Who Am I? Chapter 4
One Step at a time
Disclaimer: TMNT isn't mine and this is just a fan fiction writing. No money is being made on this story.
(TMNT CC are AU based on 2003 version and events, the turtles are in their late 20s.)
Rated T
Drama, family comfort/hurt, and heartache...
Summary: It was a bold decision to attempt to do this alone, however, Leo had to, he had to earn 'his' trust... Will the turtle see his how much he cares and open up?
The skittish turtle hovered halfway in the door, not daring to enter the kitchen. Leo kept a calm smile on his lips, wondering which approach he should take. It was obvious the turtle was wary of entering at the moment and he couldn't blame him. This was about trust and stepping out of one's comfort zone, which at times was easier to say than done. That said either way it came down to him, he was to take the first step. Removing his mask he let it hang around his neck, then he nodded to the turtle, "Do you want to take your hood off?"
The turtle shifted his feet then slowly lowered his hood, still clinging onto the wooden door frame for dear life.
His green skin was evident he was a turtle after all, as Leo felt relieved he wasn't hallucinating the night before. Also, his assumptions were correct, he looked just like Raph only with a few exceptions, he appeared to be pale and his eyes were deep bags and oddly the irises were a bright green. He wasn't sure his description of the eye colour was correct considering the lack of light in his room the other night. The next feature that ached his heart was exhaustion and Leo could tell the poor turtle was malnourished for sure.
Adam's green eyes were clouded with confusion and how they looked around it was apparent there was some inner battle going on. So Donnie's speculations that this turtle could also be mentally ill was a possibility. He was jittery and the paranoia rolled off him. Calmly Leo placed his hand folded before him on the table, "Do you want to come in?"
Adam shuddered pulling himself back as Leo feared he would run, he spoken up quickly, "Are you hungry, I have some food left over from supper." Before the turtle could exit the door, Leo sprung to his feet losing his balance and catching the table to keep himself from falling over. He was hoping he wouldn't have this issue when Adam came, he guessed that wasn't the case. He cursed his body until he noticed that Adam now was in the room, expressing worry in his features, staring at Leo. He was concerned about Leo's condition...
"I'm fine," Leo assured him taking a breath and slowly making his way to the counter where Mikey had left a plate with mash potatoes and grilled chicken with buffalo sauce on the side. This was one of Raph's favourites and he thought it would work better than any random food to help win Adam over.
Leo paid no mind to Adam, showing he trusted him, as he could hear the turtle approaching him slowly and cautiously, probably wanting to be close in case he fell.
With the plate in his hand, Leo turned around suddenly hit by a dizzy spell falling forward only be caught by Adam.
Leo came eye to eye to the turtle in question as Adam helped him to the chair back at the table. Once he was seated and the plate of food on the table, Adam stood before him with curious eyes, hands extended and shaking before they touched Leo's bandages on his head.
Leo sat there quietly allowing the turtle to feel his head, holding back the urges of asking the turtle a thousand question and...
"What is your name?" Leo had to ask looking up and gently grasping the turtle's hand feeling his heart pounding.
Adam didn't mutter a word and gaze down at their hands, then suddenly shuddered with tears forming in his eyes.
Leo's heart started to break, as he was overpowered by the sensation of doing nothing more than to pull the turtle in and hold him, tell him it will be okay and that he will help him. Yet that moment didn't come as someone from behind him entered the room.
The turtle's eyes widen in pure fear and his body shudder in horror. In a split second, Adam pulled his hand away from Leo's and stumbled back into the fridge as he breathed in heavily. The thick scent of fear invaded Leo's nostrils as he flashed a look back seeing that one brother didn't do what he was told.
Raph stood there shell shock, gawking at the version of himself speechless and dumbfounded.
Both didn't say a word and when Leo look back, he could tell Adam was ready to flee once more.
Quickly Leo moved almost collapsing with the plate in his hand holding onto the chair before him, "If you're going to run fine, but I beg you to eat!" Leo cried out to Adam knowing he can't stop the mutant from leaving but at least he will know he had a proper meal.
The turtle stared at Leo then flashed a look at Raph who in turn was behind the older brother quickly helping him.
Adam took another step back, as Leo shook the plate in his hand that was wrapped up with plastic wrap. The turtle yet again took another step, shaking its head like it was confused, scared of Raphael.
Raph seeing how he mucked this up feeling guilty took the plate from him and toss it at the turtle, in hopes if it was some version of him it would catch it. To his relief Adam did and he looked at the plate unsure what to do.
"Take it for Leo at least!" Raph barked feeling the desperate turtle under him.
Adam looked once more at Raph then turned towards the door quickly disappearing into the night with the plate of food. Suddenly Raph could feel this overwhelming sensation something was terribly wrong coming from his brother under him. Leo started to shake and hot tears started to stream down his face as Raph became startled by his brother breaking down. With panic flooding him, the red mask turtle searched for anyone to help, then recalled he was the only one there, he had no choice than to try his best to console his older brother.
"Leo its okay, you did good... Bro, it's okay, he will eat because of you!"
The warm sun beamed down on their shells as sweat coated each of their bodies.
Raph shifted his leg back narrowing his eyes at his opponent, then rose his fist up ready in defence.
The bouncy brother smirked licking his salty lips, it was four out of four and this round he was aiming to beat Raph once and for all and keep his title as Battle Nexus Champion.
He had a reputation to withhold and he wasn't going to let Raphie take him down so easily.
It has been hours that they started their sparring match and after each win, the other turtle said one more time, it close to being noon and Donnie pointed it was best they make this the final match and clean up for lunch.
Donnie's real reasoning was he wanted Mikey to prepare lunch that day unless everyone was in the mood for just sandwiches that he could handle at least. Though how they were building a workout it wouldn't be surprising they were starving.
Raph raised his head high, "Mikey, it's time for you to go down."
Hearing his brother boast with confidence, Mikey snicker with a grin not saying a word knowing that would raddle his brother's chains.
Raph ignored the little mind game and charged forward kicking high that Mikey blocked countering it by pulling himself back and sweeping his leg low to catch Raph.
The turtle lost his balance, falling back only to flip to stabilize himself and ready for the little brother's next move.
They kept this up attacking, countering and defending. It was a dance between them, graceful even considering who they were, sweat beading on their skin and the sun shimmering on those beads.
Watching them made Donnie pant in this rising heat.
How could they have the energy to go on like this, he wondered.
Sheltered in the shade, Donnie did get some training down before those two out of nowhere challenged each other probably due over the fact they both been stressed and the pent-up energy was begging to be released.
Resting there, Donnie leaned his shell against the big tree in front of the yard watching the brothers and now and then glancing over his shoulders towards Leo.
The eldest has been quiet this morning not saying a single word, this worried him.
Raph had pushed the incident away as Mikey only catching half of it tried to use Raph as a distraction not to be consumed by worry.
Donnie wished he could do the same, however, he couldn't with Leo in this delicate situation, not just because he was his brother but Leo was also his patient.
That night Leo broke down, and what he gathered it was due to overseeing Adam's unstable health and appearance.
It was a dagger into Leo's heart, so much so that with having his head injury, which Donnie assumed has been part of the cause of the breakdown, Leo's defenses were down and made him become overwhelmed by emotions.
In many ways how could anyone blame him? The idea that a turtle that looked like their brother who in turn is suffering wasn't easy to swallow and they all felt helpless at the moment unable to help him.
The idea did come up to force Adam to stay, even so, they all knew that wasn't going to solve anything, they needed to gain his trust then move forward, regardless of how heart-wrenching it was.
Donnie took in a breath, feeling his body jolt with a cold shiver that ran down his spine, he wasn't doing any better than Leo by the looks of it.
His eyes trailed off towards the woods and then paused when he swore he saw something lurking in the shadows of the dense forest.
He did stiffen up, ready to sound the alarms as his heart pounded in his ears, then he eased up as he considered it could just be Adam, in turn, wasn't a threat after all. Was he watching them? Smacking his lips Donnie wondered how to deal with this, then knew what he had to do.
Pushing himself from the tree slowly he headed towards the house, not disturbing the match. Once he was on the porch Leo raised his head, his eyes were distant and depressed. Sadly the purple mask brother could do nothing for him at the moment only giving him a very weak sweetly smile, which unfortunately he could see it didn't help much.
"Leo, why don't you go inside and take a nap?" Donnie offered yet Leo shook his head.
"Okay, just make sure you're drinking enough water, I'm going to make some lunch," he told him only to see Leo's eyes suddenly widen in fear as a small horse-ish gasp escaped the older brother's lips.
Donnie sighed, rolling his eyes, "I'm making sandwiches don't worry."
Leo gawked at him for a moment then finally settle down, eyes back towards his book and Donnie scuffed at the insult, yet caught Leo having a small smile on his lips. At least that was a start, now to see if he could make Leo feel a bit better.
He headed towards the kitchen pulling down the bread and opening it, taking out two slices. Next, he went into the fridge searching for the sliced chicken and placing two slices on the bread. Topping it off, he spread some mayo, since Raph like his sandwiches with it so he hoped Adam did too.
Cutting the sandwich in half he placed it into a Ziploc then searched for some snacks. He packed some trail mix and dry fruit they use when hiking with two juice boxes adding them all into a paper bag along with a full water bottle. He mumbled under his breath thinking if there was anything he was missing.
Another quick search to see what they had, after a moment Donnie nodded 'this would do' and exited the house through the back door.
He took the long way around towards where he swore he saw Adam hiding in the woods.
The path making him go around the barn also prevented his brothers noticing he was out there again, he didn't want to draw their attention and make Adam run away.
He was hoping he would get close enough to set the bag down and tell Adam it's for him and maybe see the how severe his health is, yet he knew that was asking too much.
Donnie was right, there he was, Adam stood there fully clothed and he couldn't see the turtle's face.
When he was a few feet from the turtle, Adam noticed his presence right away and jump, startled that Donnie had sneaked up on him.
Adam was about to run when Donnie made quick action with his tongue.
"Please wait and take this if you're going, Leo wants you to have it!" Donnie said to him showing he was holding the lunch and knew using Leo in the conversation would be of his benefit.
After hearing on how the turtle was concerned over Leo it was the best way to open some trust with him.
Adam didn't turn towards him nor ran as if listening. With the mutant's response, Donnie didn't push his luck, "I will place it down here and promise not to come any closer if that makes you feel better."
Donnie stepped forward seeing how antsy Adam was, placing the lunch at the tree line and then back away slowly. "Leo is worried," he started seeing how anxious the turtle wanted to leave, "He is worried that you're not eating right, so I made you a lunch. I'm not asking you to come out or come to the house, just please take this lunch with you and eat it all. There is also water, you should drink it, to keep hydrated especially how hot it is."
Adam still not moving didn't say anything as Donnie realized the only way this turtle was going to accept this bag was if he left.
Nodding Donnie smiled, "Just make sure you eat your fill and keep anything you don't for later, I will let Leo know you had lunch." With that, Donnie turned around seeing both Raph and Mikey had stopped their match watching him with questionable eyes. With a shrug, Donnie started to make his way towards them. It was their facial expressions that signal him that Adam must have come out of the shadows and grab the bag.
"Was he watching us?" Raph asked when Donnie approached them.
Donnie nodded, "I noticed he was there so I brought him lunch."
"Man how can the dude wear so many clothes?" Mikey finally piped up shaking his head, breathing heavily, "It's hot and he was fully covered up."
"I don't know, either way, he did pick up a paper bag, right?" Donnie asked them turning around noticing Adam was long gone by then.
"Yep he did and ran right after," Raph said with a sigh, "Shell is this the right way of doing this?"
"I don't know," Donnie admitted, "But we need to take this slow..." he trailed off and his eyes met Leo's who was watching them in confusion what the commotion was about. Where he was sitting the barn was in the way for him to see Adam or him bring that lunch to the turtle. "I will go and let Leo know what is going on."
Donnie left them as Raph let out a breath, "Rematch later?"
"Sure dude, I really need a shower and... so do you. Oh and I'm starving, how does a chicken sandwich sound?"
"Better have mayo or forget about it."
Three days has it been? It was all the same to Leo unfortunately, the nights blurred into day and it was hard for him to keep track, it was one of many side effects caused by his concussion.
He felt helpless in most cases and he had to be monitored regularly for many reasons. One was his balance was still bad and he kept spacing out, forgetting what he was doing. Donnie made sure he had no swelling, yet with no way to get a proper diagnosis or scan, it was hard to tell if he was in the danger zone. Luckily Leo wasn't bleeding from the nostrils only suffering from a headache and sensitivity to the light now and then.
His hands folded together as he sat at the table, this was the only time he wasn't burdened by the overwhelming feeling of being helpless. The only time in the day he could truly say he was doing something, when 'he' came into the house. Like the nights before Adam came by hovering at the door, still not sure to enter. Like every night, Leo sat there smiling and welcoming him. This time around the plate of food for Adam was on the table to avoid Leo from getting up.
Adam was finally feeling comfortable in entering the kitchen stood there blinking at Leo, who like every other night removed his mask to encourage Adam to do the same with his hood.
Sadly as his hood was down Leo wished to see some visible change with the turtle's health yet he look worse than before. Wasn't the food helping? Was something else making him ill? Leo bit his lip, which resulted in Adam whipping the hood over his head.
"Wait, don't do that," Leo pleaded, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare... It's just I was hoping you would start looking a bit healthier, are you feeling sick in any way?"
Adam's head lowered and Leo sighed quietly, then leaned forward and pulled the chair beside him out for the young turtle. Maybe this would be the night that he earned more of Adam's trust and have him sit at the table then hover there.
The chair out and Leo once again relaxed in his own, they both fell in silence. What felt like an eternity finally Adam shuffled his feet toward the empty chair. His hand grabbed the back of it as if he was debating if he should sit or not.
Leo didn't push waiting with much patients that he inquired when dealing with Mikey, it was paying off since this would probably drive him nuts by now.
Finally, Adam took a seat and also pulled down his hood resting his green eyes on Leo's grey. A warm smile crossed Leo's lips as he passed the plate of mashed potatoes and roasted chicken with gravy. The turtle stared at it and then slowly removed the plastic wrap. Unexpectedly he greedily snatched up the chicken devouring it in seconds as Leo kept in his shock.
Manners was lost to this poor turtle, not just that the way he was eating he was acting it was his first meal in days. How hungry was he?
A slop of mash potato slid down his chin and Leo couldn't help but chuckle only to have Adam suddenly cringe in embarrassment.
"It's okay, I won't tell anyone," Leo assured him. Adam looked at his messy plate, then back to Leo and then back to the plate again. Leo nodded and pulled the other plate that was on the table with the cookies Mikey baked that day. "When you're done, we can have cookies, I have been waiting all day to have some but I held off, deciding it would be nice to have you join me."
Adam smacked his lips, then finished his plate even going as far as licking it clean, Leo only smiled then equally shared the cookies, avoiding to make Adam feel upset any more than he already had.
With three cookies each, it didn't take Adam long to start eating his share while Leo took his time. They both started enjoying their treat in silence that was interrupted suddenly by Donnie's voice coming from the living room near the front entrance.
"Leo, can I come in?" Donnie asked gently.
"I'm not sure, Donnie" Leo answered, then looked over at Adam, who was ready to jump out of his chair, "Is it okay that my brother Donatello comes in? He probably just wants to see how my health is faring." Leo next touched his head to demonstrate what he meant by that.
Adam fidgeted with his hoodie then finally gave him a look before suddenly nodding, trying to relax yet seemed on edge. This appeared to be another step forward, yet how it will turn out was another question...
TBC