Author's note - I could see Eric at the present age, roughly around 37 years old. If you've ever seen Jay Underwood in the episode of The Adventures Of Young Indiana Jones: Tales Of Innocence (full episode is on Youtube) he looks (even though he was younger playing that role) roughly what I believed Eric would look like at that age.)
Present
"Jet!"
Milly shot up from bed sweating buckets, her eyes huge, her heart pounding deep in her chest.
She just woken from having another vivid dream about the teenage version of the baby Milly had lost in her freshman year of college.
The baby she didn't even know she was several months pregnant with until it was too late.
She remembered it all still so vividly. How stressed she had been starting school, while Eric had been accepted to a school that had just opened up for Autism. Mrs. Sherman had pulled some strings, and Eric enrolled on a special waiver due to her past work with autism children. Originally she explained to Milly that it didn't look like it would be in the cards, but Uncle Hugo actually wanted to do whatever he could to make it possible for Eric to get the education he deserved. Due to Uncle Hugo being a vet, and Mrs. Sherman wrote letters of recommendation, it appeared the state granted a waiver once a year for any student whose family filed the proper paperwork. Milly wanted this badly for Eric, since she knew a regular college or university wasn't in the cards, not even a community college. As much as she had grown to see Eric and herself as each other's security blankets, and that for the past four or so years they hadn't spent more than a weekend apart from each other, she knew Eric was very smart, and deserved an education, and chance to yet again live a somewhat normal life. She had played around with the idea of maybe taking a year off herself, or maybe figuring out a way for Eric to come live with her while she was away at school. She weighed these options all during her senior year of high school, before deciding in the end that her mother would forbid her putting college on hold, even if it was for her boyfriend who Milly felt she needed as much as he needed her. Her mother's thoughts on Milly and Eric's relationship throughout the years had become something of a rollercoaster. They had plenty of screaming matches over the subject, but Milly knew even though Eric was the love of her life, and her whole world, she needed to attend college in order to build a life for themselves. She had talked this over with Mrs. Sherman, and Dr. Granada, who both agreed that they understood why it would be hard for Milly and Eric to live separately away at school, but if their relationship could survive four years being a little more than an hour apart from each other, it could survive a lifetime. Milly was grateful for these two older women for being on her side. Both sets of her grandparents were deceased, so actually having a comforting mother-like figure that didn't live with her, and could give an outside point of view really did help. She knew her mother loved her, and cared for Eric, but just wanted the best for her daughter, and no matter how in love she was, she didn't want her putting her life on hold for any guy.
One night her mother explained that she understood how intense Milly's feelings for Eric were. That she was constantly in awe of what the two of them had, and that they had proved her wrong when she originally dismissed it as nothing more than puppy love. That it was just her job to worry about her children, how she worried about Milly in a different way than she worried about Luis. Not because she was a girl, and he was a boy...but because she knew Milly had a good head on her shoulders, but had a big heart. That she loved her father, and knew what it was life to fall head over heels in love, but she also remembered what it was life to quit her career, and become a stay at home mother, and wife. That she wouldn't have ever traded those wonderful years with Milly and Luis' father, but she also used what happened to them when he passed away as a prime example. Milly knew the biggest thing that caused her mother to worry, and fight with her was the subject of her worrying about Eric maybe being a burden to Milly, or her daughter turning into a caregiver for the rest of her life?
This as always would outrage Milly, resulting in many arguments where at times as much as Milly as ashamed to admit it, but she hated her mother sometimes for not understanding what Milly and Eric shared, or that she judged Eric not seeing him for the smart, sharp, kind, beautiful soul that he was. Sometimes it was actually Eric who was taking care of Milly, even if it didn't seem like it...or as most of the time, they simply took care of each other. The year was full of lots of arguments, large choices, and big first steps on becoming adults. Milly had toured Eric's school, where he would be living in a dorm, and be able to come visit on holidays, vacations, and long weekends. He would have job studies, speech therapy, American Sign Language, lifeskills, general studies adjusted to his needs, and opportunities he wouldn't be able to have at staying home with his uncle, or going to a regular school. Milly had toured the campus along with Eric, who tightly squeezed her hand, as Mrs. Sherman, and Uncle Hugo walked with the tour guide asking questions. They had met the councilors, professors, dorm aids, instructors, and some other older upperclassmen. Eric by then was signing pretty regularly, and stuck close to Milly, even though he was very polite to everyone he was introduced to. Still, he stuck close to Milly, who kept giving him reassuring smiles. Milly had noticed Eric seemed curious as they walked by the huge rec center, where different students were playing basketball. Eric had slowly begun to show interest in basketball their second year in high school, even though he could never handle playing a regular game with other classmates, or even try out for the team, even though he continued to grow tall. Still, he closely watched the other guys play, and had impressed Milly by being able to toss the ball right through the net multiple times whenever they were in the gym. Only several times did they attend school games since the noise was always too much for Eric, but Milly was highly amused when Eric started showing interest watching games on the television, and how wide he would smile whenever these players would appear to be flying through air while slam dunking. Milly even asked Uncle Hugo permission, and ended up getting Mr. Eggers to install a hoop out back over the garage for Eric. Here after she gifted him with a ball she had bought at the mall, they spent countless hours "playing" together. Milly actually liked basketball, and Eric even silently showed her how to dribble and travel with the ball, even though she didn't really have the height, or skill to be able to get it through the basket. The few times she did, Eric would walk up behind her, gently taking her arms, and pretend to raise them and wave them around as if she was cheering.
As always she would crack up completely, before his hands would tickle her sides, before she would hunch over as he leaned in, gently kissing her neck, and blowing raspberries against her skin. To the outside they would look like two teenagers in love horsing around, having absolutely no idea how special they really were. When Milly toured her school, her mother had insisted that it was just the two of them much to Milly's annoyance. Still, she didn't want to make waves, and it was decided that it would be slightly cheaper if Milly got a small apartment where students often rented out right outside of campus. Milly had been working her butt off, and Mrs. Sherman had written her letters of recommendation due to her lasting work with Eric, and the hours she had earned volunteering at the hospital under Dr. Granada at the children's unit. as extra credit hours. She was able to get two small scholarships, and had already applied to work at the school bookstore. Rent wasn't much, and it came partly furnished. To Milly it seemed like the perfect mixture of scary and exciting. That spring and summer had honestly been the happiest of Milly's life. There was prom, graduation, and her own special little trip away with Eric where she had suspected she had gotten pregnant, totally unaware on behalf of either of them. Milly had started birth control when she turned fifteen, even though she didn't completely go all the way with Eric until she was sixteen. She had been taken to her mother's gynecologist a mere week before she turned sixteen. It was her mother's idea to have her start birth control, stating that it was a good idea to help with her period cramps, and her skin, even though Milly knew better. There had been a few uncomfortable stories where her mother had tried putting her feelers out on how exactly far Eric and her had gone? Milly was embarrassed to no end, and actually angry at how her mother had approached it, but had happily taken the pills. Her sex life with Eric was something that had been in the making for awhile between the two of them, and when they finally experienced their first time, as awkward, painful, and clumsly it had been, Milly still found a level of it to be wildy romantic, and a beauitfuil private thing that Eric and her shared, as they slowly discovered each other's bodies.
In fact, the night they first slept together Eric had taken her flying, causing Milly to look back on that vivid dream where Eric had visited her at the hospital, and they kissed among the clouds. It wasn't long before she suspected both were really enjoying the feel of each other's touch, and knew how their bodies worked, and what felt good.
They never once had a scare since Milly was very regular, and the small flickering fear that Eric might accidently get her pregrant became less and less of a worry since sex became a regular part of their life's, and Milly had been on the pill for so long. School started, and the day Milly saw Eric off, she honestly felt her heart break. She was starting school a week after him, and as Uncle Hugo had finished moving him into his dorm with Mrs. Sherman, who had sat down on his bunk, and carefully explained that this wasn't the hospital. That this was a nice place, full of new friends. Milly needed to attend college just like him, and he was given a great opportunity. That Uncle Hugo would come get him the following weekend, and if he ever needed them, all he needed to do was let the aid who worked on the floor of his dorm know by signing, and they would contact one of them right away.
The goodbye to him killed Milly, as Uncle Hugo, and Mrs. Sherman waited by the car, giving them a little time alone. Eric's eyes were filled with tears, as he stood before Milly who found herself also crying. Sniffling, she rolled her eyes embarrassed.
"Man, you would think we were separated by war or something. My mom would be so annoyed."
She gave a small humorless laugh, before seeing his expression. She had gifted him a small blue hair-tie of hers that she used to put her hair up. She had slid it over Eric's hand as a bracelet, and had shown him the framed photos she had placed on his desk. One of Uncle Hugo and Eric taken last Christmas, one of them dressed as punk rockers for the Halloween costume contest where later that night they first flew together, the next of Max (who Eric loved), a framed photo of Milly and Eric at prom last spring, and the last of Milly and him sitting on Milly's back steps this past summer. Geneva had taken it, and Milly had the copy to the same exact photo framed and packed up to follow her to school with. Milly had her arms around Eric in the photo, who smiled faintly. It was honestly after their prom photo, her favorite photo of them together. Hating at how emotional she was being, she leaned up, and pressed her forehead against his. He sighed, gently squeezing her hands as she held back tears.
"I'm going to get moved into my school in a few days, but I already checked. I don't have to work the weekend you visit. I'm going to take the bus, and we'll spend the whole weekend together, maybe even visit the attic?"
She whispered, causing Eric to smirk through his tears. Whenever Uncle Hugo was down at the Elk's, they had made the attic the one private place they could be alone together. Years ago, Milly had asked Uncle Hugo if they could display the family photo of Eric and his late parents? Uncle Hugo, who didn't even know that photo had been in storage, had lit up saying of course, and had even fixed the frame it was in, displaying it in the hallway outside of Eric's bedroom. The attic still remained one of Eric's safe places. The strung up lights still stayed, along with dusty old pillows and blankets they had rolled out. It was the first place Eric and her had kissed, as well as had sex. This entire summer despite the heat, the two would wait until Uncle Hugo was either gone for the night, or passed out downstairs, before creeping up, flicking on the dim Christmas lights, and laying naked, dripping sweat, and smiling in each other's arms. Milly had grown to actually feel turned on by the old dusty smells of the attic, which she associated with the musky scent of Eric's sweat lingering with hers. Milly smiled, before telling him again that he was going to be fine. That he didn't need to be scared, and that they would see each other soon. Still, when Uncle Hugo walked over, clearing his throat uncomfortably, telling Milly they needed to get going, Milly saw the scared panic expression in Eric's tear filled eyes. Looking at him, she made him promise to be safe, and that she would see him soon.
She closed her eyes, deeply kissing him, before pulling back slightly breathless. Eric struggled to softly whisper, something he rarely did, but usually would only do for her.
"Milly...don't...go."
He said, struggling with each word. Milly's heart broke, before she kissed him again, even harder, before harshly whispering into his ear that she would see him next weekend, and that she loved him. When she went to leave, he grabbed onto her, hugging her so tight, she actually for a second felt her breath get knocked out of her. Her chest ached, as she tried to hold back tears, as he nuzzled his face into her neck. Finally Uncle Hugo told Eric he needed to let Milly go, and that he would see her soon. Pulling back, they looked at each other, before Eric sniffled, and Milly tried to laugh through her own tears. Here they did their little goodbye, that she had mirrored after the first time she noticed him copying her in the hallway all those years ago. She stuck her tongue out, and he did the same, even though tears were running down his face. Feeling like her heart was getting torn out, she turned as Uncle Hugo reassured her that Eric would be perfectly fine. Unaware to her, as she climbed into Uncle Hugo's truck, between Mrs. Sherman and him, laying her head on Mrs. Sherman's shoulder as she broke out crying, Eric watched from his dorm window crying himself. He had pressed his hand against the glass, tears streaming down his cheeks before he struggled and softly said again...
"Milly..."
It was just a few days later after Milly's mother and Luis hugged her goodbye after helping her move into her apartment which was on the third floor. Her mother gave her some money to use in case of emergencies, and told her to use the bus system to visit that weekend once she got settled in, and to call her anytime. She suddenly felt very homesick, missing her bedroom which seemed so strange all those years ago with the football wallpaper. Luis, had given her a quick hug, before handing her one of his little GI Joe figures. Now that he was getting older, he played with them less and less, but she knew they were still special to him. Milly had hugged him tight, thanking them again, before they left, and she suddenly felt very lonely. Her classes would start tomorrow, and she had looked at the list of her classes, feeling very overwhelmed. Her job at the bookstore didn't start until next Monday, which was just fine with her. She knew she needed to get used to everything, and her mother had reminded her three times before she left to make sure the door was locked behind them since she was a young girl living alone after all. She looked around the strange empty tiny apartment that her mother had tried to make cheery for her. She had sewed curtains for her, and had bought cleaning supplies, and plastic cups, and paper plates for her to use in the kitchen along with a bag of groceries to last her for the next week or so. Milly at first thought having her own apartment would be exciting, but the reality was...it was pretty scary. She looked at Tilly in her birdcage, hung up in the tiny living room/bedroom and sadly smiled. She paced around, knowing she needed to unpack more. Instead, she circled around, before sitting on the tiny foldout sofa, and reaching for the framed photo of Eric and her.
So far, all she had unpacked was their framed prom photo.
She sadly smiled staring down at it, before seeing one of Eric's paper airplanes he had made her earlier that summer. Holding it up, missing him so badly she thought she might start crying sitting alone right then and there. She wished she could call him, but knew she would wait a few days. It would just make seeing him mean so much more... Even though that night after a dinner of PBJ and milk, she showered, still in the process of unpacking, when she saw that it had started to storm out. It was pouring out, and thunder sounded. Sighing, she changed into shorts, and a T-shirt for bed, knowing she was being childish for feeling tempted to leave a light on since this small apartment seemed so strange in the dark.
She placed the cover over Tilly's cage, when she turned and nearly screamed.
Eric stood there, soaking wet, dressed in a white T-shirt that clung to him like a second skin, and jeans. His wavy hair was plastered against his shivering wet face, and she saw one of her windows was open.
She knew she had written down her address, leaving it with him, explaining that maybe he would work on his writing, which was slowly getting better and better, and send her a letter if he ever got lonely? She knew when Eric flew he could find anyplace with no problem, but it was something she warned him to be careful doing whenever he flew near the city. Seeing him, any questions for worries she had vanished when she looked at him, shivering, and dripping wet all over her living room floor. Her eyes widened, forgetting how he had just scared her, before she lit up. "Eric!" She threw her arms around him, hugging his soaking wet body up against hers, suddenly knowing that maybe in Eric's own strange little way he knew how scared she was to spend her first night alone in the apartment alone. Maybe he knew what she needed at this exact moment was him? She pulled back slightly before staring at him in wonder.
"Eric! Did you leave school? What if they look for you?"
Eric smirked and signed
"Lights out."
Milly figured meant everyone had turned in for the night, and he had flown out his dorm window. Still, the risk of him doing this, and flying into the city brought a lot of risk for him. Something she hated to worry about, but couldn't help. She sighed, staring at him, before leaning in and deeply kissing him, before cupping his wet face.
"You need to be more careful. You can't have anyone see you!"
He shrugged, still giving that smirk that drove her crazy. Rolling her eyes, she held him by the shoulders, and saw he was shaking.
"Jesus, you're shaking. Get undressed! I'll get you a towel!"
She turned, hurrying to her bathroom, and grabbing one of her towels, before walking back into the dark living room as she watched Eric close the open window, cutting off the pouring rain that was starting to come in. She couldn't help but smile as she walked over, holding the towel, as he playfully shook his hair at her like a dog. Something he did whenever she got him to go through the sprinkler in Geneva's yard this past summer. She squealed with delight, as he smiled, then allowed her to help him undress. She motioned for him to raise his arms, as she peeled off the slick, soaking wet T-shirt, which now seemed to weigh ten pounds. She brought it over to the sink, wringing it out, before placing it on her radiator. She motioned for him to get his jeans off, which he did, unbuttoning, and unzipping them, before carefully stepping out of them, then peeling off his wet boxers. The two had undressed in front of each other, and had seen each other naked so many times at this point, Milly didn't even bat an eyelash like she did all those years ago when she tried giving him a bath. Instead she took his wet clothes, laying them out to dry, before she motioned for him to join her on her bed. She draped the towel around his shaking shoulders, before bringing one of her blankets to cover her lap and his. She leaned in, cuddling in close as he shook all over. She had noticed now at nineteen, Eric's hair was longer, and thicker, which suited him. She rubbed his wet cold skin, before looking up at him.
"I miss you."
He smiled, his bangs dripping before he signed...
"I missed you too."
Milly smiled and kissed him, before she laughed and motioned around.
"How do you like my place? I know it isn't much, but I live here all alone."
Eric smiled, before he happened to notice their framed prom photo on the end table near Milly's clock radio. He looked at it and smiled, before Milly softly kissed the bare skin of his arm.
"How's school?"
Eric nodded, before making the so-so motion with his hand. Milly nodded.
"I have a feeling I'm going to feel the same way, but Mrs. Sherman said it's just going to take some getting used to. We need to give it a chance, that's all. Just weird not being around you. I'm so used to seeing you every day."
She played with her ring, and noticed Eric was fidgeting with the bracelet hair-tie. She sadly smiled and kissed his shoulder, snuggling in close.
"One day after we graduate school, I'll get a good job, and we'll get our own place...might not be as fancy as this place though."
Eric smirked, staring down at her, before she lifted her eyes, and stared at him.
"Listen, I know this isn't the attic but..."
He stared at her as if he was in a trance, before he leaned down, shutting his eyes, before he tilted his head and gently kissed her. Slowly Milly's hand crept underneath the blanket covering Eric's lap, before she paused, feeling what she was feeling, and lifted an eyebrow, staring up at him. He locked eyes with her again smiling, before they slowly held onto each other, and leaned back onto the bed.
Milly was certain according to the clinic's information that this was the night she had gotten pregnant.
It broke her heart to think that with school, and everything else she was so busy, that she never noticed she was late on her period. When she did get it the following month, it was so light, it didn't set off any alarms for her. She wasn't due for a check-up, and she was getting her pills at the drugstore, and continued taking them. Her periods were light, but she never questioned it. She came home for Thanksgiving, and spent the entire mini-break with Eric, noticing how badly she had missed him. She had made him promise only to visit her one night a week, late, when nobody could see him flying, or notice him missing at school. Stil, she loved these nights, and often, they would curl up underneath her covers munching on cold sandwiches of PBJ, and she talked his ear off about school, the bookstore, papers that were due, her professors, some new friends she had made, and a bar where a few girls had invited her to before Thanksgiving to celebrate getting through the first few months of school. Eric would listen, eating his sandwiches, smiling at her stories, and gently stroking her hair. They would have sex, shower together, and whenever he got dressed again, she would hate that hollow pit in her stomach knowing he would have to go. She had visited over the long weekend in October at his school, and all of his teachers, and councilors knew about Milly, Eric's girlfriend he was crazy about. She wasn't allowed to spend the weekend, but she did take the bus to spend the entire Saturday with him, meeting everyone, and learning that Eric's studies were doing great, along with his signing, writing, and even had spoken a few more times. He seemed to have been making a few friends, and only got upset when he got frustrated.
They said he constantly signed about "His Milly." and was actually working on starting some letters he wanted to send to her. They even showed her that he was attending the school's basketball games, and even played during his rec time. Milly was so proud to hear about how well he was doing, and how adjusted he was becoming. That night, she took him out for pizza, and dismissed it when she felt sick afterwards, and even vomited in the alley afterwards. Eric had held her hair back, frowning, when she groaned, and popped some gum from her purse into her mouth, stating that her stomach had been off here and there lately, but figured it was her just trying to get used to real hot food again since she was living off PBJ, and cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches. Milly ignored the fatigued feeling she was getting, as well as how run down she was feeling juggling work at the bookstore, and school. She didn't even think anything was wrong over Thanksgiving, just happy to be home with Eric for a few days. It grew cold in the city, and she was barely into December when it happened.
She was walking across campus when she was crossing the street. She never saw the speeding Taxi.
It ended up costing her a fractured skull, broken ribs, shattered kneecap, and massive internal bleeding...and well as the life of the fourteen week old baby she had no idea she was pregnant with.
At first when learned what had happened, she didn't think she had heard right. She had been getting her period, and she had been on the pill. She kept waiting to hear that the doctor was joking. He mentioned he hadn't said anything to her mother since she was over eighteen over the phone. Her mother was currently away with Garry in England for the week. Her first real vacation overseas since her honeymoon. She was trying to get a flight out right away after hearing news of Milly's accident earlier that morning, but was currently stranded. She had briefly spoken to her over the phone, she was crying, and swearing, but Milly told her she wasn't going anywhere. After the doctor spoke with her, trying to calm her down that Milly was out of the woods, and being monitored closely. She then told her mother that she knew Garry was doing everything possible to get her home, but spending the night in an airport acting hysterical wasn't going to help anyone since she had a long flight ahead of her if anything opened up. That Mrs. Sherman was coming down, and the family that Luis was staying with said he was fine. She reassured her mother several more times, before hanging up, and finding her hands shaking. Somehow she knew if she had accidentally screamed out that her teenage daughter had suffered a misscarriage, it might take the national guard from preventing her mother from seeing her. Instead, Milly spoke with Mrs. Sherman over the phone. She felt strange from the meds, but explained to Mrs. Sherman what was going on. Weakly holding onto the phone, she felt tears run down her face, before she asked her if she should bring Eric?
"I want to see him but...you remember how badly he reacted when I almost drowned at the lake. He...might not understand and..."
Her face crumpled, as more tears gushed down her scratched up and bruised face.
"It's just...I feel like..."
"Milly..."
Mrs. Sherman cut her off, speakly calmly, but firm.
"Eric, as you've said, understands a whole lot more than people think. He reacted that way at the lake because he thought he lost you. I'll pick him up from school and explain everything. He'll be scared, and confused...but you should have him here with you honey. If you don't want your mother to know, then you should have him with you honey. I know you want to protect him from this...but honestly, years from now you'll look back and know you needed him here for this, if not...you might regret it the rest of your life."
Nearly six hours later Milly sat up, a brace on her wrist, and the cast still drying over her knee. She had gotten stitches, and they had positioned her into a sitting position. When Eric was brought in by Mrs. Sherman, his face looked puffy, and his eyes red from crying, but his expression was stoneset. Mrs. Sherman led him in like a mother would to a child. She gently patted his shoulder, before telling Milly that she spoke with Eric, who twice nearly leaped out of the car while it was going down the highway to get to her. She carefully explained everything, and that all Eric cared about was that she was okay. She then told her that she would talk to the doctor, and they would give them time alone. Once Mrs. Sherman was gone, Eric raced to Milly's bed. He went to go grab and hug her, before she faintly hissed out. Standing back horrified that he did that, he didn't know what to do. His eyes darted back and forth in panic, before Milly shook her head and told him it was alright. That she was just happy he was here. He sat on the edge of the bed, before he carefully had her lay in his arms. He looked overwhelmed, and kept gently staring down at her bruised, and cut up face. Milly told him that she wasn't in much pain since they gave her something for the pain, and sniffled, saying all she remembered was juggling her books to cross the street, when it felt like something hard hit her, and then she woke up here. She then looked up at him, before her face crumpled.
"I'm sorry Eric...I didn't know...I..."
It hurt to cry, but Eric stared down at her, his brow slightly wrinkled, as he gently stroked her face. Milly couldn't even begin to wonder what if...
All that mattered was that she had nearly gotten killed, and lost a baby she didn't even know she was carrying. That's when the doctor came in, and asked Milly if she wanted to see the baby before it was taken away? Milly had signed the right paperwork, and had decided she didn't want to know where it was going. Mrs. Sherman had told her though even though it was tiny, and would look strange, she owed it to herself, and to Eric to hold him just once. She decided to say yes, and figured to do this while she was so drugged up, she wouldn't have too much time to second guess herself. The doctor came back in, and wheeled in a blanket wrapped up. She carefully handed it to Milly, who awkwardly held onto it. She told her to press the call button when she was done. If she wanted a priest to come in, she could. Once they were alone, Milly found the courage to look down. She stared down, and couldn't believe that unknown to her, this tiny little thing had been safely growing inside of her. Staring down, it didn't even really look like a baby, it was so small, surrounded by the blanket. Staring down, Milly felt true heartbreak.
This was a different kind of loss, different from what it was like losing her father as a girl. No, this was different. She was a young woman, and this had been her baby. She knew she could never play with what would have happened if the taxi hadn't hit her, or how her mother would have reacted, or if she would have kept the baby and quit school? So many unanswered questions...ones she knew she would be able to answer. She knew out of all of her injuries, this one...she knew she might very well never heal from. She sat there, staring down, before she felt Eric rest his chin gently on her shoulder. He stared down heartbroken, before Milly leaned back against him, tears running down her face.
"It was a boy...I guess we were going to have a boy..." She softly said. Eric then reached down, and gently touched the baby's tiny
Milly glanced over, before it hit her. Eric had given their baby a name...
Jet. Jet Gibb.
Present.
Eric stood in sweatpants, and a burgundy T-shirt that had the school logo he coached basketball on. After Milly's dream, she woke up sweating, and shaking. She had spoken to her therapist several times over this dream she usually had after she lost a pregnancy. In total since the accident during her freshman year of college, where she miscarried her first baby, Eric and her had lost a total of seven pregnancies. The baby they named Jet had been the one she had carried the longest, and the only pregnancy that hadn't been planned, that only several people had known about. Still, even though after all of the specialist, and doctors who all swore that accident wasn't the reason why Milly struggled to carry a pregnancy, she was still convinced all of her issues streamed from that day, and the loss of their son. For the longest time, Milly kept telling herself that this was just fate.
That she wasn't meant to have that baby.
That life worked out the way it was supposed to. That Eric and her had graduated, and were happily married...yet something was missing.
It seemed so strange to Milly that for a couple like them, Eric's magic wasn't enough, neither was their love. Here they were, two people that had flown over mountains, forest, cities, and towns. Go up to the clouds, and swooped down like a pair of angels...yet they couldn't seem to start the family they wanted so badly. Milly was indeed a famous author, having written The Boy Who Could Fly, a tale about a young autistic boy who had the ability to fly. Almost like a modern day Peter Pan. She kept the main character's name Eric, and it first started off in college when she wrote short stories for the school newspaper. One of her professors had a cousin that owned a publishing company, and was curious to read what she had. Milly at the time was living full time at her apartment, still working at the bookstore, and writing for two small local artist magazines, doing odd articles. Eric was living with her at that time, despite the fit her mother threw. By then they were engaged, and planned on getting married right after graduation despite her mother's protests that they were too young.
This had caused a great deal of arguments between the two of them, and tensions at home had been pretty bad. Luis was getting into a lot of trouble again at school, and had confessed to Milly he had plans to join the military as soon as he turned eighteen. Uncle Hugo had passed away the year before Eric graduated in a nasty car wreck when he drank and got behind the wheel, having crashed into a ditch. The funeral was a small one, mostly with his drinking buddies showing up. Even though Eric couldn't speak at the services, he sat beside Milly squeezing her hand for comfort. That night, they laid together in the attic and Eric had wept in Milly's arms. She gently stroked his hair back, understanding exactly how he felt even though he didn't speak the words. She knew despite Uncle Hugo's drinking, he still tried his best with Eric, and had loved him. It came as a huge shock, but the house was in trust for Eric, along with all of the money his parents had left for him, stating he would receive everything once he was twenty-five. Until then, he would receive the same amount of monthly checks his uncle got sent to him for taking care of him, until Eric came into his full inheritance. Mrs. Sherman, Milly, and a few of the councilors Eric had grown to trust at school had sat him down asking what he wanted to do with Eric's house? She knew this was a tough decision, seeing that this was the house he had lived in since he was a young boy following his parent's death, and the fact he was right next door to Milly even though all during school she had held onto her tiny little apartment. Still, despite the work the house needed, it was paid off after all, and with the money Eric would be coming into, they all crunched the numbers and could see it working, plus the repairs it needed, as well as a new paint job inside and out, new flooring, and a new roof put on with money to spare, if invested correctly. Milly decided the few months she had left at school she could easily commute, and Eric who had taken work studies, and had been taking odd jobs from Mr. Eggston downtown. He had gotten quite handy, and knew how to work even all of the power tools and saws. In fact, he had even been hired on with three other guys to help repair Curious Goods, the antique store downtown, when they decided to add onto another addition.
The money was good, and Mr. Eggston hired Eric out as a carpenter here and there to do different gigs around town, or once he got his license to do pickups at the lumberyard. Here Eric was more than thrilled to do the right repairs on his uncle's house, and slowly turn it into a home for Milly and him to share. Milly had never seen somebody thrive the way Eric did at school. He now signed all the time, his writing had become much better, and he stunned everyone when not only did he pass his driver's license, he also shocked Milly when he was going for his motorcycle license. She knew he had taken shop classes at school along with his carpentry ones. He had learned different trades, but the shop class is what he seemed most passionate about. It took him a few extra years than most people, but once he got the hang of it there was no stopping him. He had bought a motorcycle second hand, and had surprised Milly one afternoon when he picked her up from class waiting on it, looking as if he belonged in one of those old greaser movies. Wearing jeans, and a white T-shirt with the sleeves pulled up over his tanned muscular arms he now had from endless days picking orders up at the lumberyard, or working on the house. He wore his hair short now, but Milly had noticed Mona, who hadn't gone to college, and the Limited at the mall, staring at him, and grinning, as she looked him up and down when Milly had treated to a pair of motorcycle boots for him before the holidays. During check out, she snapped her chewing gum, and had remarked to Milly that had she known Eric was going to grow out of that awkward stage, she might have tried paying better attention to Eric at school. This had outraged Milly, but she controlled her temper, and simply shot Mona a dirty look, as Mona asked if she remembered the time she tried to show off how well Eric was catching the ball in class, when she asked Mona to chuck the volleyball straight at her face? The entire time they walked out to the parking-lot Milly felt as if she was turning beat red, from her blood pressure climbing thinking about the nerve Mona had to try and hit on her boyfriend right in front of her, after years of teasing him, and treating him like a freak. When Eric susprised her on the bike, Milly couldn't believe it. She rode double with him, and squealed with delight.
She now understood why he loved riding these things so much. It was the closest to flying without ever leaving the ground. Her mother, who had married Garry by then, with plans on selling the house after Luis graduated, had thrown enough fits over the last few years, that if it hadn't been for Garry Milly honestly wasn't sure if she would have gone to her graduation. First over Milly getting rid of her apartment, and moving in next door with Eric, next her riding on his bike, which her mother called "The death trap", the time Luis let the cat out of the bag that Milly had gotten her first tattoo of Eric's name on her right hip, then to the news of their engagement. The fighting got worse, and worse, and Milly hated to admit this, but she couldn't wait until Garry and her moved out from next door, and got a condo, leaving them alone. Her mother seemed to interfere constantly, and she finally had a falling out with her for years, when she said extremely cruel things about what a mistake Milly was making by marrying Eric right after graduating.
"You're throwing your whole life away Milly! You've never been with another man, or dated, or Hell even kissed one! I'm sure it all seems perfect playing in that old drunk's house, but he'll never be able to fully provide for you! He can learn how to ride a motorcycle, and do a little sign language, and saw wood, but he'll never be a good husband for you. You'll have to end up taking care of him as always, and forget starting a family with him! What if they end up being special needs like..."
That's when she slapped her mother, never feeling so angry before in her entire life. Her mother's eyes widened in shock, before Milly glared at her.
"I know you've never liked the fact that I love Eric. Sure you felt sorry for him for awhile, but as years went on it started to hit you that he wasn't some puppy love phase you thought I would grow out of. I don't know when it's going to hit you that I love him, and he loves me. That he's made such great progress not because of me, but because he's fully capable! He's no longer that young boy in a straitjacket that Hugo used to abandon. I love him, and he loves me. We've been through more than you'll ever know mom. Maybe you don't want to see me grow up, but I want to start my life with him. Taking a look around, we're doing pretty good for a couple our age, and I wish for just once you would stop being so cruel, and see that I'm happy. I know dad would be! I'm marrying Eric, and you wanna know something, if we do end up having children, I'll count myself lucky if they are even just a fraction of how special their father is. I just hope I won't be the kind of parent who judges, and masks it as concern. Now if you don't have anything else to say to me mother, I'm through speaking with you, at least until you're ready to accept my fiancé' as the wonderful man he is."
Her mother glared at her, and just like that...her mother stopped speaking to her for years.
Milly got married at the courthouse, wearing a white sundress, and sunhat, laughing as Geneva, her husband Andy, and an elderly Mrs. Sherman, and teenage Luis clapped as Eric, wearing his black leather jacket from his bike, scooped her up, causing her to kick her heels in delight and laugh. Luis had explained that mom was really pissed, and when Garry tried talking to her about what happened, she refused. She knew this was going to make things awkward being right next door, but she didn't care. She could handle the daggers her mother shot in their direction. Garry had swung by during the little reception they were having at Mrs. Sherman's, with an envelope full of cash, and a bottle of wine. When Milly said this was too much, he kissed her cheek, and shook Eric's hand, wishing them well, explaining to Milly that her mother loved her, but was just being stubborn. She did feel extra sad that her mother hadn't seen her on her wedding day, but figured it was just as well. Luis had gifted them a baby pup, seeing that Max had passed away peacefully in his sleep a few years before, and mentioned he would take care of it until they got back from their honeymoon. They didn't have much money, but went away for the weekend to a bungalow in the woods, further up North. There she had joked with Geneva over the phone that she thought she nearly killed Eric, since she had attempted on them making love for every hour on their first official full day as man and wife. She had cupped the phone, nearly crying laughing when she told Geneva that she had gotten the idea from Geneva, when she told her she had attempted the same thing with her husband Andy when they got married less than a year before, when Andy had ended up passing out. As Milly made the long distance call from their bungalow they were sharing. She was curled up wearing the short teal silk and lace nightgown Geneva had given her for her "wedding shower". It was the following afternoon, and Milly had made herself tea, before calling to chat with Geneva, who was dying to know details on how the wedding night went? Milly had grown close over the years with her, counting her as her best girlfriend, and over the years stopped being so shy when it came to sex. She told her that Eric and her had gone at it for hours, but a little after two in the morning last night, Eric collapsed backwards, slick with sweat, and gasping for breath, before Milly laughed, and pumped her hips as she straddled him.
"Hey! Every hour on the hour! You promised mister!"
The expression on Eric's face made her crack up completely as he signed to her that she was crazy, and had zero idea how she wasn't completely drained yet? Laughing, she leaned down, kissing his flat stomach, before giving him playful nips against his skin.
"I guess I just can't get enough of married life."
Eric have a soundless laugh, before Milly started to move on top of him again, making him tilted his head back, as she devoured his mouth with her own. Now late the next afternoon as she spoke with Geneva on the phone, she glanced in the direction of her passed out husband, laying in just slacks on the unmade bed, sleeping soundly. She softly giggled cupping the phone.
"I think I killed him."
Both Geneva on the other line, and herself cracked up.
Each morning, she had to pinch herself unable to believe that they had actually done it, she was officially Mrs. Gibb.
She had insisted to stick with her ring Eric had given her all those years ago when they first started dating. Eric's wedding band was a plain gold one, but every morning when she woke up, laying in his arms, she couldn't stop staring at his larger hand wearing his ring, holding hers. Right off the bat she started working at a bloodstone closer to town, as well as writing for those two articles. It took nearly a year, before she finally got her first advance on her book idea, and every evening, after dinner, she would type like crazy in the living room, Eric was currently in the middle of painting of soft peach color for her. He worked constantly odd jobs around town, and most evenings would take her out on his bike. She had only seen her mother outside a couple of times, all of which she would instantly look away if Milly caught her eye. They flew only whenever they went for hikes, or visited the bungalow they spent their honeymoon in at night. Milly knew Eric felt the need to every once and while to spread his arms, and be free, but she had warned him he needed to be careful. Whenever she finished typing, she would read her transcripts to Eric, who would listen, extremely focused. They had gotten more birds after Tilly passed away, several, all exotic bright colors in a giant antique birdcage in the living room.
They spent some evenings dancing, or wearing junk clothing and helping each other paint, they sometimes ate nothing but plain noodles without any sauce, and loved it. Milly loved the little home they had made for themselves, and it wasn't until the sales of her book started picking up, and hitting shelfs, that they approached the subject of trying for a baby. Eric had finally come into his parent's trust, and even though it wasn't a ton of money, it will helped them a lot, and helped with the more expensive repairs. With Milly's book actually selling, the two thought it over, and every year on the day that Milly had suffered her accident when she lost the baby, they would spend the day together, usually trying everything possible not to be sad, even though both knew this was impossible. On that certain year, Milly had tossed out her birth control pills and surprised Eric, who had spent the whole morning in the basement, which was now his workshop. Here he would work on small bike engines, build build houses for outside, or model airplanes, that hung from the rafters on the ceiling. There were posters of WWII airplanes, and fighter jets. Eric will lit up like a small boy whenever he watched something fly, and it always made Milly the happiness, whenever she got to watch her husband enjoy something. Even as an adult, she still caught him every once and awhile stretch his arms out, usually whenever they were walking hand in hand. This certain day, she ventured down to the basement, seeing his latest project, a wooden airplane, and small rocking horse for Mr. Eggson's grandchildren who had birthdays coming up. It truly amazed her seeing how wonderful Eric worked with his hands, and how talented he was. How he went from making paper airplanes, to now actual model ones. The scent of sawdust lingered in the air, before she decided to surprise him once she heard the shower running upstairs. When she entered their master bathroom, she pulled back the curtain, before Eric turned, washing up, his hair slicked back as team rose in the air, as he stood underneath the running showered. He smirked and motioned for her to join him.
Milly held up her birth control pills, before she tossed them to the small wastepaper basket near the sink.
"Okay, let's have a baby."
His eyes lit up as he quickly signed..."Really?!" Milly laughed before she unbuttoned her blouse, and began to undress and join him in the shower. That entire night as they made love, she wondered if the baby they were conceiving was the baby that fate meant for them to have instead of the little boy they tragicaly lost without even knowing as teens.
Often Milly wondered what Jet would be like as a little boy, starting school, and them being parents to him. Thoughts, she forbid herself for years never to think until finally Eric and her agreed to start trying for another baby. At first, both were excited, and looking forward to the thought of making a baby. They certainly couldn't get enough of each other, and the idea of maybe within a year a little baby could be with them excited them. Then time started to pass. First nothing happened, then when it did they were thrilled, and sadly...it just went away. Then the trying got harder. For awhile they thought it was him, then they thought it was her. Suddenly whenever she took a pregnancy test the excitement, would quickly turn to fear, almost as if they were forever waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Sometimes she lost them when she didn't even know she was pregnant, other times right after they finished telling everyone. Geneva had been recently married, and already expecting a little girl. In fact, a good number of their friends were getting married, and starting families without any issue. Milly didn't want to become one of those hopeless couples that could only think about having a baby, but soon the monthly heartbreak of her unable to carry a baby, or Eric unable to get her pregnant began to be a weight that settled a terrible depression around her heart. She loved her husband, and she knew he adored her, but somehow something felt missing. Her heart ached seeing women with baby carriages push by them at the park as they walked hand in hand. Eric had made it perfectly clear he didn't need a family as long as he just had her. They had gone through so many doctors, and specialist in the city, and now it just seemed like work to try and have one. Not that long ago, she had lost a baby she was only a few months along with. She had just started getting excited, when one night she woke up to cramps, and woke Eric up stirring. When she threw back the covers, her heart broke seeing blood.
Something told her the room that had once been Eric's room would forever stay as her office, and never as a nursery. The dreams of what life would have been like had the accident not had happened was becoming more and more realistic, nothing ever too crazy, just little moments of what she suspected would life be like raising a moody, yet wonderful teenage boy. She hadn't spoken to her mother in years, and next door was currently being rented out by a family of four, two children, a boy and a girl, who were constantly playing, and laughing in the backyard. Milly would sadly watch them, and even a few nights ago when Eric was under her car, changing her oil, she sat beside him in jeans and a T-shirt, holding a mason jar of iced tea, taking a break from her writing, as she had Bruce Springsteen playing on the radio in the driveway. She saw the couple next door walk by, and give her a friendly wave, as she smiled and waved back, before she watched their son Anthony, and their daughter Annie, ages 7, and 8 wheel by on their tiny little bikes. She sadly smiled watching them, knowing with each year she was getting older, and the chances of her ever having a baby, and now a window that was almost shut completely for her. Tonight she had woken up shaken from the dream, and instantly Eric knew what to do. Now he walked over, bringing her a hot cup of tea from the downstairs kitchen, as she sat at the table in one of Eric's longer shirts that he wore for painting, that went down to nearly her knees. Her hair was pushed back, by a hairband she usually wore whenever she washed up for bed. She had lately been throwing herself into her latest work, since their doctor following the last miscarriage told them to maybe take a break for awhile from trying, and was very upfront with Milly, stating that she had to stop getting her hopes up, since with her age it very well might never happen.
The cold hard reality of this setting in, and really gotten to her.
Eric that evening had been sending emails to a couple of guys who were helping build a new counter to the post office in Main Street, as well as emailing a few of the volunteer coaches he would need some extra hands for the next game. Milly had been sitting up in bed, typing away on the latest chapter, as the news softly played in the background. Milly had nodded off, and Eric had noticed. Smirking, he had saved what she was working on her laptop, closed it, before sliding it under her side of the bed, before carefully leaning back, making sure not to crush her, before he put his own iPad away, and clicked off the TV, before kissing her cheek, and flicking the lights off, and snuggling in close to her. Less than a few hours later she whimpered, before tossing and turning, then shooting up crying their dead son's name. Eric knew the routine by now, and had calmed her down once she fully woke up.
She told him about the dream, now in it Jet was fourteen or fifteen, and wanted to go see some band in the city, and got angry at them for not letting him. He brushed her sweaty hair away, kissing her temple, before signing to her to come downstairs, he would make her some tea. At first, she glanced at the clock, and said she was fine, but Eric shook his head, not taking no for an answer. They went downstairs, where Sam, their second dog they had owned through their marriage, lifted it's ears for a second from his bed in the living room, before returning to sleep. Now, less than twenty minutes later, Milly sat at the table, feeling depressed, as Eric walked over and sat down her cup of tea before signing... "
Made it with mint like you like it."
Milly sadly smiled as he took a seat across from her.
"Thanks honey. Sorry for waking you up so late. I know this is stupid..."
Eric tapped on the table, causing her to look up as his brow wrinkled and he shook his head and signed...
"Never stupid. You okay?"
Milly sighed, gently blowing on the tea, before taking a tiny sip. She struggled to keep her voice even.
"We're both almost forty. Maybe we need to start thinking about adopting. I know there's plenty of children who need good homes. Guess I'm being kinda selfish. I know we've been over this, and all of the doctors said the same thing but...I can't help but feel that accident I got into when I lost Jet was the source of everything happening. Maybe I'm damaged goods..."
Eric's face said it all as he motioned to her again to watch him. He continued signing, quickly, showing how upset he was.
"Milly, look at me. That accident wasn't your fault. It was nearly fifteen years ago. You need to stop beating yourself up. You've heard the doctors, they all said the same thing. That accident has nothing to do with what's going on. Remember last year when my sperm count was down, that could be it again, and guess what? If you're going to keep having these nightmares, I'm saying right here and now no child is worth my wife's heartbreaking every single time this happens. You heard the doctor, sometimes it happens when you stop actually trying. If it does, it does. If it doesn't then we'll adopt ten of them, I promise."
Milly felt tears starting to fill her eyes, when she sighed, staring down at her tea, before Eric reached across, and gently touched her hand to get her attention again. He smirked and signed...
"I think I know what you need."
Milly locked eyes with him before she smiled.
Later...
They had driven on Eric's bike until they reached the wooded area outside of town. It was the middle of the night, and Eric had parked the bike behind the trees. He had insisted that she took his jacket, as they walked hand in hand, their boots, and shoes crunching over the dried leafs. Finally they found a small clearing, before Eric smiled and squeezed her hand. Milly smiled, for the first time since she woke up feeling good. It had been nearly six months since he last took her flying. He nodded at her, showing her it was safe, before that same thrilling excitement washed over her, as all of her worries were left behind on the ground, as her and her husband slowly started to rise, reaching the top of the trees, and slowly flying hand in hand using the darkness as their cover.
Laughing, Milly began to let go, all the while looking at her smiling husband, and knowing if Eric held this much magic inside of him, maybe...just maybe she could keep on trying with him.
She could afford a little more heartbreak if she had to, and honestly, the very idea of having a baby with this truly amazing man, made her truly feel as if she could fly solo herself.