Once in the hall, Merrill hovered beside the seemingly unaffected Sin. "Not to worry, Raven. I know what to do. Leave everything to me, ok?" The Cleric said. "Come on, follow me." He continued and Raven fell into step behind him as they left the clinic. Merrill took him to the hotel that was nearby. He got the Sin a quiet room in the back, leaving instructions that the young male was not to be disturbed. It wasn't uncommon for patients of the clinic to stay at the hotel and the rooms in the back were purposely kept slightly isolated when possible just for this reason. Merrill asked for fruit and a pitcher of water to be sent to the room, staying with Raven until the items were delivered. The Sin seemed to be handling the situation extremely well, considering everything that had just happened. It was the Cleric who appeared angered and upset beside his stoic former patient. Merrill wished that he could have stayed with him, if nothing more than to keep him company until he could get word to Balthas that the Templar turned psychologist could take over, but he had been sternly reminded that he was on the clock at the clinic and had appointments he was already late for. He'd only been given permission to escort Raven to the hotel under the expressed directive that return promptly. Offering his apologies and promising he'd be back as soon as his shift was over. The grey haired Cleric returned to the clinic, leaving Raven sitting on the bed alone in the hotel room.
Raven's Story part 25
August 2, 2015 at 6:18 PM
Written while listening to:
watch?v=4M7F9mvac0k
Raven sat looking at the closed door Merrill had left through for a moment before falling back onto the mattress. Rolling onto his side, he pulled the blue velvet ribbon he had started using to securing part of his hair in a ponytail high on the back of his head, loosing the long strands. He lay there, brushing his thumb over it before drawing his knees to his chest with both hands cupped tightly over his mouth. The enormity of everything that had happened crashing down upon him.
He knew he had already counted as he lost when he was allowed to languish so long in the desert, coming dangerously close to death until Shade had rescued him. It was a harder blow to take to find his home a smoldering ruin, his entire family wiped out. Not a single Shadowsong having survived. His own name listed among those who had perished in the attack told him that none of his superiors expected him to make it out of Eltnen alive. Now, another family had been taken from him, once again in the blink of an eye. He was no longer part of Fenris' Fang. The thick, black line struck across the folio on Gaynor's desk having told him Raven Silversong not merely disavowed, but redacted.
His father had sent him to enter into the service of The Shedim Lords the day after had ascended. Trained to be an Assassin not long after. It was all he knew. Being an Assassin for The Fang was all he had left after everything else had been taken from him. Now, in the space of a heartbeat that was gone too.
He lay in a borrowed bed in a room rented by another not even the clothes on his back belonging to him. Everything had been taken from him. He had nothing left. Nothing, except for his life and he wasn't sure how long it would be before they came to take that from him as well; one was either an Assassin or a dead Assassin. Knowledge was power and that was something The Empire did not willingly give up. Doing what they did, Sins of The Fang knew too much to ever be let loose from their leash expecting to survive long after. Sitting up, he removed the necklace he wore. He had found solace in shade that spread from under the wings of another man's wife. Laying the pendant and it's chain upon the bed, he went to the desk to pen a note.
He would leave a sizable sum to Kistig, with instructions that a part of it find it's way to Shade along with the necklace. The rest of the Shadowsong holdings would go into a trust to be administered by his Godfather, Kvasir or a firm of his choosing while he maintained full control and approval of expenditures. The funds being used to care for the orphans, aid any adults who survived and rebuild his beloved Morhiem. Lastly, he asked that the records of the Shadow Court list Raven Silversong as having past to the aether while in service to the Empire. His other self having given everything asked of him without question; his blood, sweat and tears for too many years to see that record completely removed.
He lay the note on the bed beside the necklace and went to the dresser where the white porcelain bowl of fruit and pitcher of water Merrill had called for sat. Dumping the fruit on the floor, he filled the bowl with the water from the pitcher casting an Agony Rune to heat it. He stood for a moment before the steaming bowl, looking at his reflection in the large oval mirror that rested atop the dresser before driving his fist into it. Cocking his head to one side with a critical eye he surveyed the wreckage. Dispassionately he picked a suitable sliver of broken glass, gripping it tightly in his right hand. Resting his left wrist on the lip of the bowl he lay the sharp edge of the of silvered glass against the one and only thing he had left to him. The one and only thing he felt still belonged to him. In that moment, he had absolute control. He wasn't going to allow anyone going to take this last thing from him. He would decide how and when. A thousand thoughts crashing into each other, this seemed the only avenue available to him. He couldn't see any other way. Blood from where the shard cut into his right hand ran through his fingers turning the water in the bowl a deep ruby red and he hesitated.
Angry at his momentary laspe, he swept the bowl and pitcher off the dresser sending bloody water to splash against the far wall as shattered glass and bits of porcelain skittering back across the floor. With a roar that echoed all his confusion and pain he slammed his fists upon the dresser before overturning it. Blood from the gashes in his fingers and palm casting arching lines of crimson on the walls. Panting with the exertion of his outburst, he stood looking at the bits of mirror that winked up at him from the floor. Leaning against the wall where the dresser once stood he let himself slide down to sit with his knees against his chest. The knuckles of his hand landing on a long, slender dagger of silvered glass. Empty inside he picked it up. His sable hair a silken blindfold covered his eyes as he slowly positioned the shard.
The snow maned Scout, while on his way home after completing a small job, decided to stop by the barracks and look in on the Sin he had carried there. Upon hearing the news his brows knit tightly. One of the Archons at the clinic had mentioned seeing a grey haired cleric leading Raven toward the hotel. What started as a quick pace became a jog. The lad was unstable for reasons beyond his control, but older Sin now had the greater good to contend with as he fought himself for equal reasons to champion this weapon that had been sent to Sarpan for repair.
Disregarding the Asmo behind the front desk's admonishment that the new guest was not to be disturbed he made his way toward the back of the hotel. The loud crash telling him which room the young Sin was most likely in. He tested the doorknob. Finding that Merrill had left the door unlocked he swung it open, momentarily stopped in his tracks, eyes wide at the bloody scene that greeted him.
"Raven!" He cursed as he moved across the room, quickly snatching the shard and tossing it away.
The other sat amidst the wreckage of the room not even having flinched when the shard was taken from his hand leaving it empty now too. Empty, except for the bright red liquid he watched run between his fingers to patter into the ruddy pool on the wooden floor between his feet.
Scarred hands grabbed the male's arms, checking to see where the blood was coming from and how badly he was bleeding, muttering to himself. The gashes he could see in the young Sin's fingers and palm did not appear life threatening so he released his hold to place a clawed hand under Raven's chin lifting it to meet his own. He clicked his fingers near Raven's face. "You still there?"
Golden eyes stared out from behind the long black bangs. Flat, emotionless eyes like that of a bird.
"Oi! Raven, talk to me..." The White Wolf snarled, a growl to his tone literally reverberating in his chest that might seem like anger. Scowling at the boy he gave Raven's face a hearty 'tap tap' with his palm hard enough to make a normal person blink. Getting no response, the snow haired Scout stood up straight. He took a moment to kick the shards of the broken mirror that lay scattered on the floor away from the seated male before heading to the bathroom to turn the cold water knob of the shower on full blast. Going back to Raven, he slung him over his shoulder with a grunt taking him to the shower where he deposited him under the cold water fully dressed.
"Hey kid, you gotta start talking to me..." He ordered. After what seemed a very long time to the frost maned Sin, Raven slowly crossed his arms over his chest, sliding his hands up to hug the tops of his shoulders. His knees drawing up close as he shivered under the torrent of cold water pouring out of the showerhead.
The cornflower eyed Scout crouched down to look at Raven as he sat shivering under the frigid deluge. He reached out and took hold of the young male's chin once again holding it with his claws forcing eye contact. "Have you taken anything? Are you hurt anywhere else? I need you to respond..."
"...Go away..." Raven said in barely a whisper, averting his eyes from the other's piercing blue gaze.
"Go away is a start..." He'd smirk with a nod, adding some warmer water into the spray, but not enough to make it comfortable. "The more you answer, the more hot water you get...Are you injured anywhere else other than these cuts on your hand?" He gripped Raven's chin tighter as the other attempted to twist his head to the side. "Answer me!..." The words rumbling in his throat softly. The white haired Asmodian didn't need to yell for his voice to have a commanding tone
Raven held out his arms out for the other to see in way of a reply. Blue eyes leaving his face to inspect arms free of new injuries aside from the still fresh, angry looking scars that spoke of one part of what had driven the young male to be where the White Wolf found him. Once the Scout was satisfied the only new physical wounds were those on his right hand from where the mirror shards had cut him as he gripped them tightly he added more enough hot water to make it tolerable. Huffing as the other didn't seem to even register the difference . He stood, also wet from the water, his hair dripping and stuck to his face as he peered down at the shattered Sin who continued to shake for other reasons ...ones that would have to wait...
"Stay put..." He comanded as he turned, leaving the bathroom to inspect the main room for anything that might be amiss aside from the obvious blood and scattered debris.
Raven shifted his position to lay on his side, curling in a ball on the shower floor under the warm water. Strands of his hair flowing with the blood from his hand toward the drain.
As the older male walked around the room he spotted the note on the bed. Picking it up, he read it with a deep scowl on his face, before tucking it in the pocket in his armor for the time being. He went through the drawers, turned down the pillows and pulled back the sheets looking for anything else that may be there. Finding nothing beside the message written on hotel stationary and the necklace that lay beside it he returned to the bathroom where he leaned against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest and a blank expression.
"Well...what the fuck were you thinking?' He asked in a quiet tone despite the bitter snap of his words. "Raven?" He added, still waiting for an answer. He drew in a long breath and snagged a towel for the boy, before reaching over to turn off the water.
"...Please..." A tiny whisper breathed from behind a blanket of wet , black hair.
Hearing the whisper, he stayed his hand and crouched down to listen more carefully. "What is it?" He asked quietly, trying to coax more from the boy.
"...Please...just...go away..." The tiny voice pleaded as it shook with the pain of his grief.
"You know...the nicest thing anyone ever said to me...was 'fuck you'..." The other male knew it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, but felt it applied. "So..." He continued as he turned off the taps. "Raven, in the nicest possible way, fuck you!..." The words were spoken with such warmth to be so rude a phrase. He offered Raven the towel. "Don't make me strip you down. People might get the wrong idea.."
"...will you...go away if...if I do this for you?" The quivering voice asked.
"Sure..." Aesir replied.
Fumbling hands loosened the obi around his waist and while he had a bit of difficulty extricating himself from the heavy fabric of the soaking wet yukata, he did finally manage it. He sat looking at his chest for a moment and then with purpose, sharp claws started to tear away the wet bandages encircling his torso layer by layer. The strips closest to his skin pinking with blood from the tiny cuts inflicted by the sharp tips of his claws.
The older Sin had turned away when it looked like Raven was going to cooperate, but when he heard the sounds of fabric shredding he looked over his shoulder. Rushing back, he grabbed the young males arms restraining him from doing himself further harm. "This is why we can't have nice things..." He sighed.
His hands being held away from his body, Raven slumped forward, letting the other hold his weight. His head hanging down, his shoulders hitching as he silently started weeping.
Letting out a heavy sigh, The ice eyed Sin wrapped an arm around the male pulling him into his chest in an attempt to comfort him. This...wasn't something he was great at, but even he couldn't let the boy weep in such a way. As the White Wolf held him, the emotionally shattered young Sin wept harder, raggedly drawing air into his lungs. The walls he had constructed, having irrecoverably cracked under the strain of holding the combined weight of grief, guilt, anger, fear and shame contained for so long, gave way. Like a breech in a levee, the raw power behind the small trickle eroded away that which constrained it until a raging torrent at last flowed free.
"Wh-why?...Why!?" Raven choked out. The Wolf didn't have answers to the questions he knew were being asked beyond that single word, so he chose to remain silent as sobs robbed the other of speech .
The damn finally broken, Raven was mercilessly assailed by all the emotions he had been holding back since his escape from Eltnen. To keep from bodily being washed away he sank the tips of his claws into the water softened leather he clung to. The white haired Scout slowly leaning back to rest against the tiled wall, letting the overwrought young male anchor himself. Blue eyes staring at the doorframe. He was in no hurry and seemed mostly unaffected, aside from the crease in his brow. Though it was far from the truth. He was well aware of the turmoil that ate away at the other first hand. He said nothing. He barely moved outside of occasionally petting the back of the dark haired Asmodian's head, holding him as let Raven cry.
As time past, the keening lessened until the bird caged in his arms did little more than sniffle, the desperate grip on Snow-maned Assassin's shoulders loosening.
"I know you're soaking wet. Are you cold?" Aesir asked the mat of black hair on his chest.
It nodded yes, still sniffling a bit. Head bowed down with face pressed against the leather jerkin the other wore.
"When you're ready, dry yourself off...I'll find you something to wear..." The blur eyed Scout said softly, before relaxing his hold on the markedly subdued Daeva . The older Sin rose to his feet and handed Raven a towel. He stepped out of the shower and walked to the doorway where he stood watching to make sure the boy wasn't going to do something foolish again. Raven pushed handfuls of the towel around, haphazardly drying his skin. When he no longer knew what to do with his hands, he moved to sit with his back pressed into a corner, his knees drawn up to his chest as he hugged the crumpled up towel.
As it became clear that Raven had settled down, the Scout fished through his cube to pull out a spare set of clothes. They weren't anything special to look at, just a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of black pants. He had already searched the hotel room and found it empty of any personal items. Aparently, the only thing Raven had when he arrived at the hotel were the clothes he had been wearing. Clothes that now lay soaking wet in a heap on the shower floor.
"Can you stand?" He asked, the shirt and pants drapped over his shoulder.
Raven rose off the tile a bit unsteadily, hugging the towel to his chest. Here and there the white marred by splotches of red where Raven's hand had held it.
The Frost maned Assassin was no Shade...taking the shirt in both hands, he brought it down in one fell swoop. Bam! practically bagging the poor male as one would do when trying to catch small game. He pulled the long wet hair out from under the shirt, but did not help him with the arms just yet. Letting him clutch the towel a little longer and also serving as a measure of privacy for the broken bird. He draped the pants over Raven's shoulder in the hopes that he would manage that on his own, averting his gaze when the lad took the pants and went about the somewhat ungainly process of putting them on, one leg at a time.
Aesir waited patiently, his arms folded tightly over his chest, his mind ticking away with thought and concern as he surveyed the hotel room that looked as if a murder had taken place there.
"Blood...a little goes a long way and it makes such a fucking mess..." He sighed. "Stay where you are. I'll be right back, promise..." He said walking over to the bed to pick up the necklace before striding out the still open door. The Snow maned Sin sprinted down the long hall, slowing only before reaching the front desk where he showed the necklace in his hand to the attendant.
"Got what I came for..." He told the other glibly as he ambled out the front door. Once outside, he raced to the back door he'd left propped open and back to where Raven stood still hugging the towel to his chest underneath the shirt that practically swallowed him. While larger than Raven, the other male judged that once the dark haired Sin got some meat back on his bones, he might, just might fit into the shirt properly.
"Hand it over...I'll give it back. I just want to get your arms into those sleeves.." Tidus said holding out his hand. When Raven complied, Aesir set the towel of the bed and helped him get his arms that what were somewhat lost in the more than ample fabric. True to his word, he handed the towel back, sighing as Raven clutched it, the still slightly sun kissed chin sinking into the top of the splotchy pink mess. He turned and headed for the door, waiting a bit less patiently as Raven shuffling after him.
"You got it? I mean we keep up this pace and we'll be at my house in two weeks." The snow maned Sin said sarcastically, but in a soft and gentle tone.
Raven attempted as best he could to match the slightly taller male's stride. His head still bowed. A curtain of obsidian shadows obscuring all but the other's heels, as the leather clad Asmodian took them outside through a back door.
"Yeah...this isn't gonna work..." He exhaled. Spawning his thick black wings he took to the air pumping them hard as he flew forward before doubling back sharply to collect the shell shocked Sin using the speed of the turn to help gain the momentum he needed to lift them as he headed towards his home.
Raven neither flinched nor cried out as The White Wolf swooped down on midnight wings and took him aloft. Once in the air, though he raised a tentative hand to take hold of the collar of the stiffened leather jerkin, turning into the other's chest as the wind began to buffet his face.
Feeling the grip on his collar, Tidus wound his arm a bit more tightly around the boy to prevent him from falling. He had expected more of a reaction from Raven, but really he should have known better not that he was unhappy about it. He wasn't wasting any time as they flew due to the extra weight of another person, thankful Raven wasn't much extra. During the journey to his residence in Sarpan, the Wolf couldn't help but feel sorry for the young ninja, but he put his sympathies toward the back of his mind, finding them hitting far too close to home.
Raven's Story part 26
August 8, 2015 at 3:43 PM
Written while listening to: watch?v=0HeODOdTXl8
Aesir beat his wings hard as he came to a landing in front of his house, panting more from the strain of the soft landing than having made the trip with the additional weight. He'd carried heavier loads that held much more enticing promises. Raven had been quiet during the journey having only attempted to curl up against the chill of the wind generated by the flight. When the arms under him did not allow this, his transport was thankful that the one being carried didn't struggle, but simply turned his back as much as he was able against the wind, pressing his chest closer to the warmth of the one holding him as his long hair dried to flutter like a silken scarf against Aesir's neck and over his shoulder.
Aesir used his foot to twist the doorknob and pushed the door open. This was not the first time he had had need to enter his home with his hands full, though it usually wasn't a broken bird that he carried. Between Raven's thin frame and long hair, however, any nosy passerby would not have been able to tell the difference.
The house was a bachelor's and it showed. Not that it was overwhelming, but clothes lay scattered about. A towel, dropped where he happened to have been dressing at the time. The dust had dust bunnies, but the sink was oddly clean. Aesir walked past and over what was strewn across the floor to place Raven on the red sheets of the wooden bed that had blankets haphazardly thrown over it. The dark haired Sin laying with emotionless eyes staring blankly. The older Sin stood frowning at the blood covered towel still clutched in the other's hand, before turning to leave the room. He dumped his gloves on the table as he moved through the kitchen taking some alcohol from a shelf and gathering up his medical supplies before returning.
"Let me have a closer look at you..." He said, setting what he carried on the bed and reaching to take the towel from Raven. It slid without resistance from the hands of the male who lay staring over the sheets at nothing in particular. "Let's see that hand of yours, it looked like it might need stitches..."
Raven did not offer his hand nor did he keep Aesir from taking it. For now this worked in the other's favor, so he took the hand, inspecting it with a look of concentration. "Yeah...Gonna need a few here." He said, splashing a bit of the alcohol over one of the shallower cuts testing to see if the sting even registered as he disinfected. Blue eyes watched as the other failed to blink even as he poured the liquid over the deep gash that ran across his palm. He threaded the needle to stitch in silence. There wasn't much the older Sin could think to say that wasn't going to bring the younger one crumbling down.
"...Sorry, kid. I know -this- is gonna sting..." He said softly as he pushed the needle in and pulled the wire-like thread tight to draw the wound closed. Hard at work, looping the thread into a knot and cutting it, he didn't see Raven close his eyes. He did look up when movement from the sable maned Sin caught his eye. The hand that had lain upon the bedclothes moving to grip the fabric of the shirt the bird had been so brusquely netted by.
"Welcome back." He greeted, working on the next stitch. "You feeling better?" He asked. While the other male did not respond, neither did he stare out into nothing like he had before. He lay quietly on the bed, blinking normally though his face held no trace of emotion nor discomfort. Aesir finished stitching up wounds that need to be in silence, satisfied the other was no longer catatonic at least. He wrapped a bandage around the stitches to keep them safe. Once he was done, he shifted his position to lift up the hem of the shirt Raven wore to see how his chest was faring. Sighing at the damp tattered remains covered with pale pink splotches where the sharp tips of the other's claws had managed to etch the skin underneath.
"...gonna have to fix this up. Come on. Sit up." Tidus instructed. Raven complied and the snow-maned Scout slipped the shirt up and over back to front. He cut away the blood stained mess around Raven's chest, frowning deeply. An internal struggle of his own taking place within the older Sin and he sat silently for a long time. ***
"...they had me for over a week..." He said eventually. He reached back to take the alcohol one more time, cleaning the skin covered in pink dots and dashes from the multitude of tiny cuts over larger, older scars, some that were still healing.. "...I was out numbered in Herion on an Intel mission..." Continuing to work as he spoke. "...they wanted to know everything. Everything they could get and I knew what that meant...The job I do. My hands are too dirty to be claimed...and dirty enough they's stop at nothing to to get me to talk. They would..." He paused in his disinfecting. " They'd push me to the brink of death, daily. My bones were broken. My flesh whipped, cut, stabbed and burned...They'd heal me just enough to keep me alive during interrogations, then heal most of their handiwork when they were done for the time being. Not enough for me to sleep comfortably, though. Guess so they could start with a somewhat fresh canvas the next time..."
Tidus spoke as though it happened to someone else, wrapping the bandages around Raven's torso. He watched as Raven's breathing incrementally increased as he had continued to speak. Took note of the other's claws gripping the edge of the matress.
"I won't fuck with you. Not everyone can cope, I have triggers now...I hate what I do and love it at the same time..." He said looking into the other's eyes.
Raven opened his mouth only to close it again. His brow furrowed, golden eyes swimming with a clear desire to tell the Wolf something he didn't know how to put into words. The older Sin could see the boy struggling. He really wasn't good with this stuff. "...get some rest." He said softly. When the fragile looking bird instantly obeyed by laying down, the older Asmodian grabbed a bit of blanket and dragged it over him. "You're safe here. I'll be in the next room...and kid, you can call me Tidus. Aesir is for the general public. You're not the only one with more than one name."
Tidus, Raven thought as he gripped the blankets tighter. His heart still hammering in his chest from unpleasant memories dredged up by the pictures Tidus' words had painted. His hand moved along his neck, searching. His breath catching in his throat as he found his necklace missing. Remembering having removed it, he heaved a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. It was just as well, he thought. Raven Shadowsong was listed as having died in Morheim. Raven Silversong had made it out of Eltnen only to have his existence redacted by those who had sent him there. He lay on the red sheets of Tidus' bed a hollow, empty shell of what he once had been. A vessel without purpose or place, he thought to himself finding this brought him a measure of peace as The fear and grief no longer seeming to hold any meaning. They no longer belonged to him.
Tidus would take some clothes on the way out of the room and walk out to the lounge, the door open but off to the side the scout would unclip his armor, undoing the catches and pulling it over his head, as he did the necklace would fall free and tap gently on the wooden floor. Leaning down, Tidus to pick up the jewelry. Placing the chest piece on the armor stand casually, he walked back into the bedroom. "...this yours? I mean... It's a little femine I guess but hey, each to their own right?"
Raven didn't open his eyes to look. Whatever it was, it wasn't his. The guards had taken his weapons, his armor and his cube at the clinic and even the clothes that lay wet and crumpled on the floor of the shower of the hotel were borrowed. The necklace belonged to Raven Silversong not him. He could picture it where it lay on the bed beside the Will in the ruins of the room Aesir had spirited him away from. He did own anything anymore. Not a single thing. Not even a name.
"Oi... Raven..." He called as he walked over beside the bed holding it up. "I know your hearing is off these days but here... Was in your room...I mean... I like it but it doesn't match my eyes..."
Raven opened his eyes to see the necklace hanging from Tidus' hand. He reached out a hand to take it, stoped and drew his hand back empty. Closing his eyes and drawing the covers tight around himself he shook his head no. The necklace belonged to an Asmodian named Raven Silversong. Silversong, an Assassin who's very existence had not just been redacted, but completely erased. A Deava who should have returned to the Aether in the shimmering desert of a foreign land.
Walking away Tidus pulled the chain to catch the pendant into his hand. The male laying in his bed had been through a lot and he wasn't going to push him hard... Yet. Once in the lounge he'd finish changing, placing the armor pieces on the stand, with all the armor fitted it would look like a person, black mask and all. Raven didn't appear bothered so Tidus carried on. He poured himself a glass of whisky and sat on the couch. He had no intentions of sleeping yet. ***Unbidden, his thoughts strayed back to the boy and what he'd seen when his wrappings had been removed. Months Merrill had said, plural. The snow maned Sin could believe it too. It was clear the scars Raven carried weren't from a single session. Somewhere down the line those who had held him stopped caring about healing their handiwork, choosing instead to carve layer after layer of cruelty into his flesh. Tidus doubted he'd be able to place/lay a hand anywhere on the bird's body without it touching a mark or two/ at least one mark . Raven's back having been worked and reworked so relentlessly as to be completely dark in colour and roughly ridged like the bark of a tree. / relentlessly[, completely dark in colour] it resembled the roughly ridged bark of a tree.