(A/N: Similar to my previous review on the Steven Universe franchise, I'm going to wait some time before tackling Steven Universe Future, mainly due to the fact that, like I stated with my review on Steven Universe The Movie, I felt like they didn't go with potential for good stories and character development/backstories[like the origins of Gemkind] all because the franchise continues to take cheap shots at Pink Diamond for hiding secrets, while the other Diamonds, and Gems who don't want to change, are the ones who gets redeemed on the drop of a hat.
Another thing to mention is that I'm doing a third, and final version of the main theme song for this season of reviews, mainly to include my new co-star[AKA, the co-author of Across The Multiverse Productions, my brother], who asked me if he could appear in the intro.
Finally, this review will be the last review of the year, but not the last review of the first season. With all of that out of the way, hope you enjoy this review, and please leave a comment, as I want to know your opinions on the stuff I review, or even what you like about these reviews.)
A trio of glowing dots looked at the readers.
Critical Mew, looking for you
The glowing dots split into the Legendary Titans(excluding Regigigas). Andrew stood in the background, annoyed about doing such.
Critical Mew, where are you?
The Critical Mew flies in, wearing a trench coat and a hat, giving the readers a wink.
Come on, Mew, where you been?
The Critical Mew took off the trench coat and used Transform, becoming a king, a dame with blonde hair, a waiter and an Elvis impersonator.
Trouble's on the loose again
A mysterious figure showed up, trying to crush Mew with a sandbag, only to narrowly miss. He looked behind him to the embodiment of stress, who proceeded to chase him to a door of things to review, which began to do the Thriller hip movements.
(Mew)
They're not gonna get you
(Critical Mew)
The Legendary Titans went in a protective circle in front of Mew, protecting him.
Uh uh, the Regi Trio's gonna help you
(Mew)
Mew was in a barrel full of toys, deciding to peek out only for the floor to break under him, causing him to grab a loose floorboard with his tail.
Ooh, the comment's gonna be there
Registeel jumped on the floorboard, launching Mew into the air. Regice and Regirock caught Mew in their arms. Regieleki and Regidrago let out a sigh of relief. Andrew was standing off to the side, pretending not to care, despite the fact he does.
And Andrew too
The Critical Mew floated past Lavender Town, only for the ghost of Marowak to appear, scaring him away.
Critical Mew, looking for you
Mew was surrounded by loads of Ghost and Dark-Type Pokemon, all about to ambush him.
Critical Mew, where are you?
Only for Andrew to fly a helicopter with a huge net, using said net to grab the Dark and Ghost-Type Pokemon. Andrew held up a sign that said, 'Across The Multiverse Productionsverse approves!'
Mew, Critical Mew
Mew
The stuff to be reviewed danced once again, doing the Thriller hip moves.
Critical Mew
Mew
A pair of eyes zoom out, showing Mew, Andrew and the Legendary Titans with the Tree of Beginning in the background.
Critical Mew!
The Critical Mew-Season One
Episode 12: Hazbin Hotel(Pilot)
Tree of Beginning, Kanto Region-December 2021
Mew was humming Christmas songs to himself as he decorated the Tree of Beginning for the holidays while wearing a Christmas hat. "And done." Mew said, hanging up the stockings. "Now the Tree of Beginning is officially prepared for the holidays."
"And I got in my shameless advertisement for ATMPverse." Andrew said.
"Neat. We are almost done with the to-do list for the holidays." Mew said.
"Now all we need is the extra brain cells that people have and I'll be set for life." Andrew said.
"Funny you said that, because I got something that would make that happen." Mew said, holding up the poster for Hazbin Hotel.
Andrew gasped in shock. "You mean we're going to talk about something during Christmas time that doesn't have anything to do with Christmas, therefore we won't have to shove the morals down people's throat since they won't listen anyways? My favorite!"
"Sorry for those who want us to talk about those Rankin-Bass Christmas specials, but we'll possibly review them, and other Christmas specials in the upcoming years." Mew said.
"Oh come on!" Regice shouted, wanting the Rankin-Bass specials to be reviewed.
"At least it's not the time I tried to kill Saint Nicholas just to prove a point, then have everyone mad at me because I point out what Christmas is really about." Andrew said.
"Don't you mean Dexter did those things?" Mew asked.
"No, see. It was me, according to these pictures." Andrew said, showing the photos.
"...You just photoshopped your face onto Dexter's body, didn't you?" Mew asked, taking a closer look.
"Nope. I used duct tape." Andrew said, before realizing what he admitted. "At least I've never been sent to the doghouse," he defended.
"Yeah. That episode didn't age so well. Then again, half of the episodes from Dexter's Laboratory didn't age quite so well." Mew points out.
"Anyways, don't we have a review to do?" Andrew asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Oh yeah. However, before we talk about Hazbin Hotel, we need to talk about its creator, Vivienne Medrano, otherwise known as Viziepop, and her other works.
"Vivienne, before starting her YouTube channel, made a comic known as Zoophobia in 2012. Long story short, it's about a neurotic young woman named Cameron, who has zoophobia, gets a job as a guidance counselor. Unfortunately, the job is at the Zoo-Phoenix Academy, in Safe Haven, which has a colorful cast of talking animals and strange beasts, triggering her phobia. However, she does, slowly, get over her zoophobia with time. Unfortunately, the comic has been in a hiatus, partly due to Vivienne being busy with other content later in life, and mainly due to the comic being scrapped due to complaints about its slow beginning. I don't mind the slow beginning. I think it's better to slowly do some worldbuilding and explain the lore, rather than jump right into the middle of the plot, where the story acts like you should already know the characters.
"In 2013, Vivienne started her channel. However, it didn't gain popularity until her animation with a minor character from Zoophobia, while using the song 'Die Young' by Kesha. Which is how I discovered her channel, to be honest, and I'm guessing most of you did so too." Mew admitted.
"I found out about her channel by watching Hazbin Hotel." Andrew said.
"Which brings me to 2019, where Vivienne, or by this point, Viziepop, released 3 animated videos. Two were pilots, and one was a short. And while Helluva Boss went on to have a full-on series, with the first season almost over, the other pilot, Hazbin Hotel, has been out for two years with no series. At least, until earlier this year, back in October, when Viziepop thanked everyone for being patient, waiting for news of the show, and that there might be news coming soon.
"Which is one of the reasons why I wanted to review this. The other reason, as Andrew pointed out, is because we get to review something around the holidays that aren't Christmas-related." Mew explained.
"Anyways, let's review this bitch!" Andrew exclaimed, as flames appeared behind him.
"...We need to work on that." Mew said, ruining the moment.
"Work on what?" Andrew asked.
"Anyways, onto the review!" Mew said.
"You're just going to ignore the question, are you?" Andrew asked.
"Yes." Mew said simply. "Anyways, we begin the episode with the song, 'I'm Always Chasing Rainbows' sung by Charlie, princess of…" Mew trailed off, remembering the last time he used profanity words.
"Hell?" Andrew supplied.
"Yes. I think it's better if you say words like that. You know, so I don't blow up again." Mew said.
"You can blow up from swearing? I wanna see!" Andrew said.
"If I do that, then this review is going to be longer than expected since you have to wait for me to come back from the ashes." Mew explained.
"Damn it." Andrew complained.
"Anyways, the song, sad as it is, being sung in the beginning makes sense. After all, I believe that a scene is as good as its music, and this song captures the sad situation that everyone is in. Not only do the demons have to worry about getting purged, but also Charlie's despair from the cleansing. Heck, the last two lyrics show how bad things are looking for Charlie and her dreams." Mew explained.
Charlie: *Tears sliding down her cheeks* I'm always chasing rainbows
Waiting to find a little bluebird in vain
(Charlie looks at the clock tower, counting down the days till the next cleanse.)
"Anyone who has been through purges like this throughout history, or done their research, knows the pain Charlie feels. Heck, the Great Purge and the Holocaust being the infamous purges. And, yes, I know the Holocaust isn't labelled as a purge according to most sources, but it still counts!" Mew explained.
"Wait, you know about the Holocaust?" Andrew asked.
"I did my research." Mew said.
"Anyways, turf wars!" Andrew exclaimed.
Sir Pentious: Hell will be mine, and everyone will know the name of Sir P—
Cherri Bomb: *Offscreen* EDGELORD!
Sir Pentious: Pardon? Who said that? What did you say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?! *Flicks his tongue around, hissing like a snake* Speak up!
Egg Boi: That wasn't us, Mr. Boss Man.
A red bomb with a black skull was thrown through the window. It rolled right up to Sir Pentious and the two Egg Bois, exploding in a thick red cloud of glitters and smoke.
Sir Pentious: *Coughs*
Cherri Bomb: You're looking for a fight, old man?
"Actually, before we get to that, we need to talk about Angel Dust." Mew said.
"Damn it, we never get to talk about hot chicks. I mean, turf wars." Andrew said, face turning red from his confession.
"Don't worry, Angel Dust is a part of the turf war. And the key to hot chicks." Mew cheekily said.
"Fuck you." Andrew said.
"Are you sure about that?" Mew asked.
"I don't like anything from Pocket Monsters, so that doesn't work." Andrew said.
"What about Skyla? Or Sabrina? Or Elesa? Or Diantha? Or even Lusamine?" Mew asked.
"I meant the species of Pocket Monster, you asshole. And I'll get even with you," Andrew said through gritted teeth.
"What about the stuff you look up?" Registeel asked.
"That's it!" Andrew shouted, jumping Registeel and beating him up. "Who's your daddy now?"
"Anyways, we have Angel Dust. And how do we introduce him to you guys? Like this." Mew said.
Angel Dust went to the vending machine, which sells drugs, and bought a bag of the one sharing his name. As he was about to open it, a random demon ran past him, grabbing the drugs for himself.
Random Demon: Yoink!
Angel Dust: Hey!
Random Demon: Up yours, drag show!
Suddenly, a boulder fell down from the sky, crushing the demon.
Angel Dust: *Gasp* Oh my god! *Reaches down and grabs the ruined, empty bag of drugs* My drugs! Damn it! *Looks up to see Sir Petinous' ship firing lasers*
"Angel Dust sums me up in a nutshell." Andrew said with a grin.
"You mean his job?" Mew asked, confused.
"What? No! I meant caring more about the drugs! Though I don't like Angel Dust that much, so hopefully nobody kills you. Anyways, when can we get back to the turf war?" Andrew asked, looking around the place as if a turf war might break out at any moment.
"After Charlie's interview on the news, talking about her plans." Mew said.
"God damn it!" Andrew groaned.
"Anyways, what are the plans Charlie has?" Mew asked.
"Let the episode explain it." Andrew said.
"Yeah. If we explain it, the plan wouldn't have the same impact." Mew said, playing the clip.
Charlie: *looks around as Vaggie motions her to go on* Well, *clears throat and exhales* as most of you know, I was born here in Hell and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everyone around me.
(Killjoy spots a slug and stabs it with her pen, the slug's blood bursts all over.)
Charlie: Hell is my home and- *gets slug blood splattered across her cheek which she then wipes off* you are my people. We... we just went through another extermination.
(Vaggie is seen giving Charlie two thumbs up as Killjoy quickly starts to lose interest.)
Charlie: We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given *slams fist on table, waking Killjoy up* a chance! *walks up from Killjoy's desk* I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? *she walks around the audience* Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption? *throws her arm around one of the News Cast's staff members* Well, I think yes! So that's what this project aims to achieve! *returns to Killjoy's desk* Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!
(Her broadcast is being shown at The Radio Shack, which many other demons are also watching by the streets and everywhere else in Hell.)
Charlie: *starts to lose her confidence* Y'know? 'Cause hotels are for people passin' through... temporarily...
Reptile Demon: Ahahaha! IS this girl for real?! She thinks- *tries to hold in his laughter* You hear what she thinks?! She thi- HAHA! Ah, she's nuts. *walks out of The Kaiju Klub with his friends*
Charlie: I think it'll serve a purpose... a place to work toward redemption... yay...!
(The scene cuts back to the demons watching her broadcast from The Radio Shack. A mysterious figure walks up to see her broadcast alongside a bunch of other demons watching such as Crymini and a handful of others.)
"So when that doesn't work, she decides to sing it. Because as Charlie states earlier," Mew said.
Charlie: Well, you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song!
"Damn it." Andrew said.
"Hey, the song isn't that bad, is it?" Mew asked.
"No. It's just batshit insane." Andrew said.
Charlie: I have a dream, I'm here to tell! / *walks away from the piano as two news staff look at each other* About a wonderful fantastic new *takes out a drawing of The Happy Hotel* hotel!
Charlie: Yes, it's one-of-a-kind! Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientele *boops Dazzle's nose*.
Razzle and Dazzle: Oooh ooh ooh~
(Killjoy is in shock as Trench looks around, confused.)
Charlie: Inside of every demon is a rainbow *throws her arm around the necks of two bird demons*! Inside every sinner is a shiny smile *passes through a hellhound's tail*! Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac *dodges all the hatchets being aimed at her* is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child *hands the masked demon a sparkling cupcake and pats his head*!
Charlie: We can turn them 'round! *turns to Killjoy and Trench* They'll be Heaven-bound! With just a little time, down at The Happy Hotel! *camera pans to the audience where Vaggie stands with a worried expression*
Charlie: So all you junkies *takes out syringe from a doll demon's head*, freaks *takes a pic with a Siamese twin demon in its cage*, and weirdos *fends off a several-eyed blob demon*. Creepers *stares at a snail demon out the window*, fuck-ups *boops a couch demon on the nose*, crooks and zeroes *returns the stolen money to charity*, and down-fallen superheroes *throws her hands behind the necks of two supervillain demons*, help is here!
Charlie: All of you cretins *dips her hair into the water by the pier*, sluts *holds out a pair of panties in disgust*, and losers *calls her rival a loser*, sexual deviants *backs away from the sex offenders*, and boozers *turns to face a depressed demon*, and prescription drug abusers *throws away the drugs a blue demon is taking into a burning trash can*, need not fear!
Charlie: Forever again *A demon lands on a wheelchair and is pushed by Razzle towards Charlie and Dazzle*, we'll cure your sin *shows the demon her chart*! We'll make you well *Dazzle injects a happiness serum into the patient*, you'll feel so swell! Right here in Hell *turns to her full demonic form*, at the Happy Hotel!
(Razzle continues to aggressively play the piano.)
Charlie: *slides over to Killjoy's right* There'll be no more fire, *slides over to Trench's left* and no more screams. Just puppy dog kisses *holds a dog close to her face*, and cotton candy dreams *holds out a cotton candy*, and puffy-wuffy clouds *cuddles both the dog and cotton candy*, you're gonna be like "Wow!" *camera pans out showing the clouds forming the word "Wow!"* Once you check in with me *shows a check-in chart*!
(Vaggie is seen with both her hands covering her face.)
Charlie: So all your cartoon porn addictions *confiscates a neckbeard demon's cartoon porn magazine*, vegan rants *confiscates a vegan demon's Hellphone and takes a selfie with it*, psychic predictions *confiscates the spell books and crystal ball of a psychic demon*, ancient Roman crucifictions *avoids running into a crucified demon and knocks over two other crucified demons*, end right here *throws away all the confiscated items off a cliff*!
Charlie: All you monsters *clenches the hands of two monstrous demons*, thieves and crazies *points finger guns over a dog demon trying to steal baguettes from an insect demon whose hood flares open*, cannibals *tempts the cannibals with a severed arm on a plate*, and crying babies *looks at a possum mother and her rabid babies, annoyed*, frothing mouths that's full of rabies filled with cheer *pulls a hellhound with rabies close to her*!
Charlie: You'll be complete *completes a puzzle demon as the camera pans out*! It'll be so neat *a wrecking ball demon destroys the puzzle demon as Charlie gives two thumbs up*! Our service can't be beat *in her doorman uniform*! You'll be on easy street, yes *hugs three demons which include Mimzy*! Life will be sweet *turns to her demonic form* at The Happy Hotel *twirls happily in flames as she jumps up, revealing a land made of candies and sweets behind her*! Yeah!
(Charlie ends the song, rather exhausted as everyone in the news station looks at her with disgust and disbelief.)
"...Agreed." Mew confessed.
"To nobody's surprise, the demons don't want anything to do with this idea." Andrew points out.
"So Charlie mentions how Angel Dust, the hotel's only patron, has been clean for two weeks. However, the news of Angel Dust joining the turf war causes her to look like a joke." Mew said.
"Yes! We're going to the turf wars!" Andrew exclaimed, imagining himself as part of the turf war with death metal music playing in the background.
Charlie: Oh, I beg to differ! *begins to count on her fingers* He's been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now.
News Staff: *offscreen* Breaking News!
(Killjoy shoves Charlie off her desk.)
Katie Killjoy: We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let's go to the live feed.
(The live feed shows Angel Dust stepping on an Egg Boi and throwing a grenade over at Sir Pentious with visible laughter in the background as Charlie stares at the screen in defeat.)
Charlie: Oh, shit.
Angel Dust (in the background): I'm a bad person!
Katie Killjoy: "Oh, shit" indeed! It looks like the one who just joined the battle is none other than *feigns a gasp* porn actor, Angel Dust! *turns to Charlie as she shakes her fist* What a juicy coincidence! You must feel really stupid right now.
(Killjoy and Trench proceed to laugh at Charlie.)
Killjoy and Trench: *does Jazz hands* Ratings!
Charlie: *stares at the live feed in distress and attempts to block it from the audience's view* Don't look at this!
"And then Charlie makes the most hilarious, yet horrible mistake ever: taunting news reporters on live television." Mew said, trying not to laugh. Key word is try.
Katie Killjoy: Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival. *looms over Charlie* Tell us, how does it feel to be a total failure? *everyone in room excluding Charlie start bursting into laughter*
Charlie: *tries to think of a comeback* Yeah, well... *looks around* How does it feel that I got your pen, huh?! *grabs Killjoy's ball pen* ...Bitch!
(Everybody instantly stops laughing while Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench give her the death stare)
Charlie: *nervously* Ehehe... *puts pen back down* oops.
(Tom Trench runs off set)
(Killjoy's demonic form reveals itself as she looms over Charlie from the shadows.)
Andrew put on some SWAT gear. "Yep, going to the turf war." Andrew said, running off towards said turf war.
"Welp, he's going to be gone for most of this review. Anyways, back with the turf war, Angel Dust tells Cherri Bomb where he's been at for the past two weeks, mocking Charlie's dreams while doing it. And then we get one of the funniest moments of this episode." Mew said.
Angel Dust: *looks at the leftover smudge on his finger* Well, sorta clean. *destroys an incoming Egg Boi* Just clean as you can get from a shitload of Bolivian marching powder! *gets chained and thrown aside by Sir Pentious*
Angel Dust: Ohh~, harder, daddy! *raises left eyebrow*
Sir Pentious: *taking it seriously as he gasps* Son?!
(Angel lowers eyebrow as Cherri kicks Sir Pentious to the side.)
"I don't know why, but it gets a chuckle out of me. Heck, I can't do the fight between Sir Pentious against Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust justice by talking about it, since it has a lot of funny moments, so watch it for yourself. You won't regret it.
"Anyways, we soon get our second funniest moment of the episode. Heck, it's actually the most funniest moment, due to how things have dissolved into chaos." Mew said.
Cherri Bomb: So, think you're gonna get in a lotta trouble for this?
Angel Dust: Eh, *retracts his third set of arms* what's one little brawl gonna cause?
(Charlie and Killjoy can be seen trying to duke it out on each other like it's some sort of WWE match while a fire alarm goes off in the background with Trench entering the scene, covered in flames.)
Tom Trench: WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?!
Mew burst out laughing, falling to the ground.
"Uh, my lord. Are you okay?" Regidrago asked.
All he got in response was more laughter.
"Give him a moment. He's gonna need some humor after reviewing Steven Universe The Movie." Regice said.
Soon, Mew recovered from his fits of laughter. "Never had I seen something that dark, yet hilarious at the same time. So, what's the result of these two events?" Mew asked.
(Angel and Cherri pounce onto Sir Pentious and his army as they prepare to clash, Charlie and Killjoy are still at each other's throats screaming, Trench is still on fire, screaming in agony. The camera shows all the characters present, screaming as the scene turns silent)
(The Magne Family Limousine can be seen driving back to the hotel. Charlie can be seen hugging her knees and looking out the window when her jacket is ruined after Katie Killjoy attacked her, while Vaggie sits next to her, glaring furiously at Angel Dust.)
"Yep, that's about right. Anyways, this is a good place for a commercial break. See you after the break," Mew said, flying off.
"'Tis my duty to turn on the commercials. Mainly due to Registeel being out of commission." Regidrago said, turning on the commercials.
(Cue instrumental version of theme song)
(This review has been brought to you by the Happy Hotel)
Charlie: I have a dream, I'm here to tell! / *walks away from the piano* About a wonderful fantastic new *takes out a drawing of The Happy Hotel* hotel!
Charlie: Yes, it's one-of-a-kind! Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientele *boops Dazzle's nose*.
Razzle and Dazzle: Oooh ooh ooh~
*Radio static drowns out the song, as the scenery changes from the outside of the Happy Hotel to Alastor's location*
Alastor: Ah, so it seems like we have a similar interest in watching those loathsome sinners fumbling with their rehabilitation.
*Suddenly, radio static starts playing in the background, becoming more louder by the second*
Alastor: The problem with this idea is that everyone sins once in their miserable, pathetic lives. And I'll be watching every one of you quite well.
*Soon, the radio static fades away as Alastor resumes his normal expression*
Alastor: Remember, we're waiting.
*The scenery returns back to outside the Happy Hotel*
Charlie: Life will be sweet *turns to her demonic form* at The Happy Hotel *twirls happily in flames as she jumps up, revealing a land made of candies and sweets behind her*! Yeah!
*The screen fades to black*
(Cue instrumental version of theme song)
Mew had a shocked expression on his face. "Who allows demons to mess with the commercials recently?" Mew asked.
"Well, you have the Devil as your co-star." Hoopa said smugly.
Mew floated there, silent for a moment. After that moment, he punched Hoopa in the face. "Hoopa, I swear to Christ!" Mew exclaimed.
"To Arceus?" Hoopa asked in a smug tone.
"No! There are other religions, jerk!" Mew shouted, knocking out Hoopa.
"Anyways, Vaggie calls out Angel Dust for not only ruining the hotel's already low reputation, but also for being part of the turf war. Angel Dust doesn't help his case." Mew said.
Vaggie: *scrunches up her face*
Angel Dust: *taking notice* ...What?
Vaggie: "What?", WHAT?! What were you DOING?! *rips off her hair*
Angel Dust: *sighs* I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn't that a "redeeming quality"? Helping friends with stuff? *rolls eyes*
Vaggie: Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!
Angel Dust: Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred. Ehahahahahah! *Inhales* It wasn't that bad, anyway. *proceeds to play with the car window roller*
Vaggie: *Throws an EMP stick at window roller*
"Guess we don't have to wait until the next episode to find out the results of the turf war. They just told us in the pilot. Andrew would've been jealous of missing the news. Then again, he would say I'm the one who should be jealous, given how he's in a turf war." Mew pointed out.
"Anyways, they return to the hotel, dejected about the events. Somewhat including Angel Dust, who debates on comforting Charlie before deciding not to, but the thought of it counts.
"Shortly after that, Charlie attempts to call her mom, making this scene quite somber, similar to the intro scene." Mew said.
(Charlie exits the hotel and tries to contact her mother.)
Charlie: *sighs* Hey, mom. I know I keep calling and you must be busy... Really busy... But, um, the interview didn't go well, *shrinks to her knees* and... I don't know if I'm ever going to make a difference *starts tearing up as she wipes it off her face*. I don't know what I'm doing. I could really use some advice, mom. I... I think dad was right about me... Ahah, oof, eh, anyway... *wipes her face once more* I'll stop talking before this gets long. *stands up* Love you, bye...
"Never expect demons to have these kinds of problems, did you? That's what makes Viziepop awesome: she, and the people who worked on Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, help make these demons relatable by having them go through problems that anyone has been through at one point in their lives.
"However, Charlie's problems seem to have a solution when a certain demon knocks on her door." Mew said.
(Charlie walks back in and leans by the door in defeat as a sudden knock can be heard from the other side of the door, surprising Charlie.)
Charlie: *contemplates on whether or not to open the door but decides to open it anyway*
(The mysterious figure watching her performance from before can be seen standing before her.)
Alastor: Hel- *gets door slammed on him*
Charlie: *looks to the side for a brief moment before opening the door again*
Alastor: -lo!
Charlie: *slams door against his face once more* Hey, Vaggie?
Vaggie: *annoyed* Whaaaat?
Charlie: The Radio Demon is at the door!
Vaggie: *sits up* What?!
Angel Dust: *takes out the popsicle from his mouth* Uh... who?
Charlie: What should I do?!
Vaggie: Uh, well, don't let him in!
(Charlie decides to disregard Vaggie's advice once more and opens the door for Alastor.)
Alastor: May I speak now?
Charlie: You may.
Alastor: *reaches hand out* Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! *pulls Charlie towards him* Quite a pleasure! *lets himself in* Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on a picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahahahaha, *plays with his mic staff* sooo many orphans...
"While Vaggie thinks Alastor is there to harm her, Charlie and Angel Dust, Alastor points out that he would have already done that. Instead, he wants to offer to help out with the hotel, which surprises Vaggie and Charlie." Mew said.
Alastor: *snaps back to reality* No! I'm here because I want to help!
Charlie: Say what now?
Alastor: *repeats himself* Help! Hahaha, hello? Is this thing on? *taps on his mic* Testing, testing!
Alastor's Mic: *opens its eye* Well I heard you loud and clear!
Charlie: Um, you want to help? With...?
Alastor: *teleports behind the two with his shadow* This ridiculous thing you're trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you run it.
Charlie: Buuut... why?
Alastor: Hahaha, why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I've lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, *shoves Vaggie offscreen* aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment! Hahaha!
Charlie: Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment...?
Alastor: Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True passion! After all, the world's a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.
Charlie: So does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?
Alastor: Hahahahaha! *shakes hand in front of her* Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! *shakes head back and forth* Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No no no no, I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! *looks over to Vaggie who is offended and Angel who just shrugs* The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! *puts his arms out, gesturing the entirety of Hell* There is no undoing what is done!
Charlie: So then, why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?
Alastor: Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! *pulls Charlie close to him and twirls her* I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure!
Charlie: *removes his hand from her back* Riiiight.
Alastor: Yes, indeedy! *grabs her by the waist and drags her offscreen* I see big things coming your way and who better to help you than I? *trails off*
"And while that happens, Vaggie explains to Angel Dust about who Alastor is. After, of course, being surprised that Angel Dust has never heard of Alastor, despite Angel Dust having been in the underworld longer than Vaggie has." Mew said.
Angel Dust: Uh, so... uh, what's the deal with Smiles over there?
Vaggie: Wait, you've never heard of him before? You've been here longer than me!
Angel Dust: *shrugs*
Vaggie: The Radio Demon. One of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?
Angel Dust: *shrugs a second time* Eh, not big on politics.
Vaggie: Ugh! *leans in on Angel Dust as she begins her story* Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell,
(Scene changes to a visual presentation of Vaggie's story regarding Alastor.)
Vaggie: seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him "The Radio Demon" (as lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure: He's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!
Angel Dust: Ya done? *Laughs dryly* He looks like a strawberry pimp.
Vaggie: Well, I don't trust him!
Angel Dust: To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?
"Well, given how you still have a room in the hotel despite the stunt you pulled with the turf war, Angel Dust, I say that she has some trust with men. Just not that much." Mew said.
"Anyways, Vaggie advises Charlie to not make a deal with Alastor, which Charlie actually sticks with. Instead, she uses her status as the princess of, you know exactly where this takes place at, to order Alastor to help out with the hotel for as long as he desires, which Alastor states that it's fair.
"However, after realizing that Vaggie is the only staff Charlie has for the hotel, Alastor decides to call in a few favors." Mew said. "Starting off with Niffty."
(At the snap of his finger, a new fireplace has replaced the hotel's worn down one as he approaches it and picks up the mysterious figure covered in soot, which then opens its eye and stares at the trio behind him.)
Niffty: *poofs off the soot from her body*
Alastor: This little darling is Niffty!
Niffty: *drops to the floor* Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends! *eyes the three* Why're you all women? *lifts Charlie* Are there any men here?! *puts Charlie down* I'm sorry, that's rude. *looks around* Oooh man, this place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! *grabs a spider and crushes it* Which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense. *stares offscreen as she takes out a feather duster* Oh my gosh, this is awful! *she speed cleans throughout the hotel* Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! *spots a cockroach and stabs it with a pin* Nope!
"Then we get to Husk, who's not only a gambler, but whose love of alcohol gets exploited by Alastor."
(The four stare at Niffty as a voice coming from an unknown demon can be heard nearby.)
Husk: *lays his cards down the table* Hah! Read 'em and weep, boys! Full Ho- *demonic illusions and voices distort the surroundings temporarily* -tel? What the fuck is this? *looks around and spots Alastor, eliciting an angry purr as he points at him* You!
Alastor: Ah, Husker, my good friend! Glad you could make it!
Husk: Don't you "Husker" me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot! *the jackpot disappears into nothingness*
Alastor: Good to see you too!
Husk: *facepalms angrily* What the hell do you want with me this time...?
Alastor: My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay!
Husk: Are you shittin' me?!
Alastor: Hmm... No, I don't think so!
Husk: *shoves Alastor off* You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! *camera pans to Alastor dusting himself off* You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!
Alastor: *grins as if he's about to laugh* Maybe!
Husk: I ain't doing no fucking charity job.
Alastor: *teleports behind him through his shadow* Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment! *gestures towards the bar he made out of his magic* With your charming smile *pulls Husks's lips into a forced smile* and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, *walks over to the bar, revealing the soles of his shoes to have deer prints* I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish. *makes a bottle of "Cheap Booze" appear out of nowhere*
Husk: *stares at the booze for a second* What? You think you can buy me with a wink *winks sarcastically* and some cheap booze?! *grabs the booze and looks at it* ...Well, you can! *downs the booze*
"After everyone gets introduced, Alastor launches into his own song, known as 'Alastor's Reprise', in which he mocks Charlie's plan to redeem demons, while one lyric seems to have him support it. In fact, here's the full song." Mew said.
Alastor: You have a dream! *twirls Charlie and dresses her up* You wish to tell! *turns to Vaggie who's now on the floor* And it's just laughable *turns back to Charlie and tosses her mid-air*. But, hey, kid, what the hell?
(The background behind Charlie changes to neon colored lights featuring two apples and a skull.)
Alastor: *catches Charlie by the hand as they both tap dance* 'Cause you're one-of-a-kind! A charming demon belle! *The two slide down the railing of the stairs*
Alastor: Now, let's give these burning fools a place to dwell! *dresses up the rest of the hotel staff* Take it, boys!
(Shadow demons appear from the floorboards and begin playing their instruments as Vaggie tries to talk to Charlie who is having too much fun. Alastor pulls her in with him and the others as his shadow demons surround them.)
Shadow Demons: Boo!
Alastor: Haha! Inside of every demon is a lost cause! *puts a fedora on Angel's head as he snaps his fingers back at Alastor* But we'll dress 'em up for now, with just a smile! *slaps Vaggie's butt*
Shadow Demons: With a smile!
Alastor: And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair! *kicks off skull which Niffty rushes in and cleans off* And show these simpletons some proper class and style! *summons a shadow clone of himself*
Shadow Demons: Class and style!
Alastor: *snaps away his shadow* Oh! Here below the ground, *pinches Charlie's cheeks* I'm sure your plan is sound! *holds hands with Charlie as they both twirl* They'll spend a little time, down at this Hazbin Ho-
(The hotel door explodes, knocking Niffty offscreen as Charlie, Alastor, Angel Dust and Vaggie look outside.)
"Yep, Sir Pentious is back, and he wants payback on Angel Dust for what happened earlier. He even thinks Alastor was harboring Angel Dust the whole time, somehow missing the interview." Mew said. "Also, don't worry about Niffty. She probably was enjoying the ride the door gave her."
(Sir Pentious' warship has made an appearance outside the hotel.)
Sir Pentious: Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!
Alastor: Do I know you?
Sir Pentious: *ego deflates* Oh, yes you do! *Hood flares open* And this time, I have the element of- *pulls a lever* SURPRISE! Ahaha! I'm so evil!
"Yes! We're going back to the turf war!" Andrew shouted, reappearing out of nowhere.
(With a snap of a finger, an otherworldly dimensional portal opens with tentacles and shadow demons emerging from it, destroying Sir Pentious' ship while he is inside. Alastor can then be seen finishing it off as he clenches his fist with a few drops of blood dripping off his hand. Alastor is then shown grinning menacingly in satisfaction for a moment as the others look at him in shock and horror.)
"Oh sh-" Andrew began, only to get blasted by Sir Pentious' ship laser.
"Dang it. Now we'll never know his opinions on this pilot. And he won't be back until the review is back in production next year," Mew said, giving an annoyed look towards the camera, causing someone who is typing away on his laptop to look up in confusion.
"Damn it!" Andrew exclaimed as he blasted off.
Alastor: *breaking the tension* ...Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya? My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now...
(Alastor uses his magic for the last time in the episode to change the sign atop the hotel from "Happy Hotel" to "Hazbin Hotel".)
Alastor: *sinisterly* ...Stay tuned. Hahaha...!
"Well, at least we know that Alastor can break and make tension just by both his words and his actions. However, the episode ends with this bit." Mew said.
(Sir Pentious is revealed to have survived the beating served by Alastor along with Egg Boi #23)
Egg Boi #23: Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?
(Sir Pentious collapses from exhaustion as the episode ends.)
"That was Hazbin Hotel's pilot episode, or as I found out its title, 'That's Entertainment', and I enjoyed it a lot!
"Sure, it has its complainers, but that's because they want to find something to complain about, like the show being about demons or the show having mature content. Which, just ignore those people, they clearly didn't see the obvious hints about what kind of show this is and its intended age group.
"Other than that, the show is a creative ball of energy, music, and emotion. You can relate to these characters, especially since anyone in their life has, at one point, the same traits as the characters.
"Plus, Charlie and Alastor do have good points. Sure, there might be some demons who want redemption and are willing to go for it. However, given that all of the people who end up in the underworld, well, end up there, they have already screwed up their first life, and thus might continue the deeds that got them sent there in the first place, or even feel like they don't even deserve it.
"Anyways, this has been the Critical Mew. And I review these things so you don't have to. Hope your holidays are well, and see you all next year!" Mew said.
Next time: The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo Season 2 Episode 4: In The Blood
(Cue holiday instrumental version of theme song)
Credits:
The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries
Dexter's Laboratory
Hazbin Hotel
Bulbapedia
Caddicarus
Hazbin Hotel Wikipedia
Pokémon franchise
(A/N: The guy typing away on his laptop when Mew looks at the camera is me. I just thought to put in that Easter Egg, especially given my schedule is quite hectic at times. Anyways, as I stated beforehand, this is the last review of the year, though not for Season 1 of The Critical Mew. Hope you all enjoy your holidays, and I'll see you all next year.