Who Am I? Chapter 5
It's worse then he thought...
Disclaimer: TMNT isn't mine and this is just a fan fiction writing. No money is being made on this story.
(TMNT CC are AU based on 2003 version and events, the turtles are in their late 20s.)
Rated T
Drama, family comfort/hurt, and heartache...
Summary: One small step for Donnie... one giant leap to the reality of the situation at hand... regardless of how heartbreaking it may be...
The kitchen that had fallen into silence, only hosting Leo and Adam who sat at the table at the moment, the next step to gain trust was now being dealt, Donnie entering the circle. Adam to Leo's satisfaction actually finally gave permission that Donnie was allowed to enter the room then just stand at the archway, without him running off as he would do on other occasions.
The purple mask turtle still hovered at the archway, firstly studied Adam where he was, before making any attempt to step over the threshold. It took all he could, not to gasp or show any alarm in his features, fearing the brother look alike would take it wrong.
When Leo explained Adam appeared washed out he didn't consider it was this bad, especially since they have been feeding the guy.
How could this turtle still be functioning in this condition, having the strength to move around at that?
His mindset and the way he acts was evident that he was suffering from something and Donnie wondered what it could be exactly. Did he experience a horrific set of events that it made him broken?
A bit tired of speculating and just watching from afar Donnie wanted to move in more, yet reminded himself one hasty move and the turtle would flee.
He cleared his throat and made sure his posture wasn't too overpowering, "Is it okay that I come in and sit down too? My legs are getting tired standing here too long." It wasn't the truth, but he couldn't come up with another excuse at the moment to be welcome to the table.
Leo turned his head towards Donnie, "I don't see if there is an issue," then he turned back towards the nervous turtle that, though occupied finishing up his cookie, had his eyes lock on Donnie the whole time, "What do you think? Is it okay that Don sits down too? It is rude to force him to stand like this."
Adam bit his lip, then whimpered looking away, Donnie took a step forward cautiously seeing the turtle didn't stir and refused to make eye contact with him. Which made him think over this reaction, before this, Adam, though was carefully watching him beforehand, he never allowed their eyes to meet even then. The green eyes as Donnie noted was so far the only visible feature different than his brother's other than the health of course, he wondered if this turtle knew that, or was there another reason to avoid eye contact?
When his hand was firmly on the chair beside Leo across from Adam, Donnie took a breath, then smiled, one small step for turtle kind...
"Thank you," Donnie thanked him, then slipped the name, "Adam." Since after all they have associated the turtle lookalike with this name and it was natural to Donnie by now.
Leo shot Don a look, it was promised even though they had nicknamed the turtle, it was best not to call him that name in his face.
Donnie gave a sour face, he didn't mean to and to his surprise even Leo's, suddenly Adam pushed himself away from the table abruptly.
The turtle stared at the floor shaking, there was a dark cloud hanging over him and fear rolled off him. Something wasn't right and Leo could feel it, something about that name turn on a switch in Adam's head. The turtle's breathing became heavy and tears ran down his face, his body tense, violently shook and he started to moan as if in pain.
"Sorry I didn't mean to call you that," Donnie had quickly spoken, to feel the cold eyes of Adam that were hard and full of anger and fear in them. It made Donnie gulp bear witnessing such rage in his own Raphael before and this turtle pulled it off better than he did.
"He is right," Leo jumped in, having the eyes now on him, that didn't strike fear, yet clenched his heart like someone stabbed him with daggers.
Why was Adam so angry over the name, did it really have some significance or was it that they dared to give him a name?
The eyes green and fierce Leo knew he had to calm the turtle before he did something he would regret.
The rage was burning inside the turtle and with experience dealing with his own hothead sibling, Leo knew it would turn out disastrous.
"It's just a nickname that Mikey made up for he hated calling you turtle and we weren't sure if we could call you Raphael," Leo explained quickly, hoping this would soothe the flames.
Adam stood there contemplating Leo's words as Leo knew he was getting through, "Don't ask me where Mikey got the name Adam, it just popped in his head. That is just like Mikey."
The turtle took a step back, pressing his shell into the fridge as if he wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry. Leo at the brink of falling apart wanting to comfort him, yet it was Donnie that continued, knowing the leader's emotions were hindering him to acting accordingly.
"We didn't call you that out of disrespect it was easier for us to have a name for you and Raphael didn't fit at the moment," Donnie assured him, "We can start calling you Raphe-"
Adam shook his head violently, raising both brother's eyebrows in question. Donnie tightened his lip, then took a small breath, "You don't want us to refer you to Raphael?"
Once again Adam shook his head trembling like a leaf, as Donnie continued, "Then what can we call you? We would like to associate you with a name you're comfortable with."
As expected the turtle didn't say anything only standing there, then looked up with a calm yet frighten hurt eyes, conflicted over the question.
A moment passed and he took a step forward daring to go near Donnie. Donnie about to go into a defensive position out of instinct, Leo shot him a glare not to do it, so he relaxed his hands instead, that remained on his side trusting Leo's judgment.
Adam was before him raising his hand towards his face and Donnie wanted to flinch, yet stood still in a bit of his own conflict.
There was more confusion taking root in Donnie when Adam touched the sides of his mask, pulling it down staring into his brown eyes.
Donnie had given no choice to allow this, unable to do much, decided to study Adam's eyes, as Adam study his.
What felt like an eternity, Adam gently raise his mask back in position then pointed out towards the front.
"What are you pointing at?" Donnie asked, noticing Adam's demeanour was now calmer as if removing the mask was a passage for his trust.
No answer came from the turtle as Donnie tried to figure out what was he doing then a light bulb turned on, "You're pointing the direction where Mikey is aren't you?"
The turtle nodded, then pressed his shaking hands to his chest as Donnie nodded in understanding, "Then you will stick with Adam for now?"
A sigh came from Adam then he nodded going back to his seat.
"Well then we will keep calling you Adam until you're ready to tell us your real name," Leo greeted him.
"It makes things easier," Donnie agreed, then his gaze went to the window, "Anyways, I came in here for another reason," he looked towards Adam, "where you sleep at night does it have enough cover?"
"What do you mean Don?" Leo asked in return as Donnie took his seat again.
"It's raining really hard out there, that is why I came in," he pointed out and Adam looked towards the window with a frown, "There is a storm rolling in."
"That is not good," Leo admitted, "Adam, do you have a proper shelter for this weather?"
The turtle fiddle with his fingers giving them the impression probably not.
"How about you bunk in the barn then?" Donnie offered, seeing Adam shoot a disapproving look.
With his hands out Donnie calmly spoken softly, "Just hear me out first please." Adam became smaller in his chair yet seemed he was willing to hear at least, which was more than Donnie would hope for in this case, "The barn is secure for one, dry, and warm. We have extra blankets and pillows and a mattress we can set up in there. The bonus you don't have to worry about any humans." Donnie saw Adam raise his eyes at him, he knew that would catch the turtle's attention.
"Not just that we promise not to bother you treating it as if it's your room. So we knock before entering and you can come and go as you please. We ask nothing in return, it just in many ways if you do decide to take up this offer it will bring Leo some peace of mind."
A sigh came from Leo, Donnie noticed he has been worried about Adam when he had admitted the truth, "He is right, I mean I wonder at night if you're safe, not cold, not in the threat of someone finding you."
Adam shifted his feet, then looked at Leo sympathetic, then nodded with a whimper.
"You will take it?" Donnie was surprised he thought it would take him days proposing this to get the turtle to agree. This was one step closer to get his trust to figure who he was and where he came from.
There was another nod and Donnie stood up a bit too quick that startled both turtles, he rubbed his head in embarrassment, "Sorry about that you two. Anyways, I will get Mikey to bring the mattress to the barn quickly so it doesn't get wet and I will gather the blankets and pillow so he can place them inside the barn. From there, if you're okay Adam I can escort you to the barn and show you the place before bunking in."
"I think that would be a great idea Donnie," Leo answered as the turtle didn't make any indication against it.
With a nod, Donnie beamed, "Okay, I will be a bit longer. Oh, there are more cookies in the cookie jar Adam, if you want some more." He turned on the ball of his heel and rushed out of the kitchen, he had to make this right, if Adam feels safe tonight there might be a chance that he will agree to do it again.
"I have the loft set up for you to sleep," Donnie explained closing the door of the barn, while Adam gawked over the size of the place.
With a smile, Donnie passed him heading towards the ladder, "Up there is a door that you can let air in if you want, yet it has no ladder outside to use. However, there are two available doors, the one we enter from and the back, which has a board up to prevent people from entering, you can take the board down if you want to leave from there."
"Is there anything you need?" Donnie asked him next, seeing Adam was a bit overwhelmed.
The turtle paused and shook his head. "Okay," Donnie moved away from the ladder so Adam can go take a look at his sleeping area. When Adam reached the top there was a mattress in the corner for him, with two large blankets in case he got cold, a pillow, an electric lantern since he couldn't operate the lights from up there and a bottle of water.
"Oh, I forgot," Donnie started to come up the ladder. They creaked under his weight and halfway up, suddenly there was a snap and Donnie let out a yelp. Adam's eyes widen when he heard a thud that came after and rushed towards the edge looking down in horror.
The purple mask turtle was on his shell with his legs sticking up into the air. Donnie let out a moan and then rolled over before getting back to his feet. With a nervous chuckle Donnie looked up at the worried turtle giving him a goofy grin, "I guess I need to replace that step," he muttered, rubbing his head and point to one of the wooden steps that was broken in half. "Ah, shell you would think Mikey would have mentioned if it seemed weak when he set up your bed."
The eyes on him still strong with worry, he sighed, "Don't worry Adam, I'm fine. Just a bruised pride for falling on my shell," he chuckled, then looked at the step again, "I should replace it now, is that okay with you?"
Adam nodded, sitting at the top peering down observing Donnie and what he was going to do. This being bizarre that anyone was interested in him fixing something Donnie didn't complain loving the attention really.
He removed the board and nails, going off to the side to cut a new fresh piece to replace the old step and hammered it in. Once he was done he wiped his head and looked up almost laughing, he guessed either the repair of the ladder step was too much excitement or really boring for Adam that he actually fell asleep where he sat.
Even so, Donnie knew he couldn't leave him in such a position with the possibility of him falling. He quietly went up the ladder testing it as he did so and at the top, he debated if he should wake the sleeping turtle or not.
After a moment Donnie couldn't bring himself to wake him instead gently picked him up in his arm that was too easy of a feat. A cold shiver ran down his spine. How much did this turtle weigh? He was definitely underweight and the feel of his muscles on his legs and arms were none existent, he was skin and bones. How did he come to this condition? What happened to him?
Donnie fought back the questions and fears of not knowing how sickly this turtle was until now.
He brought Adam to his bed, laying him down and tucked him in. With a gentle rub, he stroked Adam's head with a heavy heart. Yet it only grew worse as two words, groggy and half asleep escaped Adam's lips. "Thanks, Donnie..."
The turtle took a step back, holding his mouth with his gasp, the voice sounded just like Raph's, if he didn't know any better he would have mistaken Adam was his brother. This shattered his world and he wanted answers now, he wanted to know more than anything to figure out what happened to this Raphael and why he is out here alone.
"Leo we need to talk!" Donnie stormed into the kitchen through its door swiftly. His two other brothers were present with Leo and their eyes shot towards him in question.
"Shell Don, you were in that barn a long time, what happened?" Raph asked quickly, ignoring how Donnie was trying to address Leo only.
"Not right now Raph," Donnie now ignored him in return, "Leo we need to talk now!"
"What is wrong Donnie?" Leo answered before Raph could get huffy with Donnie throwing him to the curve.
"We need to find out where this Raphael came from and why he is alone now," he said with urgency.
"What I thought we agree to call him Adam?"
"Doesn't matter, he is Raphael or another version and I don't mean by looks either his voice..."
"He talked?" Leo stood up only to have Mikey gently push him down with a warning.
Donnie nodded, "Sort of, he was half asleep but addressed me and his voice sounded just like Raph's."
"Shell, of course, he does," Raph grumbled crossing his arms, "Why can't he be a version that isn't like me in every way?"
"He is underweight with no muscle mass, that is the biggest difference Raph, he is suffering from some tragedy and there are many issues with him we have no idea so far. Look how he reacted when I accidentally called him Adam. Two things come to mind on that event. Either it was the name of someone that might have hurt him in some form or way, given to his behavior. Or a name that was given to him by the individual that harmed him. Either way I strongly believe him being separated from his brothers is not the only demons he's facing. Someone has harmed him, in what way I don't know, but I want to find out so we can start helping him to mend his wounds, physically and mentally."
"Donnie okay, I get your concerns, and I did notice how he acted and yes, I got the impression he was called that before and whoever did so wasn't someone that was kind to him, but how do you propose we get answers quicker than the way we are doing right now? We can't force him, he will run and close himself off to us."
"We follow him," Donnie insisted.
"What?" Leo raised an eyebrow not believing Donnie would suggest such a rash move.
"He will be gone in the morning Leo, you know he will. So we follow him and find where he is staying. We might find clues about him or at least what we can use to rush this process along to gain his trust to talk to us. It's evident he is capable of speech yet chooses not to."
"Out of the question!" Leo snapped his answer coldly.
"Dude, maybe Donnie is right, if he is this bad can we afford to play this slow and steady? He might be getting worse," Mikey supported his purple mask brother.
"I said no and that is final. No one is to follow him and if he wishes to leave in the morning we shouldn't stop him either! We need to gain his trust and doing something so hasty will make us lose any progress we have gained so far. This is the only chance we have from him disappearing altogether."
"Leo, seriously think about this rationally," Donnie raised his voice that was uncommon, it even had Raph look at him in disbelief.
"No, you listen Donnie! He is a damn ninja and you know it! He is able to cover his tracks to the point, even Raph can't track them. It is evident he would be able to detect you following him. That alone will jeopardize any hope in helping him. Like you said he is very ill and unstable in the head, how do you think it will fair if he takes off and we can't find him, huh?" Leo growled slamming his hand on the table showing he was in charge even if he had a head injury.
"Leo..."
"Donnie that is enough!" Leo warned, then held his head as he took a breath. "I need to get to bed, I hope you will take my warning Donatello seriously and not disobey my orders as your leader," he flashed a cold, icy stare at Donnie then towards his other brothers, "Neither of you are to disobey, do I make myself clear?"
Each brother nodded when Leo's eyes set upon them yet when they reach Donnie his face became hard and he nastily replied to Leo, "Whatever."
Consumed by his own rage Donnie pushed by Raph for not helping him out and he ignored Mikey for not fully having his shell, on his way out of the room. When Donnie was out of sight Leo let out a sigh and rose from his chair making his way to the archway.
"Do you think I was too cold?" Leo inquired, not truly asking either Raph or Mikey, more to himself.
"Dude let me help you to bed," Mikey only responded, knowing it was best not to answer.
They left Raph alone, staring out the window, his golden eyes were fix towards the barn. If Donnie was right and the concerns he had, was this turtle's health that much in danger?
TBC