welcome friends! sorry to have left you on a cliffhanger ;)

the moment y'all have been waiting for! soooo excited from here on out.

enjoy (:

-endless

wreckage

For the first time since Vietnam, I want to go home.

"Hi."

At first, I think Steve is the culprit. He would be the one to say something like that in this quiet room. From across the bed, I see Pony tense up, like he's seen a ghost. I see Darry steal a glance at Soda, but thinks nothing of it, clearly not hearing what just came out of his brother's mouth.

Steve delicately puts a hand on my knee as if he's going to fall over. I put my hand over his and realize how it shakes against my jeans, but I shrug it off. Probably just panicking, like we all are. He's just a pussy at hiding it.

My heart spasms in my chest as I lean forward with the slightest bit of hope. Steve's hand tightens on my knee. I can already tell that Pony's close to sobbing, but Darry's still locked into the haze of "I'm about to kill him." His chin is still on Pony's shoulder, still trying to comfort his baby brother. A smile grows at the corners of my mouth - I never, ever thought they'd become so close. I guess the universe is right: pain does bring people together.

"Hi." Soda says again, not any louder than the first time. I watch as his hand tries to squeeze Pony's, and my heart breaks because he barely manages to do it. It feels like the movement lasts for an hour, and when it's over, Soda's face is pained and tired. Annoyed at the pounding silence in the room, I'm staring right at his brothers. Come on, look! Look at him...

I think I go into cardiac arrest when Ponyboy finally casts him a glance. His eyes recognize the situation immediately, but his mind is clearly confused, a frown on his face, blinking like he's just woken up from a nap. I see the war stirring in his entire body: to either believe this is happening or to dismiss it as a dream. He nudges Darry, but his oldest brother doesn't even feel it, for he's completely asleep at this point.

Soda can barely hold his eyes open. The dark brown bleeds into the black and red surrounding most of his face. I move for the first time in two hours and put my hand on top of Steve's, and I know Soda wants to turn his head and look at us. But we already know that his attention is on his brothers, and for however long that remains, we're fine with it. I hold Steve back from leaping to his feet and making Soda look at him, and he stares at me in confusion, anger, and disbelief.

The idea that his brother is alive finally clicks in Pony's brain, and he moves just the smallest bit, snapping Darry awake. He still won't look at his younger brother. But Pony is fully focused on Soda, the war in his mind still battling. His eyes are clearer than they have been for the last month, and for that I'm grateful. Steve is still bouncing his leg in impatience, but I have a strong hold on the back of his neck, and there's no way in hell I'm letting him ruin this moment. I think he knows that, because he hasn't tried to move in about ten minutes. His hands are wringing together and his eyes fly back and forth between Soda, Pony, and Darry.

I watch with baited breath as Pony faces Soda as best he can. Darry buries his head into Pony's back, clearly not wanting to watch them interact - probably because he thinks that Soda's already gone. The youngest Curtis brings Soda's hand to his face in an effort to see if Soda's blood has gone cold. The confusion warps back into his gaze as he realizes that his brother is still warm.

"Am I dreaming?" Pony's voice echoes in the quiet room. His eyes lock with mine as if wanting confirmation that this isn't real, that his brother isn't alive, that they've killed him.

I'm about to shake my head no when Soda's ragged voice answers for me. "Hi, Pone."

I forget that Darry exists until he peers around Pony's shoulder to look at his younger brother. Soda is still looking at Pony, but he manages, "Hi, Dar."

Ponyboy drops Soda's hand from his own, letting it rest on his arm, and stares at Steve and I. "He's not here. Tell me he's not here... Tell me we just pulled the cord. Tell me we just killed him."

It takes everything in him, but Soda moves his hand so that it holds Pony's chin, forcing them to lock eyes. "I'm here, baby." Fabric moves as he turns to look at Darry. "I'm here."

"What?" Darry's voice cracks so hard I'm not sure he'll be able to speak another word.

Soda is holding everything back from ripping himself from this bed and hugging them. He can't open his eyes anymore, but I know he's seeing them in their confused desire. "Come here. Just come here."

Steve and I watch with the smallest of smiles at the way Pony and Darry almost fight to get closest to him. Pony finds himself against kneeling on the floor, his hand still wrapped with Soda's, while Darry is looking down on both of them. None of them can speak; they're caught up in a storm of grace, their crying mixed together. Darry gets on one knee and pulls Pony to him, and my lungs collapse as I see Soda lift his shaking hand out of Pony's and delicately into Darry's shirt sleeve, going as far as he can with both of them pressing close. Darry relaxes at his touch, finally receiving the skin-to-skin contact that Pony has had ever since we got here. "I'm so sorry" are the only words Soda can seem to say.

I wish I knew what it felt like for them - the relief, the worry, the love. And I know that Steve and I love them all like we're brothers, but like they say: blood is thicker than water. In some ways, I know we can go and say how much we love him, how much we're glad he's safe, how we don't know what we would do without him. But there's apprehension in both of us - our bodies are tense, ready to leap up and rush to the party, but at the same time, we know it's not the right time. I'm not sure if it will ever be a right time.

My hand is on autopilot and it loosens on Steve, but Steve doesn't bolt to the other side of the bed. He simply sits there, his tears shining in the morning sun. So while they're rejoicing, Steve and I merely sit there, almost wary of letting ourselves be seen. I've never seen Steve so willing to leave Soda to his own devices. They've always done shit together, even if it got them in trouble. Sometimes I'd join, but mostly, it was them. They were in their own little world, and I guess in some ways it brought Pony and I closer, which I'm grateful for. I place my other hand on top of his, and he looks at me for a second before throwing an endearing smile.

Steve and I hang our heads in silent agreement - this is their moment, their time, their dream coming true. We get to our feet as silent as possible and make our way to the door -

"Stevie? Two?"

We turn at the sound of his voice. He's still got a handle on Darry and Pony, but Soda's face is turned towards us. "Don't leave..." And there's desperation hidden behind the pain of talking. Our feet like lead, we manage to find our way back to the chairs on the other side of Darry and Ponyboy. This time, Steve lets me sit in front of him, and I stare at Soda's hand like it's a fucking spider. I'm terrified to grab it. I don't want him floating away, or disappearing, or exploding into a million pieces. None of that would happen, but I'm not good under pressure, believe it or not.

I hear Soda try and laugh, but all that comes out is a ragged breath. He does what I can't - he puts his hand over mine, and Steve's is suddenly added. I feel Soda grip my hand weakly, and I stare into the dark brown eyes that hide in a sea of black and red. "Thank you," he says, and Steve and I finally break down.

I'm not sure how long we rejoice. Though the sun is fully risen, my eyes shut. I don't think any of us move from his side.

I don't think we'll make the same mistake twice.