(A/N: Hey, guys. So, sorry that this review will be a bit short. It's not the fact I don't like the Paladin Aku content, it's the fact I don't know much about it. And given the creator deleted her Tumbler and Deviantart accounts, which had all the written info, I can't find out more. I had seen other stuff, though, and I was interested enough to review this. So, please don't drop negative comments about how I didn't bother to research this. Anyways, enjoy the review.)
A trio of glowing dots looked at the readers.
Critical Mew, looking for you
The glowing dots split into the Regi Trio.
Critical Mew, where are you?
The Critical Mew flies in, wearing a trench coat and a hat, giving the readers a wink.
Come on, Mew, where you been?
The Critical Mew took off the trench coat and used Transform, becoming a king, a dame with blonde hair, a waiter and an Elvis impersonator.
Trouble's on the loose again
A mysterious figure showed up, trying to crush Mew with a sandbag, only to narrowly miss. He looked behind him to the embodiment of stress, who proceeded to chase him to a door of things to review, which began to do the Thriller hip movements.
(Mew)
They're not gonna get you
(Critical Mew)
The Regi Trio went in a protective circle in front of Mew, protecting him.
Uh uh, the Regi Trio's gonna help you
(Mew)
Mew was in a barrel full of toys, deciding to peek out only for the floor to break under him, causing him to grab a loose floorboard with his tail.
Ooh, the comment's gonna be there
Registeel jumped on the floorboard, launching Mew into the air. Regice and Regirock caught Mew in their arms.
And the readers too
The Critical Mew floated past Lavender Town, only for the ghost of Marowak to appear, scaring him away.
Critical Mew, looking for you
Mew was surrounded by loads of Ghost and Dark-Type Pokemon, all about to ambush him.
Critical Mew, where are you?
Only for the Regi Trio to attack them all, saving Mew as they head back to the Tree of Beginning.
Mew, Critical Mew
Mew
The stuff to be reviewed danced once again, doing the Thriller hip moves.
Critical Mew
Mew
A pair of eyes zoom out, showing Mew and the Regi Trio with the Tree of Beginning in the background.
Critical Mew!
The Critical Mew-Season One
Episode 4: Paladin Aku by thememime
The Tree of Beginning, Kanto Region
Mew groaned with his face on the table, before glancing up. "So, who all remembers Samurai Jack?" Mew asked.
*Samurai Jack intro plays in the background as a montage of moments from every season played onscreen*
"That was a rhetorical question. Everyone and their grandparents know about the series that made the 2000s cool. Made by Genndy Tartakovsky, Samurai Jack tells a tale of a samurai who gets sent to the future by an evil demon known as Aku, due to underestimating him, and must find a way back to the past to undo the future where Aku is ruler.
"Which happened in Season 5, and the Battle Through Time game, but we'll get to that when we get there." Mew said, throwing the franchise off to the side, causing everyone to groan.
"However, I am disappointed about a few things from the fifth season: not utilizing the message of time, acting like Jack killed humans for the first time, despite the fact he technically killed those bounty hunters in that one episode, and the fact he didn't seem to have any remorse or hesitate when going back to the past, given the friends he have and the people he helped would be erased." Mew ranted.
"Seriously, I would've thought someone would think of that. But then again, we're stuck in a world where Rick and Morty fans like to believe that Rick can fix the series finale," Mew pouted, crossing his arms.
"Mew, I got something for you to enjoy," Regice said, holding a piece of paper with a Google search.
"And that'll be?" Mew asked.
"A Samurai Jack AU, of course." Regice said, typing the stuff into the Google Chromebook and showing Mew an image.
"Fine, but don't think this is the next coming of Jesus Christ, whoever he is," Mew said, reading the image.
Paladin Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness...
"Yeah, yeah, we get it. We got the intro for this one," Mew said, pulling out the intro from the first four seasons of Samurai Jack.
Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil!
But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me.
*Sounds of sword clanging against metal*
Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future, where my evil is law!
*Jack is shown flying through the time portal Aku made, flinging him into the future*
Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
"Dude, before you interrupt, you should see the full thing," Regice said, causing Mew to look at the image again.
Paladin Aku: ...was summoned by a foolish samurai warrior to unleash unspeakable evil!
But as I refused to do his bidding, he drew his magic sword and duelled me into submission.
*Shows the fight between Paladin Aku and the Nameless Samurai*
Before the final blow was struck, I tore a portal in time and flung myself into the future to escape his blade, only to find he had ravaged the world I had left behind and left his wicked lineage to rule it by fear.
And now, with my power restrained by his arcane magic, I must find a way back to the past, to undo my mistake and end the evil that is...the Nameless Samurai...
"..." Mew was speechless before falling down onto the ground, his mind blown.
"Mew?" Regice asked, concerned.
Jontron: I have fallen...and I choose not to get up!
"Okay, so maybe my mind isn't that blown," Mew said, floating back up.
"But, holy mother of me, whoever she is, whoever made Aku the good guy had made my mind blown up in more ways than one!" exclaimed Mew.
"So, who made this AU?" Mew asked.
"Well, it's someone known as memime, but she deleted all her accounts for reasons I don't know about, so she wasn't able to provide you the link, nor update this whole thing," Regice said.
"Dang. Anyways, at least I'm glad she did finish the AU before her accounts were deleted." Mew said.
"Yeah, and there are fans of this whole thing that explained the AU, made fan images and fanfiction about it, and reposted the images on Google," Regice adds.
"So, as I found out, the only thing that was used from the original continuity was the two-parter episode that explains the backstory of Aku and how he was sealed in a tree. However, diverging from that point, it reveals that the gods that gave Jack, or in this universe, the Nameless Samurai's father the magic sword, Odin, Ra and Vishnu, decided to give Aku a chance to become a god by redeeming himself, which he goes along with. Not to be nice or anything, at first, because he's a demon. But because he wants more power.
"While that happens, the emperor sent his son, the Nameless Samurai, away to become a master warrior. However, upon returning, the Nameless Samurai, hardened by his experience and power-hungry for his empire, try to control Aku, which is how the whole mess started." Mew explained.
"Also, the mark on Aku, or more accurately, Paladin Aku's back seals his magic. Sure, he can still shape-shift, heal himself, make fire, and some other stuff I'm unsure about, he's limited, and he has to eat and sleep to replenish his magic. Now, what other piece of media do I know that does the same thing?" asked Mew, looking thoughtful for a moment.
Suddenly, the book covers for The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series appear in front of Mew.
"Er, that's a subject for another day," Mew said as the books flew away.
"Anyways, Paladin Aku goes around, meeting and helping out people that Jack met in the main timeline, though the way he does things are different, obviously. He's also best buds with the Scotsman and gains a companion." Mew said as there were some cheering in the background.
"And you're wondering who that companion is? Remember that episode from season 3, 'Jack and the Haunted House'? Do you all remember that little girl, Kuni? Yeah, she's Paladin Aku's companion," Mew said, as people made an 'Aw' sound at the amount of cuteness.
"Normally, you guys falling for cute beings would annoy me. But, I'll let it slide...this time." Mew said.
"Anyways, while the relationship between Paladin Aku and Kuni is a father-daughter kind, it took awhile for Paladin Aku to actually warm up to Kuni, given his personality." Mew said with a smile. "And the two get into random adventures in the fan's fanfictions. Like finding cherry trees, accepting the fact they're orphans, or Aku helping Kuni fight off the demon that made her orphaned in the first place."
"You know, I hope nothing happens to he-" Mew began.
Paladin AU Season 5
The equivalent of Jack losing his sword would be Aku losing Kuni.
After witnessing the destruction of the final time portal, he had an intense battle with the Samurai and his army, but fails to protect his little friend, and she was killed by a robot.
*Shows an image of Paladin Aku leaning against a rock pillar, holding Kuni's lifeless body as blood seeps through the fatal wound and onto the ground*
Mew stood there, stunned for a moment as he looked at the moment with wide eyes.
Ash(Fiction Addiction): *Crying in the shower*
Cameraman: Ash, you're in there?
Ash continued crying in the shower
Cameraman: Come on, Ash, my dude, get out of there.
Ash: NO!
Cameraman: Come on. That was, like, twenty years ago! You have got to stop crying, man.
Ash: I am not crying!
"...I think that explains my thoughts exactly," Mew said with tear-stained eyes.
"While I go off to cry, Registeel will get the commercials," Mew continued before flying off to go cry somewhere.
"Um, commercial?" Registeel said, unsure of everything as he turned on the commercials.
(Cue the instrumental version of the intro)
This episode was brought to you by the Kanto Region Safari Zone
"Trying to complete that Pokédex, but unable to find some Pokémon in the wilds?"
The black screen gave way to the Safari Zone building, located in Fuschia City.
"Then come on over to the Safari Zone, where you'll spend 500 Pokédollars just to explore around this magnificent environment for 30 minutes!"
A montage of Trainers walking around, taking photos and catching rare Pokémon using Safari Balls.
"You'll be able to find rare Pokémon, like Chansey, Scyther, Pinsir, Dratini, Kangaskhan, Tauros, and more!"
As the narrator says the above line, the camera shows the Pokémon that live in the Safari Zone, looking peaceful with their lives.
"Come on down to Fuschia City and complete your Pokédex, today!"
The screen fades to black as the commercial ends.
(Cue the instrumental version of the intro)
"Okay, I'm back. From my sobbing fest. And don't act like you're better than me! You've cried too, reading that. The only people who didn't cry are either those who can't cry at things like this or those who enjoy the pains and suffering of others. You know, those who have no souls. AKA, land sharks," Mew ranted, before taking a deep breath.
"Yes, you read the earlier thing right, Kuni got killed, which is this AU equivalent of the sword being gone. While some people would be mad about this whole thing, mainly people who don't like the creators for doing things like this, I actually see why this happened," Mew said, as some Altarias began to boo.
"Hear me out! Unlike the final season of Samurai Jack, where they have Jack losing the sword due to shedding innocent blood and him reacting badly to killing humans, even though he had killed X-49, one of the only innocent robots who was forced out of retirement due to Aku using Lulu as a hostage, which we all know Lulu is dead at this point, and those bounty hunters, on top of Princess Mira's kingdom getting destroyed by Aku, since she, realizing there was no way to beat Jack, did nothing as he left her and all those bounty hunters to freeze in the snow, the creator of the AU actually did something creative and shocking.
"We all know Paladin Aku's powers are already limited, and his whole body is a weapon, so he can't lose that. So, in order for him to lose all hope of fixing his mistake and becoming a god, he has to lose something or someone he cares about. And who else to fill that role than the girl Paladin Aku found in the haunted house? The orphaned girl he took under his wing? The same girl he grew to care for like a daughter?" Mew asked.
Suddenly, a single tear went down his cheek. "Plus, unlike the finale, and Battle Through Time, where the show writers screwed over the logic of both the show and time travel to cheat emotions, Kuni's death is genuine, permanent and makes you sympathize for Paladin Aku because he suffer the worst feeling no parents ever want: outliving their kids." Mew said, sniffling a bit.
"And so as the death caused Paladin Aku to lose hope in what he does, though he still helps out people during those 50 years, the Nameless Samurai gathered enough of Paladin Aku's essence to make 7 perfect little warriors. Using propaganda to trick them into thinking that they're the offspring of evil and that they're alive thanks to the Nameless Samurai's mercy, said Nameless Samurai sends them on their way to kill Paladin Aku, knowing that he won't have the heart to kill them." Mew said, before looking horrified.
Jontron: Oh, Lord, I think I'm coming down with the case of the vapors.
"Wrong joke, but I'll take it," Mew said.
"So, yeah, the Nameless Samurai just went into borderline sociopath territory. Then again, when has he been a normal person?" asked Mew.
"So how does the Nameless Samurai convince them to kill this 'ultimate evil'? By claiming redemption, of course!" Mew said with an annoyed look.
They are given blessed weapons, promised redemption and absolution from their original sin, in exchange of Aku's life.
"So, while the AU follows the canon of the second and third episode for season 5, there are some differences: A.) Paladin Aku didn't kill them in the ruined temple and barely escaped. B.) While Paladin Aku is recovering from what happened, the Nameless Samurai gives the Daughters of Aku permission to burn down a village to lure him out. And C.) Unlike Jack in the first episode of the fifth season, who ignored the village until it was too late, Paladin Aku heads over there, facing his destiny," Mew explained.
Upon seeing the death and destruction caused by his own legacy, Paladin finally snaps and decides to end them. He reluctantly finishes off 6 of his daughters, but manages to constrict one of them and, no longer seeing her as a threat, he allows himself to spare her.
*Image of Paladin Aku holding Ashi by the chains, upside down, off a rooftop over the burning village. Paladin Aku was glaring down at Ashi, who was spewing out hateful words at Paladin*
Her name is Ashi, and Aku is determined to reform her.
"At least that'll be better than the Jack/Ashi relationship," Mew said as people booed him.
"It's true. That relationship started as a slight father/daughter relationship, then a student/mentor relationship. It shouldn't become a romantic one in the end, given Jack is in his seventies and Ashi is in her late teens, early twenties, given her appearance." Mew pointed out.
"So, after some time, patience and acting like a father, Paladin Aku manages to convince Ashi that the Nameless Samurai is the villain and that Paladin Aku is the hero.
"However, when we get to that whole 'enslaved kids supposedly died from electrocution' moment, Paladin Aku leaves, not knowing they're actually alive while leaving Ashi behind. And, in Paladin Aku's case, his reaction is justified." Mew said as Ledybas booed him.
"Hey, don't make me use Navi on you guys!" Mew said in a firm tone.
"The reason why is because Kuni's death affected Aku worse than others. Sure, people might claim Jack was also justified in the same regards, but no, Jack is not. If he was, explain why he didn't think to check their pulses or even thought to look for Ashi to tell her. No, he goes off with an mysterious spirit that wants him to commit seppuku." Mew said.
"But that's the best way for samurais to honor themselves after an act of dishonor," a random Swablu said.
"Yeah, but only if he or someone could confirm it, which no one did, so it's dumb." Mew said, before getting back to the topic.
"Paladin Aku, on the other hand, is believable in why he didn't check the kids' pulses and leaving Ashi behind without mentioning. He already blames himself for the death of Kuni, which already messed him up. Then he had to kill 6 of his daughters, which makes Ashi an only child. Now he believed that he accidentally killed more children, which is why he left. Also, I don't think he learned how to check for pulses, so there's that too." Mew explained.
"So, as Ashi goes around, talking to people her dad helped, she also becomes more comfortable using the powers she inherited and changes her appearance to how she looked when Aku takes control of her in the main timeline. Glad the family powers can be shared with no problems." Mew said with a smile.
*Image of Ashi finding Aku sitting in front of Kuni's grave*
When Ashi finds Aku, she's relieved to see he isn't in any danger, but rather sitting silently by a little tombstone with the name "Kuni" engraved on its side.
Though he can't bear to look at his daughter now, he feels he owe her an explanation;
He used to have a child he looked over as if she was his own, but it was unwise to open his heart to a mortal creature; for it was a matter of time before his foe used that to his advantage and hurt him through her.
He left Ashi behind because he was reminded of the grief of losing someone dear to him and rather than risk reliving those events, he decided cutting ties with his daughter would keep her from that fate.
"So of course, Ashi, not wanting to lose her father just after getting to know him, tells him that the kids are alive and all about the people he helped. However, being stubborn himself, Paladin Aku doesn't want to put Ashi in danger. So Ashi duels him, which lasts until sunrise, which convinces him that Ashi can handle herself." Mew explained.
*Image of Paladin Aku wrapping his cloak around Ashi, followed by him smiling brightly as Ashi runs around, firing off fireballs from her smiling mouth, ending with the two as wolves, sleeping next to each other.*
They spend days training, supporting and helping each other to overcome their demons: when they're together, they don't feel quite as broken anymore, and their bond grows stronger than ever.
"See what happens when Aku can be an actual parent, folks? I'm sure no one even knows what's going on," Mew said.
Weeks have passed, and the Samurai is impatient to know the whereabouts of Aku and his 7 assassins.
When the head of a robot merch Ashi slayed finally makes it to the throne and tells him the new circumstances, he remains speechless.
"Then again, when had he talked?" asked Mew as Regice made a rimshot.
Things have taken an interesting turn; with 6 of the daughters killed by their own father(he didn't think he had it in him) and with the 7th now converted to Aku's side, he has no choice but to take action himself and he knows exactly what to do.
"Jontron, take it away," Mew said.
Jontron: ...I don't like where this is going.
"Thank you," Mew said as the clip flew off.
"So, the Nameless Samurai lays a trap for them. What is this trap?" Mew asked.
Clavius: He's walking into a trap. A Clavius trap!
Bobsheaux: Oh no, not a Clavius trap! Clavius traps are the worst kinds of traps! I'd rather be skinned alive and buried in salt than be caught in a Clavius trap! What the hell is a Clavius trap?
"Fortunately, it's not a Clavius trap that Ashi and Paladin Aku get caught in. It's a Nameless Samurai trap, which is much worse. See, the Nameless Samurai used a magic circle to fully control Ashi so that he could have the two fight to the death. However, not wanting to kill his last remaining daughter, Paladin Aku surrendered, giving himself up. But that's not enough for the Nameless Samurai," Mew said with an eye roll.
The Samurai, of course, won't waste the chance to make the demon his when he's willingly letting him capture him.
He takes Aku to his dungeon, where he can finally do whatever he pleases with him; he plans to turn him into a mindless robot like his daughter, and finally unleash his full destructive power amongst his own sympathizers, to bring the revolution to a perfectly ironic and anticlimatic end.
*Image of Paladin Aku with many seals on his body and a chain around his neck, looking down at the ground as the Nameless Samurai, holding both the chain and the sword, and Ashi, controlled by the Nameless Samurai, look at Paladin Aku.
"However, despite being covered in seals, Paladin Aku isn't willing to give the Nameless Samurai what he wants until he threatens Ashi's life. Fortunately for Paladin Aku, that when the Scotsman comes with the cavalry, which is made of warriors and citizens, and frees Paladin Aku from his chains. While Aku and the Scotsman's daughter help free Ashi, the Scotsman himself take on the Nameless Samurai, due to the two having a long history of pissing each other off." Mew said.
"Unfortunately, as soon as everyone goes to the throne room to defeat the Samurai, they see this scene," Mew said.
They finally find him, injured, sitting in his throne room, clutching his sword, waiting for his fate to come to him.
*Image of the Nameless Samurai sitting on the throne room, clutching his sword and covered in blood. On the floor in front of him laid the Scotsman, face down in a puddle of his own blood, already dead. His sword, covered in his blood, was inches away from his head.*
They look into each other's eyes across the entrance:
He wants closure, they both do.
But if Ashi fights with him, she might get marked once more or worse- he won't forgive himself if he lets anything happen to her again. This is HIS battle.
One final compromise: if he orders through the intercom to let his daughter go, he will come in and face his destiny alone.
*Image of Paladin Aku, covered in seal marks, walking towards the Nameless Samurai as Ashi, behind a demon-proof shield, futilely calls out to him while being held by one of the Scotsman's daughters.*
Before Ashi could protest, the Samurai gives the order and a anti-demon shield materialize behind Aku as he crosses the entrance: his marks are burning, he feels weaker than before, and his chances aren't looking good at all, but if he can keep the Samurai busy long enough for his daughter to be safe, this life will be a fair price.
"Of course, as the two began their final battle, they started on equal footing, since they knew each other's tricks. When they destroy the throne room, they continue on the roof. However, when it seems like Paladin Aku, who was getting weaker during the fight was about to get killed by the Samurai, this happens," Mew said.
But when it looks like the Samurai is having the upper hand, and his blade is about to land the perfect thrust to his chest, something unexpected happens.
*Image of Paladin Aku and the Nameless Samurai being dumbfounded as the sword didn't go through Aku. Instead, it clanged off him.*
"Doesn't this remind you of something?" Mew asked with a smug look.
Aku(with the Nameless Samurai's face over his head) and Jack(with Paladin Aku's face over his head) looked dumbfounded as the sword didn't go through Jack. Aku then tried it multiple times, trying to see where he went wrong.
Jack rolled to the side, grabbing his sword out of Aku's hand.
Aku(Eyebrows reignited): How?! HOW?!
"I'm pretty sure that's what happened between the Nameless Samurai and Aku." Mew said with a shrug.
"Anyways, with his quest at an end, the gods make Aku a god himself, and he eradicated the Nameless Samurai by destroying the sword. And with the Nameless Samurai dead, all the magic seals are gone, all the demons retreat to the Underworld and everyone is happy. And knowing there's no point in returning to the past, since there's no one there for him unlike the future, which will be bright soon, Aku stays in the future and after exchanging a final farewell to Ashi, he takes his place with the other gods." Mew explained with a smile.
"Which proves that Paladin Aku is better than Jack. Yeah, sure, Jack has family in the past, but is he willing to erase the lives of everyone in the future just because of that, therefore controlling their lives, despite the fact that everyone was mad at Aku for doing the same?" Mew asked.
"Anyways, that was Paladin Aku, and I enjoyed it. Sure, there were some things about this AU I like to know. Like, what caused the Nameless Samurai to become an emotionless dictator? All we know is that it happened during those years he was away from his family.
"Oh, and how come the sword was A-Okay with killing so many people, despite the conditions of not killing any pure-hearted souls or any innocents. Or does it depend on the owner in this AU?
"And, while this is minor, does Paladin Aku, or in this case, God Aku visit Ashi every now and then?
"Other than that, this AU makes use of its time and the characters well, never treating them like dirt. Unlike a certain season," Mew said, glancing at the Samurai Jack season 5 poster.
"I'm the Critical Mew and I review these stuff so you don't have to. Now, I wonder what else can be fixed?" Mew asked.
Suddenly, the posters for the Disney Descendants films appear in front of him.
"Yeah, nothing can fix that." Mew said.
"Except this!" Regice said, throwing a link at Mew...which hits him in the face.
"Ow!" Mew said, before seeing the link. "Holy Arceus on a bike. It's…"
Next time: Disney Villain Spawns. Alternative title: The Good Disney Descendants Media
(Cue instrumental of theme song)
Credits:
The New Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo Show
Samurai Jack
Fiction Addiction Duck Avenger/PK 2
Jontron
Swan Princess 2:Escape from Castle Mountain
Bobsheaux Swan Princess 2 and 3 Review
thememime Paladin Aku
Paladin Aku tumblr page
ladyanaconda tumblr page
The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel book series