Back There Again (Chapter I)

"Come on," her husband whined, gently pulling her hand toward the beach.

Miranda shook her head. "It's too cold."

"I'll keep you warm, wife," Ben told her, giving her a look that had her silently acquiescing.

She didn't think it would, but it felt good to be called "wife". Even if it was her second time around, she was determined to make this one last for a lifetime. "I'd like that, husband," she said as he leaned down to give her a kiss. The feeling traveled down her spine and she allowed herself to be pulled onto the cool sand.

Six days later, they were sitting on the plane, she crossed her legs, tenderly. He watched her face, wincing on her behalf. "Okay. So it wasn't… ideal."

"It was awful," she corrected.

"Hmm… I feel bad."

"You should." Miranda Bailey glanced at her husband, no longer pissed, but only because the itching had finally stopped. And the surgeon was grateful. Perhaps it was karma for the time when she'd laughed after her friend had gotten poison ivy all up and down her vagina. But now, she sympathized. Oh, man, did she sympathize. Getting into the house after the taxi dropped them off, she headed straight to the bathroom to take a long, hot shower, needing to wash away the terribleness of their honeymoon.

So, it wasn't terrible, but only because Benjamin Warren was the love of her life. Just being around him, even while her pussy was raging—practically on FIRE! was good enough for her. But it hadn't felt like a honeymoon. Once Miranda had gotten the infection, all plans had been cancelled. Their entire itinerary… gone. No swimming with dolphins (her idea), going clubbing, sailing (his idea) or anything else. And that included more lovemaking—spontaneously or otherwise. That one time had been good—really good—but she couldn't even think about sex with her husband without her body tingling. It was a pain in the ass and everywhere else, but she wished they could do it over.

In the shower, Miranda sighed, dropping her head against the tile. The water flowing over her body made her feel a lot better and she started to return to a normal she recognized. In bed, she wrapped her arms around Ben, doing her best not to nuzzle him. They both knew the drill, a few properly placed kisses, a deep moan or three and they'd be so deep into foreplay, there would be no turning back and she just wasn't ready yet. Unexpectedly, he turned to look at her. "Welcome home, Dr. Warren," she said.

"Welcome home, Dr. Bailey-Warren." They shared a short kiss before he turned back around. "I love how that sounds," he told her over his shoulder and she agreed by smiling into his back.

Miranda hated that she'd returned from a vacation that had basically sucked and was thrown into the thick of work. Though when a surgery came in a few days later that took all of her focus and attention, she realized that she was happy to be back. Finished for the night, she texted her husband. The anesthesiologist turned surgical resident was probably at home asleep after having picked up her seven-year-old from school. Going to her office, she was corralled by her colleague and best friend who fell in step with her. "Yes?" She asked the taller woman as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Callie Torres glared. "What?"

"You've been back for a week and, like, I've gotten no details, no stories, no… no nothing."

Miranda rolled her eyes and debated whether or not she should lie. "Fine, fine, fine. Uh, let's grab a coffee or something tomorrow." That would give her time to make up some fascinating tale with juicy details. Then, she'd get her best friend off of her case and wouldn't have to think about the disaster that was her honeymoon. Her precious, precious honeymoon that was supposed to be spent falling in love with her new husband amidst the gorgeous weather with tasty drinks in their hands doing all sorts of activities. But what she got were sand in her… cookie. And flea bites on her ass.

Seemingly unable to wait for coffee, Callie was standing by Miranda's office when she arrived the next afternoon. "I've been patient long enough."

"Just come in," she said a microsecond before being pulled into her office.

The Latina dropped onto the sofa and smiled. "Ready." Sighing, Miranda began to divulge the real details. "Oh, no," Callie said sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Oh, yes," she exhaled dramatically. "It was awful. I was miserable."

Callie gave her a sympathetic smile. "Aww, Bailey. I'm sorry."

"Hell, me, too." One chuckled while the other pouted a little. "And the kicker…"

"There's always a kicker."

"I'm still not…" she sighed, "comfortable having sex." Her voice was low and she prayed she'd only thought her last statement instead of speaking it out loud. But she knew she hadn't because Callie's eyes went wide. "So, it's been over a month since we've had sex—of any kind." What she wanted to add, but didn't, was that she hadn't even been able to even reach an orgasm even while touching herself. Her brain wouldn't focus long enough to push the memories of them on a beach towel that had folded upon itself allowing plenty of sand to get into the mix.

"God."

"And I did not get married to become celibate." Miranda looked over at Callie and saw that she was trying to hold in a laugh. "It is not funny."

"I know, I know. And I feel bad," she whispered through her outburst.

"You? Imagine how I felt," she said wanting to laugh, but the whole thing was so, so unfortunate.

"Well, if I were you…"

"If you were me…"

"I would insist that my wife and I have a repeat."

Her eyebrow lifted. "Say more," Miranda said leaning back in her computer chair.

"We'd do it again. A second honeymoon to cancel out the first one. And to make up for all the sex that we missed out on. All of the sex."

One friend glanced at the other and soon, they were both cracking up. "That's actually not a bad idea," she said, pulling out her cell to text her husband. Recreating their honeymoon was a great idea. Why hadn't she thought of that? Her entire life was a course on problem-solving and making things work and right again. It was about the same as constructing creative ways to fix organs to get the best result. Only this time, she hadn't known where to start.

"Mmhmm… you can thank you me when you get back," Callie responded as her phone beeped.

The two of them tapped on their respective phones. "Hi husband "

"Ugh, Sofia just threw up in daycare."

"Poor thing."

"Yeah, something about fish sticks." Miranda turned up her nose. Kids should not be subjected to fish sticks if it could be helped. "And, uh, beware of that, too."

Impatiently waiting for a response, she tapped her foot. "What's that?"

"Hi wife " Miranda grinned stupidly at her phone. Being married this time around just felt right!

"…coming back wanting to grow your family," Callie said standing up, pulling her long black hair into a ponytail. Miranda cocked her head to the side. "Baby fever."

"Baby fever?" She asked absentmindedly.

"What's up, baby?"

"It's like a thing that happens that lands you with a kid or two."

"Oh! Oh! Ooh! Right!" She replied starting a list of things to remember. At the top went her birth control pills. "Then I gotta get myself vaccinated then."

"I mean, unless you want more." The best friends laughed as Callie waved her goodbye and rushed off.

Alone, she texted her husband: "I have a proposition for you."

He answered quickly: "I'll be there in two minutes."

"Not that kind."

"In five then." Miranda shook her head at his message and before she could reply, the Chief of Surgery, Owen Hunt, was paging her to the ER.

That night, Miranda did her best not to gawk at Ben while he undressed. It just reminded her of their honeymoon and that angered her. "I can't believe that I didn't get to see you all day," he said looking at her through the mirror above their dresser.

"Same," she told him fluffing his pillows and then her own.

He eased into bed with a low grunt. "How was your day, beautiful?" Miranda wanted to tell him about her conversation with Callie, instead she opted to tell him about her patient who was refusing medical treatment until her son flew in from wherever. The entire ordeal was sad because the son had implicitly stated that being at his mom's bedside wasn't his first priority.

"Ah, baby, I'm sorry."

"That's kids for you."

"Their kids though."

"Huh?"

"Not ours…"

"What?" Miranda was so confused.

Ben squeezed her gently. "I just meant that when we have… more kids, they won't not show up for us."

"If."

"That's what I said, 'if'."

She needed to change the subject before they got entangled in a long conversation, one they'd had before. One that always left a sour taste in her mouth. There was a point in her life, in their relationship, when she thought she might want another child. She knew Ben was fine with whatever decision she made and she knew he wanted kids, but she honestly felt like she was done having children. So many times she'd tried before and had been met with emptiness that hardened her. And even with Tuck, it had been terrifying. That wasn't something she wanted to do again. Plus, Tuck was her whole world and Ben loved him immensely. So they were all good—the perfect family.

But there were still times when the need to have a baby with him hit her so hard, she could barely function. And she was left feeling like maybe she could try. "So, uh," she started as his fingers scaled her thigh tickling her, "how was your day, handsome?" Her eyes danced while watching him regale her with the story of a couple who'd gotten stuck together during sex due to piercings where Miranda didn't think anyone should have piercings. She fell into her husband's chest overcome with laughter. He kissed her head before dragging his lips across her cheek to her own. The embrace was quick and she pulled away from it, not wanting to go further.

"Wait a minute… what's wrong?" He asked.

She shook her head, turning so he would hug her from behind. "Nothing." Ben made a noise that said that he didn't believe her. How was she supposed to tell him that she both wanted to have sex and didn't? He'd think she was insane. The bed moved as he climbed over her. "What the—?"

They were face to face now. "You know, the thing I love about you most, Miranda Bailey-Warren?"

She gritted her teeth determined to stop a grin from seeping out. "What's that?" She asked.

"That you say what you're thinking—at least to me anyway," he chuckled. "So… I'll just lay here and stare at you until you tell me why you won't let me kiss you for longer than three seconds." Miranda screwed up her face. "And why we haven't made love since our honeymoon."

She yawned. "Can we talk about it in the morning?"

"Nah," he said shaking his head, caressing her body through her nightgown.

Time passed between the two of them, full of anticipation. Miranda touched his beard. "Hi," she said.

His grin was wide and visible even in the dark. "Hey," he responded.

She could feel his fingers running along her waist, waiting for the go ahead. "So, look…"

"Yes, dear?"

"We're married now." The phrase put a wide smile on her face. At one point in her life, she thought she was over marriage and wanting or needing a husband, but Ben… God, he was perfect.

He closed his eyes, grinning goofily. "We are."

"But that vacation wasn't it."

"I am begging you not to remind me, baby," he pleaded. "And if you love me, you wouldn't."

"I love you more than anything, Ben," she whispered, brushing her lips against his skin. How true those words were! Of course, she loved her son most, but it was a different kind of love. Just as strong, just as deep.

He shivered. "I'm in love with you, too, Miranda." He ran a hand over her head. "So, you said all of that to say what?"

"What if we had a do-over?"

"Of?" He asked pushing his head into her chest to cover a yawn.

"Our honeymoon," she told him.

"Like a part two?"

"Yes, a sequel!" Now her wheels were really spinning. His genuine smile made his face actually adorable. "What do you think?" An easy smile teased at her full lips.

"I think we need it. Desperately," Ben said kissing her. She moaned softly, feeling him rise next to her. Instinctively, she pulled away. "Are you gonna tell me what the problem is or do I have to guess?" Her jaw was invisibly wired shut. "Baby?"

"Don't, Ben."

"Wife," he said tenderly. His hands rubbing her back made her cave and she began telling him everything.

In the moonlight, she watched to see if he was upset or irritated, but his chocolate eyes were full of compassion. "And… yeah, that's about it."

Ben nodded as she pulled in her bottom lip. "We need to make new memories then?"

"Yes, that's what why Callie suggested a redo."

"Which is a great—wait, Torres knows?"

She couldn't see them, but her cheeks were probably reddening with every second. "I needed to tell someone."

"You tell me! I'm your husband, Miranda." Here was the irritation. Now he was pissed.

"Lower your voice, please. Tuck is sleeping."

He held up a hand. "Sorry."

"She's my best friend."

"I'm your best friend," he said lifting her chin with his hand.

"You are one of my best friends," she assented with a slight shake of her head.

He chuckled, "I'll take it."

Miranda couldn't keep the smile from her face. "Did you have a choice?"

In lieu of answering, he slipped his hand down to her butt. "Mmm." Closing her eyes, she tried to get into it, trying to remember that she did indeed loved having sex with Ben. Always have. The way he knew just how to warm her body up so that she was only moments from collapsing each time, the perfect speed, the right amount of tenderness… But thinking of her itching vagina and the embarrassment she felt having some random doctor examine her, stilled her. "You know, if I were a lesser man, I'd be offended that my brand-new wife doesn't want me."

"I do want you." Her voice was just above a whisper.

"I believe you."

"Thank you."

He moved back behind her, the pressure from his body soothing her. "So, do we go to the same place or somewhere completely different?" Miranda didn't know, but it didn't matter because before she could answer, she was asleep.

A few mornings after, Miranda slept while her husband helped get her son get ready for school. Rolling to his side of the bed, she inhaled loving his scent wafting in her nose, easing her back to sleep. A gentle hand on her shoulder would usually be ignored, but her eyes fluttered open to see Ben staring at her. "Is Tuck off to school?" He nodded. "Thank you," she responded whilst tugging the comforter over her head.

"Stop thanking me." She rolled her eyes. His laugh made her lift her head just to catch a glimpse of his face. "We need to talk."

"No talking," she said. "More sleeping."

"Yes talking. It's been… a week and we haven't made any plans about this sequel."

Beneath the covers, she grinned, poking her head out of slit in the covers. "Are you that desperate to have an orgasm that you have to interrupt my slumber?" Miranda watched him lick his lips and knew he was holding back on the answer he truly wanted to give. Redirecting, she said: "That was uncalled for. Sorry. Yes, sir?"

"That's better," he said with a bass-filled tone that tingled her bones. Ben moved next to her, nudging her chin with his lips. "So, our ohneymoon sucked and I'm partially to blame."

Miranda cut her eyes at him. "Partially?"

"Mostly?"

"WhollyF."

"Let's not point fingers," he said winking at her. "But after your infection… we didn't really do much, so I want to be able to really redo it! The entire thing."

Fully engaged now, she sat up. His excitement was contagious. She'd had a decent honeymoon before, he deserved one, too. She wanted that for him. "I am all ears."

"Okay, so, we need to return to the scene of the… of the..."

"Of the most painful thing to happen between my legs since I gave birth."

The two of them stared at each other, lips twitching. "Sorry?" He offered.

Miranda waved him off. "I'll check my schedule and get back to you."

"Fair enough."

She exhaled. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

He shrugged his shoulders before leaning over to kiss her. "By the way," he began in her ear, "I've been having orgasms."

I'm jealous, she thought to herself. "Really?" But of course, he had! She was the one with the issues, not him.

He frowned, quickly erasing it from his face. "I miss having them with you though."

Miranda gasped while blushing. So into her own problem, she hadn't even tried to please him. She wanted to slap her forehead. It was the one thing she'd promised herself before accepting his proposal and, subsequently, proposing to him—that she wouldn't be selfish. It had never been an adjective she would ever have used to describe herself, but her ex-husband had used it… often. You're so selfish. Miranda knew it wasn't inherently true, but it'd stung so much that she vowed in this relationship to do better. "I'm… sorry, babe."

"Don't apologize. It's…" He sighed. "We'll fix it. Go back to sleep. I'll see you tonight."

She nodded, content that they were finally on the same page. "And I'll take time off in two weeks."

"Two weeks, Miranda?" He squeezed his eyes shut. That two weeks was probably going to kill him.

Miranda laughed. "That's the best I can do."

"Two weeks."