. He wasn't sure anymore if Danny wanted him by his side. The sudden change in Danny's condition right after he had seen his partner cast a shadow of doubt onto himself. Maybe Danny didn't want him around after everything that had happened. Maybe Danny's condition took a turn for the worst because of him.
"Grace needs you too, Steve." Chin said.
"Buddy, please. They're going to need you now. Grace especially. Promise me."
Something in him broke in that moment. He didn't deserve to be the kids' Uncle. Didn't deserve to be someone they looked up to, someone they sought support from. He was undeserving of it all. He wasn't deserving of the admiration that Danny's kids always looked at him with. He wasn't worthy of that respect. And if Grace knew how much he had hurt her Dad, she would likely never want to see him again.
Chin caught his arm as he involuntarily slumped forward, his body seizing in a suppressed sob.
"Steve, you gotta stay strong." Chin said. "For Danny, for the kids."
"I screwed up, Chin. I screwed the hell up." Steve trembled as he shook away from Chin's firm hold and kept himself upright. "Damn it! It should be me not him.."
"Steve, buddy, listen. Danny would not have done anything differently. Saving your life was the only thing on his mind from the moment you were shot."
"I know. But he still shouldn't have. I don't deserve it." Steve swallowed. "He shouldn't have given me his liver. But he did. He went under the knife for me. And what did I do? Chin. I didn't thank him even once. And as though that wasn't enough, I...I.. Chin, I said some things to him that I don't know if I can take back. Last night.. before he was brought back to surgery.. I said some things to him. And I don't know if he will ever forgive me. I don't even know if he wants me by his side now. If.. if that was the last thing I say to him, I will never be able to forgive myself. To the man that saved my life while risking his own, if the last thing I tell him is..that I hate him.. that his kid is going to grow up to hate him. I will never forgive myself."
Chin's face paled at the confession. Inhaling slowly, he held Steve's gaze. "Steve… I don't know what happened. But I know for a fact that you didn't mean what you said. Right? And I'm sure Danny knows it too. Steve, right now, Danny needs you. We're his only family here. He'll want you by his side, I know it."
Steve swallowed the pang in his chest, hoping that Chin was right. That Danny knew he hadn't meant it and that his partner still wanted him by his side.
...
He wasn't quite sure he would be able to see his partner again so quickly. It had been his good fortune that Nurse Tia was kind enough to bring him earlier. He really wasn't banking on seeing Danny again anytime soon. But here he was, not a couple of hours later. He didn't quite like the circumstance that brought him here. Only because his partner's condition was deteriorating, was he here. He looked into the room that held his friend, his daughter sitting next to him. He took in a deep breath and wheeled himself towards the door, leaving Chin, Kono and Lou outside the room.
"Grace?" He called gently so as to avoid startling the girl who hadn't even realised the intrusion. Probably having dozed off, her head was resting on the bed, right next to her father's chest.
She startled anyway. Head rising quickly, turning towards her anchor. "Uncle Steve." Eyes watering, threatening to add on to the streaks on her face that were telltale of the tears she had already shed. She stood up and buried her face into Steve's torso, momentarily forgetting that Steve had several wounds scattered over his body.
"How're you holding up?" Steve said, holding back a wince. He held on firmly to the girl, gently stroking her hair as she sobbed into him. "It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, monkey." Steve said as his gaze fixed on his partner, feeling Grace hitch at the term he had used. He didn't know why he had blurted out the term. Maybe his subconscious mind had naively hoped it would get some form of a reaction from his partner. Maybe if Danny heard him use the copyrighted term for Grace, it would quite literally bring Danny back from the dead. At this point, Steve was ready to try anything.
"You're lying." Grace said as her face emerged from his tight hold. Her lips quivering, she returned to the seat next to her father. "Danno's not going to be okay."
He blinked back the tears, his chest seizing. Grace's words stabbed through him, the lack of hope in her voice just about killed him. He was still hanging on to the waning flame. After all, Danny looked the same as when he had left him earlier. Maybe he could fool himself that Danny's condition wasn't deteriorating. That his partner would get through the infection that was ravaging his insides.
"Grace.."
"Danno lied too." She said, not willing to hear another lie from anyone else. "He promised he would be okay. He told me not to worry. Everything would be okay. But it's not. It's not okay, I know. Is Danno really..mom told me..Uncle Steve, is he really not going to make it?"
You can't do this to Grace. Danny, please. Don't do this to her. Don't do this to me!
He wheeled himself closer towards Grace and his partner. "I..I don't know, Grace." He admitted. "I know you're scared. And you know what? I am too. I don't know if your Dad will be okay. I don't know if he's going to make it. And I'm really as scared as you are of losing my best friend."
She looked at him, fresh tears flowing onto her face. He was doing a terrible job at consoling the kid, he knew. But he really couldn't lie to her any longer. He was grappling with the truth himself, and he didn't have it in him to give her false hope that he didn't believe in himself.
"But Grace, listen up. You look at that." He pointed towards the heart rate monitor. "As long as your father's heart is still beating, we have to try our very best to be brave. Because he is bravely fighting himself. All we can do is to stay by his side. Let him know he's not alone in his fight. Can you try to be brave for Danno?"
"I don't know."
"I'll be right here with you. We'll be brave together, okay?" Steve asked, squeezing her hand in his.
She nodded hesitantly as he other hand reached out to her father's arm. "Danno.. you're not alone. Uncle Steve and I are here." She sniffled. "We'll be brave..together, Dad." She said before turning to Steve for reassurance.
Steve winced, nodding his head.
"Uncle Steve, are you okay?"
Again, he nodded.
…
Chin walked into the ICU family lounge, a much-needed cup of coffee in each hand. He handed one to his cousin who had been fruitlessly pacing the small area and another to Lou who was uncharacteristically quiet.
"You okay?" He asked, settling next to his older colleague.
Lou placed the cup on the side table. "Umm. I don't know. I can't help thinking.. that maybe… If I had tried harder to stop him, we wouldn't be here now."
"No, Lou. You know as well as I do that there was no stopping him. He would never have sat watching Steve die without doing anything about it."
"Yeah..but maybe we could have found another way out. If I had just.."
"Don't, Lou…this isn't on you."
"Chin's right." Kono voiced. "This isn't on you alone. It's on all of us."
"Kono.."
"Maybe if we had paid more attention to him, if we had noticed he was hurt way more than he let on. Maybe if we had insisted on getting him checked out. If we hadn't believed him when he insisted he was fine.. Chin, even after the surgery, he kept saying he was fine. Maybe if even one of us had really checked for ourselves if he was fine. We didn't even know about the surgery on his spleen, besides Lou. Maybe if we had just showed a little more concern to him.. maybe we wouldn't be here."
Chin pursed his lips. His cousin couldn't be more right. But what use was questioning and blaming themselves now? The fact of the matter was that they were there now. Danny was fighting an uphill battle and he could only hope it wasn't a losing one. That against all odds, his friend would make it and that they could make it up to him this time.
"I'm gonna go check on him." Chin said.
Chin wearily headed back to Danny's room. The past hour had been thankfully quiet. There hadn't been a change in Danny's condition, which was both good and bad at the same time. But at the very least, Danny was still clinging on to life. And really, that was more than they could ask for at the moment.
The sounds of rushed footsteps heading towards him jolted him from his thoughts. He looked up to see that they belonged to Grace. His heart rapidly picked up pace.
"Grace! Is everything okay?"
…