Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, nor do I own Harry Potter. All ideas are my own.
Al stays with me until the next morning, his presence is enough to calm me down.
At one point or another, we both fall asleep on the sofas, buried under the warmth of our knitted blankets, accompanied by the soft crackle of the fire.
It's good timing really, of course this whole thing is not a perfect situation, but at least Al and I were planning on meeting today anyway, and are now already together. And to think we were meeting so I could check on him - how ironic that we're currently here, together, but instead he is the one having to comfort me.
Once I'm awake my tears stop flowing, and we finally begin to talk.
"What's wrong Rosie?, he enquires, giving me a serious gaze. His voice is soft and gentle, trying to work out what's wrong but also trying not to pry.
What makes Al my all time favourite cousin, is the fact that he is so great in every situation. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, but he is fun when you need him to be, serious when the time is right, and above all always a shoulder to cry on.
God, I sound like I'm trying to set him up for one of those muggle dating sites. Not that I would anyway, as I want him to realise that he would be great with Alice... once he gets over his current heartbreak.
It's unlike Al and I to be so serious with each other, normally we're always pissing about, but at the moment it seems that's all we ever are.
"I don't know!", I wail, beginning to waffle.
He sits, cross-legged on the sofa, waiting for my tirade, silently giving it the go ahead.
"I had a huge argument with Malfoy, then didn't want to go on a date with Anto, went on said date, enjoyed myself or at least I thought I did, then met Victoire who told me I have more passion with Malfoy than I do Anto, and then came home to Malfoy shagging Belle in my dorm."
I let out a huge breath of air, deflating like a balloon. My eyes are sore, swollen and puffy from the previous night. Sniffles fill the air as I desperately look for a tissue, which Al hands to me.
"Sounds rough Rosie, but are you sure there's not more to it? You're normally much stronger than this."
"Maybe I'm sick of being strong! I'm sick of everyone analysing me, thinking that they know me best, but I'm also sick of the fact that even I don't know what I want!", I shout, standing up quickly, pacing round the room huffing.
Tears and misery have now evolved to anger and fury, I'm shouting, but not really at Al, and he knows this.
Whatever comes out of my mouth is just a complete stream of consciousness. I'm not in the right mindset to articulate my words right now.
"Rosie, we're still young. We don't have to know what we want. If going on a date with Anto has really confused you this much then why don't you end it before it escalates? Then your problem will be back to normal.", He says, offering kind words of advice.
Shaking my head in response, I carry on.
"No Al, I don't think it's that simple of a puzzle to be solved. Something has shifted, I can feel it, and I'm not quite sure what it is. It makes me so uneasy, like I don't even know who I am anymore. I wish there was someone who could just tell me what to do, and show me that it's all going to be alright."
And suddenly it comes to me - the letter! That is the only thing that will truly understand what I need right now. After all, it is there for advice whenever I need it, and responds after something has happened with Malfoy, and 'something' is that of an understatement right now.
If I told Al about the letter, I'm sure he'd be understanding, but I know deep down he wouldn't truly get it. It would be like someone coming to me with a Divination problem, I'd still have no idea what it meant no matter how many times they explain it to me.
"You will be fine Rosie. I just think you need to work on yourself at the moment, do you think Sluggy will let you off any detentions?"
"There is no way he will Al."
Ever since I dunked Malfoy in potion, accidentally of course, there's been a slight edge to his voice when he speaks to me; I can tell I've gone down the ranks of favourite student. Not that I'm particularly bothered, I'm glad he's the sort of teacher who doesn't let favouritism influence grades.
"There's only 3 detentions left anyway, but I probably won't get an invite to Slug Club this year", I laugh, feeling much better now that I know the letter is waiting for me in my dorm.
"Well you definitely didn't then, Alice and I got ours last week!", He replies, grinning.
"Oh what a shame, I'm gutted!", I say sarcastically, faking tears, which is helped by the fact that 1. i stopped crying only 7 hours ago and 2. my nose is all snotty and my eyes are red.
The time after a long cry is a really weird one. Tears may have ceased, but the other following emotions then suddenly set in. It feels as if something hangs in the air, unspoken words of "are you okay" , "what's the matter", "are you sure you're gonna be okay?", and I personally never feel back to normal until a couple of days after.
I feel fragile, easy to break, one touch and I'll crack into tiny pieces.
I can feel the beginnings of the post-crying headache coming on. Despite my sleep, which was mainly broken by worrying and fretting, my eyes don't feel rested, and I make a mental note to pop into the Infirmary to get a pain relief potion before leaving for my dorm.
Which is of course, the place I ran from only 16 hours ago. I just hope, if Malfoy and Belle continued to go at it, that they would've stopped by now. But then again it wouldn't surprise me if Malfoy slept in my bed just to rub it in my face further.
This only heightens my worries more, as I suddenly remember something that's in my dorm.
Shit, the letter - did I leave it on the side, or put it back in my draw? I know he can't see the contents of it, so I'm not bothered by that, but when I broke the seal I know I peeled off some wax and just abandoned it on the side, so if he's nosied around, which I'm sure he has, he'll know I'm in.
As minor as that sounds, it's proof that I've managed to get into the letter, and that I know what's inside.
I just wonder how long it'll be before he comes and finds me.
"You look like shit Weasley", is the first thing I hear stepping out of the Infirmary.
Pain-relief potion in hand, I ignore the imbecile who has given me this kind compliment, and start quickly walking away, pretending I've never heard it, as if it is just white noise.
Fast footsteps follow me, and unfortunately for me my 5'4 frame can't outrun the long strides of someone 6'1, and before I know it hot breath is whispering in my ear.
"I know you managed to get into that letter Red, and believe me, I'll make you tell me if it's the last thing I do".
I stop suddenly, letting him furiously snarl in my ear, but again disregard the comment, as if he is an annoying fly that I can just swat away.
I wish I could, swat him away I mean, but I decide against it, slapping him in the middle of the corridor outside the Hospital Wing is probably not the best thing to do. No, I think the silent treatment is the best option, I just hope I don't give in.
Stalking away from him, I carry myself boldly, head up high and nose in the air. I may give off the impression that I don't give a shit and I'm full of myself, but right now, I don't care, I just want to get away from Malfoy.
I look at him out of the corner of my eye as I turn the corner, he looks slightly perturbed, and disgruntled. He's one to talk about looking like shit though, dark shadows circle his eyes, making him appear gaunt-like. Good, I'm glad he got a shit nights sleep, it's the least that he deserves.
How dare he come and threaten me like that after everything he's put me through in the last 24 hours? If only he knew how much I've been crying over this entire situation.
But then again, I hope he never finds out. He'd just use it as another form of leverage against me. It's one thing for him to know how angry he makes me, but it's another for him to know that he's actually made me cry.
When I finally know that I'm in the clear from him, I pause for a second, allowing myself to catch my breath and process my thoughts. Peace washes over me for a second, the first time I have felt it in nearly 2 days.
However, as always, it never lasts for long in Hogwarts.
James, Fred, Lucas and Anto all come bounding round the corner, all sweaty and red, clearly having just played a Quidditch match. They're laughing and joking, and my mood lifts for a second, laughter from other people is always so infectious.
They stop when they come across me, James running up to me to trap me in a sweaty hug, ruffling my hair, and Fred and Lucas look very amused, glancing between me and then Anto, wiggling their eyebrows.
They then turn to each other, and pretend to start snogging wildly, which makes me let out a cackle of laughter. Although I don't want to see Anto right now, as I told myself I need space, I am glad I've come across them, as my cousins always know how to cheer me up, even though, they don't actually realise that I need it right now.
Burning bright red, I feel my body begin to go up in flames. I look up at Anto shyly, trying to gauge his reaction. He's grinning at the pair, but I notice that he looks slightly embarrassed when he realises I'm staring at him.
James turns to Fred and Lucas and bursts out laughing, to which they stop, startled by this sudden noise and come back down to reality, chuckling at mine and Anto's reaction.
When we've all stopped giggling, Lucas begins the conversation, "We'll leave you two love birds to it!", nudging Anto who rolls his eyes.
"Do we have to? I wanna make sure Anto's not pawing our cousin?", James laughs, but with a slight edge to his voice.
James and Fred are extremely protective over my love life. There's been no need to be though, up until recently it's been practically non existent.
"What, like you were doing to Ciara the other day?", I chip in playfully, shoving James's shoulder, to which he tries to put me in a headlock.
He fails of course. Knowing him for the whole 16 years of my life I have now become immune to his antics and know exactly how to get out of them.
"Well you know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them", Anto starts, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer.
He suddenly dips me to the floor, as if we're dancing, his strong arms holding all my body weight, and I let out another shriek of laughter. He picks me back up and spins me around, and for a second I really believe he's about to kiss me in front of my family.
Forget what I said yesterday, I do think I actually like him. Sure, not all the initial attraction was there, but I decide in this moment that I want to make a go of it. I want to take things slow, and ensure to tell him that, as it's only fair, but if I didn't at least try, I could be forever stuck with the what if? What if I'd never given it a shot, could we have been together properly? Some things take time and work, and this potential relationship will definitely be one of those slow burners I think.
Screw what happened yesterday. Maybe I don't want a passionate relationship, where my eyes burn and my blood runs hot, maybe I want to be treated nice, by a charming boy who would never do me wrong.
I squash the recurring unfamiliar feeling which has just reared its ugly head again. No, I will do this, you never know until you try.
I briefly chat with my cousins and Lucas, before they leave me with Anto, and we agree to meet next weekend too. So much for taking it slow. Our conversation is short and friendly, nothing too steamy or raunchy, but neither is it awkward after our date yesterday.
He kisses me goodbye, and we go our separate ways. I know I'll see him at some point before next weekend, but it was actually really nice to bump into the boys, even if I only saw Anto yesterday.
When I finally make it back to my dorm, ready to be alone so I can read the letter, I am less than pleased to see Belle sat on her bed, clearly away in the clouds.
Less than pleased is the understatement of the century, and look I know it wasn't her fault, she actually hasn't done anything wrong, but she just acts as a reminder for everything that happened yesterday.
I try to ignore the emotions rising inside of me, I'm in a happy mood now and don't want it to be spoiled.
Moving towards my bed, ready to grab the curtains to pull around me, I'm stopped by Belle gently grabbing my arm. My entrance has clearly snapped her out of her daydream.
"Hey Rose, I really am sorry for what happened yesterday. If I knew anyone was around he wouldn't have been here."
At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but when I see how genuine her face appears, big eyes and a tentative smile, I can tell she actually means it.
The thing with Belle is, although she relies on male validation, and is a bitch when with Eliza, when she is alone she is not too bad. But that pisses me off even more, the fact that she is so bothered by her reputation that she is happy to be rude to people in public, when she is surrounded by her minions, but will be nicer when by herself in private.
I can't be bothered to argue, it seems to be all I've done recently. I do it enough with Malfoy that I don't want to actively seek to fight with somebody else, so decide to drop it. Like I said, she didn't actually do anything wrong.
"It's fine Belle. Just a case of wrong place wrong time", I reply kindly, although you can hear the tiredness in my voice.
"If it helps, Scorpius shoved me off him the minute you left. He refused to even look at me.", she says, trying to justify her actions, but with no bitterness evident in her voice.
Apart from that fact she could just be trying to make polite conversation, I don't know why she's bothering to tell me. I don't need to know the ins and outs of their relationship, nor do I particularly care for them anymore.
"You don't need to explain yourself to me Belle, what you do with Malfoy is none of my business"
She looks confused for a second, but before I let her continue, I draw the curtains around me, so I'm enclosed, safe from the outside world.
I hear her mutter quietly "But I thought -", before she leaves the room, the sound of the door closing letting me know that she is gone.
I feel so comforted to be back in my safe haven, I am finally alone at last, in my home.
Then I remember the letter, and scrabble around looking for it. That bastard, it's not in my bedside drawer, or on the side, so he must have taken it.
I contemplate what to do for a second, throwing myself on my pillows, but am poked in the head by what I later find out to be a piece of parchment. Relief fills me, he hasn't taken it, yes he's moved it and tried to get into it, but he hasn't taken it.
But then again, why would he? Moving it is of no help to him, he can't get into it, so perhaps he thinks that he will be able to break me, and get me to tell him what's inside. Yeah right, over my dead body.
Opening up the envelope, I can see another entry, underneath the one from a couple of days ago. This parchment must have an extension charm on it, as something tells me that this letter is only going to get longer and longer.
Skimming it briefly, I'm told what I already basically know, Scorpius is hot-headed, but then Mrs. Malfoy tells me something interesting:
"Scorpius is, unfortunately, someone who gets easily jealous. Once he's decided what he wants, he can't stand to see anyone else stand in the way. He can be spiteful, and vindictive, and will go to any lengths to make the person who's hurt him feel the same way that he does.
Tread carefully Rose, my son is determined, and when he's set his heart on something, he will stop at nothing to get it."
Jealousy, jealousy? What is there for Malfoy to be jealous of? This letter has helped nothing, if anything only made me more confused.
I feel as if I've been given a riddle, like if someone has told me to count individual pieces of sand.
Trying to fill in the blanks, I am again found by the window, staring out across the Quidditch Pitch.
November has not been kind to the trees, stripping them away of their cover and comfort, leaving them bare, naked and vulnerable. It is windy this afternoon, that much is clear, the bushes rustle and shake, hugged by the chilly air.
Later on, when darkness has fallen, everyone is in bed, and the candles have been blown out, filling the room with the smell of burning wax, all I can think about is something that Vic and I chatted about yesterday.
We briefly talked about soulmates and what they mean, and it got me thinking, do I think Anto could be my soulmate? And before anyone says anything, I know, I don't mean it like that, it's very, very, VERY, early days between me and him, but the thought did cross my mind.
Victoire said that with her and Teddy, they didn't actually like each other when they first met, they used to bicker and argue all the time, and over time something shifted. That one day she woke up and had an unfamiliar feeling, that kept recurring over time, til it just suddenly clicked, and the charged energy and sensation she got when she was around that made her need to clench her thighs him made sense.
It's given me hope though, that my soulmate is out there. Maybe they'll just creep up on me, or maybe I'll have to find them, if they want to be found.
Oh Rosie - can't you see what's right beneath your nose? Also did anyone spot the Olivia Rodrigo reference in here - clue's in the title!
Have major writing block at the moment so hope it's okay. Next chapter will be up Thurs 27th May, I'm sorry if my uploading is really sporadic currently, I am getting them up everyday, but I have my driving test in 2 weeks which I've been preparing for :) Please review if you're enjoying!
Gutted - sad/really upset
Pissing about - playing/joking around
Pissed off - annoyed/angry
I've never realised until today how many different meanings 'pissed' has in British slang!