Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, nor do I own Harry Potter. All ideas are my own.
"Isn't it strange? How people can change. From strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again."
The post-Christmas time is such a strange time of the year. All month, well since Halloween really, everyone prepares for one or two days, of pure happiness. Everything leads up to that day, it is all anyone can ever talk about. Consuming daily life, conversations, to the point that, by the time it rolls around, many can't wait for it to be over already.
"What are you getting mum for Christmas?"
"Have you wrapped his presents?"
"Remember to sign Oma's card!"
"Don't eat that, it's for Christmas!"
And then it's all over. The anticipation is gone. The waiting game crowns its winner, and then starts all over again.
And every year, on Christmas Day, once dinner has been eaten and presents have been opened, I can feel the sadness setting in. I suppose it's like grief, I'm grieving the happiness and the joy of the festive season.
Of course, I'm not saying that I'm not happy other times of the year, but when we're all together at Christmas, it's just such a great time.
So it just suddenly hits me, once it's gone. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and Christmas is, for me anyway, one of those things that proves that saying right. I feel as if I'm so wrapped up in the madness and chaos in the weeks preceding, that I don't actually relax nor begin to enjoy it, until it's beginning to fade away. Once it's too late, and I have to restart my 11 month countdown til next Christmas.
It's like the build up to your birthday, or a party that you know is going to be great. And it is, great, so much more than just great, it's everything you wanted it to be. Until the next day, when you wake up, and the party's over, and all you're left with are feelings and memories.
I'm lucky, I know, that Christmas is such a great time of year for me. I know other people aren't so lucky, Christmas isn't a good time, with happy memories.
As much as I've tried not to think about him recently, but I can't help but wonder how Scorpius is, this being the first Christmas without his mother and all.
It's the first of many Christmas's, first of many things that Scorpius has to do without his mother. The first Christmas, the first Birthday, perhaps one could say that those are the hardest parts, but really I don't think it ever gets any easier.
One night, a couple of days before Christmas, me, James, Fred, Al, Alice, Evie, Lucas and a few others, ended up accidentally having a few too many… and let's say it wasn't the best outcome.
Maybe that's too harsh, I didn't actually send the owl, but I so nearly did. It took Alice and Evie pinning me down and prying the letter out of my hand before I finally gave up.
So funnily enough, I was ambushed by the two of them, asking me why "the hell are you writing to Scorpius Malfoy?"
I told them it was complicated, and that I'd tell them in the morning, but I managed to avoid it, by locking the door and sleeping in. I slept in so late that they had to leave in order to get back for their Christmas plans, and naturally I felt bad, as that was a dickish thing to do, so I owled them to promise that I'd tell them in the new year.
Naturally, I'm glad they managed to stop me from sending the letter. Scorpius and I have not spoken a word since the Christmas Ball, and funnily enough I can't imagine my letter would be best received.
But I can't help but think of him all the same.
And selfishly so, I can't help but think of what it's going to be like seeing him again. As soon as we get back, it's close to the time in which we will be able to transform the ring. Which means us meeting again, if he remembers.
That's stupid to say really, there is no way he'll be able to forget.
I wonder if Scorpius is ever going to tell me what his dad told him, of why it's trickier to get the ring off. I hope he does, I'm not sure how I'd feel finding it out from a letter. But I suppose that's selfish thinking again, and of course, his feelings come first, it is his mother's ring after all.
Just for curiosity's sake though, I want to know why he got so worked up. Why it wound him up to the point that he no longer wanted to see me.
It's funny isn't it, how one sentence can do so much damage. How a couple of words can completely change the course of history, sometimes cause so much harm, but other times cause so much good.
And in this case, it's not exactly helped out the situation. When I went out to the courtyard, Scorpius was naturally just as shocked as I was, and sure it wasn't great to begin with, but I just want to know what was the straw that broke the camels back, as Mum would say.
What pushed him over to make such a decision? Why does he not want to see me anymore?
It's all I've really been able to think about these past few days. Christmas wasn't a distraction enough, let alone being surrounded by the chaos of my family.
The news finally broke that Victoire is pregnant, and if that moment alone didn't prove the craziness of my family, then I'm not sure anything ever will.
I'm surprised she managed to keep it a secret for so long! I mean, yes, she is a witch, but she only disguised it through muggle methods of hiding under baggy jumpers and coats.
I suppose it helps that she practically disappeared for a couple of months; I know she missed out on a couple of family events, even the Christmas Ball, as those sort of gatherings wouldn't facilitate layers and layers of scarves.
She sent the entire family into turmoil. Of course, again being my family, she didn't manage to announce it under normal circumstances. At first, I felt sorry for her, but speaking to her afterwards, she didn't seem too bothered, and apparently didn't have a clear idea of how to do it anyway.
And by it not being normal circumstances, I mean that James was trying to convince her to do shots with us Christmas Eve night, and he was so persistent with it that Victoire blurted out her news.
"WHAT?", the air erupting into screams and shouts, followed by crying aunts and shocked uncles.
"Well, yeah, we're having a baby!"
Victoire and Teddy had both gone bright red at this point, but not through embarrassment, nor heat, but just as flush of pure happiness.
"Shit. Sorry Vic. That was an arsehole move of me.", said James, his first reaction to the entire situation.
Instead of being angry, Victoire just laughed and bundled him into a hug.
"Don't be silly Jamie. It's definitely an announcement I'll never ever forget!"
After the kissing and the hugging and the many many tears, the overwhelming feeling was of joy, a perfect sentiment to bring in the following day.
And that's how the rest of the days followed. Nothing could overshadow the happiness of being all together. Not even the scrapping between Lucy and Hugo, the fighting over Wizard Chess, no, nothing stopped this time.
Nothing until now I suppose. Me sitting here, bundled up under blankets in my armchair, reading by flickering candlelight, my loneliness finally beginning to consume me.
I'm surrounded by piles of presents, gifts I was lucky enough to receive. Al got me the most beautiful gold-embossed diary, red and gold funnily enough, with neatly-lined white sheets of parchment. In the front of it, right on the first page, he'd stuck a photo of us taken over the summer.
We both look so happy, as the photo shows us rolling down the grassy hills of the Burrow, tumbling to the floor, beaming smiles as Al goes to haul me up.
Ever since he gave it to me, I've been watching it on repeat. It's such a happy memory, of such a happy time. Little did we both know how everything could change this year.
But a new year brings new excitement, new things to do, things to accomplish.
New friends to be made, whilst old ones can be forgotten.
If they let themselves be, that is, forgotten.
Packing my trunk, stuffing as much as I possibly can in it, I'm thankful that this year, returning to Hogwarts is a quiet affair.
Unlike the beginning of a new school year, my family aren't particularly fussed about making a huge scene when we return after Christmas or Easter, and instead we travel in our single family units.
I've had to get Mum to use capacious extremis on my trunk, the undetectable extension charm, in order to try and fit everything in it, but even that has its limits.
Of course I think that I need to pack every single book on my shelf. You never know how many books you'll get through in one term! Sure, I only managed 3 last time, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't bring 20 with me this time!
Going to grab my newest muggle read, A Song of Achilles, which Hugo got me for Christmas, I realise it's not where I thought I last left it. I begin to start searching frantically for it, until
"Looking for this are we?", my Dad says, announcing his presence and walking over to me and tapping me on the shoulder with it, "You left it downstairs Rosie."
"Thanks Dad", I reply smiling, relieved that I haven't misplaced it.
Dad perches on the corner of my bed, making himself comfortable as I continue scurrying round my room, packing everything in no particular order. I don't know why I do it, as Mum usually tries to repack everything for me though.
I can't let her though, this year, because of the letters. God, that would open an entire can of worms.
Miraculously, I've managed to get through the entire of Christmas without being asked a single question about the ring. To be honest, I don't think anyone has really noticed, too distracted by the chaos and madness, and that is no problem for me.
To be fair, I've been wearing long, long sleeves the majority of the time, so it's been easy to disguise it. When I've been outside I've obviously been wearing gloves, so no one has been able to see it, nor have they even questioned why I'm wearing them.
Well I say no one has noticed, one person has, and they're really the one person that I wish didn't.
Of course, Al and Lily know about the ring, so I've been able to relax a bit round those two. And it's actually as a consequence of letting my guard down, that someone else clocked on.
Al and I were sat in my room, just chatting, when I went downstairs to get us both a glass of pumpkin juice. And me being me, and being wrapped up in our conversation, I didn't think to put my jumper back on.
In fairness to me also, I thought the house was free. So let me tell you, I got a shock when my Dad appeared in the kitchen.
"Hey Rosie!", my Dad greeted me cheerfully, ruffling my hair, before standing by the pantry.
"Hey!", I responded, not thinking much of it and reaching for the fridge handle. The thought didn't even cross my mind to cover my hand, which is ridiculous when you think that I'm wearing a huge, glistening emerald on my finger.
I suppose I've just got used to it now. Where it used to irritate me by twisting around on my finger, it now sits comfortably. Where it used to bring me anger and frustration, it now makes my heart twinge with beats of sadness.
My Dad was in the middle of telling me about the most recent game of Quidditch he played with Ginny, before he stopped and paused.
That in itself should've been enough to make me realise that something was amiss, but no, I carried on with my usual activities.
"Rosie?"
When his tone turned questioning, and I looked up to be met with confused blue eyes and furrowed eyebrows, that's when it clocked.
But there was no backing out of it now. I just caved in, and admitted defeat. Well I say that, but it's not like I told him the truth. In fact, I just let him talk so I could craft my answer cleverly in response to what he asked me.
"Yeah?", I asked nonchalantly, as nothing had ever happened.
"What's that on your finger?"
I could've covered it up, ran away and pretended it was nothing, but I know that would've confused my Dad even more. It would've probably made him scared too, that something was wrong with me, and then he'd ask Mum, who'd ask Ginny if she'd heard anything, and that was a situation I really wanted avoided.
"Oh. This old thing.", I replied, twisting the beautiful item of jewellery that'd caught my Dad's eye.
"It's a ring from Oma. She gave it to me at Christmas, it's an old Granger family heirloom."
"Right"
I could tell he didn't believe me, but I continued with the story anyway, desperate to run back up to my bedroom.
I made my way to the stairs, not saying anything more on the matter, but then thought to add something.
My Dad had now made his way into the living room, but the sound of my voice brought him back into the kitchen momentarily.
"Wait Dad!"
"Yes Rosie?"
"Please don't tell Mum about it yet. Oma hasn't had the chance to tell her, and deep down she thinks Mum always wanted this ring".
Looking at me skeptically, he nodded, before returning into the living room.
By the look on his face, it was obvious that he knew I was lying through my teeth. But I trusted him to say no more on the matter.
Well, that's until now, a few days later, now that I'm packing my trunk in preparation to return to Hogwarts.
Sat on the corner of my bed, I feel his eyes burning into the back of my head as I pack. It's obvious he's come up here not just to give me the book, something is one his mind.
"Rosie. I know you more than you think I do, and I know you're lying about the ring. Care to tell me where it came from?"
I feel myself go red, the blotchy rouge spreading from head to toe, and in this moment I'm just thankful that I'm facing the window, although I'm sure he can see the colouring of my neck.
Laughing it off nervously, I pretend like his question hasn't just completely thrown me, and carry on bundling clothes into my trunk.
"I don't know what you mean Dad! I doubt you've ever seen this ring before, I promise you it's Oma's!"
Standing up, slapping his hands on his knees softly, he gets up and leans against my wall, crossing his arms.
"Well it's funny you should say that Rosie. Because I've seen a ring very similar to that before, but on Astoria Malfoy's hand."
Coldness. An icy bucket water has just been thrown over my head, I feel instantly chilled to my spine.
How does my Dad know Astoria had a ring like this? Is it really that recognisable? Can everyone tell this is her ring?
I can't let my Dad see this panic however, I have to pretend like everything is normal. If I let one crack show now, I'll be falling to pieces in any second.
I continue with awkward laughter, before responding.
"I'm sure it's just a coincidence Dad. These rings have been fashionable for years. Emerald has always been a really popular stone!"
"Well could you just take it off for me please Rosie, so I can have a closer look?"
He's absolutely persistent, and won't let it lie. I can tell that this is troubling him, he must have seen this before, in fact I'm certain that he's come into contact with her ring before, why else would he be so worried about it?
Turning around to face him, I try to act calm as best as I can.
"Look Dad, I promise, it's Oma's. Astoria just had a similar ring. Anyway, why would I even have Astoria Malfoy's ring? You know me and Scorpius have always hated each other!"
If he's pretending to be reassured, he's not doing a very good job of it. But thankfully he brushes it off and lets it lie.
Giving me a hug, and a faint smile, he goes to leave, but waits and stops for a moment, adding one last comment.
"You know Rosie, that all sounded very believable. But let me ask you this, if you and Malfoy still hate each other that much, why have you called him by his first name?"
It's a rhetorical question, and one that, deep down, I think he knows the answer too. Leaving me gobsmacked in my room, mouth wide open, spluttering like a fish out of water, he doesn't give me a chance to reply. Instead I hear his retreating footsteps, and I'm left alone, contemplating what the fuck just happened.
But no more is said on the matter. That's for good this time. Even when my parents drop me and Hugo off at the station, he doesn't bring it up. In fact, he's acting like nothing has ever happened, and I'm so so grateful for it. Especially for the fact that he's not mentioned anything to my Mum. Mum has been too distracted anyway, with making sure I have everything ready and sorted.
Mine and Hugo's departure isn't a sad one, as I know that I'll be back home in no time for Easter, but for now, I'm going back to my other home.
But this time, I don't know what's awaiting me. I try not to think about it too much on the train, nor on the journey back up to the castle, nor while I'm unpacking my trunk and chatting to Ciara and Rox.
I don't really allow myself to think about the entire situation, until later, when I decide to go on a walk, and stretch my legs after a day of travelling.
I have no intention of going anywhere in particular, but I find myself in familiar surroundings.
And, to be honest, I don't know what takes me here, especially on my first night back in the castle, a new year, a new chapter, but something does.
I'm walking without a true purpose, but then I'm not walking absent-mindedly. I suppose deep down I know where I'm going, as my legs take me to the courtyard.
Last time I was here I was running away in distress, shocked by the information I'd just heard, emotions flying high.
It's strange, isn't it? The memories that places hold, and how quickly they can change and be replaced with something new.
The new year is always a weird time for me, as it is for everyone, and it's weird when normality finally reigns over everything again.
Everyone fawns their bullshit of 'new year, new me', and this year I've decided it can go fuck itself.
I like who I am, and I stand by my character. I'm not changing just because the clocks and dates say I should.
Sure, there are some things I'd like to change, but I'm doing them because I want to, not because I'm being dictated by the beginning of a new month.
For example, I should stop overthinking.
And moaning.
And losing my temper.
And thinking about Scorpius.
Okay, it sounds like I've made a list of new years resolutions. But I'm not calling them that, no, they can be my aspirations.
Looking round at the frosted courtyard, I only stop for a second, caressing the stone of the walls, the ivy starting to re-emerge after winter's snowy hug.
Fresh wind has arrived and eradicated the stifling stuffiness from the last time I was here. But being here doesn't give me any joy, so I decide to return to my dorm, planning a chilled night.
I catch up with a couple of people in the Gryffindor common room, before making myself a warm hot chocolate to take with me up to bed.
Bundling under the thick covers, I open Al's gorgeous Christmas present and begin to write the list of aspirations I made earlier.
And for someone who's vowed to stop overthinking, and thinking about Scorpius, I've made a really shitty start.
They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, so where, Scorpius, should I have kept you?
And where should I keep you now?
Preview of next chapter:
"And what I walk in on, expecting a cupboard full of brooms, expecting peace and quiet, refuge in a place I've not visited for so long, is something I never quite expected.
Something I thought was long gone, the past, something that had died as quickly as a lone flame isolated from oxygen. And in that moment I was the flame, dying, dripping wax all over the table as I crumbled into ashy embers.
Just looking on, clinging on to life, as I silently watch Belle and Scorpius in a warm embrace.
Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I shouldn't play nice, maybe I should try to not care.
Maybe, just maybe, it's time to burn every bridge."
Hey guys! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a great New Year! May 2022 bring you all the happiness and love that you deserve 3
I took some time off but I'm back!
Chapter updates will be once or twice a month. The story is panning out to be around 40 chapters so far; I'm sorry if this one seems to be filler! Uni work has been a lot more than I expected and I'm currently trying to catch up/revise for exams, as well as deal with new Uni work.
I hope January has been kind to you all. I will try and squeeze out another chapter in the next week or so.
I would recommend following the instagram account for this story, so you're notified when I update.
For those of you who don't have instagram, I'd love suggestions on how I'm able to keep in touch with you all.
Until next time,
E x
Instagram account: notaprettysightstory
Also I know Rose is only 16, and therefore should not be drinking. In the UK, you are allowed to drink beer, wine, and cider at 16 with a meal (which doesn't make a difference), and also, it is very common for teenagers this age to drink. I know, that doesn't make it okay, nor legal, but I'm making this realistic, and well, this is realistic.
Chapter title credit to Billie Eilish, it's not deliberately named after her song, I went to name it this and then realised it's a song name so should probably give credit!