December 22nd 1986
It was the last day of classes before they let out for Christmas break. Milly was beyond excited to spend two weeks at home, and with Eric. These past few weeks had been wonderful, and for the first time since her father's passing, she was actually getting into the holiday spirit. Last week Geneva drove them to the mall, where Milly did her Christmas shopping with the money she had saved up from her allowance. When Geneva wasn't looking, she bought her a package of fancy glitter covered hair clips, for Luis she got a GI Joe tank, for her mother a pair of pretty hoop earrings, and finally for Eric she got an actual professional paper airplane kit she found at a hobby shop. She also planned on framing the latest photo she had taken of them from her disposable camera she got from the drug store. She had been thrilled when Garry insisted he take them all to go shopping for a few tree one Saturday. She loved seeing her mother getting close to somebody again, and Garry truly was a very nice man, who treated her well, and really liked Luis and Milly. They bought one from the lot, and all worked together to place it in the stand Garry brought along, and stood it up in the living room. There, they spent the remainder of the afternoon decorating it.
By the time it was finished, Milly deep down inside finally felt that this house that felt so strange in early September was finally home. That night she invited Eric over for dinner. Garry ended up offering to take them all to the movies. Milly used the excuse that she had homework, and stayed behind with Eric and Luis, her mother, and Garry left for the night. Glad to finally have the place alone, the two made out for about a half an hour on the couch, before Milly smiled looking at the lit up tree in the darkness. Taking his hand, she knelt down on the ground, before laying underneath the tree, her head and upper body lying beneath it. Eric watched her with curious eyes, before getting down and laying beside her. The two laid side by side, staring up at the sparking lights, and hanging decorations. She turned her head, and stared at Eric and smiled at the look of wonder in his eyes. Slowly, her hand went down to his, lacing her fingers with his, and squeezing his hand. In the days that followed, it actually felt like Christmas. Downtown was all decorated, with bright lights, and window displays. Outside was covered with snow, and most nights felt cozy as Christmas specials played nonstop on TV. Today was half a day. It had been easy, mostly just sitting in the classrooms talking to other students about what their plans were for Christmas break? Milly had overheard Mona was planning on spending the holidays up North with her family at a ski lodge. Rolling her eyes, Milly made small talk with her friends Candy, and Mia.
Mrs. Sherman had given them the class basically off, giving them papers to write about their plans for the holiday, before wheeling in the TV, and putting on science videos. Eric was in his other class for speech therapy. Milly planned on meeting him by her locker, bundling up, and taking the bus to get home. Since the snow had gotten worse, and the sidewalks were too icy, or covered so now Luis took his own bus from his school to go home. Eric hated the bus, but Milly always helped him put his ear plugs in, and they usually sat all the way in the back, holding hands tightly. She wanted to spend the day up in the attic with Eric. Strangely enough, the attic was very warm and cozy now that the windows were shut tight. Milly and Eric had made a comfy area with hold blankets and pillows. The Christmas lights hanging over them. Here they would usually just lay together, and Milly would talk for hours. Eric usually makes paper airplanes and would listen to her. Sometimes Milly would read to him, stroking his hair, laying in his arms, or reading different magazine quizzes. She planned on just relaxing with him, and spending time with him. She might convince him to bundle up, and walk to Skip's where they served milkshakes. She wanted to give him his gift on Christmas Eve, since Garry had invited them all to his house to spend Christmas day together. Milly really didn't want to go, and casually asked her mom if she could spend the day with Geneva's family? She told her that Geneva's mother was making a huge brunch, and her sisters had canceled, and she had ordered all this extra food and was trying to invite more people. Plus Geneva wanted to have a sleepover. Her mother said she would think it over, before finally saying fine. At first her mother looked a little annoyed, mentioning that it was kinda rude to spend the actual holiday with another family. Milly figured her mother wouldn't allow it, but finally she said sure, but made her promise she would spend New Years Day with them, since Garry wanted to come over for a special breakfast. Milly promised, and thankfully that smoothed things over. In reality she planned on spending most of the day with Eric. She wanted to just cuddle, watch movies, and sit by the tree. She learned quickly that Uncle Hugo didn't really celebrate Christmas. Sure, he made sure Eric got new clothes around that time as a gift, but he usually would spend the holiday in his bedroom drinking, and watching TV. He didn't see any harm in this, so Milly sweetly asked if Eric could hang out with him, and maybe bring him next door to watch movies? Uncle Hugo shrugged saying fine, and instantly Milly couldn't wait. Her mother and Luis would be spending over night at Garry's, so she would finally be alone and relax, without any responsibilities. Geneva of course giggled one day while they were wrapping gifts in her bedroom, before asking how far she was planning on going with Eric? Milly blushed, before dropping her eyes and saying she wasn't planning on doing anything besides making out with him. "Why not? Alex and I have gone further." Milly sighed, using the scotch tape, before shaking her head.
"I know, it's just...I'll be fifteen in February, and I sorta promised myself..."
She blushed harder, before Geneva leaned in closer.
"Promised what?"
Milly finally looked up at him.
"I promised myself I would go further once I was sixteen."
Geneva smiled.
"That's adorable."
"Don't tell anyone."
"I promise. I won't."
Milly sighed, before gently pushing her hair back behind her ear.
"I wanna go further, trust me. It's just...I wanna take my time with him. Every time we even hold hands I feel so special. He's...amazing. In fact, it's kinda hard to describe..."
"You love him?"
Milly smiled.
"Yeah, I do."
So today once the bell rang, she jumped up out of her seat, giddy with excitement. There was snow predicted again for the next few days. Nothing too bad, but just enough to make it pretty outside. Milly grabbed her bag, and hurried out into the crowded hallway, and everyone wished each other a merry Christmas. Going to her locker, she undid the lock, before taking out her jacket. Just then Eric shuffled over, head bowed.
Right away, Milly knew something was wrong. Turning, she stared at him, before raising an eyebrow.
"Eric?"
Eric lifted his head, and instantly Milly could tell he was sick. His face was flushed, his eyes glazed, and he was sweating, causing his hair to get plastered to his forehead.
"Oh my God Eric. Are you okay?"
Reaching over, she felt his forehead, and saw he was burning up. Earlier today on the bus he seemed a little "off", and had a hard time letting go off her hand when they left for their separate classes. Still, she couldn't understand why the teachers didn't notice this.
"Eric? Do you feel okay?"
Eric lifted his eyes looking miserable, before slowly nodding. Taking his hand, she shook her head and started towards the nurse's station.
Later...
Eric had the flu. Nurse Liz called Uncle Hugo, who came to pick him and Milly up. The entire time Eric rested his head on Milly's shoulder, looking feverish, and out of sorts. Uncle Hugo dropped Milly off, who felt her heart break, when she climbed out of the truck, since Uncle Hugo was planning on taking Eric to the doctor. When she tried to get out of the truck, and Eric's eyes widened before he shook his head, and latched onto Milly's eyes, squeezing it for dear life. Milly looked heartbroken, before Uncle Hugo pulled him back.
"Eric, we're gonna do see Dr. Collins. Get some meds in you, and then you're gonna go to bed. Maybe Milly can come by later or tomorrow. You don't want her to get sick too. Now let go."
Eric looked flushed in the face, tears forming in his eyes as he stared at her. Uncle Hugo pulled his body further back, before Eric's fingers were ripped away from Milly's., Instantly, Eric's face crumpled and he started to sob. The only other time she really saw Eric fully cry was when he watched the old home videos of her father. Seeing him this upset broke her heart.
"Maybe I should go with? It might calm him down?"
"I don't think that's a good idea Milly. He might get more upset. I think he's just overtired. You can come over later. Now get inside, it's freezing."
Milly wanted to just lean in and give him a kiss, but knew better. Frowning, she shut the truck's door, as Eric slammed himself against the window, causing her to jump. He made fists, hammering them against the glass, sobbing. Tears rolled down his flushed face, before Uncle Hugo drove away. Standing on the sidewalk, she sighed, her breath coming out in clouds, before, she turned and went back inside. A few hours later, during dinner, she heard Uncle Hugo's truck pull in, but remained in her seat, so her mother wouldn't get mad. Afterwards she washed the dishes, before the three of them got cozy on the couch, and watched a few Christmas movies by the light of the tree. They all laughed, and enjoyed themselves, but the truth was, she was worried sick about Eric. Finally her mother went upstairs for her nightly call with Garry, and Luis was thrilled when Milly said he could use the TV to play his video games. Getting her coat on, she left through the back door, pulling on her boots, as she crossed the yard, the air freezing cold. Climbing the back steps, she walked through the screened in back porch, and inside. It was dark besides the tiny light above the stove. Walking over to the table, she saw a few bottles from the drug store.
Picking them up, she saw Eric was on heavy. antibiotics. Frowning, she, went to the stairs, looked up, and could hear Uncle Hugo's TV. Slowly she climbed the stairs, trying not to use the ones that creaked, before reaching the upstairs hallway. She was thankful to see his door closed, before she slowly walked to Eric's room. His door was closed too. Slowly she turned the doorknob, before entering, and closing the door behind her. Once inside, she saw his lamp was on sitting on his nightstand, casting a small warm glow, Eric was laying in bed, a trash bin placed right beside his bed. Sighing, she hurried over, and sat on the edge of the bed. Eric stirred awake, his face still flushed with a fever. Instantly his eyes lit up seeing her. Milly smiled warmly.
"Hi. I didn't want to wake you, but I was worried..."
She reached over, gently stroking his hair with the back of her hand. His skin felt clammy to the touch, and she could tell he was exhausted. Suddenly a look came over him, his eyes widened, before Milly knew and grabbed the trash bin. Eric leaned over, his back arching, before he violently vomited into the trash bin.
The entire time Milly used one hand to hold onto the barrel, while the over gently stroked his arched back. When he finished, he panted, before Milly lowered the barrel, and took the glass of water left on his nightstand, and had him take a few little sips.
"Shhhh, it's okay, lay back."
Eric started crying again, as Milly rubbed his side, and took a tissue to wipe his mouth. Laying back, Eric took deep breaths, staring forward, before Milly shook her head.
"Screw it. I don't care if I get sick."
Climbing in behind him, she spooned him, and gently put her arms around him. Eric snuggled in close, deeply breathing as Milly gently rubbed his side, whispering to him that everything was going to be okay.
A few days later...
Eric got over the flu just in time for Christmas, but he still didn't have much of an appetite, and seemed to be sleeping more than usual. Still, after her mother and brother left after opening presents on Christmas morning, Milly invited Eric over to watch a couple of movies. Uncle Hugo had an old war buddy over, and both were watching a sports game on the TV, matching themselves beer to beer. He said it was okay for Eric to go over, as long as he wore his coat and hat while walking outside. Milly helped Eric bundle up, before Uncle Hugo got up and handed Eric a plain white box and winked at her. Milly seemed confused, but took Eric's free hand, and led him outside and into her house which was warm and cozy. The two stripped off their coats, gloves, and hats. The two went into the living room, which Milly had cleaned up after Luis stripped wrapping paper everywhere when he was opening his gifts earlier. The tree was lit up, and on TV a parade played. Milly smiled, taking Eric's gift from under the tree and brought him over to the couch, and sat down with him. He placed the white box on the coffee table, and stared at it. Milly smiled before handing him over her wrapped gift that had red and green wrapping paper covering it.
"I was so worried about you when you were sick. Uncle Hugo said the other day if your temp didn't lower he was going to have to take you to the hospital. I had nightmares..."
She shook her head before lifting her head and staring at him.
"I know it's stupid...but I've been looking forward to this. Who knows, maybe twenty years from now we'll be adults and have our own place and celebrate our own traditions just like this. I guess I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. Merry Christmas Eric."
She handed him the box. He stared at it with curious eyes before Milly laughed.
"Open it."
Eric slowly, and carefully began ripping the paper, looking amazed as more and more of it fell off, before he held his paper airplane kit. His eyes widened, before he smiled holding it. Milly laughed.
"I know you're like the ultimate expert at making these, but it comes with fancier thicker paper, and a book showing all sorts of different ways to make different styles. I can read it with you, and we can make them together."
Eric lit up, and for the first time in days he actually had some good color in his face, as he continued staring at the kit.
"Do you like it?"
Eric looked up at her and nodded, smiling from ear to ear. Milly smiled, before leaning forward and going in to kiss him. Eric pulled back a little, and Milly remembered the other day when she came over when Eric wasn't feeling well, he went in to kiss her when Uncle Hugo walked by, and shook his head.
"No, no, no Eric. You don't wanna get Milly sick."
Eric looked horrified, and hadn't kissed her since. Rolling her eyes, Milly laughed and reached forward rubbing his shoulder.
"You're not sick anymore, I'm sure we're fine. I promise."
Eric looked unsure, before finally leaning forward. He gave a soft kiss back to Milly, before she sat back and smiled.
"I missed that."
Eric smiled and nodded, before he grinned and picked up the box off the coffee table and handed it to Milly. Right away her eyes lit up.
"For me?"
Eric smiled, before Milly held the box and opened it. Inside there was a layer of light blue and pink tissue paper, and a note written in Uncle Hugo's handwriting.
Milly, A few weeks ago I brought Eric to the mall to buy some new school clothes, when he happened upon this in the display window. He was fascinated, and kept pointing. You know I'm not so good at that sign language stuff, but Eric was really trying to say something to be. He then actually spoke, which is pretty rare for him. He said your name. I knew he wanted you to have this. I waited until I called your mother to find your size and bought it. I must admit, an old dunk like me shopping like this felt awfully silly, but it really made Eric's day. I watched your these last few days. You took care of Eric, and was wonderful to him. You're going to make a wonderful wife someday. You are a very sweet girl, and I am forever grateful for everything you've been doing. Thank you Milly. Merry Christmas from Eric.
Milly saw Eric was closely watching her, before she smiled and plucked the tissue paper off, and sat back speechless. Eric was watching her smiling, before Milly slowly lifted out the violent blueish, pinkish, shinny dress. It was the one that a month or so ago while walking in the mall with Eric hand in hand, had caught her eye. She had stopped, and admired it, but knew it was a little too expensive for her, and simply said that a dress like that is the kind if you wore it, you would truly feel beautiful. She had no idea that Eric had listened to her. Holding the dress, her eyes filled with tears of joy before she laughed, clutching the dress to herself, before pushing the box and tissue paper aside, and grabbed Eric, pulling him by his shirt's collar, and passionately pressed her lips against his, as the dress laid between them.
This would be the same dress Milly would wear to senior prom.
Present.
Milly was slowly coming down from what she believed was the biggest panic attack of her life. She sat dressed in one of Eric's baggy basketball jerseys, that went down to her knees. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, as she was shaking all over. Eric had gotten up, and gave her one of her anxiety pills, she only took whenever things got bad. She was given these by her doctor after her miscarriage last winter. That was roughly around the time she started having the dreams about a teenage Jet, and every once in awhile, vivid dreams of something happening to Eric. Those by far had been the worst, and something she suffered from for years. She knew Eric had suffered a few of his own nightmares over the years of them being together. It all started with that day at the pond, when she nearly drowned. He was protective of her, and more than a little nervous whenever she got hurt, or was scared. Still, she felt as if whenever she had these dreams she was on the verge of having a full fledge breakdown. Eric came in, holding a glass of water and the pill.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, before holding the pill and glass out, his eyes worried. Looking up, Milly sighed feeling ashamed.
"Thanks honey..."
She took the pill, and drank the water, before setting it on the nightstand. Sitting back, she sighed loudly, and rubbed her legs. Eric cocked his head to the side and signed...
"Was it another nightmare about Jet?"
Milly shook her head and sighed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.
"It was one of the ones where...I dreamed you died."
Eric frowned. Instantly, Milly shook her head, and roughly wiped her eyes.
"God, how do you even put up with me? If it's not nightmares about what our dead son would be like, it's ones of being dead. I'm such a basket case..."
She lowered her head, starting to cry, when Eric reached forward, and tilted her head up. He looked closely in her eyes, before shaking his head and signed slowly...
"You always get super stressed before publishing another book. Plus with the miscarriages, and us trying again. I think maybe it's too much. Maybe you outta go back on the pill until the book gets released. I don't want you losing sleep over any of this..."
Milly shook her head.
"No, it's not that. I really wanna try again it's just..."
Eric signed again...
"You promised me if it started affecting you mentally..."
"I know, I know. It's just...the dream felt so real. You've had them before. They're awful."
Eric sighed, before Milly stared at him exhausted.
"I just need to hold you while I fall asleep so I know you're still here. Okay?"
Eric frowned, before gently brushing some of her hair out of her eyes. He signed...
"Okay, but if this keeps up I want you to make an appointment with Dr. Lynn. Okay?"
"Okay, I promise. I love you."
He then signed...
"I love you too..."
Smiling, Milly leaned forward and kissed her husband.
Later...
Eric and Milly laid together in bed with their arms around each other, facing each other. Milly was snuggled up close against him, her head resting against his chest, listening to him breath. Eric gently stroked her back. Milly laid in the dark and sighed, before she pulled back slightly and stared at him smiling. "You know what I was thinking about? Our first time." Eric smiled and raised an eyebrow, before he let go of one hand and finger spelled...
"How can I forget?"
Milly laughed.
"God, we were so nervous. Remember I brought over that U2 CD since your uncle wasn't home? I don't think we were ever that nervous in our life's."
Smiling, she leaned her head against his chest again. Thinking back on the past, and trying so hard to deep those awful fears and thoughts away.