Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
...
He was dying.
He was sure of it.
Because the seemingly endless agony that had once sought rent-free residence in him was gone. He was no longer in pain. Everything had stopped. His heart was still beating, but everything else had slowed to a standstill. The ache in his chest was gone. His constantly anxious heart was finally tranquil.
No worries, no anguish, no grief. Not anymore.
Maybe he was finally ready. Ready to let go of everything that he had been so afraid of losing. Ready to leave everything behind. Ready to bid his final goodbye.
Yes, he was. He breathed what would have been his last.
"Danno lied too."
Agony stabbed through his chest, the fleeting moment of solace his heart acquired was just as quickly stripped away by his daughter's broken voice. The accusation in her voice too much to bear. Maybe he wasn't ready after all.
"He promised he would be okay. He told me not to worry. Everything would be okay. But it's not. It's not okay, I know."
Grace..
She was right, he had lied. He wished he hadn't. He didn't want the last thing she remembered him as was a liar. Was Steve right? His kids would grow up to hate him. At least he wouldn't be alive to see it unfold in front of his eyes. That was good enough, no? No, he couldn't let that be true. He couldn't let his kids hate him. Grace had to understand that he never meant to lie to her.
I'm sorry, monkey. Danno's so sorry. It's gonna be okay. You're going to be okay.
He wished he could tell her that. He wished he could stop her gut-wrenching sobs that were literally tearing his heart apart. He wished he hadn't done this to his daughter.
Danno loves you.
He wished he could tell her for the last time.
If this was the end, he really had just one regret. A massive one though. Regret that he would never get to watch his kids grow up. Grace and Charlie. The two most important people in his life, the sole reasons for every excruciating breath that he was battling for. He was never going to watch them become the amazing human beings he was sure they would be. He regretted that he would never be there to witness their every milestone. But even with the regret, he knew without a doubt that they would be okay anyway.
"Danno, you're not alone.. Uncle Steve and I are here. We'll be brave together, Dad."
He was sure of it. Grace will be okay. And Charlie too. He knew they would be okay because their Uncle Steve was going to be there for them. Always.
And if there was anyone else, other than himself that he trusted his life and his kids with, it was Steve. Only Steve, always.
With that knowledge that Steve would be by his kids' side, he could leave. Even if he wasn't all that ready, he could. If his borrowed time had come to an end, he would accept it.
Warm, calloused fingers slid between his fingers in a grasp way too familiar. The hand that supported his back whenever he felt like keeling over, the hand that pulled him up when he was knocked down to the ground, the hand that remained firm against his when he trembled in fear, the hand that was always there at the right time.
Maybe he had one more regret. One he would never voice out loud. And that regret squeezed his chest, making it harder to breathe than it already was.
Whoosh..pause..whoosh..pause..whoo..sh..pa..se..
His chest seized, he was almost losing rhythm. Almost giving up.
"Danno, you hang in there, buddy. I know you're fighting.. You're doing good, buddy. Your daughter needs you. More than you know."
The soft whisper pulled him back just in time. He always knew Steve was one stubborn man. Why couldn't he just let go? It was time to let go. And maybe Steve heard him, because the grasp on his hand slid away. Yet this time, he was the one who couldn't let go. Fingers twitching, he searched for his friend's touch that had just vanished.
"Uncle Steve? What's wrong? Uncle Steve? Uncle Steve.."
Grace... Steve...
No, he couldn't leave. Not yet.
...
Whoosh..pause..whoosh..pause..whoosh..
The comforting sound of his partner's breathing kept him company in his and Grace's silent vigil next to Danny. He looked across him at the girl who was feigning sleep, her small frame curled uncomfortably in the sorry excuse of a couch in the far corner of the room. His brows knitted in sorrow, swallowing the painful twinge in his gut as he watched the girl that was too young to lose her father.
Her soft, restrained sniffles as she tried to be brave like he'd asked her to was more than his heart could take. Witnessing her head crane up every few minutes to check that nothing was off with her father, the fear in her eyes and then the relief that washed over her features when he nodded in her direction that everything was okay. He couldn't do this much longer, it physically hurt him to see two people he cared about deeply and unconditionally suffering this much.
Once again, his fingers found his partner's, holding them tight, almost afraid to let go. It had only been an hour, how was he going to get through the night. Time was crawling by, deliberately torturing him. He shut his eyes, allowing the looming fatigue weighing on his shoulders to take over for just a few short moments.
Hunched over his partner's bed, he was violently wrenched from the few minutes of sinful rest. He swallowed, uneasiness creeping into his chest and overpowering the ache in his gut.
And like he had almost expected something to go wrong, the monitor next to Danny beeped out of rhythm and in so doing, sent his heart into its own off-beat spasm. He twisted his torso too swiftly to look at the monitor, eyeing the numbers on the screen which he didn't quite understand but hadn't changed much since he had been in the room.
"Danno, you hang in there, buddy. I know you're fighting.. You're doing good, buddy." The beeping settled into a new rhythm, the numbers remaining steady. No nurses and doctors rushing into the room. His partner's breathing remaining stable. He heaved a relieved sigh, ignoring the spiking pain. "Your daughter needs you. More than you know." He whispered as inexplicable torment rendered him almost immobile.
Hand sliding off his friend's fingers, he reached towards his side, where pain flared with even the slightest movement. Maybe if there wasn't absolute agony tearing into his flesh, he would have noticed the subtle twitch of his partner's fingers that were desperately seeking him out. He bent forward without much control, a soft, suppressed groan inevitably escaping his lips.
"Uncle Steve? What's wrong?" He tried to straighten himself but all that did was send another wave of pain. "Uncle Steve? Uncle Steve.."
"M'al..right." He breathed through the pain. But this time, he was pretty sure he wasn't alright. "Get some..one..Grace."
He watched as the girl rushed out of the room before he faded right into oblivion.
...
"Thought you were at least gonna try keep your word and not get me fired."
He let out a groan. The buzzing resonating from inside his skull seemed to intensify as bright light assaulted his eyes. His brain was trying a little too hard to construct the image of whoever it was standing next to him. Another rough groan involuntarily escaped his lips as his attempt at breathing sent shockwaves of numbing agony through his torso.
"How're you feeling?"
Blinking blearily, the distorted image of the nurse fiddling with his IV fluids became well, a little less distorted. His first instinct was to lie and say he was alright but he really wasn't feeling that much alright.
What the hell happened? His lips moved in tandem with his brain but his parched throat barely managed an embarrassing, scratchy bleat.
Either Nurse Tia was exceptionally good at lip-reading or she was a mindreader because she answered the unvoiced question without missing a beat. "Well, seems like you overdid it quite a little bit last night. You've been out for about 6 hours now."
Six hours...
He swallowed, attempting to find his lost voice. The soft beeping of his heart rate machine matched his slow, controlled breathing.
How the hell did.. The static in his brain finally died down a little, clarity slowly seeping into his muddled head. And instantly, the beeping next to him picked up pace.
"Gr.." The word got stuck in his chest as his breathing hitched. He suddenly found it hard to breathe.
"They're not sure he'll make it through the night." Chin's words echoed in his head.
Danny..
He pushed himself up despite Nurse Tia's vocal protest. Even in his current pathetic state, he found the strength to easily overpower her decently strong grip on his arm. He slung his feet over the bed, prepared to push the nurse aside if she even tried to stop him from reaching his friend whom he wasn't sure was even still alive.
"Commander, you need to calm down." She said, not quite mirroring her own words, hands fumbling for his arm once again to restrain her stubborn patient.
"Da..nny… I uhh.." His heart trembled, not quite able to retain a steady pace. "Dan..ny.. Grace.. where's Grace?" He croaked feebly, attempting to get up on his feet. The movement once again sent his brain into static-filled overdrive. Everything around him seemed to fade for a moment, the nurse's voice lost in the confusion.
"What is going on here?" He barely heard the chastise coming from the door.
All he knew was that he needed to get to Danny and Grace. He needed to make sure they were okay. He shouldn't be here. He stood unsteadily, hand gripping whatever he could reach for support, taking a moment to allow the fuzziness in his head to stop. But it hardly did. He felt an exceptionally strong hand on his shoulder, forcing him down on the bed and easing him onto his back. He couldn't quite resist, having expended whatever bit of energy he had in his few seconds of wakefulness. His eyes slipped shut to quell the confusion raiding his brain.
"Commander? Are you with me?" Dr Cornett asked, a faint hint of frustration still present in his voice.
Eyes still squeezed shut, he nodded. "See..Danny." He eked out.
He could almost hear the doctor roll his eyes. He didn't care. He said what he needed to say. There was no stopping him.
"Detective Williams is alright, but you need to rest." Dr Cornett voiced, no nonsense.
He clung onto the words. Danny's okay, he's alright. He heard nothing beyond those precious words. His eyes dared to peek open.
"Need to see him." He breathed.
"No, that is not what you need. What you need is to stay in bed."
The unfamiliar tight expression on Dr Cornett's otherwise usually pleasant face would probably have intimidated half his patients. But not him. He returned the look to the doctor. "Doc, I need to see Danny."
"Commander McGarrett, I am absolutely serious. You are not getting off this bed until I allow it. You pulled several of your sutures last night, causing considerable bleeding in your surgical site, I'm not sure you remember passing out next to your partner. You are extremely lucky that there was no further damage or signs of internal bleeding in your liver." Dr Cornett said.
He sucked in a breath. That was what the ache in his torso was. He looked at the doctor, seeking confirmation that their liver was fine. He couldn't lose Danny's liver. Not his friend's sacrifice that he had hardly been grateful for.
"Your liver is fine." Dr Cornett nodded. "But, your temperature is slightly elevated and we're keeping a close eye on it. So far, your blood work is clean, no indications of an infection or graft rejection. So I am hoping that the cause is something more benign like the fact that you outrightly disobeyed my orders and overexerted yourself."
"I'm fine." Steve insisted. The liver was fine then so was he.
"I think I've heard that before." Dr Cornett pursed his lips. "Look, Commander. Let's try to reach a compromise here. You stay in bed for the next 24 hours, we'll repeat your blood tests and some scans. IF everything is good, like I said before, I will allow you to be with your partner."
Twenty four hours. The doctor might as well tell him he had to wait forever.
His brain begun plotting ways to get to his partner as he nodded his agreement to Dr Cornett. Except this time, the doctor wasn't joking. Whatever it was that he had gotten the nurse to add to his already boggling cocktail of drugs did its job of confining him to his bed, barely able to keep his eyes open for a few minutes at a time.
...
"Doc says you're hanging in there." He heard the tinge of sadness in the soft voice. "You gotta keep fighting, okay? Danny, we're all.. we're all waiting for you. You're not alone, you know. We're here by your side. You just come back to us."
A squeeze to his hand that was gone a little too quickly. His fingers twitched, seeking the elusive touch.
"Danny? Danny, hey, can you hear me? Open your eyes, please. Danny?"
Another squeeze to his hand, but this time her soft fingers remained entwined in his stubby ones.
"Danny.." The voice was softer now.
He clenched his fingers, grasping the hand tighter than he thought he was capable of, afraid the touch would evade him again.
"Danny!"
For a fleeting couple of seconds, the heaviness that had forced his eyelids shut was lifted. His gaze met Kono's bleary eyes that held a myriad of emotions. He watched her lips curl into a soft smile as she spoke. But he suddenly couldn't hear her any longer. Keeping his eyes open was taking up too much of his brain capacity. And he really couldn't keep them open much longer. Not even long enough to get the answer to the only question in his mind.
Steve.. Is Steve alright?
...
A/N: Hi guys! Thank you for your reviews thus far! Really appreciate each one of you still sticking to this one. Hmm I tried my best with this chapter, not exactly the best, but hope that you guys enjoyed it nonetheless.. Also I'm sorry if the story is moving a little slow, trying to pick up pace and have the much needed conversation very soon. Let's see how that goes! Once again, thanks again reading and stay safe everyone :)