"Excuse me a moment." Balthas said as Aesir left the dormitory, rising from his chair to follow after him. Once the scout had made it down to the first landing of the stairs he hailed him. When Balthas got down to the landing he asked "Are you ok? You seem a bit...well. You know my door is always open,right?"
Aesir's eyes squinted at Balthas "Sober? I know, I can't stand it either but sadly there are times that society dictates I lay off the whiskey..."
"That's not what I meant, son." The old Templar said, immediately regretting the comment he had earlier made.
"What else am I going to come and talk to you about then?" Aesir countered with a smirk. The scout was good at distraction and derailing topics that hit too close to home and this was one he was very good at dodging.
"You know perfectly well what I'm getting at. Raven's experience, while not exactly the same is sure to have struck a few chords with you." Balthas continued. As a psychologist, he was used to patients trying to change the subject. Aesir wasn't going to get away with using the tactics he employed on others. He was dealing with a professional now.
The Sin grew a little colder and as emotionless as he had been before with Merrill. "It's War, never ending at that. Thousands of years people have suffered through countless and unspeakable acts of cruelty, my hands are far from clean nor is my back. But it is still war, this is a daily occurrence." He said blunt as always. He turned away from Balthas not to be heartless or cruel to Ravens situation, it certainly did strike a chord with the asmo but he wasn't going to show his cards so easily.
"Ah, yes. I've seen my share of War and what happens in it. You and Raven have a slightly more intimate experience though. A Templar stands with a shield between himself and his foe. The Assassin's prey is like to feel his killer's breath on his cheek before he feels the blade...You also share an experience few live to tell about. You're right about such things changing a person. You're right about Raven having a long road ahead of him. I'm wondering if there are a few steps down that road that you still need to walk...and I'm just reminding you, if you want to talk, I'm here for you. I'm here for the both of you." Balthas said hoping what he was saying might sink in this time.
Aesir started down the steps. Looking over his shoulder as he replied. "You know nothing of my experiences or intimacy with war, so leave me be. Furthermore, right now your concerns should lie with Raven and his needs. I came here for answers about what transpired in the tavern, staying merely to offer suggestions based on what I've seen..."
"My concerns lie with any I see in pain and you...well you retain some tender spots for sure...Watching you up there, others may not have noticed, but it was obvious to me. After I was forced to hang up my board, I have continued to dedicate my life to helping my brothers-in-arms. I just do it by other means. I know all to well that one does not wipe the blood off their hands as easily as their blades, but with help a soldier's experiences need not haunt them the rest of their days... " Balthas pressed.
Aesir raised his hand, gesturing the other to stop, making it clear the probing was wearing thin. His brow was creased, but his voice remained calm "I have no 'tender' spots as you call them and you'd just be wasting your time with me, but up there is a raw and damaged individual who could do with a lot of attention. You're worried about his military career, I'm wondering if he can last the month... " The white haired scout walked towards the front door, slipping into hide to avoid anymore conversation. Though he did not outwardly show it, Aesir was troubled by much of how the two upstairs seemed to be handling things. They appeared to be more interested in fixing the weapon than the person. Given that he had been handled this way after his escape from his Elyos captors gave him reason for concern. He knew that Balthas would give Raven the treatment the Templar thought the young Sin needed, but Aesir was worried it wouldn't be the kind of treatment the boy deserved.
Balthas sighed as the Sin slipped from sight. That was one way to best a psychologist, Balthas mused. He hoped Raven wouldn't employ similar means.
Raven's Story part 20
July 19, 2015 at 7:55 PM
Written while listening to:
/watch?v=7paS9g4Q6Pg
After Balthas got up to follow after Aesir, Merrill stared into the fire seemingly deep in thought. Shade didn't wish to intrude so she rose from the sofa and padded softly over to where Raven lay. As she drew closer she thought she heard him moan softly in his sleep.
"R-Raven?" She said softly, as she approached hesitantly.
"Mmmmmh..." A soft sound, barely audible, drifted from where the Assassin lay.
"Shhh... everything will be alright." Shade told the male tentatively running her hands through his thick, sable hair.
Raven stirred slightly and open his eyes. A look of profound sadness filling them as he gazed up at her. Shade looked to where Merrill sat with knitted brows, then back to Raven. "You just need to try and relax, don't worry about anything..." her fingers still combing through his hair.
"Oh Shade...If only you really were here with me..." Raven whispered with a great sigh. His eyes roving over her face as he raised one of his hands, pressing his knuckles to his lips. "...I miss you..." He breathed, his voice breaking with despair .
Tilting her head to one side, she reached out to take his hand cautiously. After he made no attempt to move or flinch, she took it fully in hers.
"...I'm so scared, Shade." He whispered shakily as he gripped her hand.
As he made his confession, Shade decided not to break his thought process. He always appeared quiet by nature and she was sure that there were many things he wouldn't openly say. If thinking she was just a dream would help him to open up, speaking about the fears and worries he had obviously been keeping inside, she decided it would be a good thing. So, taking a seat on the floor next the bed she rested her elbow where he could continue to hold her hand. " Now why would you be scared darling? No one is here to hurt you."
"You're wrong..." He breathed, his eyes widening. "They do hurt me! They hurt me all the time...and the pain, Oh Azphel's Shadow the pain! It hurts sooo bad..." He choked out, a grimace squeezing the features of his face .
"Who? Who has been hurting you?" Shade demanded suddenly concerned by the honesty that shown out of his frightened eyes. His voice filled with naught but the ring of truth.
"The Elyos! Sarpan is a very strange place, Shade...I do not like it here. Everything is all jumbled and mixed up! Things keep happening that have happened before. I know the words people are going to say. I know exactly what they are going to do." He whispered, his voice filled with the torment he had been experiencing. " Something is wrong with this place... Something terribly, terribly wrong and I don't know what to do. These -things- keep happening over and over, Shade. I don't understand any of it and I'm so very afraid..." His voice trailing off.
Shade got up off the floor still holding Raven's hand, taking a seat on the bed and coaxing the young male to rest his head in her lap as she drew her fingers through his hair rhymically.
"You must let these things run their course... the more you try to hold them back the more they will consume you...Have you talked to anyone?" She consoled as she realized the things he spoke of were manifestations of the trauma he had experienced and not really happening. Regardless, they were real to him. That she could clearly see. "You could talk to Merrill or Balthas surely?"
"Balthas..." Raven all but spat out the name. "Everywhere I go this Balthas is there, peering at me. I may for the moment be confused by some things here, but not nearly enough to mistakenly confide in someone so obvioiusly sent to keep tabs on me. There are probably others I've not yet managed to mark. The eyes of The Great City of Darkness watched as I languished in Elysea. I have no doubt her gaze is still cast on me. Precious little happens, that she does not see."
"Raven..." She sighed, concerned at first by his paranoia. Until she remember that Assassins often served as Scouts like Aesir and Raven was sure to have done quite a bit of spying for his country. Maitaining a modicum of sceptisism and paranoia undoubtedly insured thier survival.
"I talk to you..." He said with a wistful smile. "Though this is the first time you've spoken back to me. There is no one else for me to talk to. I don't know this place or anyone here... I don't know why Kvasir has exiled me to this foreign shore. Nothing here is familiar and much of it is so very strange..." His cried, his voice breaking. "I am all alone, Shade. Kistig is the only one left to me. The only soul in all of Atrea to whom I can turn...and now, when I so desperately need him..." His voice trailed off as he turned his face away.
"Look at me, Raven, I'm sitting right here with you. I'm holding your hand." Shade said looking at him through her long lashes. "You're not thinking right, but that's okay. You just need to get some rest. I'll watch over you."
"I know I'm not thinking right...I'm losing my mind!" He chuckled softly thru his nose. "Oh, Shade...when I was suffering and alone in the desert you came and saved me. If only you could come save me now."
"You're not going insane, Raven. You're tired and you've been injured, but you're perfectly sane... " Shade chided him. "I'm right here and I'll be here in the morning."
"Yes, yes you will. The jeweler said so." Raven declared
"The Jeweler?" Shade asked confused.
"Yes, I took your pin to him. The one you gave to me. He's making it into a pendant. that I can keep the memento of my salvation close at all times. Something real that I can hold onto. Something to keep me from getting lost in the clouds when the ground drops out[/ when the pain becomes to much to bear]..." Raven explained. " This place may be able to confuse and confound me. It might make me question everything around me, but the pin is real! I know it is because I brought it with me." Raven said triumphantly, his eyes taking on a fervent gleam. More and more of what Raven said was beginning to concern her and she found the look in his eye unsettling. Shade decided she had allowed his delusion to go on long enough. She had to think of something that would get through to him. She had to make him see that she was there, really there and not some figment of his imagination.
"Merrill? Excuse me for intruding, but... what time is it right now?" She asked. It came to her that if Merrill acknowledged her being there that Raven would finally believe."
"Huh?" The Cleric inquired, looking in their direction.
"Yes, the time... I'm sorry to trouble you." Shade said giving Merrill a wink, still combing her fingers through Raven's hair.
"Oh, Raven. You're awake. How do you feel?" Merrill said getting and going over to the bed. " A package came for you. It was on your bed. I put it on the nightstand "
"A Package?" Raven said, sitting up expectantly.
"Yes. It's right here." Merrill said, smiling at the happiness with which Raven took the box and clasped it to his chest. Whatever was in the jewelry box must be something special.
"Merrill... would you be so kind as to please fetch us a jug of water and two cups? if... that's not asking too much." Shade asked after being upstaged.
"Are you thirsty? You must be. I'll be right back..."
"Thank you so much!" Shade called after Merrill, then turning back to Raven she added. "I think he thinks I'm real."
Raven scrunched up his nose at Shade dubiously.
Merrill return with a jug and some cups. Raven held out his hand to take the cup that the Cleric had poured only to watch in disbelief as Merrill handed the cup to Shade.
"Oh thank you, Merrill." She said fluttering her long lashes at Raven in triumph. He would no longer deny she was really there now.
Raven swallowed, his eyes growing large as he backed away shaking his head from side to side. His brow deeply furrowed, his breathing shaky. The back of his hand covering his mouth.
"Raven? Raven, what's wrong?" Merrill asked softly. Raven's odd reaction confusing him.
"He didn't think I was real. You, however, just proved to him that you can see me too..." She told Merrill quite pleased with herself.
"N-None of this is real... None of it..." He said shaking his head as he laughed bitterly. "... They did it. They finally managed to do it...They -broke- me..."
" Shade, stay with him. I need to go find Balthas...Stay with him!" Merrill said alarmed as the Sin rocked slowly back and forth the knuckles of one hand resting against his lips as he laughed.
Shade reached out and touched his face, directing his attention toward her. "Look at me darling. Look right here at me."
He stopped laughing and much the same way he had done in the desert, he leaned his face into her hand. "I wish this had been real. I wish -you- had been real..." He whispered as his eyes grew bright with tears.
Shade moved in closer, slowly wrapping her arms around him. "I am real. "
"So beautiful. You are so very beautiful." He said pulling far enough away from her to look at her face with wistful eyes. "Part of me knew the moment I saw you glide inside the tent. Part of me knew even then... White and shimmering like the snows of Morheim... just a dream..."
"Everything will be ok... you've just had a hard day..." She cooed, drawing him closer gently rocking from side to side as he sunk his head into her embrace. Shade wasn't sure what to say so kept up her soothing embrace whispering softly in Raven's ear. "No ones going to harm you, everything is going to be alright."
"Oooh, I wish that was true. I really, really do." Raven said sadly as he slowly pulled out of her embrace. He looked at her, his eyes dry, smiling at her softly for a moment, before he pressed himself into the corner, the side of his head resting against the wall as he hugged his knees. The agony that twisted his features slowly draining away until nothing was left. Empty golden eyes stared vacantly at the foot of the bed.
Merrill returned with Balthas. "Raven? Can you hear me, Raven?" The Templar said softly. "Shade. What happened? Tell me what happened."
"His sense of reality seems to have taken... a detour...He thinks he's been broken..." Shade replied. Merrill sat on the bed beside Shade taking Raven's vital signs.
"Broken?" Balthas asked.
"Yes, that 'they' ... you know..." trying to be careful of her wording.
"Raven, look at me. Raven?" He'd ask speaking calmly and slowly. "Ok, Shade when did this start, um approximately how long ago? Do you remember what set him off? What triggered this?" He asked after getting no response.
"Ah... just a few moments ago. He didn't believe I was really here, then I asked Merrill for some water to prove that I was here but it seems to have the opposite effect..." Shade answered trying to keep her voice as calm as the Templar's.
" Ok...ok..." Balthas muttered as he ran a hand thru his hair. He paced back and forth alongside the bed thinking. "It's not exactly outside the pale for him to disbelieve your physically being upstairs in the dorm of an Asmodian barracks. Even being in Sarpan, I must admit your presence here is...highly unusual. On that, I'm sure we can all agree."
"...I...sort of fostered that belief at the start..." Shade admitted. "He was opening up to what he thought was a figment of his imagination. I know he needs to talk about what happened to him...so...I...I let him...I didn't know this would happen! I only wanted to help him!" her concern causing her voice to rise.
"...Wanted to help...or wanted to hear? If he wanted to talk about these things with you, he would have. Instead of waiting until he was ready to do so you decided to -help- him by violating his trust?" Balthas querried. Shade bristled, his words stinging all the more as they hit home. "The first thing we do, is stay calm. You, especially, Miss. He's sitting quietly at the moment and I'd rather not see him spring into action like he did last night should he believe you to be in distress. Next, we try and snap him back into reality." He exhaled, dragging a hand over his face. "I wish I had said something to you sooner, Merrill. He displayed symptoms of acute stress the first time I met him, but I was out with my niece and he was going to the clinic. I thought when no one contacted me that Gaynor had decided to treat his condition with medication. I should have followed up. If I had there's a good chance I'd know more about him. What to say to bring him back to us..." He chided himself. "How is he, Merry?"
"He's fine, physically. Normal resting pulse and respiration. Judging from his pupils he's not catatonic. He's here. He just doesn't believe he's Here..." Merrrill reported pointing down with his index fingers on the last word in attempt to make clear what he was trying to say.
"See Raven... you're here with us, everything is alright," Shade murmured encouragingly. As Shade continued to plead Raven hugged his knees tighter. "You know who you are... You know where you are...just tell them, darling...speak to them...speak to me...please..."
"Balthas, did you see that? Keep talking to him Shade. Keep talking..."
"R-Raven? Look at me, dear. Look at me...please..." To everyone's delight, he turned his head to look into her eyes. She gasped, clasping her hands together and smiling at him. "Raven? Where's the box you had? The one Merrill handed you?" Shade asked him an idea blossoming in her mind. "Would you hand me the box, Raven?" She encouraged. He turned his head slowly, his eyes flat, but they were looking at the box. Shade considered this to be better than nothing. He was responding at least. She moved her hand slowly toward the box seeing how he would react.
"Wait! What's in the box?" Balthas asked.
"I don't know. A necklace, I suppose. The box was resting on his pillow when Aesir brought him in. Raven seemed very happy when I gave it to him." Merrill informed the Templar.
"I can't say that I'm thrilled about not knowing exactly what's in that box. I don't like the idea of anymore surprises, but keep going, Shade. He's responsive at least." Balthas told the flaxen haired Elyos when she looked to see if she should proceed.
"Oh my...this...this is beautiful..." Shade gasped when she saw the necklace the box contained. She looked over the open lid to see him smiling. Not the small and fleeting self-deprecating half-smile she had seen him wear before, but a full, bright smile, filled with warmth. A smile that shined in his eyes and lit up his face. Though she was fairly sure that the delicate-looking matte black chain had been crafted to be sturdy and strong, she still lifted it from the velvet lined tray with great care. The clasp, a pair of marcasite wings sculpted with such detail and realism that the feathers appeared to flutter as the light played over them. Hanging from the chain, held up by a tiny blue snowflake the colour of her eyes was a slender metal pin. Anyone looking at the necklace would think this plain, slightly worn looking rod out of place, but Shade knew it was a uniquely precious object of exceptional importance . Deep in the Eracus Desert, Shade had broken the pin from her hair ornament and laid it in the sand near the feet of an Asmodian prisoner that he might escape.
"Would you like me to put it on you?" Shade asked the quiet young male as he stared at the necklace transfixed. While he neither spoke nor moved, his eyes said yes with an expression on his face that begged her to do so. As she lowered in around his neck, Raven leaned away from the wall and into the cage of her arms. Shade lifted his long hair out from under the chain before drawing him further into her embrace.
"Real?" He whispered into her Sun scented hair, clutching the pendant tightly in his hand.
"Yes, Darling, it's real. All of this is real." Shade repeated to reinforce the hold on reality he so tenuously held. She continued to hold him as she slowly stroked his hair murmuring words of comfort.
"Thank Aion..." Balthas huffed as he sat down heavily on the bed across from Raven's. Merrill exhaled a sigh of relief, sliding down the front of Raven's locker where he came to rest on the floor. When the Sin she held appeared to have completely relaxed she encouraged him to lay down, tucking the blankets around him loosely.
Merrill stood without comment. He walked over to the small lounge area on the other side of the room and picking the heavy armchair that sat facing away from the door, he lugged it back. "Here, my dear. Sit. Try and get some rest maybe." He instructed Shade. "I'm sure you must be almost as exhausted as he."
"Thank you, Merrill. This is very kind of you." She said taking a seat in the well-stuffed chair. The cleric draped a blanket over her lap before turning to leave the unlikely pair.