"So, you're a free man. What do you plan to do with yourself?" Tidus asked as the two of them made their way toward the table in the kitchen.
Raven blinked at the question. Since he had ascended all he had known was the military. He had followed in the footsteps of his father and grandfather before him, choosing a life of service to the Empire and the people under her protection. Granted, being an Assassin wasn't as honorable as being a Templar like most of the males in his family had been, but Raven was not cut out for life as a knight in shining armor. This was what the instructors had been quick to point out as they guided him toward the shadowy path that was all he now knew. Raven stood, dumbstruck. He did not know what he was going to do.
"I take it this isn't something you've thought about yet." Tidus said, turning to look over his shoulder at the male who stood gripping the back of the wooden chair in front of him in silence. "What do you want to do with your life? Military or not, you still have a purpose..." The older Sin asked as Raven blinked rapidly a few times, shaking his head from side to side confirming that he had not thought about this.
Raven had to many older brothers for his father to spend time teaching him about the affairs of the family fortune. Knowing this, the youngest of the brood had thrown all his passion into following this other road that had been set before him. A road that turned out to be darker than he had originally thought he'd be traveling as a child, but taking the adage 'let the shadow's guide you' probably a bit more literally than most Raven had done just that. While the life of an Assassin had profoundly changed the soft hearted Asmodian, he had turned out to be exceptionally good at it. His mother would have pointed out that his sharp mind and indomitable spirit had seen him become good at whatever he set his mind to though.
"What's important to you, Raven?" The snow-maned Scout asked, looking over to him.
"Shade." He answered without a pause. The name spilling from his mouth before he even gave it half a thought. She was often all he could think about and she was ever flitting in the corners of his mind even when he didn't have his thoughts bent upon her. The warmth of her smile, the softness of her eyes, the coolness of her fingers on his skin. She had been his salvation and remained a light in the darkness. Suddenly, however as she stood shining in his mind, his stomach turned to ice. His hand still holding tightly to the back of the chair, Raven turned causing it to tip over landing with a resounding thwack on the hardwood floor. His other hand clamped over his mouth he darted out the door without another word.
"Going so soon?" Tidus said to the empty room. The Sin had thought to let the boy go, walking out of the kitchen as if nothing had happened. If he wanted to wander off that was his business. Sure he didn't want to see anything happen to the kid but Tidus wasn't a baby sitter. While it was clear the crow wasn't playing with a full deck and Tidus knew exactly how that felt. None of this was his problem. Yet he struggled to shake the feeling in his gut that this bird had been intentionally broken.
"Ah for fucks sake!" He cursed under his breath, brows knit tightly in annoyance and stepping outside in a huff. He didn't have to go far though. Half kneeling on the ground outside the older Sin's door, Raven, having turned a paler shade of white returned the scone back upon the doorstep.
"…Lovely..." Tidus huffed. He waited until the boy had finished, before leaning down to help pull the bird to his feet. "Have you told me everything, Raven? I mean one minute we're talking in my kitchen and the next you're out here returning the pastry back to where a kind soul left it for me. Why is that?"
"I do not know..." Raven said, confused by the question, but processing information right now wasn't a strong suit for him at the moment so he chose to answer with simple honesty. "What is it that you wish to know?"
"Why are you being sick for a start?" He said, carefully watching the younger male. The Sin saw an opportunity to probe for something deeper.
" My stomach turned...icy all of a sudden when I thinking about Sh-..." Raven started only to have his stomach see him coughing and heaving into the grass at Tidus' feet.
"Hmmm, well you need to be able to keep some good down. Not allowing yourself to stomach those sorts of things can make you sick, kid..." Tidus said, more to his words than what lay on the surface. He hoisted one of Raven's arms over his shoulder and walked him back to the house. The nauseous male didn't understand what Tidus meant, he didn't see himself as have much that was 'good' left in him. If any at all. He decided to ponder it later. For the moment, he let the other hold him up as he concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.
Inside, Tidus let Raven down on the sofa fronting the fireplace. Leaving him there to curl with his knees tucked up under his chin while he went back to fetch their tea.
"Be careful with it." He said as the other reached a slightly shaky hand toward the cup of hot tea. "Have you got it?" He asked, watching the other take the steaming mug in both his hands this time. Satisfied that he wasn't going to spill it, Tidus went spark the fireplace embers back to life with what seemed to Raven an very long poker.
"...when..." Raven whispered to the other male's back.
"Hmmm?" He asked, looking over his shoulder with a raised brow. "When what?"
"...does it..." Raven continued haltingly as he shifted his gaze into the cup he held. This male had told him to be honest. Had told him he not only understood, but had been exactly where he was right now. That they shared the same feelings, thoughts...demons... "...get better?"
"... it entirely depends on you... how you handle the situation..." He answered with a sigh, having already had a pretty good idea of what the other was asking.
"H-How..." Raven faltered. "...how did you?"
Tidus thought about that for quite some time before he managed an answer to an almost impossible question. "Because if I then gave up...it would have meant she died for nothing..." His voice quiet at the admission.
Raven watched the steam rise from the cup and disappear. He thought about the answer the snow maned male had given him until long after the misty tendrils ceased to rise. He wanted to ask more, but knew how it felt to thinking about such things. He didn't like doing it. He had actively avoided doing so ever since his escape and didn't wish to give Tidus any more cause to, so he remained silent.
"I don't have any divine and magical words that are going to make it better for you, everyone has pain everyone has suffering here in this time and place even the ones that don't show it. If you're going to seek out the aether I can't stop you in the end, if you want it bad enough you'll have your way. May as well spend that energy serving a purpose..." Tidus went on to say as the fire caught. "You're not dead... you're not useless... My purpose right now is to clean up Vidar's mess or any other that comes across my path. I'm not going to boast that it's a good purpose, it's not... but I have managed some good things from it as well as the 'greater' good I guess... the people need Vidar to stand clean before them for the sake of unity." He said throwing another piece of wood on the fire as he rose to stand.
"One's purpose is to serve the greater good..." Raven whispered by route into his tea more to himself than anyone else.
"Raven, do you know what it is that I do?" Blue eyes asked as sharpened claws scratched the jaw below them.
"Only what you just told me." Raven conceded in complete honest. Living among men and women who traded in secrets as a livelihood, he had long ago learned to take everything said at face-value while taking none of it as truth and answer in same...until the green eyed Elyos had taught him the error of such ways. Listen. Accept. Obey.
"I don't just always simply do intel work, assassins rarely fight on battlefields. Information is worth more than any kinah and that can easily mean returning the favor of torture. Something I have done many times now and not as many as you'd think were elyos... Do I advise this for you... no..You seem to need something else. I see you protecting people not..."
"...As you see fit.." He said glumly, as the purpose the other males saw for him was something people had told him time and again that he wasn't cut out to do. Though it had been what he had wanted to do when he had first ascended, he had come to terms with his short comings a long time ago.
"You're going to have to tell me as another assassin why you don't have the aptitude to protect another from harm? In my experiences scouts makes brilliant protectors" Tidus countered, looking entirely confused by the other's admission.
Raven hugged his knees, his lips resting against them as he watched the flames dancing over the fuel unsure of the answer Tidus sought. The many admonishment that had been hurled at him forming into speech before he had half thought them. He spoke none of them, unsure of the answer his questioner desired. One may suffer for silence, but answering incorrectly paled in comparison.
Tidus looked away from Raven, what he'd said was true though he knew how tough the other's journey getting there would really be. A purpose was a good start, but there was still the nightmares to endure, the fear to overcome and the looked he'd see in the eyes of others at the sight of the scars carried among a large list of other things. He didn't tell the other how he crawled inside a whiskey bottle and struggled to come out, still did... how his bed was usually pretty warm so he didn't have to think too much by himself. How the asmo struggled to keep anyone important in his life and not shove them out the door the minute they pressed the wrong button.
He also neglected to tell the other how at times he'd delight in his killing, that hunting his prey would become a sport. The right person could make a wonderful scream almost as good as any drink or woman. How the blood spilling down his blades, the sound of broken bones awaken a blood lust that offered him a greater satisfaction than anything else, but it was something that needed to be kept under control. He didn't trust Raven would handle the information well enough right now. The assassin found it difficult to talk to Raven on such matters, looking over him as he hugged his knees.