Catharsis

By: Aviantei

a

One of the more frustrating things I had found about being a writer was that, sometimes, no matter how much you wanted to, you just couldn't find the time to write.

For me, this had been a real problem during my middle school days, especially when I had prioritized my studies over everything else. It was a good attitude for a student to have, but it drove me insane. While I was off furthering my academic career, all the words and stories I wanted to write were sitting around, getting dusty. And even if I happened to be at the top of my class, it just wasn't what I wanted.

I gave up schoolwork in favor of putting any ounce of free time I had into writing, doing the bare minimum for my education's sake. It was easily the most wonderful amount of time I've had so far in my life. I don't think much of what I wrote then was very good, but it was something, and I enjoyed every character and journey I marked down on the page.

So when the end of the trimester rolled around and finals finished, my class rank wasn't anything to write home about. Regardless, my mother found out and threw a fit. I wasn't failing, but I wasn't doing much else than pass at the bare minimum, either. My teachers were concerned, and so was Dad, but at least the latter understood when I explained to him.

"I don't care about any of that," I had said. "I want to write. I love writing. I'd rather do that than sit around studying boring books. At least the stuff we have to read for Japanese is okay, but other than that, I can't stand it. If I'm going to end up making a living off of writing, then what's the point of everything else?"

I may have had the capacity for book smarts, but at that age, I was completely missing out on any common sense.

Dad didn't laugh, though. "That's good and all, but you need to at least keep good grades," he semi-lectured me. His tone was never serious enough for it to be called a lecture. "Doing well in school makes it easier to do what you want in the future. You don't have to be at the top of the class, but at least try to make As. Other than that, if you want to write, feel free to write, okay?"

He didn't mention out loud that his proposed course of action would help keep my mother from getting an aneurism, but we both knew it, so I guess it really didn't need to be said.

And so, I put some effort back into my classes. It wasn't enough for me to be number one, but I maintained my spot in class 2-A, and eventually was admitted into 3-A the next year, which was enough to partially satisfy my mother. She wasn't entirely happy with it, but it would do. Since I was accepted into high school with no extra issues, I guess that was enough to meet her bare minimum standard.

I had stopped trying to please her by that point, though. The more I wrote, the better I got at it. The better I got at it, the more I wanted to write. Time didn't matter much anymore, and I spent nights, weekends, and holidays, all crammed in my room, churning out more words than I could ever hope to revise. Regardless, I went on, fueled by this seemingly endless energy.

And, somewhere in my first year of high school, that energy started to sputter.

b

I woke up, the light starting to filter into the room underneath Nase's curtains. Just my luck, I had collapsed into the futon right by the window, making the streams of sunshine impossible to ignore. Rubbing my eyes out, I sat up, resigning myself to consciousness. I had slept perfectly the night before and I was used to waking up early, even on Sundays, so I felt plenty rested.

I took a look around Nase's room, trying to avoid the thought of just how big it was. I wouldn't say you could have fit my apartment in it, especially since I was fortunate enough to live in a relatively nice place, but it wasn't anything to sneeze at, either. It would have been simple to fit an entire proper Literary Club membership in here if necessary. Then again, if there were that many people, I didn't see Nase being willing to let that many people have free reign in her room.

As it was, there were only three of us to deal with a rather large futon spread, taking up a strip of the floor. There was plenty of space between our blankets, too, and Kuriyama was less than half a meter away from me, snoring softly. Once again, I found myself gloating mentally at Kanbara, who couldn't see a sight like this.

If I kept those sorts of thoughts up, though, there might be a problem…

Nase had surprised me, though. I had completely expected her to sleep in her bed the last night, but she didn't. The Literary Club President was fast asleep in the futon next to Kuriyama's, perfectly straight under the blankets and on her back. I wanted to bet that Kuriyama had talked her into it, but since I hadn't been awake when they got back to the room, I couldn't say for certain.

I stood up, stretching my arms up to the ceiling before bending over in an attempt to touch my toes. It took me a few tries, but eventually I was able to complete my task and started to feel more awake as a result. I probably could have slept in a bit longer, but as long as everyone else was out, I enjoyed the idea of having some time to myself. Looking around, I was able to find the duffel bag I had brought with me, and went to secure a change of clothes and my computer.

I pulled my hair up into a short ponytail with a hair tie I found in the process, and checked my phone halfway through buttoning up my capris. I didn't have any messages, as expected, but I was able to check the time, which was only a few minutes past eight-thirty in the morning.

I hadn't really meant to sleep in, but it was still later than I had expected. Since I usually had to spend the week getting up early for school, I had decided a long time ago to keep up the habit on Sundays in favor of having more time in the day to write. It didn't hurt that getting up helped me keep my sleep schedule in order, too.

Fully dressed and my computer, Koyo, in hand, I snuck out of the room, aided by the cushiness of Nase's carpet. I succeeded, not even making a sound with the door, and tried to remember which way led to the living room. I attempted to use the halls for clues, but couldn't find anything due to my long-distance vision being extremely blurry.

My hand flew to my face. Glasses. I wasn't wearing mine. I tried my best to remember looking over Nase's room for my things. I hadn't seen them, then, otherwise I would have put them on, and they hadn't been with my bag. I didn't really move around much when I slept, so I usually kept them on my futon with me so I could put them on right away, and the dark green would have stuck out perfectly against the white blankets I had slept in last night.

It hit me, and I wanted to punch myself all over again. I had taken them off before I had gone to bed for the first time, which had been in Hiroomi's room. In my panic to escape, I must have forgotten them, and neither of the boys had gone to return them. I should have been grateful considering that I hadn't been in any state to talk to either Kanbara or Hiroomi after that, but at the same time, I liked being able to see. Furthermore, my glasses had been in the same room as Kanbara, glasses-otaku extraordinaire, for a whole night!

Even if they would have made my life easier in this moment, I wasn't so sure I wanted them back now…

Pushing my bangs out of my face with my free hand, I tried not to panic again. Instead, I scolded myself. Seriously, just how stupid was I? I was trying to live a pretty standard life, and instead ended up pulling this bullshit. I wasn't quite sure what genre the story of my life was just yet, but I sure as hell didn't want it to be some goddamn mindless romantic comedy!

Really, though, the solution was pretty simple. All I had to do was ask Hiroomi for my glasses when he woke up, and hope that Nase wasn't around to see it, and pray that Kanbara didn't have them. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but I didn't need Nase having any blackmail to use against me. She got along just fine without it.

The other option was to sneak into the room right now and get them back. I dismissed the idea. There were too many different variables waiting behind Hiroomi's door for that. One of them could be awake. In equally stupid trope terms, I could walk in on one of them changing, or end up tripping over onto one of them while I was there. It was just safer to wait it out. I at least had good enough vision to work my computer without glasses.

That being decided, I chose a random direction to walk in, hoping it would lead me to someplace comfortable to sit down at.

c

This time, the universe gave me some vague portion of luck, and I was able to make my way back to the living room area we had been using the previous day. The table was still in place, but I settled up against the wall instead, after I had to stare down my surroundings for an outlet. Despite my best efforts, it appeared I had drained Koyo's battery down to the critical levels the last time I had used him.

In some ways, it was pretty dangerous bringing my laptop into Nase's home territory. I still didn't know everything Ishikawa-sensei had blabbed to the Literature Club about my existence, but I bet that my writing was part of it. And while I enjoyed writing, I didn't fancy myself ready to have people that saw me on a regular basis read over my work. Kanbara and Kuriyama were a bit too easily impressed anyway. If they enjoyed some of the submissions to their club's anthology, I couldn't imagine the godlike level they may have put me on just because I could use grammar effectively.

Other than that, I wasn't that good, anyway. Really, it would have been safest to just leave the Literary Club out of my writing life.

Still, I hadn't been able to convince myself not to bring Koyo along. Writing was probably the best time-killer I could think of, and what if I happened to get some brilliant idea and lost it by the time I got home. That didn't happen often, but I didn't want to miss the chance if it did occur. I supposed there were always notebooks and the old-fashioned pen-and-paper method, but those could too easily fall into enemy hands. At the very least Koyo was password protected.

So I spent about an hour tapping away slowly on my latest story, which wasn't anything too interesting, and was mostly interrupted by writing out the newest entry in my blog. I really should have prioritized my fiction, but I really just didn't have the energy for it. In the end, I had one new blog entry up on Sundate, and barely even two paragraphs into the scene where my protagonist was engaging in self-depreciating dribble.

I closed out of the document without even saving it, then scrolled through the comments on my last entry, which were slightly more interesting to read, if only by a little. To be honest, I didn't know why I had kept up with the thing, considering how little it was going to help me get anything done in my life.

"A-ah! Sugiyama-san, what are you doing there?"

I suppose I did look a little strange wedged between a lamp and a display case containing several strange yet pretty looking stones, especially since my face was within ten centimeters of my laptop. Still, I didn't think that was enough to trigger the servant who had found me into near cardiac arrest. Upon closer (squinted) inspection, I realized that it was the maid who had let me in yesterday.

Huh, you'd think that after working in a house where supposed fortunetellers and weirdoes like Hiroomi lived and even more suspicious individuals like Kanbara visited, she'd be used to seeing strange things…

"Writing," I answered. Then I backtracked. "No, forget that. I'm just mindlessly scrolling the internet and pretending like I'm a capable writer while waiting for Hiroomi or Kanbara to wake up, or for breakfast, whichever comes first." Come to think of it, trying to go the morning without eating anything was a pretty stupid move on my part. It wasn't entirely fair to blame my lack of creativity on not having any calories in my system, but I could dream.

The maid frowned a little, but she did eventually nod. "Well, if that's the case, Hiroomi-sama just woke up a little bit ago and requested breakfast. Most of the preparations are already done, so if you want to join him, Sugiyama-san, I can make arrangements," she said.

"I'm in." I closed my laptop a bit too forcefully, sending Koyo into sleep mode. This would be the perfect opportunity for me to get my glasses back, no harm, no foul. Whatever deity dealt with prayers to not live in a romantic comedy had granted my wish, saving me the trouble of having to ask Hiroomi to talk in private and get spied on by Kanbara. Before I knew it, there would be rumors that we were dating all over school.

I frowned a little. How dull.

"Alright, then if you'll follow me, Sugiyama-san." The maid turned back through the doorway she had come in from, and I stood up to follow, making sure to keep a good visual on her back. There was still a chance I would get lost in this place, as last night had proven. There was no need to have the Literary Club found a search party just to rescue me from the Nase house.

In fact, there wasn't a need for anything that was happening. This whole thing was one inconvenience. Once we started up club work today, I would have to make sure they worked at maximum output. The sooner this anthology was finished, the better.

d

True to the maid's word, Hiroomi was in fact both awake and at breakfast. I was ushered to sit down right across from him, with several promises that my food would be out soon. This would be the first meal I would have homemade by someone else since I had moved. In some ways this would have been a treat if it wasn't just an obnoxious show of how much money the Nases had.

Oh, and if I didn't have to deal with Hiroomi still wearing that perfect scarf, too, that, that would be great.

I was seriously starting to get concerned here. Did he really wear it all the time? Like, even to bed and during the summer and everything? I knew he wore it with his summer uniform, but this was just getting strange. Well, at least it wasn't the exact same scarf as yesterday since they had different color schemes and patterns, but still.

"Good morning, Sugiyama," he said, pausing the movement of rice to his mouth. I grunted in response. "I hope you managed to sleep well once you got settled. I didn't particularly want to wake you, but I didn't think you'd appreciate waking up in the morning with us in the room." He shrugged, as if he only half-believed that. I remembered his comment about me not registering others the day before and tried to make it look like I was scowling at a ring of moisture on the table. "Not a morning person, either? It's hard to tell what you're thinking at school, you know."

"I can't see," I grumbled, not having it in me to snap at him. Now that I was close enough to look at Hiroomi without any blurs, it made it hard to stay angry, especially when everything the night before was my fault. "At least tell me that Kanbara didn't have a conniption over my glasses." Man, I really should have kept my last pair, even if the prescription was outdated.

Hiroomi chuckled, reaching onto the table. I squinted to focus, seeing the bronze glint of my frames partially obscured by his soup bowl. "Akkey passed out before he even noticed they were there," he reported, offering them out to me. Even if it wouldn't have mattered, I made sure that our fingers didn't touch when I took them back. "He'd be so disappointed he missed such a 'brilliant opportunity'!"

I cringed and snorted at the same time over Hiroomi's impression of his friend. That was Kanbara, all right. Breathing a slight fog onto my lenses, I began to wipe away the dust with a corner of my t-shirt. There was the tap of footsteps, and the maid returned bearing a similar spread to Hiroomi's own, perfectly balanced on a tray. Vision restored, I was able to look on in renewed clarity.

Rice, clear soup, sardines, tamagoyaki, and toast. Far better than my usual instant udon and occasional stop by the convenience store for bread and coffee. At least if I ended up stuck coming here for Literary Club meetings, the food would be worth it. Dinner the night before had been excellent, too…

No, I couldn't be taking that defeatist attitude. I needed to start putting my foot down fast. Who knew what kind of state I would be in if this became the norm? I wouldn't have any time to write, then I'd just abandon my homework completely. I couldn't just drop my grades and expect my mother to keep funding my living situation. Even my father wouldn't agree to that.

But really, what else do you expect of yourself?

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so serious," Hiroomi remarked, "but I promise that you can eat. It's not going anywhere."

I temporarily puffed up my cheeks in a pout, snatching up a batch of sardines and chewing with vigor. Hiroomi laughed again, though this time was more open, and I realized too late that I was putting on an unnecessary temper tantrum. If I had added a "How unpleasant!" I probably could have passed off for Kuriyama. As it was, there wasn't much else I could do but enjoy my meal, trying not to pay attention to the glances Hiroomi snuck at me as I attempted to do the same to him.

Had I really been around this guy for the past two years? Even so, I couldn't gauge him at all. At the very least, I didn't have to worry about him nursing any sort of stray romantic thoughts after our ridiculous encounter last night. He was more likely to try and figure out where I stood on his "little sister" scale anyway. Then again, I couldn't really blame him for indulging in his preferences.

I wasn't much better.

e

"E-even though the writing isn't the best, I think it's a very moving piece. I even cried a bit while I was reading it. I think we should definitely consider it for the next round at least!"

Kuriyama finished arguing her case with an unnecessary bow. It was getting close to evening, and I did my best to hold back on a yawn. Kanbara nodded with blind enthusiasm, while Nase picked at the homemade dango the kitchen staff had been kind enough to prepare for us. Hiroomi sat next to me, skimming over the piece in his anthology copy. While I was grateful for the barrier he provided between me and Kanbara, I was still stuck on our somehow normal conversation from this morning, and his presence wasn't helping my dwindling focus and patience for being in groups for an extended amount of time.

Still, it wasn't like I could bail until Nase said the word, and the more help I provided, the faster this would go. "Based on style alone, I had my doubts on this piece," I said, continuing just to stop Kuriyama from drooping in defeat, "but I can agree on the emersion value." Our resident first-year beamed ay the words. "This isn't just my anthology; it's you guys', too." In fact, it was far more theirs than mine. "Kanbara, your thoughts?"

"I agree with Mirai," he declared. Part of his expression was glazing over—he was probably reaching his serious limit for the day. I snapped my fingers, and he jumped slightly. Nase narrowed her eyes a bit, the glare sparking the energy back into her friend. "It may not make the final cut, but I think we can allow it at this stage. I mean, we're only about halfway through, so there's a lot more to think about. What about you, Mitsuki?"

"Same," Nase said, and bit into her next dango, taking time with her chewing. I guess she hadn't heard the rule that good dialogue not only responded, it added to the conversation.

I had been trying to avoid it all day, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. "And you, Hiroomi?" I asked, forced to make eye contact for just a second.

"Not much point considering I'd be outvoted here, but I guess I'll make it a landslide anyway," he said with a small shrug. Flipping the page closed the anthology. It had taken all of two days and a lot of nagging, but we had actually hit my personal quota for the weekend and Nase's "work 'em 'til they drop!" variation. Kanbara and I sighed in sync, slumping onto the table. "I think that wraps up everything for this weekend, then, right, my darling sister?"

"I suppose this will do for the weekend," Nase said, not even glancing her brother's way. He deflated for a moment, but was back up and running in record time. I guessed they were both used to each other's antics by now. "Akihiko, Aniki, you clean up. Kuriyama, Sugiyama, I'll see you at the club meeting tomorrow afternoon."

I stood up with a grimace as Kanbara and Hiroomi started whining about cleanup duty ("At least call me 'Onii-chan' when you ask for favors!"). Kuriyama stood up as well with a stretch, happily sighing as she did. "I should probably head to the store before they close down, then," she mused. My own pile of anthologies in hand, I headed for the door, hoping to grab my bag from Nase's room and bail as quickly as I could. "Oh, Senpai, we live in the same direction! Would you like to walk home together?"

It didn't matter that each one of us was "Senpai." There was no doubt in my mind that she was talking to me.

f

So, pushover that I was, I agreed to Kuriyama's request. I was stuck in the Nase mansion for at least another ten minutes, but I guessed it was better than Kanbara offering to walk or home or, worse, one of the guys trying to walk me home. This sort of scenario technically opened the possible yuri route, but my life wasn't a silly otome game. If it were, I would be the sort of protagonist hated for not deserving any of my potential partners but still winning them anyways.

Dammit, last night messed with my head. I would have to pick up some heavy action and gore volume from my shelves tonight to even get my brain in relatively close enough shape to function tomorrow.

The thought of school brought another grimace to my face as Kuriyama was chattering, "I think we did really well, don't you, Senpai? Ah, are you alright? You're not feeling sick or anything, are you?"

Remembering that I had an audience of sorts, I tried to smooth out my expression. I couldn't muster up a fake smile, but I didn't need to scare the poor girl, either. It was no wonder Hiroomi had figured me out so easily if I always went around looking like this.

"I'm fine," I assured, "just worn out." No matter how early I had gone to bed, I wasn't built for dealing with that many people at once. This anthology needed to be taken care of as soon as possible so I could get back into my normal groove. "Man, I could have gotten some real writing done tonight, too. Now I have to spend it all on my homework…"

The sky was mostly orange at this point, almost enough to give me some positive vibes. Kuriyama's similarly orange hair bounced a bit as she turned to face me. "That's right!" she said. "Ishikawa-sensei mentioned that you're a writer, Senpai! You always talk with such finesse when we're discussing anthology pieces. I'd love to read your work!"

Ah, the admiration and idolization switch had been turned back on. It was probably just how tired I was, but Kuriyama seemed as if she could sparkle in that moment—or maybe it was the sunset reflecting off her glasses. My stomach threatened to start doing cartwheels on me, and I was thankful I had left most of the dango to Nase's constant snacking habits.

"I-I haven't had much time to write lately," I lied. I had spent most of my free time trying to write, but now I was just being a loser about it. I had spent time browsing the net, reading other books, writing blog entries and pretending I knew what I was doing, but I hadn't written a word of fiction in months—and nothing good in years. "Th-there's just a lot of homework for third years lately. It's a bit too much, you know?"

Yeah, if only I actually had spent all my spare time on homework, that could have been productive. Still, Kuriyama bought it, a delicate nod followed up by adjustment of her glasses. "You're in the college prep courses with Hiroomi-senpai, right? It must be hard for you to help us out with the anthology as much as you have." Then, with all the finesse and awkwardness of a Heian princess in the middle of modern Japan, Kuriyama dropped into a full ninety-degrees bow, right there in the middle of the street. "Thank you very much, Senpai!"

"Hey, that's enough," I stammered. I felt embarrassed for her, even if I had no right. "You don't need to thank me that much. Besides, if we dawdle here, you're going to miss the pre-close grocery sales, aren't you?"

Kuriyama shot up with newfound determination in her expression. I had actually had to step back a bit. I didn't know much about her living situation, but Kuriyama might have needed to pinch pennies—or she could have been frugal. I could stand to learn a thing or two from her.

"But anyway," I said, starting the trek back down the street. Kuriyama followed, her stride coming dangerously close to outpacing me, despite our height difference. "You said that Kanbara and Hiroomi helped you out a lot, right? What was that about?"

The safest route was to keep the conversation away from me in any means possible. I expected Kuriyama to start gushing right away, but was met by silence. When I looked over, she was staring at her open hands, eyes unfocused. I made sure she wasn't going to make a collision with anything—Kuriyama tended to be accident prone, even when her eyes were wide open—but just stayed quiet.

Maybe I was prying into something I shouldn't have. Maybe this is what I got for avoiding talking about myself.

"The Nases are fortune-tellers," she said, reminding me once again of their history. Man, I bet they had it good when onmyoji were considered to be the go-to for all your problem solving needs. "I know it sounds a bit silly, but they really are. And Akihiko-senpai…" She trailed off, expression flickering for a moment. "I had some trouble when I moved here and they helped me get settled. It's nothing special really."

I couldn't say for certain, but her voice definitely seemed to quaver there. Not out of fear. She was just an awful on-the-spot liar, just like me. But I didn't have a right to pry, and her angelic smile gave me even less motivation to do so.

There was really a lot I could learn off her.

g

I didn't even bother to turn on the lights when I got home. I had been an expert at navigating the place when there was junk scattered everywhere; this was easy mode in comparison. Kuriyama had offered to let me go shopping with her, but I had declined. I still had homework to finish up, plus I still had enough for dinner at home. Not a very good one, but rice and meal were synonyms for a reason.

I dropped my bag on the floor of my room, digging up Koyo and his charger from its death, plugging him into the wall. The screen lit up an blinding light, and my leftover browser session from this morning reminded me that people were actually bothering to read my blog, trash that it was.

Probably not the best mindset to have, but whatever.

At least in that realm, I was making some progress. No fiction, no homework, but my blog didn't completely suck. I had managed to avoid trolls at any rate, though that probably wouldn't last long. Flopping into my futon and rolling on my stomach, I typed without looking at the keyboard, and it was several hours before I had an entry.

Dinner was left forgotten. As was my homework and any notion of sleep. I didn't think I would have success on any front after everything that had happened. Sheesh. I was way too wired for any of this…

Catharsis

FOURTH

After being in that cramped room, after being surrounded by all those people, after sleeping in a bed close to someone else…

[NOTES] Hm, it's been a while, huh? Both in that I haven't updated this story in a bit, and that I kind of disappeared from regular updates in general.

Out of all my stories, this is the one I had the most alerts in my inbox for, so it gets the honor of being the first update in a while. I can't guarantee that there will be super regular updates, but I really want to start making time for regular writing again, and fanfiction has always helped me out with that. I'll be sure to keep up with more frequent updates on my stories, though that may just be settled by the inbox method again...

In any event, this chapter we conclude the Literary Club Weekend, plus get some peeks and what I'm doing with the world building. I'm using a lot of canon, but at the same time I'm trying a slightly different approach to the supernatural elements. Hopefully that comes across well as I go into it more...and hopefully Kazue's relationships seem to be advancing steadily. The material for each chapter is chosen in an interesting way, so it might take some strange terms. Still, I'm excited to poke more at this world more.

Hm, I should rewatch the anime. And go ahead and check out the movies...

In any event, thanks to all those people who did fill up my inbox with alert messages: NightlyRowenTree, .com, joker-the terrible, hnnngg (Guest), PhoenicRage92, roonaty, valxra, Petrichor in May, 91, Gloss and Glitters, Marfo Faura, ChocolateWolfey, Serenity Ngo, Kuroyami-chan, volley-14-nerd, Skymaiden777, Ms. Irony, MikoSasesko, Sherry Ann, Tokine8696, IKhandoZatman, Ergelina, AliceTheCat, Xxfrostblade41, WhatEverGirl28, patamon642, doglver0126, Lthombom, and Queen of Time and Space, you are all awesome for leaving me favorites, follows, and reviews! Sorry it took over a year to update. Let's not do that again, shall we? ^^"

On another note, if you do want to see some consistent writing from me, for this year's [Twelve Shots of Summer] challenge I'm writing a KagePro anthology: Twelve Shots of Shuuya! Twelve one shots, twelve weeks, and a community of fun and loving writers. What's not to love? If you're interested, either contact me, or take a look around in the forums. We'd love to have you. :)

That being said, I hope to see you all again soon for the next update. Please look forward to it!

[POST] 060716