Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, nor do I own Harry Potter. All ideas are my own.
The air is calm today. Still. Not whistling or windy, nor stifling or sticky. One could even go as far to say it's peaceful.
Delicate layers of white have tucked the Quidditch grounds into bed, light coverings of ice skate along the tops of the towers.
And all I can do, all I can even begin to think about, is how ironic this entire situation is.
Here I am, upset, miserable, feeling sorry for myself, worried and all in all confused, and the tranquil atmosphere around me suggests I should be anything but that.
I suppose it's welcomed though. If the air was hot or stale, I'd feel smothered and wish I'd never even opened my eyes.
It's always strange, the day after any argument, or any disagreement. Whether you're in the right or the wrong, or sometimes neither, it's one of the weirdest feelings. At least I think so.
It's feeling out of place, a persistent uncomfortableness which almost feels as if you don't belong.
And sometimes you don't. In this case, I know I don't belong around Scorpius let alone with him, he made that very much clear. And I think that's the hardest thing of all, the vulnerability, the weakness, this very weakness that I knew I should've squashed weeks ago, but ignored due to that same frailty that makes my heart so breakable.
From now on I must leave Scorpius alone -
Well. I suppose if he wants me to leave him alone he should really go back to Malfoy.
But do I want it to, go back to old ways with old names and behaviours? Pretending that everything that ever happened, that whatever the hell it was, was all a lie?
No.
Of course I don't. I don't want to leave him alone. I will, as that's what he wants, but it's against my deepest and darkest desires; I'm not particularly happy about it.
I don't want to have to lie, and pretend, that anything wasn't real. Because it was, I felt it, and I know he did too. I know by the way his eyes used to catch mine. By the way my heart sank when I watched him nearly cry at his declaration that he can't see me anymore.
The old me would fight, force him into admitting what it was that Draco told him.
But that's not me anymore. I suppose I have changed, and Scorpius was right, what has happened to us?
The girl that used to love winding Scorpius up, pushing his buttons until he snaps, to the point of being slapped or copping a vat of potions to the head, is gone.
I don't remember the day in which she left, but whenever she did, she did so quietly. Slowly leaving, so silently in fact I didn't even hear her shut the door.
So now I'm grieving the loss of myself, as well as the loss of a friendship, or whatever it was.
Maybe I'm not my old self anymore, but I feel as if remnants remain. I still want to go and speak to him, ask him to tell me, listen to him sincerely and offer up a good solution.
But I won't. Because it wouldn't help anything.
I suppose that's another one of life's strange feelings. Wanting to do something, so so badly, but knowing you shouldn't, or worse, you can't.
It feels as if my heart has tangled itself deep in twisted chains, locked by a key which has been thrown out to sea. And only one person can get it back.
But I won't be someone to force myself into a situation where I'm not wanted. I don't particularly fancy pushing him any closer to breaking point.
And on top of everything, there is no way on earth I'm going to let him make a fool out of me again.
But anyway, how fucking brilliant is my life right now! I'm now experiencing two of life's worst feelings, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.
I could sit here and wallow in the never-ending depths of self-pity, or I could actually try and do something to help myself.
Christmas is usually a strong enough distraction. Normally, I get so excited for it that I start celebrating in June, even before my birthday.
Twinkling lights, scents of orange and cinnamon, chocolates and presents and everything festive, it's my favourite time of year. They say that as you get older, the excitement and happiness slowly disappears with every year that passes. But I don't think that's true. It's different to being a child, naturally as it would be, but the happiness changes, morphs into something else. The childish enthusiasm of wanting presents and gifts, turns into wanting to spend time with family, precious moments that if you blink, are gone in a split second.
The interruption of Eliza's snores snap me out of my reverie, and oddly enough push me in the right direction.
Albus, I could go and see Albus.
We haven't properly caught up in ages, and what's more, I did kind of abandon the ball and naturally would've missed the drama that comes with it.
In some sort of weird way I'm excited to hear all about everyone else's lives.
I know I've been too occupied with Scorpius recently, and selfishly so. Naturally I've let myself slip out the loop, and in some sort of way have become one of those people that I really dislike.
I can't stand people that, as soon as they're in some sort of relationship, they completely ditch all their friends, the ones who have been with them since the beginning.
And by no means am I saying Scorpius and I are in a relationship, or were, of course I'm not because of course we weren't. I'm just saying it's easy to get distracted and forget what really matters.
So off I go, ready to face the others in the Great Hall, ready to potentially come face to face with the one that not only 24 hours ago, told me to leave him alone.
And of course I'm going to.
In a way, I'm kind of glad it's happened, as now my eyes are awake, and I can see everything freshly, now aware to the things that make us blind.
Amazingly, the Great Hall has now been transformed back to the beige brick of before. I say amazingly like magic doesn't exist, merlin sometimes I think I must forget I'm a witch.
Despite the fact the grandeur of the night previous has gone, the Christmas touches still remain. In every corner adorns a tall fern tree, decorated in house colours. Clearly, they're still sticking with the theme of the ball, as they're intermixing colours of bright bold of yellow, with the deep emerald of green.
Repurposing the fairy lights, they've threaded them along the walls, so they twinkle and sparkle like stars in the night sky.
Above, the ceiling is a deep navy, as if an ink pot has spilt over parchment, however you wouldn't truly know so, as there are so many brightly lit candles that the sky is alight with warmth.
To my surprise, the hall is quite busy, the room full of murmuring, people gossiping about the events of the night before, quite clearly hanging.
A shock of platinum hair, grey hooded eyes, is a sight I wasn't particularly hoping to see, but have done so all the same.
Thankfully, he is looking down, starting at his cereal as if hoping that it would feed him automatically. Zabini and Nott are chatting away at his side, and I'm guessing that he's being filled in on the nights events.
Which reminds me, I'm here to do exactly the same.
Walking over to the table, I'm greeted by James and Ciara, still madly in love, deep in conversation. Even though the rest of the hall have managed to drag themselves down for breakfast, my family seem to have missed the memo. Al is no where to be seen, which is always helpful when he's the one I'm looking for.
"Hey you two!", I smile, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, "Have you guys seen Al?"
"Nice to see you too Rosie. I had a really good night, thanks for asking!", James quips back, giving me a cheeky grin.
Fair point, well made.
"How did you guys enjoy your night?", I say, letting James's point be proven.
Instead of answering, he just tells me where Al is. Ciara smiles at me and winks, an almost knowing smile, a grin which tells me that we also need to catch up.
Oh I just love those two together. Whether they just wanted to be left alone, or realised I needed to be, I don't really care, I'm just happy with my answer.
So, with the quickest entrance and exit to the great hall achieved by moi, I leave them too it, watching as they return to the depths of their conversation.
I know steely blue eyes follow me out, merlin I feel them trace my every footstep. It almost feels as if they stalk me down the hall, up the stairs, and to the wall where I'll find the Room of Requirement, but more importantly, right now, the room where I'll find Al.
But I ignore this feeling, and brush it off, entering the room and instantly being welcomed by its crackling fires and smell of hot chocolate.
I don't need to ask why Al is here, I can just tell he's here to relax. We both come here when we're sad, when we're angry, when we're happy, when we're mad. It's just our place, deep-down I'm kicking myself that I didn't realise earlier on that he'd be here.
He's propped himself up on a rich orange sofa, reading what seems to be Sense and Sensibility. Clearly, with his success of quoting Pride and Prejudice and rekindling things with Alice, he's now into Jane Austen.
"You look like shit"
Thanks Albus. That's exactly what I needed.
"Well you don't exactly look fresh and rosy either Al"
Wrapping me up in one of his warm hugs, I instantly feel calmed and at peace.
Until Al says something unexpected, and also the one thing I didn't want him to.
"So, where's lover boy?"
He's not angry, if anything he's teasing me. And normally I'd laugh. But today I manage a giggle.
I'm glad that, out of all people, I dragged myself out of bed to see Al. He just knows me too well.
Reading my face, he can instantly tell that something is wrong.
"Trouble in paradise Rosie?"
My silence gives him the answer he needs, so he continues.
"Look, Rose, I don't know what happened. And to be honest, you don't even really need to tell me. I don't even want you to. I'm not being rude, but this is something you need to work out by yourself. You know, as Grandma says, too many cooks spoil the broth."
"But what I do know is that you clearly care about each other. No matter what anyone else says, it's written all over both your faces. Anyone can see the affection between the pair of you. And if it's what I think it is, then you will find your way back together."
Pondering what he means for a second, I reply, lifting my head from the carpet where my eyes have nearly burnt a hole in from staring.
"What do you think it is?"
He scoffs, but continues.
"Not really the point Rosie."
"Fair enough"
"Maybe when this is all over I'll finally tell you", he says, deliberately being condescending by patting my leg.
"Anyway… you wanna hear what you missed last night?"
Yes. Oh Merlin yes I do.
What I can gather, finally making my way back to my dorm, is that last night was absolute chaos.
Chaos, which I'm slightly gutted that I missed, given all that went on.
From the sounds of it, James and Fred spiked the punch (no surprises there), and everyone, teachers and parents, got absolutely flat-out drunk.
Now hearing what I know, I'm surprised I couldn't smell the wine from my mum, as apparently she was so pissed she ended up dancing on the tables.
Eliza and Belle went at it again, and both of them left the party being dragged out by the only two teachers who weren't smashed.
Al said he tried not to pay too much attention to it, didn't want Alice thinking he was interested in Eliza still or anything, but that it was impossible not to see it, or hear it. The vast expanse of the Great Hall only encouraged the argument, echoing and bouncing all around the room.
Alice and Al are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend, something that nearly made me jump out of my seat with excitement when he told me. It was a long time coming, and only a matter of time before it did, and finally finally finally, they are officially a couple.
For a moment I feared that Al did it while he was drunk, but he insists that he actually did it right at the beginning of the night, and thus, they were more drunk off of their bliss, rather than Firewhiskey.
Apparently Anto was banging on about me to Evelyna and Lucas, something that neither of them were particularly happy about, funnily enough, especially given that Evie is one of my closest friends.
In his eyes, I've 'betrayed him by lying'. In insisting that nothing was going on with me and Scorpius, it gave him piece of mind, so for him to then see Scorpius and I leave together… well let's just say he's not feeling the happiest.
And in some way I can understand. There's nothing worse than finding out that the thing you were told not to worry about, was actually something to worry about all along. So in that aspect, I am sorry.
But, he should try to do as I have been doing, and completely forget the thing ever happened.
When I eventually reach the dorm room, I'm met by a smiling Roxanne, completely smitten by the looks of it.
She's giggling away to herself, and is so caught up in her elation that for a second, she doesn't even see me here.
"Rox?"
"Oh! Rose! I didn't even see you there!"
My arrival only seems to send her into further onsets of giggles, she's shyly covering her face with a rose (how ironic), and a letter -
a letter
Of course
How could I be so stupid?
Now, I desperately want to run into my room and search for these letters, but I know I must compose some common decency and have a conversation with her, especially given as I didn't see her last night.
"What's got you into such a crazy mood?"
"Just something that Blaise sent me after last night."
"Last night was fun then?", I tease, wiggling my eyebrows at her and nudging her gently.
"Shhh you. Whatever you think happened, I can tell you it didn't. We're taking it slow."
"I'm only messing", I smile in response, "I'm happy for you Rox, really."
"Anyway, I best go. I'm actually off to meet him now"
"Taking it slow but seeing each other everyday? Why do I have a feeling that this isn't as slow as I first imagined"
"Oh shut it.", she begins, running off as she speaks, her voice becoming fainter and fainter, "When I'm back you've got so much to fill me in on. Scorpius Malfoy, Rose! I want to hear all about it!"
I'm stunned into place for a second, wondering that if what Al said is true, it really is obvious. But then I remember that her and Zabini are now seeing each other, and it wouldn't surprise me if it came up in conversation.
I don't let my thoughts hold me up any longer.
Desperate to see Astoria's letter, to see if there is any update, I frantically rush into my room and unlock my trunk, my newest hiding place for them.
To my relief, there is.
"Whatever you think Scorpius has been told Rose, I promise you it's nothing of harm. Nothing that Scorpius shouldn't tell you himself, in time
Another thing with my Scorpius Rose, is that he has a conflicting heart. He's confused regardless, and what he's just discovered hasn't exactly helped him figure it all out.
But of course there is no excuse for his behaviour. Excuses are merely a way of helping one understand, not a reason or justification for actions, but I hope that in time, when it all becomes clear, you can understand.
Do whatever you feel's best. As silly and useless as that advice may sound, you must put yourself first Rose.
Christmas break will be a perfect time for you to collect your thoughts.
So enjoy your Christmas Rose, and please, don't worry. Scorpius could never hate nor dislike you. I'm afraid those feelings disappeared long, long ago."
The longest letter so far, and the most useful.
As I pack my trunk, ready to leave for the Christmas holidays, the excitement of going home is all I can think about.
Don't get me wrong, I love being here, but for now, I just want to be at home.
With my cats, in front of a roaring fire, enjoying festive treats of mulled wine, spiced fire whiskey, and mince pies. Surrounded by my family, my bizarre, crazy, dysfunctional, but amazing family, wrapped in scents of fern Christmas trees and Grandma Molly's cooking. Hearing my cousins bicker and argue over Wizard Chess, while unboxing gifts and presents and disappearing under mountains and mountains of wrapping paper, ribbon, and string.
All in all, I'm ready for a change. Sure, I've changed enough this term, and now, I'm ready to go back to where I know, where I feel safe, where I trust myself to make good decisions.
I'm ready to go home for Christmas, as crazy as it may be.
I've been so busy with exams and uni work, but am finally back home for Christmas! We have also discovered that the root of all my illness recently is glandular fever - so at least I now have a proper diagnosis!
Also, I am really sorry this chapter is so bad. I was desperate to get the last one of 2021, and with the way everything is planned out, this is just a bit of filler.
I hope everyone is safe and well and enjoying the holidays if you celebrate! Christmas Eve is tomorrow for me in the UK, but depending on where you are, and what time it is, Merry Christmas!
This will be my last update of 2021 as I am taking a break to enjoy my time with friends and family. I will also be taking this time to edit, so chapter titles, length, and quality may change,
So that being said, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Thank you all for taking a chance on my story, reading, and sticking with it it this year, it means more than you'll ever know. Stay safe and healthy, and take care all of you.
See you all in the new year 3
E x
For updates, instagram account: notaprettysightstory
title credit: Celeste - Strange
Gutted - disappointed
Hanging - suffering from a bad hangover
Copping something - receiving something, eg if I copped a slap to the face, then someone hit me in the face.
Pissed (in this case) - drunk
Went at it (in this case) - fought
Smashed - really drunk
Banging on about - won't stop talking about