This will be a (hopefully) long chapter. So sorry that Soda's part is so short. I just really felt like we had to go forward!

Not entirely sure how this section ended so long, but I'm pleased nonetheless.

Merry Christmas!!

Hope you enjoy. :)

riverbank

When I hit the water, I felt my body harden and relax all at once.

When their screams caused birds to fly overhead, sending fragments of black across a white moon, I knew they hated me.

When I was loaded into the ambulance, I knew I hated myself, too.

Darry hasn't moved from the wall in an hour, and for a split second, I'm convinced he's a hallucination. A side effect of the less than four hours of sleep I've gotten in the last three days.

Steve's gone to have another smoke. Pony's gone to the bathroom, and I swear to God I've never seen the kid so goddamn worked up. I've seen him stressed about a test or a rumble, but someone's life? I know he's dying to see him, or to maybe be in his place right now. It's a brother thing: loyalty until the end.

This leaves Darry and I, alone, in a too quiet waiting room. The ticking of the clock is enough to make my ears bleed, my vision see red. I want to rip it off the fucking wall. Hell, I want to rip everything up to this point from the fucking ceiling and shove it up 'Nam's ass, but I know it won't do any good. It won't take Soda away, but it also won't bring him back. Only Soda can do that, and the thought sickens me.

"Dar," I say lightly. I watch his eyelids flutter open, as if I'm waking him from sleep, his eyes alert. "Come sit down, man." But then his eyes grow distant again and I know I've lost him. I silently curse at him, rising to my feet. I book it across the room and stand in front of him, knowing that he's in an area of the room that he can't overpower me. We're locked in a corner, and I can already hear the fighting that's about to ensue, but I have to try anyway.

I take my hand and place it on his shoulder. "Darry."

Yet again, his eyes flash with alertness and recognition. He knows I'm here.

"You've been standin' here for a goddamn hour."

"I'm fine." The words come hushed, scared. I see the gears turning in his brain, and I grimace as he tries to change the subject. "Where's Pony?"

Irritation rises in my throat. "In the bathroom. Told 'im to go take a whizz."

"Pone?" His eyes grow sad as his little brother's voice doesn't immediately echo his own. Then, Ponyboy already forgotten, he repeats, "I'm fine. I don't want to be anywhere else."

I force my frustration out in the form of a crisp sigh. We both know that ain't true.

Darry's hollow green eyes meet mine. I don't need to look back to know Steve and Pony are behind me, worry colliding into Darry's calm, relaxed body. There's a storm of grief swirling in his eyes, just threatening to be released, but I know Darry better than anyone here. He's fighting himself for Pony. He's not gonna break in front of his baby brother again. It's his job to comfort Pony; not the other way around.

But despite that, Pony brushes past me. Steve nudges my back, muttering, "Give 'em space."

My eyes still locked with Darry's, I begrudgingly turn and follow Steve back to the other corner of the room. I heavily sit down, casting a glance in their direction, and a smile tugs at my mouth. Ponyboy stands with his head on Darry's chest, their arms wrapped around each other. Darry's chin rests on top of Pony's head, his gaze unreadable.

I silently beg for their pain to end, but not with Soda's lifeline going straight.