Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, nor do I own Harry Potter. All ideas are my own.
Avoiding Malfoy over the next couple of days is all I try to do, but he follows me like a bad smell.
Everywhere I go, no joke, I am harassed by him, questioning me about the ring, accosting me so he can yank it off, literally jumping out at me from behind corners demanding that I give it back to him.
Even though I try to explain to him, that no matter how pretty this ring may be, I wouldn't want his Malfoy heirloom on my finger for the life of me, he seems adamant that this is some evil ploy I've cleverly concocted in order to ruin his life.
"Fuck you Weasley", he tells me, rather than says, after grabbing my arm and dragging into the closest broom closet.
Mustiness fills my nostrils, and it takes everything within me to refrain from sneezing on him right there and then.
Snarling like a lion about to catch their prey, he continues, ignorant to our surroundings of broken broomsticks, wonky shelves and peeling paintwork.
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."
He's extremely riled up, as he always is around me these days, which means that I should tread carefully, but I couldn't help myself.
Humour wasn't the best thing to retort in this situation, so I allow myself to really consider it for a second. Nope, he would do the same if he were me.
"Be careful Malfoy it sounds like you're offering", I spit back cheekily, delighted when his scowl returns to his face.
One of the best ways, I've found, to ensure people stay mad while you stay on top of your game, is retorting with humour.
Cooly, as if you don't care, replying so nonchalantly that it only angers them even more.
I know it's a dangerous move in already testy waters, I am literally poking the bear, but it is the easiest way to keep yourself calm in scenarios too.
"You know Red, I wouldn't be so sure. The last thing I'd like to do right now is take you up against this wall, despite you practically throwing yourself at me"
"As if I ever would Malfoy, you're the last person on this earth that I'd ever find attractive"
A lie. A big, fat, juicy lie.
Unfortunately for me, I have come to the conclusion that I may appreciate Malfoy's looks.
Admitting this is something huge for me, I'd rather crawl into a hole and never come out, but it's true.
You're probably wondering how my thoughts have so quickly turned from making him angrier, to finding him attractive, and believe me you're not alone.
I feel as if my body and brain have betrayed me, and tried to deny it for the longest time, but I couldn't do so for any longer.
This feeling has slowly crept up on me over time, a feeling so unfamiliar that for a while I could not put my finger on it for the life of me.
But no, this does not mean I fancy him, I can just acknowledge the truth when it's staring right at me in the face.
Solving the problem logically, said problem being this weird sensation that made me feel light-headed and hot and flustered and I needed to clench my thighs together and butterflies went crazy and…
Yes, each time this happens to me, it all points back to Malfoy.
Do I have a degrading kink? No. Funnily enough I don't get turned on by being bullied or hit or thrown off of brooms, but I appreciate art when I see it.
No, not art, Malfoy is fine, attractive yes, but not art.
Oh god, my mouth has such a tendency to get me into trouble. At least they were free thoughts, and no one could overhear.
Victoire, Dom and Rox would have an absolute field day if they found out that I have given in to all temptations and admitted that he is good looking.
But no, I don't fancy him, even if he does have this annoying power over me that makes my knees go weak.
It is purely an attraction, no romantic feelings whatsoever.
How could I fancy someone who treats me like shit, and who I also treat just as badly?
Nope nope nope. That's just wrong. This isn't Pride and Prejudice (some muggle novel my Mum loves where two enemies end up madly in love). No way.
Also unfortunately for me, well not so unfortunate as I finally realise what's wrong with me, reassuring me that I'm not ill, I have figured out what is missing from my relationship.
Sexual chemistry and feeling. Although I thought it wasn't there, and then insisted it was, I have realised it's well and truly absent.
God, I really am clueless when it comes to love.
I am much like my mum in many aspects, but in this case, I am whole-heartedly my dad.
My mum always remembers that at Primary School, there was this boy who had a crush on me, and made it so obvious that you had to have been blind to not see it. He bought me flowers, and chocolates, and a teddy bear, and I still didn't get the memo.
We have to bear in mind this was Year 5, so I was just 10, but I've never gotten any better at it.
I wouldn't know love if it was staring me in the face.
And this realisation makes me such a hypocrite, seeing as I chewed out Malfoy earlier this year for not knowing the true meaning of love.
I did have a point, he does fuck and chuck girls for fun, although saying that I haven't seen him with any floozys recently.
Ever since the Belle incident after Hogsmeade, he's seemed to have gone solo.
Perhaps he's made a bet on how long he can be celibate for, but this behaviour is so abnormal for him, especially when I consider the fact that his mum's died too.
That's only relevant as normally, whenever anything bad used to happen, sex was his coping mechanism, and her death isn't just 'bad', but the worst it could possibly be.
God, now I sound like a psycho, analysing his every move, I ought to focus on my own life instead of his.
As much as Anto is a nice, charming young man, who would never treat me badly, he doesn't give me the urge to rip his clothes off and snog him senseless.
No, he's definitely more of a friend, someone I could chat comfortably with for hours, but never want to take it any further.
But I can't work out whether to tell him before the ball or after? Is it worse if I break it off with him before we go, leaving him scrambling to find a date, or after, when it will look like I'm just leading him on?
That's a thought for another day I guess.
Right now I have too much to think about, like the fact I'm currently trapped in a broom cupboard with my recently-discovered-that-he-is-attractive arch-enemy.
"Are you sure Red?", he whispers in my ear with a sultry tone, "Your face says otherwise. You're all flushed, and you're breathing heavily. Can Harrison make you feel the way I can?"
Oh shit. This is not good. I can't work out whether he has noticed this newfound attraction, or has just picked something random to say and unbeknownst to him, struck gold.
Either way, he can never know what sort of effect he has on me. Damn you body for betraying me.
How do our conversations always escalate from 0 to 100? One minute we're talking, just bickering, and the next minute it's full on escalated to war.
"Why do you care Malfoy?", I quip, "See him as some sort of competition?"
It's the best thing I can come up with, but I do wonder how he's noticed I'm so affected.
Unless it is blindingly obvious, I don't feel hot and don't believe that I'm panting or anything. No, I think I'm dealing with this quite well, despite my other feelings that I'm trying to desperately to suppress.
Speaking of the devil, the competition in question ranks open the door.
Shit, now I feel hot, and am panting like a dog. My heart beat is pounding a thousand miles per minute, and I just pray no one else can hear the bass of my chest.
Luckily, Anto isn't looking into the cupboard yet, smiling and facing someone else, saying goodbye, promising to meet whoever it is tomorrow.
Funnily enough, his smile drops like a stone the minute he sets eyes on me and Malfoy, and is replaced with a thin, stern line.
I had made sure to take a step back, ensuring that Malfoy and I were no longer nose to nose and that Malfoy didn't look like he was about to push me up against the shelves no matter how badly I wanted him to.
Malfoy either didn't get the message, or didn't care that he was going to cause havoc for me, as after all, why would he want to see me happy, as he proceeded to step closer, despite our intrusion.
Anto's confused brown eyes flit between the two of us.
Eyebrows furrowed, he looks angry, but not furious, more hurt.
I don't blame him though, who would want to see their potential girlfriend in a miniscule cupboard with someone they clearly despise.
"Rose", he begins, in a strained voice, obviously trying to keep calm, "How lovely to finally see you"
Oops, by that finally then, he's clearly realised that I'm avoiding him.
I can't work out whether he's being sarcastic, but that's the least of my problems.
Now he's finally seen me, in a tight broom cupboard of all places, with Malfoy.
Ah, could my day get any worse?
To no surprise, with Malfoy and Anto in such close proximity, it does.
Fortunately they don't get in a scrap, no one tries to punch the other, and Anto manages to save me from Malfoy's evil clutches.
But did I want him to?
Stop Rose. Let it die. Let this not so unfamiliar sensation waste away until it is nothingness.
Pretend you have it with Anto instead, maybe if you force it to happen it eventually will.
As I'm walking away, arm still in Anto's grasp, I try to gauge his reaction.
Cool as a cucumber, at least that's how he's trying to play it. But I can tell under the surface he is a balloon that's about to burst, a pan ready to boil over.
He's disgruntled, that much is clear, and his stormy expression makes him hard to read.
He makes polite conversation, but doesn't go into anything more, not that I expect him to.
It's the weirdest feeling, knowing you've upset someone but by not really doing anything at all.
I feel like I've cheated, and should apologise, but then again, I haven't actually done anything wrong.
Or have I?
Yes the situation looked bad, and yes Anto and I went on a date, but that was only one date.
I don't own the man anything for having gone on one date.
Stubborness wins this warring mental battle, which means I just continue the conversation, eyes trailing the floor, not bothering to look up.
In doing so, I notice that something has been slipped into my clenched fist, the weight of it suddenly seems so heavy.
A crumpled piece of parchment reads
"Astronomy Tower. 10pm. Don't be late"
No guesses who that's from.
Talk around Hogwarts soon turns to Christmas, and the upcoming ball, which I suddenly realise is actually only 3 weeks away.
All the girls can talk about is dresses, and shoes, and hair, and makeup, and to be honest the thought of it all hasn't really crossed my mind.
I've been more focused on the ring situation, with said ring still glued to my middle finger and showing no signs of coming off, and Quidditch.
Although I still can't fly, I obviously take an interest in the other teams games.
Hufflepuff played Ravenclaw yesterday, and let's just say it was a shit show.
Not as much of a shit show as the Gryffindor vs Slytherin, ie, no one got knocked off of brooms, but Ravenclaw played so poorly I cringed just hearing about the game.
Most importantly though, the Hufflepuff seeker caught the snitch which, as they hadn't scored any other points, took them to 150. Now, they are in 2nd place after Slytherin, with Gryffindor in 3rd place.
Ravenclaw is therefore in 4th, but there is a nice hefty gap of 50 points between us, which slightly reassures me.
This just means that we need to win our next match to even begin contemplating the chances of winning the Quidditch cup.
But, as luck may have it, our next match in January is Ravenclaw. So hopefully, when it eventually rolls around, they will play just as awful as they did yesterday, and I won't get knocked off of my broom. One can wish.
In my free period, I meet Alice and Evelyna, who I haven't seen since the Hospital Wing.
Evelyna, once again, is occupied by Lucas, and after an hour or so of having him annoyingly butt into our conversation, we just let them leave.
I suggest to Alice that we take a walk around the grounds, but she seems against the idea.
Something is troubling her, I can tell. She is quiet, subdued, as if someone has silenceioed her.
I watch puzzling thoughts and unanswered questions flit across her mind, as they suddenly appear in her glassy eyes before quickly disappearing as if they were never there.
So we sit, in silence, for the longest time, our thoughts acting as our sole company.
I don't really know what to say or do. Alice never gets like this, so I know it's bad, but I also know she hates people interfering.
Eventually, the silence becomes far too stifling to be able to stand it any longer, so I have to say something.
"Hey,", I start gently, outstretching my hand, "What's the matter?"
She takes a deep breath in, as if it will alleviate all her issues, and goes to say "I'm fine", but I interrupt her before she finishes her sentence.
"Don't tell me you're fine Alice. I know you. What's the matter?", I urge, a soft severity to my voice.
Only now that she properly looks up at me can I see the tears threatening to spill, peeking through her long lashes, ready to emerge.
"I don't know!", she says, "I'm so confused. I thought I knew what I wanted but now I'm not sure if I can do this!"
"Do what Alice?", I reply urgently, "What's going on?"
"It's Al," she begins, muttering under her breath.
I can then tell, even though he's clearly the cause of her pain, that she is just upset, not angry. There is no hint of malice or viciousness in her voice, just hurt.
"Right, come on, you can tell me. What's he done?"
"It's not so much what he's done Rose, but what I've got myself into. I thought I could handle this, whatever our situation was, but I don't know if I can do it!"
"Do what Alice?"
Confusion is an understatement, I'm completely baffled. I thought Alice and Al were happy? Every time I saw them together they were snogging each others faces off!
Again she goes to begin, but is interrupted.
However this time, not by me.
Her sentence trails off, the unfinished ending left lingering in the stagnant air.
Following her line of eyesight, I'm met with Al and Eliza, talking by the door of the Great Hall.
They enter, not exactly apart but not exactly together.
I can't make out their conversation from here, but I see Al laugh, and that's all the confirmation I need.
Al was just using Alice as a rebound, to make Eliza jealous, and it worked.
Well congratulations to him then, god, are all boys round here fucking arseholes?
Even my cousin, who I thought was so much better than this, couldn't resist giving into the temptation of playing 2 girls off against each other?
If it seemed like I was jumping to conclusions, all you had to do was look at Alice for confirmation of what just went down.
Ghostly pale as a sheet, white as ice, she almost throws herself out of her seat and runs, abandoning her half-eaten sandwich.
Luckily for her, well, if anything about this situation is lucky, Al and Eliza are now far enough into the Great Hall that she doesn't have to barge past them through the doorway.
Although what is interesting, what bewilders me, is that Al's eyes leave Eliza's almost instantaneously, and they latch onto Alice's retreating figure.
Then he glances to where she left, catching my glare, to which he gives me a questioning shake of his head, eyes very clearly perplexed.
I have no idea what goes on in that boy's mind, but all I know right now I need to be with my friend, who needs me now more than ever.
Following Alice out, sending one final dirty look Al's way, I finally find her in the girls' bathroom.
Bent over the toilet, she looks as if she's going to be sick.
A pile of dirty tissues surround her, she looks as if she's floating about white clouds, if you forget the fact they're really snotty pieces of paper.
Her shoulders shake with ever sob, and all I can do is sit there and rub her back gently, until she finally comes round and tells me what's wrong.
I wait for her to feel ready to tell me, I don't want to interfere or make her feel any worse than she already does.
"I thought I could manage it Rosie,", she blubbers, "Just being friends with benefits. It all happened so quickly and we agreed for there to be no strings attached, and you know how long I've liked him, the minute he suggested starting something I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. It didn't matter to me that we weren't anything more than friends with added bonuses as I liked him so much that I was prepared to overlook it. But then he said he had something to sort out, and starting acting cold and distant, and seeing him with Eliza just confirmed everything I thought was going on."
Fortunately, with every word she says, and every breath she takes, she becomes calmer.
It's obvious she hadn't had the chance to collect her thoughts, and is only just doing so now.
Now thinking and talking it through, she already seems relieved, and subdued, but not in the way she was earlier.
So Al hasn't really done too much wrong, but still, what he did isn't exactly great is it. Did he really need to use Alice, Alice out of all people, in order to get what he wanted?
"I'm so sorry Alice,", I start, "I'm going to find him right now and knock some sense into that boy, you stay here."
As I'm getting up, she grabs my arm, pulling me back down to the floor.
"No Rose don't, please. Like I said, I knew what I was getting into, and only have myself to blame"
"Yes but Alice he still can't treat you like that, it's not right!"
"But it's the way it is Rosie,", she answers, smiling softly at me, placing her hand on top of mine.
"I don't want you running to Al complaining because then he'll think that I'm really distraught about this. Obviously I am but he doesn't need to know that. It's for the best Rosie, really"
How is she still so nice even in a situation like this? I would be bouncing off the walls, absolutely fuming, about to grab whatever man made me feel like this by the balls and ask what the hell is wrong with him.
But that's my Granger-Weasley temper playing their hand, whereas Alice's temperament of Longbottom and Abbott means she always wants the best for others, even if that means sacrificing her own happiness.
We don't stay for much longer, funnily enough bathroom floors aren't our favourite places to hang out, and with a quick charm, we manage to hide Alice's red eyes and snotty nose, deciding to go on the walk she turned down earlier.
As the night progresses, Evelyna joins us and we spend the evening laughing and giggling, completely forgetting about our lessons as we're so trapped in our own bubble.
Again, this is another moment in my life that I'm going to remember forever.
It's not until the charm of the clock rings 10:30 that I know I'm in trouble.
I'm late, as always, and something tells me that Malfoy won't be a pretty sight.
—
Murky signs of midnight paints their colours on the canvas of sky. Stillness and tranquility enraptures all, broken by my footsteps pelting up the stairs to the Astronomy tower. The corridor is illuminated by fading candlelight, so faint that by the time I return it will surely be total darkness.
Tired and out of breath, I can just about make out Malfoy's shadowy figure in the corner, stood by the balcony.
Despite the fact I know he won't care, I begin pleading my case anyway.
I don't know why I care as much, I know I said I find him attractive but that doesn't mean I fancy him, but I start speaking before my brain can catch up with my mouth.
"I know I'm late you don't need to remind me. Alice was having boy problems and I had to be there for her"
Embarrassingly, I am panting like a dog and sweating like a bitch. I must be such a sight for sore eyes.
But he remains calm, his steely gaze showing no acknowledgement of my arrival.
"Relax Red.", he finally answers after a pressing silence, "I couldn't care less. We're here to talk about my mother's ring, not your friend's love life"
What I've noticed with Malfoy is, apart from Anto, he never insults any of my friends. Which is strange I guess, but also very mature. I know I don't have the best relationships with his friends, Nott is an exception seeing as he is an utter twat, but with Malfoy I always expect him to say some low blow against my friends.
He never has though, which I appreciate. It would only cause more arguing if we both starting insulting each other's friends, we insult each other's families enough.
Malfoy must have come to the conclusion that it's better to work with me, rather than against me, in regards to the ring.
The more he harasses me, the more I will ignore him, and the less chance we have of getting this ring off. Not that I particularly want to take it off, seeing as it's so beautiful, but I know it's the right thing to do.
Unfortunately for me, I think Malfoy has spotted that I'm extremely close with my family, and therefore would be destroyed with the idea that someone could end up wearing my mum's engagement ring.
And of course, he is going to use this to his advantage. I would expect nothing less from him.
"So Weasley, if you didn't steal it, which is hard to believe, then how come you can't take it off?"
He asks this stupid question as if this wasn't what we last argued about. I told him I don't know how to take it off, but clearly my answer wasn't satisfactory enough.
Whistling wind answers for me, wrapping me up in a chilly blanket, and it's intrusion is much welcome as it allows me to compose myself for a second, so I can work out what I'm about to reply with.
"I told you Malfoy. I don't know. Every time I tried to take it off I failed. I even used some sort of oil on it to try and loosen it, and the ring just seemed to absorb it. I know you don't want me to say this Malfoy, but this ring doesn't want to come off."
I'm trying to stay calm, as I really don't want to argue. This is the last thing either of us need, standing by the thin iron railing that prevents us from plummeting to our death.
His piercing eyes narrow, but apart from that he seems unperturbed by my words. By the looks of it, he's already realised that himself.
Again, my mouth opens and starts speaking before I even consider what I'm about to say.
"I will help you get this ring off Malfoy. Believe me, I don't want it as much as you think I do"
A furrowed eyebrow raises, and he gives me a wary gaze, but then he nods, as if against his better judgement, and replies.
"Okay Weasley. I'm not suggesting this to spend time with you because believe me, that's the last thing I want to do, but we're going to have to work together"
He sounds tired, and restless, stressed even, and I can't help but feel sorry for him once again.
Shaky hands rest against his forehead, as if alleviating a pressure point.
"Monday and Wednesday nights again. No change there. Room of Requirement. 9pm"
Those are his final words to me, not just words so to speak, but orders.
It only really occurs to me, as his retreating footsteps signal his exit, that we've just had our first ever civil conversation. The first time that neither of us have blown up at each other, and have managed to stay calm.
Something niggling away at me reminds me that this is a rare occurance, and won't be a permanent change going forward, but for a split second a ball of hope bursts inside me that maybe, just maybe, this won't be too bad.
Although, how am I meant to try and dissolve my newfound attraction for him if I'm spending time with him twice a week?
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I'm hoping that too much space with him will make me realise that no, you are going crazy and do not find him attractive. Not in the slightest.
I check Astoria's letters again tonight, and although not related to the ring as I had hoped, there is a new entry. A small entry, but still, a new entry.
Loopy black handwriting reads:
"My son is temperamental Rose, that much is clear. But if you know how to tame him, he is a wonderful soul."
A feeling of tranquility rushes over me tonight, nothing can interrupt it, not even Rox's ramblings on how fit Zabini looked today, nor the sounds of Astrid tearing through a new book.
There's a particular feeling that you get when you know something will never be the same. It's a rare feeling, that much is true, but from time to time it slowly peeps it's head out to say hello.
Tonight, for some reason or another, is one of those days where that certain feeling has emerged.
Something has changed, it's shifted in the air. I don't know what, or who, but something has. It slowly passed, happened as quick as a flash, and I know deep down, that whatever it is, it will never be the same.
Guys I am so sorry for being shitty with updates recently! Our wifi went down for nearly a week and my signal where I live is too bad to upload chapters, I didn't have any way of updating you guys!
I promise I am never abandoning this story, so no need to worry :)
I was busy preparing for my driving test… which I PASSED! So thankful that I did, ever since I did (yesterday) I have literally become a taxi for my family.
I am working loads at the moment and am trying to make time to write, follow this story and you'll be able to see when I update!
From now on I will give you two update dates, if the first one hasn't been met I will promise to meet the next one :)
And finally, if you are a Guest reviewer, I can't reply to your comments! I've been wanting to reply but I can't, I appreciate all your reviews though!
Next update: Sunday 13th June
If not Sunday: Tuesday 15th June
Primary School - Elementary School
Year 5 - 6th Grade
Harrison - Anto's last name